Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

Can you wrap your mind around the notion that a family CANNOT PAY for a "top" school without jeopardizing other family needs including retirement?

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

Anonymous wrote:"Why give more to one sibling than another?

If the one worked harder I definitely would."

This is a really tough question. Who is to say what working harder means?

If S1 has a learning disability and manages a 3.5 uw 4.2 w (so lots of AP classes) GPA with only a 28 ACT score, did they work more or less than S2 who got a 3.5 uw 4.2 w at TJ with a 1580 SAT?

What if S1 prepped like crazy and manages a 1500 SAT but only a 3.8 uw GPA and S2 didn't prep at all and got a 1400 SAT but managed a 4.0 uw GPA in the same set of classes.

If S1's 1500 gets them into an expensive school that S2's 1400 kept them out of, I'm not sure I would pay even though S1 had a better plan and followed through to make it work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Why give more to one sibling than another?

If the one worked harder I definitely would."

This is a really tough question. Who is to say what working harder means?

If S1 has a learning disability and manages a 3.5 uw 4.2 w (so lots of AP classes) GPA with only a 28 ACT score, did they work more or less than S2 who got a 3.5 uw 4.2 w at TJ with a 1580 SAT?

What if S1 prepped like crazy and manages a 1500 SAT but only a 3.8 uw GPA and S2 didn't prep at all and got a 1400 SAT but managed a 4.0 uw GPA in the same set of classes.

If S1's 1500 gets them into an expensive school that S2's 1400 kept them out of, I'm not sure I would pay even though S1 had a better plan and followed through to make it work.

Omg, regurgitating all of the stats for your kids is crazy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Why give more to one sibling than another?

If the one worked harder I definitely would."

This is a really tough question. Who is to say what working harder means?

If S1 has a learning disability and manages a 3.5 uw 4.2 w (so lots of AP classes) GPA with only a 28 ACT score, did they work more or less than S2 who got a 3.5 uw 4.2 w at TJ with a 1580 SAT?

What if S1 prepped like crazy and manages a 1500 SAT but only a 3.8 uw GPA and S2 didn't prep at all and got a 1400 SAT but managed a 4.0 uw GPA in the same set of classes.

If S1's 1500 gets them into an expensive school that S2's 1400 kept them out of, I'm not sure I would pay even though S1 had a better plan and followed through to make it work.

Who is to say what working harder is?

^^^That is the question.
Omg, regurgitating all of the stats for your kids is crazy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even some lower tier schools will try to "game" you, insist you visit for a chance at decent scholarships

And this is “gaming” applicants...how?

Do you think it is unfair for a college to want to vet a candidate in person before handing over another $50,000?

It's gaming when the school gives under 2 weeks notice for the scholarship visit, and it's across the country. How many people can swing airfare for a kid and accompanying adult, plus lodging, plus get time off work to travel, with 12 days notice? All with the hoe that you'll get one of 8 big scholarships? I priced it out at close to 1800 in costs...And there was no offer of airfare or lodging for the student

When my DC was invited to compete for additional merit money, the school provided plenty of advance notice, and paid travel and lodging expenses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

+ 1. This is the attitude that most Asians have. Sure they start earlier than others in terms of educating their kids but the end goal is the same (of course everyone else calls it prepping but that's another thread). I remember my father borrowing money from his retirement savings to pay for private school for us (there were no good public schools where i come from). My parents would sit late at night and discuss how to make ends meet. The objective of every generation should be (1) to take care of the previous one (2) ensure that the next generation is better intellectually, financially and influentially better than their own.

Proud to be an honorary Asian then.

I would also say that if your kid goes the public university route you really need a PhD. I was an A student in a tough field, but I stopped after getting my masters degree which was a mistake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

+ 1. This is the attitude that most Asians have. Sure they start earlier than others in terms of educating their kids but the end goal is the same (of course everyone else calls it prepping but that's another thread). I remember my father borrowing money from his retirement savings to pay for private school for us (there were no good public schools where i come from). My parents would sit late at night and discuss how to make ends meet. The objective of every generation should be (1) to take care of the previous one (2) ensure that the next generation is better intellectually, financially and influentially better than their own.

Every parent wants do the same. Not just Asians.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

+ 1. This is the attitude that most Asians have. Sure they start earlier than others in terms of educating their kids but the end goal is the same (of course everyone else calls it prepping but that's another thread). I remember my father borrowing money from his retirement savings to pay for private school for us (there were no good public schools where i come from). My parents would sit late at night and discuss how to make ends meet. The objective of every generation should be (1) to take care of the previous one (2) ensure that the next generation is better intellectually, financially and influentially better than their own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

+ 1. This is the attitude that most Asians have. Sure they start earlier than others in terms of educating their kids but the end goal is the same (of course everyone else calls it prepping but that's another thread). I remember my father borrowing money from his retirement savings to pay for private school for us (there were no good public schools where i come from). My parents would sit late at night and discuss how to make ends meet. The objective of every generation should be (1) to take care of the previous one (2) ensure that the next generation is better intellectually, financially and influentially better than their own.

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

Anonymous wrote:"Why give more to one sibling than another?

If the one worked harder I definitely would."

This is a really tough question. Who is to say what working harder means?

If S1 has a learning disability and manages a 3.5 uw 4.2 w (so lots of AP classes) GPA with only a 28 ACT score, did they work more or less than S2 who got a 3.5 uw 4.2 w at TJ with a 1580 SAT?

What if S1 prepped like crazy and manages a 1500 SAT but only a 3.8 uw GPA and S2 didn't prep at all and got a 1400 SAT but managed a 4.0 uw GPA in the same set of classes.

If S1's 1500 gets them into an expensive school that S2's 1400 kept them out of, I'm not sure I would pay even though S1 had a better plan and followed through to make it work.