Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

NP here. Why is it so important to you? Do you think that you're somehow less of a family if you don't share the same name? Do you feel like less of a man if your wife doesn't use your name in your social circle? It sounds like you're more concerned with how others view you and your family.

I spent my whole life imagining having a "Smith" family but ended up falling for someone who wants a Smith/Jones family

If I hadn't cared about it in the past, maybe it wouldn't be important to me now, but it is

To answer your questions, to a degree I'd say yes and yes

This topic will become more urgent/important when we have school age children so I'll revisit it in a few years to see if either me or my wife have softened our views on things

I think there are lots of ways to be wordly and enlightened that are basically costless

What makes this topic so tough is there's no way to give one person their ideal situation without denying it from someone else in many circumstances

Anonymous wrote:Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

NP here. Why is it so important to you? Do you think that you're somehow less of a family if you don't share the same name? Do you feel like less of a man if your wife doesn't use your name in your social circle? It sounds like you're more concerned with how others view you and your family.

DCUM is so funny. Every day on DCUM men and women claim to be so worldly, educated and enlightened - especially compared with other parts of the US. Yet when it comes to this topic, so many of you revert back to the 1950's with your thinking.

I'm already all grown up! Woohoo

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

Who's lonely? If you need to tell yourself that anyone who disagrees with you here is some divorced cat lady, go right ahead, but that doesn't make it true.

How about you go share your real opinion with your wife, and see how she feels about it.

My wife knows I would prefer that she changes her name, but I married her because I love her and it's not a deal breaker.

You are a cat lady though

Grow up, dude. Seriously. It would serve you well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

Who's lonely? If you need to tell yourself that anyone who disagrees with you here is some divorced cat lady, go right ahead, but that doesn't make it true.

How about you go share your real opinion with your wife, and see how she feels about it.

My wife knows I would prefer that she changes her name, but I married her because I love her and it's not a deal breaker.

You are a cat lady though

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate that my wife kept her name. It's one thing I would change about her and our marriage if I could. It's embarrassing to me and makes me sad that we will never be able to send out Christmas cards from the (last name)

Are you a dude? Do you have monogrammed towels? WTF?

Haha point taken! I've never sent out christmas cards (yet), but it was just a tangible way of giving an example of not being the (last name) family .. instead we are (first name and first name)

Hope you get what I meant

My social milieu is about 50/50 keepers/takers. As for the Christmas cards, you write "Love, the Smith/Jones family."

I have no problem with women keeping their names, but I absolutely see PP's point. My best friend kept her name and it really bothers her husband for that reason. As a kid I hated when my friends' moms had different last names...it was awkward ("Thank you Mr. Williams and Mrs...I mean Miss Bridges?") and I just avoided saying their names

+1 to this. Not a reason everyone has to...but the reason I did

Anonymous wrote:Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

Who's lonely? If you need to tell yourself that anyone who disagrees with you here is some divorced cat lady, go right ahead, but that doesn't make it true.

How about you go share your real opinion with your wife, and see how she feels about it.

I kept my maiden name for work for a number of years but changed to my married name when I made a job change. No regrets.

Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

Anonymous wrote:I hate that my wife kept her name. It's one thing I would change about her and our marriage if I could. It's embarrassing to me and makes me sad that we will never be able to send out Christmas cards from the (last name)

Sure you can. Just change your name to hers.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a husband of a wife who kept her name. I don't regret marrying her because she makes up for it in other ways but I pretty much resent it, am jealous of men whose wives took their names and hope she will change it some day to have the same last name as our future kids, like other women I know have done or plan to do

dude this honestly is super pathetic

this is a non issue. a lot of women keep their names. Yes, occassionally some people call me by DH last night "Mrs Smith" and if just casual acquaintance I let it go. The people who know and matter to me, know my name. And for the xmas card, I do use my DH last name to keep it simple "the Smith family" but the address stamp on the card has both our names. My DH doesn't care. He said he would have cared in his early 20s, but that was his first marriage! He learned that names have nothing to do with the committment.

Haha! Keep the hot takes coming ladies