Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bounce it back: "That's an interesting question -- is that something Larla had to deal with?" If the question is just an excuse for her to brag about her kid, give it to her. Do a lot of mm-hmming

Shut it down: "We're trying not to pay any more attention to the process than we have to. We don't want to be those people whose lives narrow down to one kid's college process! So we're taking a lot of breaks from thinking about it. Can't wait for the new Avengers movie!"

Thank you! I am looking for ways to shut it down completely. These questions are coming from competitive types--they are not asking out of genuine concern or friendliness--I wish I had better responses for them.

+1
I know of one person in particular, who seems to think her son and my son have been in competition throughout high school (they haven't been - it's all in her head). She's dying to know where my son is going to college, and so far, I've avoided telling her. So nosy.

You plan to keep this a deep, dark secret...forever? "My son is coming home tomorrow for Christmas break!" "Really? That's great, what school is he attending?" "Urrrrgh!!! NONE of your business lady! Stop being sooo nosy!!"

No, of course not. Obviously it's not a secret - I can just tell she's chomping at the bit for my son to announce his decision, which he hasn't wanted to do yet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bounce it back: "That's an interesting question -- is that something Larla had to deal with?" If the question is just an excuse for her to brag about her kid, give it to her. Do a lot of mm-hmming

Shut it down: "We're trying not to pay any more attention to the process than we have to. We don't want to be those people whose lives narrow down to one kid's college process! So we're taking a lot of breaks from thinking about it. Can't wait for the new Avengers movie!"

Thank you! I am looking for ways to shut it down completely. These questions are coming from competitive types--they are not asking out of genuine concern or friendliness--I wish I had better responses for them.

+1
I know of one person in particular, who seems to think her son and my son have been in competition throughout high school (they haven't been - it's all in her head). She's dying to know where my son is going to college, and so far, I've avoided telling her. So nosy.

You plan to keep this a deep, dark secret...forever? "My son is coming home tomorrow for Christmas break!" "Really? That's great, what school is he attending?" "Urrrrgh!!! NONE of your business lady! Stop being sooo nosy!!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!

This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!

^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.

Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.

I can see how it would be hurtful that this friend can't seem to share in your good news after you've spent years slapping him on the back for his own good news. That would be disappointing.

It is disappointing. I have definitely given many heaps of praise for the tony home or the cool vacation or great promotion. But was greeted with silence about my DC's results. It sort of gives me a lot of insights into the friendship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!

This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!

^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.

Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound more obsessed with this woman than she is with you. Perhaps you're projecting.

Also some spotlight effect going on where you irrationally think the world really freakin' cares where your kid goes to college. I assure you, nobody does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!

This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!

^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.

Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.

Anonymous wrote:I felt uncomfortable when an acquaintance asked, very early in the process .. like 11th grade ..if DD had any idea where she might want to go. My response was, "I imagine she'll surprise us"

Anonymous wrote:Just say "I forgot". University of something or another.

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to say something that encourages more prying--but don't want to be rude. I didn't realize my SIL had been having this little competition in her head all these years, but this year it is clear to me that she does. My neighbor has always been openly competitive--it's a hand to hand combat sport for her.