Anonymous wrote:OP with an update.

So, looking at the other TJ thread, I guess I'm not crazy. I wish I had researched the cons of TJ more.

Moving on. We have a plan! DD will take English 11 online. With that, she's basically a senior based on the credits she's racked up. She's doing the personal finance class online this summer as well. Once we have those plans set, she's going to spend next year going to her base and will apply to some colleges with the plan that she's doing a gap year (she and her brother are graduating together, crazy). Get the credits to map back to the traditional high school has been a bear, but I think our base school is almost there (thanks to zero help from TJ guidance).

So glad you have a plan and that she'll continue to go to school.

Have you considered this program?

http://www.mbc.edu/peg/

Young, academically talented women begin their college education 1 to 4 years early within a community of their peers, at any point after completing 8th grade, though one year of high school experience is frequently recommended. (from the brochure)

There is an EPF online that starts right about now and goes through June ... this is NOT counted as a second summer class. I believe you CAN take that EPF and English 11 to get both done by August.

Anonymous wrote:OP with an update.

So, looking at the other TJ thread, I guess I'm not crazy. I wish I had researched the cons of TJ more.

Moving on. We have a plan! DD will take English 11 online. With that, she's basically a senior based on the credits she's racked up. She's doing the personal finance class online this summer as well. Once we have those plans set, she's going to spend next year going to her base and will apply to some colleges with the plan that she's doing a gap year (she and her brother are graduating together, crazy). Get the credits to map back to the traditional high school has been a bear, but I think our base school is almost there (thanks to zero help from TJ guidance).

Yeah! A heads up. They will. It allow online English 11 and EPF at the same time over the summer. But she should be able to take the self paced class next year.

Yeah....TJ guidance very unhelpful. Happy to hear you have a plan!

OP with an update.

So, looking at the other TJ thread, I guess I'm not crazy. I wish I had researched the cons of TJ more.

Moving on. We have a plan! DD will take English 11 online. With that, she's basically a senior based on the credits she's racked up. She's doing the personal finance class online this summer as well. Once we have those plans set, she's going to spend next year going to her base and will apply to some colleges with the plan that she's doing a gap year (she and her brother are graduating together, crazy). Get the credits to map back to the traditional high school has been a bear, but I think our base school is almost there (thanks to zero help from TJ guidance).

It is a toxic environment. Especially for a kid with any anxiety/depression issue. Kids need to be kids.

TJ is not a "I got a 95 - OMG I did so bad" kind of place. It's an "I got a 77 and after the curve it was a 90" kind of place. There are a handful of kids getting 95s on everything. There are 100s of kids getting below 90 on every assessment.

Your kid has to have the fortitude to get a failing grade on one assignment and know that it will all even out at the end of the semester. Whether 14 year olds should be subject to such pressure can be debated -- but like PP said, TJ is not awful or toxic. An anxious child may not fit well. Most kids there do fine -- and end up just fine and with a stellar education that they will be lucky to duplicate in college. (Again - some will debate if 14 year olds need to learn to research or write as well as college students, but overall, for most of the kids there, this is a good thing).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pulled my kid from TJ. Crazy place.

+1

I know at least two people who turned down admission to TJ, based on the environment; and at least three people who have left, for the same reason. Much healthier to leave than try to stick it out in such a toxic environment, OP.

These sweeping generalizations are so tiresome. TJ isn’t right for everyone but it is great for some kids. Including my kid.

I posted uothread with some practical suggestions for OP and I applaud her daughter and her for knowing when something isn’t working. But it isn’t fair for people to suggest TJ is an awful, toxic place.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At student exchange program? Would she want to go international?

That sounds like a good option for junior year. Finish up senior year at TJ.

TJ parent here -- you can't do that at TJ

Even if you could, it doesn't sound like a good idea if the kid is burned out, hates the environment and is pleading to get out. The burn-out in this case sounds bad enough that the child doesn't even want to go back to the base school. It's actually a good thing that she is "symptomatic" and expressing how she feels, rather than bottling everything up to give the illusion of control.

OP here with an update of sorts.

First, I want to make it clear -- I'm not pushing DD to stay at TJ. I would be elated if she went back to the base, but she's resistant and there are some complicating factors in getting her TJ coursework to map back to the traditional high school requirements. It's do-able, but it is complicated. Plus, she's basically made it clear that it's the structure of high school on top of TJ that is making her want to just get her GED and move on.

Second, I found a few online high schools. One thought we are thinking through is whether she can finish via distance education.

The third and most promising thing is the Mary Baldwin idea, but that requires another year of high school and we're back to square one.

One thing that made me furious about the whole process is how meh TJ guidance and admin have been. Our base school guidance people really stepped up and gave us a ton of information, including sketching out a path that could have DD return to the base and complete the IB program (that is getting some traction at least with her).

OP— I have a sophomore and posted a long response upthread. I would strongly, strongly encourage you not to give up based on a meh Admin and guidance experience. The student services head is terrible and seems to think that his entire purpose in life is to say no. So avoid him. But the guidance counselors have always been great about having a we all share all the kids attitude. If your kid’s guidance counselor is a dud or a bad match, you are not stuck with them on this. I would ask your daughter to pick a different guidance counselor and talk to them. And if it goes well, make an appointment with that guidance counselor and go talk to them face to face. I know Mr. Burke is an amazing above and beyond guy, and the kids love him. My kid has Ms. Martinez, who was new last year. So, shelacks some TJ institutional knowledge. But she makes up for it in moving heaven and Earth to help my kid. He is under a 504 and we have hit some bumps with getting teachers to honor it and implement it properly. I now cc her on all my correspondence, and she always tracks down solutions within 48 hours. Someone in guidance will be a good match. And they will sort down with you and help you realistically weigh your options, even if they are not your child’s official counselor. Another place to start might be Ms. Knopf in the college and career center. She can help look at internships, early college options, gap year options, etc.— and then hook you up with a counselor who is a better fit.

I'm sure you mean well but I think this is terrible advice. It's clear that an environment like TJ with its share of "I did so poorly; only got a 95" and "this is TJ, not the base school" attitudes can utterly distort perspective and be emotionally devastating for some students who are more emotionally fragile or less resilient, even if they're doing very well themselves, because perfectionism can take its toll. A 504 may do the trick for your child, but it may not for another student.

PP, and the advice is not to work with guidance to find a way to stay. I don’t think you make a decision to leave TJ, or any big life decision during a short period of having a tough time. But it sounds like OPs kid has been thinking about this for a while, and taken significant steps on her own to make it happen. Under those circumstances, leaving probably is probably best for her. TJ is not made for every kid— or even every very bright, hard working kid.

The advice is that there are people in guidance and career services who deal with burnt out kids making. The decision to leave all the time. OP’s child is not the first to leave TJ, and she won’t be the last. But the TJ curriculum is different than the standard VA graduation requirements, and Op’s Child wants to do something unusual. I would tap into the TJ institutional knowledge to put my kid in the best position possible. TJ has the resources to help OP’s kid look at internship/ gap year options, and one of the better guidance counselors can talk her through the situation and options before everyone leaves for the summer. Guidance can also help refer OP’s kid to mental health professionals who deal with these types of issues and who are familiar with TJ. They can spell out the actual consequence of early admission to college or a GED, give her online school optionsthat would let her get a VA diploma, let OPs child know if summer school would help her position herself better.

For example, here is one option no one mentioned, but it’s a no brainer, and I know TJ kids have done it. I suspect, without counting credits or knowing OP’s kid’s exact schedule, that if she took English 11 online this summer, Op’s child could get senior status next year. By the beginning of junior year, most TJ kids are carrying at least 5 extra HS credits (Algebra, Geometry, Language before school starts, EPF and at least one summer school, often history). Many are carrying a full year of extra credits. Depending on what she came in with from MS, and how much TJ summer school she has, Op’s child should already have 5 credits of math and be done (A1, A2, Geometry, pre-Calc and CS), might have 3 of history and language, have at least two two and maybe three lab sciences, PE should be done. EPF should be done. It looks like Op’s kid could do a mixture of online and in class HS next year at her base school, with an internship for a science or tech credit (and TJ would know how this works) or an academy certification. So she could use a block schedule to take an online history class then intern p/ academy on odd days, and go to HS on even days and take senior English, a lab science, and a language class. Or fill in whatever gaps she has. Slows down the academic demands a lot, gets her out in the real world some, halves the number of days she spends in a classroom and she is looking at one more year of HS, not two. Gets a diploma, then takes a gap year.

For all the TJ guidance sucks posters, it really doesn’t. I’m sure it has weak links. But it also has strong ones. They know how to transition kids out successfully. I would make the effort to find someone you can work with you get you DD the support she needs and set up an academic program that she can handle, and that meets her long term goals.

Promise of a 504 did nothing for my kid and his perfectionism. Only thing that has helped is therapy. Oh yeah. And leaving TJ. Guidance was awful. Just awful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At student exchange program? Would she want to go international?

That sounds like a good option for junior year. Finish up senior year at TJ.

TJ parent here -- you can't do that at TJ

Even if you could, it doesn't sound like a good idea if the kid is burned out, hates the environment and is pleading to get out. The burn-out in this case sounds bad enough that the child doesn't even want to go back to the base school. It's actually a good thing that she is "symptomatic" and expressing how she feels, rather than bottling everything up to give the illusion of control.

OP here with an update of sorts.

First, I want to make it clear -- I'm not pushing DD to stay at TJ. I would be elated if she went back to the base, but she's resistant and there are some complicating factors in getting her TJ coursework to map back to the traditional high school requirements. It's do-able, but it is complicated. Plus, she's basically made it clear that it's the structure of high school on top of TJ that is making her want to just get her GED and move on.

Second, I found a few online high schools. One thought we are thinking through is whether she can finish via distance education.

The third and most promising thing is the Mary Baldwin idea, but that requires another year of high school and we're back to square one.

One thing that made me furious about the whole process is how meh TJ guidance and admin have been. Our base school guidance people really stepped up and gave us a ton of information, including sketching out a path that could have DD return to the base and complete the IB program (that is getting some traction at least with her).

OP— I have a sophomore and posted a long response upthread. I would strongly, strongly encourage you not to give up based on a meh Admin and guidance experience. The student services head is terrible and seems to think that his entire purpose in life is to say no. So avoid him. But the guidance counselors have always been great about having a we all share all the kids attitude. If your kid’s guidance counselor is a dud or a bad match, you are not stuck with them on this. I would ask your daughter to pick a different guidance counselor and talk to them. And if it goes well, make an appointment with that guidance counselor and go talk to them face to face. I know Mr. Burke is an amazing above and beyond guy, and the kids love him. My kid has Ms. Martinez, who was new last year. So, shelacks some TJ institutional knowledge. But she makes up for it in moving heaven and Earth to help my kid. He is under a 504 and we have hit some bumps with getting teachers to honor it and implement it properly. I now cc her on all my correspondence, and she always tracks down solutions within 48 hours. Someone in guidance will be a good match. And they will sort down with you and help you realistically weigh your options, even if they are not your child’s official counselor. Another place to start might be Ms. Knopf in the college and career center. She can help look at internships, early college options, gap year options, etc.— and then hook you up with a counselor who is a better fit.

I'm sure you mean well but I think this is terrible advice. It's clear that an environment like TJ with its share of "I did so poorly; only got a 95" and "this is TJ, not the base school" attitudes can utterly distort perspective and be emotionally devastating for some students who are more emotionally fragile or less resilient, even if they're doing very well themselves, because perfectionism can take its toll. A 504 may do the trick for your child, but it may not for another student.

Trust her and get her out. However you can. She is crying dor help. Trust me. For her to actually say anything means she has been thinking it for months. Been there.

I wrote to the admin last fall. Was promised changes. Nothing. They don’t care. They worry about the precious TJ diploma at the expense of our children’s mental health.

Get her out at all costs.

Mary Baldwin accepts rising juniors in their program. You might want to give them a call and see if they can work something out, or visit to see if it's a good fit. It's a smaller college and cis more flexible; it may not be too late for this year, if they have some unfilled spots.

God luck to you and your daughter OP!