Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone else out there that has come to the realization that grandchildren are not happening? Are you having a hard time dealing with it? I had my children young and just assumed that I would be a young grandparent. I'm 57, kids are 37 and 32 and neither want kids. I realize it's their decision and no one should have kids if they don't want them, kids are tough. I don't bug them to have children but I have to admit that it makes me really sad. A huge thing that I thought would fill and give some purpose to the remainder of my life is not happening. I love babies, children and teenagers and was looking forward to experiencing all of the fun stuff again without the day to day responsibilities. I have lots of grand nieces and nephews but it isn't the same. And yes, I have a life, career, a husband that I love etc. but so much that I was looking forward to as part of getting older is not happening. And of course, this means no great grandchildren either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand your sense of loss OP. I am one of the lucky ones who had quite a few grandchildren very young, and have thoroughly enjoyed them. I have spent a great deal of my time helping my daughters with their kids and retired early so I could have more time with them. Here is my problem and perhaps you can advise me. I have several friends who do not have grandkids and may not every have them. When I am with them I always inquire about their travels, grown kids, dog or whatever their interest are, but inevitably I end up mentioning at least one of my grandkids and something we did together, since my life revolves around them. One of my friends asked me not to talk about my grandkids to her, and now I just don't feel motivated to spend much time with her. Am I wrong? It just feels weird to me having to edit everything I say.

This is a problem among women which men dont have. Women with kids and grandkids dont want to talk about anything else and it is utterly boring. As a childfree woman with professional interests, I rather change the subject.

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand your sense of loss OP. I am one of the lucky ones who had quite a few grandchildren very young, and have thoroughly enjoyed them. I have spent a great deal of my time helping my daughters with their kids and retired early so I could have more time with them. Here is my problem and perhaps you can advise me. I have several friends who do not have grandkids and may not every have them. When I am with them I always inquire about their travels, grown kids, dog or whatever their interest are, but inevitably I end up mentioning at least one of my grandkids and something we did together, since my life revolves around them. One of my friends asked me not to talk about my grandkids to her, and now I just don't feel motivated to spend much time with her. Am I wrong? It just feels weird to me having to edit everything I say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry! I wouldn't write them off though until the youngest turns 40 though. Boys or girls? Some men have kids in their 40s even.

50 is the new 30. I just had my first child at age 50, via IVF.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry! I wouldn't write them off though until the youngest turns 40 though. Boys or girls? Some men have kids in their 40s even.

50 is the new 30. I just had my first child at age 50, via IVF.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry! I wouldn't write them off though until the youngest turns 40 though. Boys or girls? Some men have kids in their 40s even.

50 is the new 30. I just had my first child at age 50, via IVF.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry! I wouldn't write them off though until the youngest turns 40 though. Boys or girls? Some men have kids in their 40s even.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here-I'll start off by saying that I understand why the OP has a sense of loss/disappointment. I am a few years shy of 50 and none of my friends are near the grandparent phase of life yet but I hear a lot of talk from women I work with about how wonderful having grandchildren is, how it's the best gift their child could ever give them, etc. I'm sure (amongst other things) that listening to that sort of talk and feeling as though it's not something you'll ever have would be really tough. I think it's great, though, that the OP isn't pressuring her children and understands that it's their choice to make.

Just thought I'd share my experience/perspective FWIW. I am childless by circumstance. My sister has kids and I feel to some degree like a failure for not being able to produce grandchildren for my mother. It's been tough. It's like not only did I fail to be like most women and have a child but I also personally let down my mother. But then I think about things and I get mad. Would I feel this way as a man? Probably not. I hate that society and unfortunately many women (hardly ever men, in my experience) place such a huge, huge importance on being a mother or grandmother. I know that they are phenomenal, life changing and for most people very rewarding experiences but it's not the only thing in life. I am happy in spite of not being able to have kids. I really resent it when I hear about how people who don't have kids are "missing out" in life. Yeah, I'm missing out on that experience but please don't imply that my life is somehow inferior and that I'm to be pitied. Also, I'm a full blown adult with adult responsibilities-I haven't received any financial support from my parents since I was a college kid. The implication that people without children are irresponsible and aren't really grown up or adult is definitely not the case in most situations.

I'm childfree so I can't really relate to you but I am so glad that you are aware of the misogyny imposed on women who don't have children. So many men out there don't have children even in middle age and guess what? They are proud of it. Bill Maher, Leonardo Di, Jay Leno...they don't get questioned about children, why should women???

Anonymous wrote:NP here-I'll start off by saying that I understand why the OP has a sense of loss/disappointment. I am a few years shy of 50 and none of my friends are near the grandparent phase of life yet but I hear a lot of talk from women I work with about how wonderful having grandchildren is, how it's the best gift their child could ever give them, etc. I'm sure (amongst other things) that listening to that sort of talk and feeling as though it's not something you'll ever have would be really tough. I think it's great, though, that the OP isn't pressuring her children and understands that it's their choice to make.

Just thought I'd share my experience/perspective FWIW. I am childless by circumstance. My sister has kids and I feel to some degree like a failure for not being able to produce grandchildren for my mother. It's been tough. It's like not only did I fail to be like most women and have a child but I also personally let down my mother. But then I think about things and I get mad. Would I feel this way as a man? Probably not. I hate that society and unfortunately many women (hardly ever men, in my experience) place such a huge, huge importance on being a mother or grandmother. I know that they are phenomenal, life changing and for most people very rewarding experiences but it's not the only thing in life. I am happy in spite of not being able to have kids. I really resent it when I hear about how people who don't have kids are "missing out" in life. Yeah, I'm missing out on that experience but please don't imply that my life is somehow inferior and that I'm to be pitied. Also, I'm a full blown adult with adult responsibilities-I haven't received any financial support from my parents since I was a college kid. The implication that people without children are irresponsible and aren't really grown up or adult is definitely not the case in most situations.