Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she hot?

Yeah. She’s really cute and funny.

I don't know what the issue is. Can she lock down her summer law internship and can you guys find a long weekend trip to do? Lots of bonding and focus and conversations on trips. What about her spring break? What about a few days before her internship starts?

Internships are serious so she needs to be focused and put her best foot forward in order to get a competitive offer. Please don't pressure her for 3-4 dates a week or all her time.



Other than that, find someone else who has more on the job experience, savings and no debt. Many many women like that in DC.

Anonymous wrote:I started seeing a new woman in December that is still in school. At first it was fine, but it is taking a toll on me. We rarely see each other, and when we do, she is always too tired to do more than go to dinner and have sex. I love those things, but also want to do more with her. We both are looking for something serious, but I don’t know I how much more I can take. I am already accomplished and ready to settle down. I do like her a lot, but I think only seeing her 1-2 times a week is not enough to build anything serious. I feel like I am in a friends with benefits relationship, which is far from what I want at 35.

Not clear how old you are but anyone educated, in a good job or school program, in a major city is busy. Going on 1 or 2 dates a week IS a lot. And should be enough frequency to build a good foundation in order to determine a true connection and marriage possibility or not.

Pls never live in Manhattan, where ppl going on 2 dates a month with the same person.

And what does "I am already accomplished" even mean (besides what it says about your personality). That is totally relative.

OP, she'll be done in 1.5 years, which is a relatively short time frame. If you really like her, you may need to be more patient.

That said, if you're anxious to start making babies, I'd probably move on. Her focus post-law school will likely be trying to find a good job, and then putting in some good face time. A relationship may not be her first priority for a few years. There are plenty of women (I know many) who are out of school, gainfully employed and looking to start families. I'm sure you could find one of them.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for all of the nice replies. A lot more man bashing from angry women than I thought. I’m sure if it weee a woman asking, there would be different answers. I’m a “ loser” because I want to find someone to love, but a woman wouldn’t be? You feminists are so one sided it’s pathetic. I am still seeing her but will continue looking. I don’t have any problems getting women, and most would not define me as a “ loser”. I’m 6’3, fit, good looking, making six figures, have nearly a million in savings, and I want marriage and kids. That’s more than most men my age. Most with that money do not want to get married. I know I am a catch and will not settle.

Why focus on the shitty replies instead of the helpful ones? The trolls are trolling because they are starved for attention. Maybe if you addressed the helpful comments, you might get further insight.

Anonymous wrote:Is she hot?

Yeah. She’s really cute and funny.

Op here. Thanks for all of the nice replies. A lot more man bashing from angry women than I thought. I’m sure if it weee a woman asking, there would be different answers. I’m a “ loser” because I want to find someone to love, but a woman wouldn’t be? You feminists are so one sided it’s pathetic. I am still seeing her but will continue looking. I don’t have any problems getting women, and most would not define me as a “ loser”. I’m 6’3, fit, good looking, making six figures, have nearly a million in savings, and I want marriage and kids. That’s more than most men my age. Most with that money do not want to get married. I know I am a catch and will not settle.

She can't.be that hot or she wouldn't be 34 unattached and dating OP.

Is she hot?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attorney speaking. First five years for a new lawyer are critical. If she is working for a large firm, she will need to bill 2600 hours every year. That's 50 hours average every week. She will also be averaging another 10-15 hours per week every week. She will be working 10-12 hours a day every day, probably more. That's every day. She will buy new clothes because she will not have time to launder her current clothes. Think she is tired and stressed now? A junior associate at a law firm of any size will go 2-3 years without a day off, not even Christmas.
Unfortunately, from what you have described, she can either succeed as a lawyer or have a family. Sad but true.

That's simply not correct. I know young lawyers that establish themselves in the first year or two and then transfer to part-time, which delays their partnership track but allows them to have children. Some firms offer 4-6 months paid maternity leave. It all depends on what she wants.

There are also plenty of govt jobs that offer much more friendly hours.

Not if she works for a large firm and seeks to become partner. Regardless of the idealism sold on various media, serious law firms do not have a part-time 'Mommy track' for junior associates.

If she desires to be a lawyer and not just a clerk, she will need to pay the price.

I worked many years at two different large firms. This is exaggerated.

+1. Female biglaw PT partner here.... The quote above about 2600 billable hours a year is also exaggerated. You bill a lot, but most attorneys don't bill that much. Associates at our firm bill on average something like 1950 in the latest numbers -- so some will be at 2300 and others at 1700. It usually depends on the practice group or person you are working for. That said, most attorneys who end up in biglaw out of law school definitely want to invest a lot of time in the first few years, and then after they prove themselves, have more flexibility to ease off on hours or work part time (if they choose). Most firms are very cognizant of the mommy track barriers, female lawyer attrition etc, and the impact this data has on their rankings, and are actively trying to fix the problem. So most of the big firms are pretty open to PT women making partner (maybe on a slightly delayed schedule). Ability to do this ultimately depends on your practice area and the partner you work for. Assuming you can make partner on a reduced schedule (not rare these days), the big barrier for women is jumping to equity partner. That becomes much harder on the mommy track. All that said -- most of this discussion is irrelevant for 95% of attorneys who aren't ultimately interested in being an equity partner in 15 years. Most people want to do their 2 to 7 years of biglaw, get it on their resume, make contacts, and move to in-house, govt etc. So putting in 2600 hours a year as a 7th year associate isn't a concern for the 95% of biglaw attorneys who are totally okay with the up and out plan. In other words, OP should plan on his GF needing to do a couple years of intense (but not necessarily insane, hours, depending on her practice area), but to the extent she so desires, there is usually flexibility after that point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attorney speaking. First five years for a new lawyer are critical. If she is working for a large firm, she will need to bill 2600 hours every year. That's 50 hours average every week. She will also be averaging another 10-15 hours per week every week. She will be working 10-12 hours a day every day, probably more. That's every day. She will buy new clothes because she will not have time to launder her current clothes. Think she is tired and stressed now? A junior associate at a law firm of any size will go 2-3 years without a day off, not even Christmas.
Unfortunately, from what you have described, she can either succeed as a lawyer or have a family. Sad but true.

That's simply not correct. I know young lawyers that establish themselves in the first year or two and then transfer to part-time, which delays their partnership track but allows them to have children. Some firms offer 4-6 months paid maternity leave. It all depends on what she wants.

There are also plenty of govt jobs that offer much more friendly hours.

Not if she works for a large firm and seeks to become partner. Regardless of the idealism sold on various media, serious law firms do not have a part-time 'Mommy track' for junior associates.

If she desires to be a lawyer and not just a clerk, she will need to pay the price.

I worked many years at two different large firms. This is exaggerated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some angry people here. Back on topic.

It doesn't sound like you two are on same page with your life timeline. Granted, you two started dating around the holiday season so she might have been busier than usual.

Have you talked about exclusivity? If you're not exclusive, I would date other people. That way, you're still giving this person a chance if you really like her but you're not closing yourself off to possibilities that might be more compatible.

I'm talking national firms....some of the biggest and the best. Do your research before you run your mouth. Trust me, it was popular lunchtime banter in less politically correct times at all male partner tables.

Of which jurisdiction are you a member of the Bar? How many years have you practiced?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some angry people here. Back on topic.

It doesn't sound like you two are on same page with your life timeline. Granted, you two started dating around the holiday season so she might have been busier than usual.

Have you talked about exclusivity? If you're not exclusive, I would date other people. That way, you're still giving this person a chance if you really like her but you're not closing yourself off to possibilities that might be more compatible.

I'm talking national firms....some of the biggest and the best. Do your research before you run your mouth. Trust me, it was popular lunchtime banter in less politically correct times at all male partner tables.

What are you discussing? National firms? Of what?

Law firms. The really big firms have offices all over the world. So, to be correct, I should have said international.

NP here. PP......what??? What are you responding to?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some angry people here. Back on topic.

It doesn't sound like you two are on same page with your life timeline. Granted, you two started dating around the holiday season so she might have been busier than usual.

Have you talked about exclusivity? If you're not exclusive, I would date other people. That way, you're still giving this person a chance if you really like her but you're not closing yourself off to possibilities that might be more compatible.

I'm talking national firms....some of the biggest and the best. Do your research before you run your mouth. Trust me, it was popular lunchtime banter in less politically correct times at all male partner tables.

What are you discussing? National firms? Of what?

Law firms. The really big firms have offices all over the world. So, to be correct, I should have said international.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that you want certain things but you know, this isn't something you can get out of a relationship instantly. You've known this woman for a couple of months. Isn't it a little quick to expect this to be on a marriage track already? Good relationships unfold naturally, you can't fast forward.

LOL just wait until this chick is 36 to 40 and "finally" ready to have kids. At that point, the OP will long since have moved on, and she will be so desperately baby crazy she'll be like "let's get married now and start trying for a baby on our honeymoon" with the first remotely suitable man she meets.

Whether 36, 40 or 50, it's crazy to push for marriage after knowing someone for two months. For what it's worth, I married at 36 after 18 months of dating and would run for the hills if DH pushed for marriage after 2 months.

You obviously can’t read. Op isn’t pushing for marriage. He is simply saying he doesn’t know if he should waste his time on someone who may not fit the timeline he is looking to get married and have kids. He said he hopes to be married within 3 years. That’s not too much to ask. He is doing the right thing because his girlfriend doesn’t seem to be on the same page with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that you want certain things but you know, this isn't something you can get out of a relationship instantly. You've known this woman for a couple of months. Isn't it a little quick to expect this to be on a marriage track already? Good relationships unfold naturally, you can't fast forward.

LOL just wait until this chick is 36 to 40 and "finally" ready to have kids. At that point, the OP will long since have moved on, and she will be so desperately baby crazy she'll be like "let's get married now and start trying for a baby on our honeymoon" with the first remotely suitable man she meets.

Whether 36, 40 or 50, it's crazy to push for marriage after knowing someone for two months. For what it's worth, I married at 36 after 18 months of dating and would run for the hills if DH pushed for marriage after 2 months.