Anonymous wrote:In my experience, if I was looking at two kids:

1) the quiet, studious valedictorian 2) the outgoing soccer team captain who was a B student

and I had to guess who would end up making a lot of money, I would bet on the B student. No question. Yes, a lot of big law people went to fancy colleges (or at least fancy law schools) but lots of people in finance and other fields are successful by being smart enough and having good leadership/social skills.

I know lots of people in finance in NYC and they all went to top colleges and also were the outgoing soccer team captain or similar and the valedictorian. Their firms don't hire people who did not go to top colleges and the ivies don't take kids who were "just" the valedictorian; the kids who get into those schools have much more than top grades.

In my experience, if I was looking at two kids:

1) the quiet, studious valedictorian 2) the outgoing soccer team captain who was a B student

and I had to guess who would end up making a lot of money, I would bet on the B student. No question. Yes, a lot of big law people went to fancy colleges (or at least fancy law schools) but lots of people in finance and other fields are successful by being smart enough and having good leadership/social skills.

Not because of where they went to college but because of family money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I absolutely understand and empathize.

Why so much hate from people on this board. OP hasn't said anything about the way he raises his kids or that these feelings are the dominant feelings he has about his kids. Any parent who has achieved a lot of academic and career success will, at least at some level, wish their kids to have academic success--among other talents. Doesn't everyone want the best for their kids?

The challenge is really how to sort through these wishes and feelings among a complex set of other feelings & wishes. I'm sure that OP's first and foremost feeling & wish is that the kids are loved, healthy and happy.

That being said--we can all talk about F500 execs or entrepreneurs who were late bloomers or didn't go to top schools, etc. but let's be realistic:

Top school alums make up a high proportion of very highly financially successful people...not a majority but a very high proportion. If you count ivy, stanford, mit, duke, uchicago, northwestern, amherst, williams, swarthmore, ucberkley, ucla, michigan, etc and look at both undergrad and/or grad students it's a very high percentage.

This. This is what matters at the end of the day. As much as everyone says "whatever makes them happy" -- they have been raised in a very cushy life with plenty of things, cars, vacations etc. -- I guarantee you ending up in a 85k job where you maybe get a driving vacation to a local beach every other year will NOT make them happy. So I don't get the hate from the other PPs. Sure there are those exceptions of -- my boss went to blah blah community college and is now a CEO. Great. But the closest thing in life to a 'guarantee' (and I realize there are no complete guarantees) is to get into one of those schools and study something marketable and start making good money young and investing. If you all don't want to push that -- fine -- but I do.

Almost everyone knows money isn't the end-all/be-all. There are plenty of people with money that are unhappy. However, this question is really for those that are successful financially: do you want your kids to be able live at least a similar lifestyle to the one you are raising them in? That's a problem that high-achievers face--it may be a good problem to have and I'm sure everyone is about to break out their "world's tiniest violin" and all but it is something high achievers think about if they actually care about their children--as opposed to the ones that want to show off how much they can spend.

Good schooling is something that leads to a higher chance of success--of course it doesn't guarantee it. Would you rather have your kids be mediocre and go to a school where the chance of financial success is far lower? All of you preachy types that say you want your kids to be happy--are you successfully financially (not that you may care at all). If you aren't then I totally get it. If you are and you don't care about your kids achieving then do you spend at a moderate lifestyle level? Or are you taking international vacations, etc in the name of "life experience" and "life learning" for your kids? Are they going to have the HHI when they grow up to be able to continue that lifestyle they have grown accustomed to? Think about it...

This. Yes I want my children to live in the manner they are accustomed, which requires significant income. If PPs who are acting holier than thou don't want that, that's great for them. But I know my kids, I know what will make them unhappy and for my kids -- they would not be happy on an 85k paycheck to paycheck lifestyle where they can't pick up and go on vacation tomorrow across the country or world bc they need to save up for a year first.

OK fine, but when you think about all the rich people you know - did they all go to Ivies? Many of the ones I know did not. There are so many ways to be successful (even if you define successful as rich)!

Depends on how you define rich. The vast majority of the rich people I know either: (a) inherited money (b) hit it big as entrepreneurs (very low probability of success but very often the highest outcomes if you make it) (c) real estate (d) "working rich"--i.e. finance, law, medicine for which the first two are heavily represented by Ivy grads. I don't know many pro athletes, movie stars, or Fortune 500 CEOs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I absolutely understand and empathize.

Why so much hate from people on this board. OP hasn't said anything about the way he raises his kids or that these feelings are the dominant feelings he has about his kids. Any parent who has achieved a lot of academic and career success will, at least at some level, wish their kids to have academic success--among other talents. Doesn't everyone want the best for their kids?

The challenge is really how to sort through these wishes and feelings among a complex set of other feelings & wishes. I'm sure that OP's first and foremost feeling & wish is that the kids are loved, healthy and happy.

That being said--we can all talk about F500 execs or entrepreneurs who were late bloomers or didn't go to top schools, etc. but let's be realistic:

Top school alums make up a high proportion of very highly financially successful people...not a majority but a very high proportion. If you count ivy, stanford, mit, duke, uchicago, northwestern, amherst, williams, swarthmore, ucberkley, ucla, michigan, etc and look at both undergrad and/or grad students it's a very high percentage.

This. This is what matters at the end of the day. As much as everyone says "whatever makes them happy" -- they have been raised in a very cushy life with plenty of things, cars, vacations etc. -- I guarantee you ending up in a 85k job where you maybe get a driving vacation to a local beach every other year will NOT make them happy. So I don't get the hate from the other PPs. Sure there are those exceptions of -- my boss went to blah blah community college and is now a CEO. Great. But the closest thing in life to a 'guarantee' (and I realize there are no complete guarantees) is to get into one of those schools and study something marketable and start making good money young and investing. If you all don't want to push that -- fine -- but I do.

Almost everyone knows money isn't the end-all/be-all. There are plenty of people with money that are unhappy. However, this question is really for those that are successful financially: do you want your kids to be able live at least a similar lifestyle to the one you are raising them in? That's a problem that high-achievers face--it may be a good problem to have and I'm sure everyone is about to break out their "world's tiniest violin" and all but it is something high achievers think about if they actually care about their children--as opposed to the ones that want to show off how much they can spend.

Good schooling is something that leads to a higher chance of success--of course it doesn't guarantee it. Would you rather have your kids be mediocre and go to a school where the chance of financial success is far lower? All of you preachy types that say you want your kids to be happy--are you successfully financially (not that you may care at all). If you aren't then I totally get it. If you are and you don't care about your kids achieving then do you spend at a moderate lifestyle level? Or are you taking international vacations, etc in the name of "life experience" and "life learning" for your kids? Are they going to have the HHI when they grow up to be able to continue that lifestyle they have grown accustomed to? Think about it...

This. Yes I want my children to live in the manner they are accustomed, which requires significant income. If PPs who are acting holier than thou don't want that, that's great for them. But I know my kids, I know what will make them unhappy and for my kids -- they would not be happy on an 85k paycheck to paycheck lifestyle where they can't pick up and go on vacation tomorrow across the country or world bc they need to save up for a year first.

I don’t go to a top college. I make a LOT more than $85k per year. I expect A’s and B’s from my kids but have no particular preference about whether they go to a top school. I expect that they will also be high income.

The glaring problem with your analysis is that you acknowledge that most high income people didn’t go to top schools- so it doesn’t follow that if people don’t go to top schools, they won’t be successful. I also think going to a top school is most common among a certain social set, which for reasons that have nothing to do with their college choices, are more likely to be successful.

Depends on your definition of high income...if you are talking about $500k HHI then sure, dual income households can be successful getting there. To be honest, $400k - 500k is basically nearly entry level for combined HHI for two married NYC JD, MBA, or MD professionals. But if you are talking net worths of $10m+ that's another ballgame--that population is over indexed to Ivys.

To everyone who is saying that you don't need to go to an Ivy or Ivy type school to get rich--that is absolutely true...

However, Ivy & Ivy type undergrad & grads represent a disproportionate number of the well off. A much higher percentage of these grads are successful financially than at an average school. What percentage of Virginia Tech grads are financially successful? A much lower percentage than Harvard grads. That doesn't mean that there aren't examples of very successful Virginia Tech grads.

The chances of becoming a Fortune 500 CEO are analogous to being a successful professional athlete, movie star/rock star, etc.

Those slots represent a small slice of the financially successful in this country. A far higher number are Wall Streeters, biglaw partners, tech & healthcare entrepreneurs, large medical practice owners, etc

To the double ivy league grad--if you don't realize that a much higher percentage of your classmates are financially successful than Virginia Tech then you may not understand how a lot of the rest of your class lives.

If you look at private equity, hedge fund, asset management, strategy consulting, investment banking, biglaw, etc my guess is over 50% of professionals have either an undergrad or a graduate degree from an ivy or ivy type of institution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I absolutely understand and empathize.

Why so much hate from people on this board. OP hasn't said anything about the way he raises his kids or that these feelings are the dominant feelings he has about his kids. Any parent who has achieved a lot of academic and career success will, at least at some level, wish their kids to have academic success--among other talents. Doesn't everyone want the best for their kids?

The challenge is really how to sort through these wishes and feelings among a complex set of other feelings & wishes. I'm sure that OP's first and foremost feeling & wish is that the kids are loved, healthy and happy.

That being said--we can all talk about F500 execs or entrepreneurs who were late bloomers or didn't go to top schools, etc. but let's be realistic:

Top school alums make up a high proportion of very highly financially successful people...not a majority but a very high proportion. If you count ivy, stanford, mit, duke, uchicago, northwestern, amherst, williams, swarthmore, ucberkley, ucla, michigan, etc and look at both undergrad and/or grad students it's a very high percentage.

This. This is what matters at the end of the day. As much as everyone says "whatever makes them happy" -- they have been raised in a very cushy life with plenty of things, cars, vacations etc. -- I guarantee you ending up in a 85k job where you maybe get a driving vacation to a local beach every other year will NOT make them happy. So I don't get the hate from the other PPs. Sure there are those exceptions of -- my boss went to blah blah community college and is now a CEO. Great. But the closest thing in life to a 'guarantee' (and I realize there are no complete guarantees) is to get into one of those schools and study something marketable and start making good money young and investing. If you all don't want to push that -- fine -- but I do.

Almost everyone knows money isn't the end-all/be-all. There are plenty of people with money that are unhappy. However, this question is really for those that are successful financially: do you want your kids to be able live at least a similar lifestyle to the one you are raising them in? That's a problem that high-achievers face--it may be a good problem to have and I'm sure everyone is about to break out their "world's tiniest violin" and all but it is something high achievers think about if they actually care about their children--as opposed to the ones that want to show off how much they can spend.

Good schooling is something that leads to a higher chance of success--of course it doesn't guarantee it. Would you rather have your kids be mediocre and go to a school where the chance of financial success is far lower? All of you preachy types that say you want your kids to be happy--are you successfully financially (not that you may care at all). If you aren't then I totally get it. If you are and you don't care about your kids achieving then do you spend at a moderate lifestyle level? Or are you taking international vacations, etc in the name of "life experience" and "life learning" for your kids? Are they going to have the HHI when they grow up to be able to continue that lifestyle they have grown accustomed to? Think about it...

This. Yes I want my children to live in the manner they are accustomed, which requires significant income. If PPs who are acting holier than thou don't want that, that's great for them. But I know my kids, I know what will make them unhappy and for my kids -- they would not be happy on an 85k paycheck to paycheck lifestyle where they can't pick up and go on vacation tomorrow across the country or world bc they need to save up for a year first.

I don’t go to a top college. I make a LOT more than $85k per year. I expect A’s and B’s from my kids but have no particular preference about whether they go to a top school. I expect that they will also be high income.

The glaring problem with your analysis is that you acknowledge that most high income people didn’t go to top schools- so it doesn’t follow that if people don’t go to top schools, they won’t be successful. I also think going to a top school is most common among a certain social set, which for reasons that have nothing to do with their college choices, are more likely to be successful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I absolutely understand and empathize.

Why so much hate from people on this board. OP hasn't said anything about the way he raises his kids or that these feelings are the dominant feelings he has about his kids. Any parent who has achieved a lot of academic and career success will, at least at some level, wish their kids to have academic success--among other talents. Doesn't everyone want the best for their kids?

The challenge is really how to sort through these wishes and feelings among a complex set of other feelings & wishes. I'm sure that OP's first and foremost feeling & wish is that the kids are loved, healthy and happy.

That being said--we can all talk about F500 execs or entrepreneurs who were late bloomers or didn't go to top schools, etc. but let's be realistic:

Top school alums make up a high proportion of very highly financially successful people...not a majority but a very high proportion. If you count ivy, stanford, mit, duke, uchicago, northwestern, amherst, williams, swarthmore, ucberkley, ucla, michigan, etc and look at both undergrad and/or grad students it's a very high percentage.

This. This is what matters at the end of the day. As much as everyone says "whatever makes them happy" -- they have been raised in a very cushy life with plenty of things, cars, vacations etc. -- I guarantee you ending up in a 85k job where you maybe get a driving vacation to a local beach every other year will NOT make them happy. So I don't get the hate from the other PPs. Sure there are those exceptions of -- my boss went to blah blah community college and is now a CEO. Great. But the closest thing in life to a 'guarantee' (and I realize there are no complete guarantees) is to get into one of those schools and study something marketable and start making good money young and investing. If you all don't want to push that -- fine -- but I do.

Almost everyone knows money isn't the end-all/be-all. There are plenty of people with money that are unhappy. However, this question is really for those that are successful financially: do you want your kids to be able live at least a similar lifestyle to the one you are raising them in? That's a problem that high-achievers face--it may be a good problem to have and I'm sure everyone is about to break out their "world's tiniest violin" and all but it is something high achievers think about if they actually care about their children--as opposed to the ones that want to show off how much they can spend.

Good schooling is something that leads to a higher chance of success--of course it doesn't guarantee it. Would you rather have your kids be mediocre and go to a school where the chance of financial success is far lower? All of you preachy types that say you want your kids to be happy--are you successfully financially (not that you may care at all). If you aren't then I totally get it. If you are and you don't care about your kids achieving then do you spend at a moderate lifestyle level? Or are you taking international vacations, etc in the name of "life experience" and "life learning" for your kids? Are they going to have the HHI when they grow up to be able to continue that lifestyle they have grown accustomed to? Think about it...

This. Yes I want my children to live in the manner they are accustomed, which requires significant income. If PPs who are acting holier than thou don't want that, that's great for them. But I know my kids, I know what will make them unhappy and for my kids -- they would not be happy on an 85k paycheck to paycheck lifestyle where they can't pick up and go on vacation tomorrow across the country or world bc they need to save up for a year first.

OK fine, but when you think about all the rich people you know - did they all go to Ivies? Many of the ones I know did not. There are so many ways to be successful (even if you define successful as rich)!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I absolutely understand and empathize.

Why so much hate from people on this board. OP hasn't said anything about the way he raises his kids or that these feelings are the dominant feelings he has about his kids. Any parent who has achieved a lot of academic and career success will, at least at some level, wish their kids to have academic success--among other talents. Doesn't everyone want the best for their kids?

The challenge is really how to sort through these wishes and feelings among a complex set of other feelings & wishes. I'm sure that OP's first and foremost feeling & wish is that the kids are loved, healthy and happy.

That being said--we can all talk about F500 execs or entrepreneurs who were late bloomers or didn't go to top schools, etc. but let's be realistic:

Top school alums make up a high proportion of very highly financially successful people...not a majority but a very high proportion. If you count ivy, stanford, mit, duke, uchicago, northwestern, amherst, williams, swarthmore, ucberkley, ucla, michigan, etc and look at both undergrad and/or grad students it's a very high percentage.

This. This is what matters at the end of the day. As much as everyone says "whatever makes them happy" -- they have been raised in a very cushy life with plenty of things, cars, vacations etc. -- I guarantee you ending up in a 85k job where you maybe get a driving vacation to a local beach every other year will NOT make them happy. So I don't get the hate from the other PPs. Sure there are those exceptions of -- my boss went to blah blah community college and is now a CEO. Great. But the closest thing in life to a 'guarantee' (and I realize there are no complete guarantees) is to get into one of those schools and study something marketable and start making good money young and investing. If you all don't want to push that -- fine -- but I do.

Almost everyone knows money isn't the end-all/be-all. There are plenty of people with money that are unhappy. However, this question is really for those that are successful financially: do you want your kids to be able live at least a similar lifestyle to the one you are raising them in? That's a problem that high-achievers face--it may be a good problem to have and I'm sure everyone is about to break out their "world's tiniest violin" and all but it is something high achievers think about if they actually care about their children--as opposed to the ones that want to show off how much they can spend.

Good schooling is something that leads to a higher chance of success--of course it doesn't guarantee it. Would you rather have your kids be mediocre and go to a school where the chance of financial success is far lower? All of you preachy types that say you want your kids to be happy--are you successfully financially (not that you may care at all). If you aren't then I totally get it. If you are and you don't care about your kids achieving then do you spend at a moderate lifestyle level? Or are you taking international vacations, etc in the name of "life experience" and "life learning" for your kids? Are they going to have the HHI when they grow up to be able to continue that lifestyle they have grown accustomed to? Think about it...

This. Yes I want my children to live in the manner they are accustomed, which requires significant income. If PPs who are acting holier than thou don't want that, that's great for them. But I know my kids, I know what will make them unhappy and for my kids -- they would not be happy on an 85k paycheck to paycheck lifestyle where they can't pick up and go on vacation tomorrow across the country or world bc they need to save up for a year first.

Previous PP here. Sorry I obviously meant "Most fortune 500 CEO's didn't go **a top** to college"

Anonymous wrote:OP, I absolutely understand and empathize.

Why so much hate from people on this board. OP hasn't said anything about the way he raises his kids or that these feelings are the dominant feelings he has about his kids. Any parent who has achieved a lot of academic and career success will, at least at some level, wish their kids to have academic success--among other talents. Doesn't everyone want the best for their kids?

The challenge is really how to sort through these wishes and feelings among a complex set of other feelings & wishes. I'm sure that OP's first and foremost feeling & wish is that the kids are loved, healthy and happy.

That being said--we can all talk about F500 execs or entrepreneurs who were late bloomers or didn't go to top schools, etc. but let's be realistic:

Top school alums make up a high proportion of very highly financially successful people...not a majority but a very high proportion. If you count ivy, stanford, mit, duke, uchicago, northwestern, amherst, williams, swarthmore, ucberkley, ucla, michigan, etc and look at both undergrad and/or grad students it's a very high percentage.

I don't really know that that is true. I am the PP who talked about my non-nerdy colleagues who all make a lot of money (many $500K-$1M+, often by age 35). I pasted an excerpt of Frank Bruni's book on the college madness below. Most fortune 500 CEO's didn't go to college. Sure people who went to Harvard are unlikely to end up making very little (unless they choose a low-paying career by choice). But I know a lot of people who went to Harvard and aren't particularly successful today. if you want to be something like a Supreme Court judge, going to an Ivy will help. But if you want to start your own company, or make bank in sales, as a trader or as a lobbyist, no one will care if you went to an Ivy and being overly academically smart may actually hurt you if you get too caught up in the weeds. And I say this as a double Ivy grad. There are so many ways to be successful - some come from book smarts, but some come from other kids of smarts. OP, you may want to check out the book "Strengths Based Parenting" for ways to cultivate your child's innate strengths. https://www.amazon.com/Strengths-Based-Parenting-Developing-Childrens/dp/1595621008



“There’s a widespread conviction, spoken and unspoken, that the road to riches is trimmed in Ivy and the reins of power held by those who’ve donned Harvard’s crimson, Yale’s blue and Princeton’s orange, not just on their chests but in their souls. No one told that to the Fortune 500. They’re the American corporations with the highest gross revenues. The list is revised yearly. As I write this paragraph in the summer of 2014, the top ten are, in order, Wal-Mart, Exxon Mobil, Chevron, Berkshire Hathaway, Apple, Phillips 66, General Motors, Ford Motor, General Electric and Valero Energy. And here’s the list, in the same order, of schools where their chief executives got their undergraduate degrees: the University of Arkansas; the University of Texas; the University of California, Davis; the University of Nebraska; Auburn; Texas A&M; the General Motors Institute (now called Kettering University); the University of Kansas; Dartmouth College and the University of Missouri–St. Louis. Just one Ivy League school shows up.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I absolutely understand and empathize.

Why so much hate from people on this board. OP hasn't said anything about the way he raises his kids or that these feelings are the dominant feelings he has about his kids. Any parent who has achieved a lot of academic and career success will, at least at some level, wish their kids to have academic success--among other talents. Doesn't everyone want the best for their kids?

The challenge is really how to sort through these wishes and feelings among a complex set of other feelings & wishes. I'm sure that OP's first and foremost feeling & wish is that the kids are loved, healthy and happy.

That being said--we can all talk about F500 execs or entrepreneurs who were late bloomers or didn't go to top schools, etc. but let's be realistic:

Top school alums make up a high proportion of very highly financially successful people...not a majority but a very high proportion. If you count ivy, stanford, mit, duke, uchicago, northwestern, amherst, williams, swarthmore, ucberkley, ucla, michigan, etc and look at both undergrad and/or grad students it's a very high percentage.

This. This is what matters at the end of the day. As much as everyone says "whatever makes them happy" -- they have been raised in a very cushy life with plenty of things, cars, vacations etc. -- I guarantee you ending up in a 85k job where you maybe get a driving vacation to a local beach every other year will NOT make them happy. So I don't get the hate from the other PPs. Sure there are those exceptions of -- my boss went to blah blah community college and is now a CEO. Great. But the closest thing in life to a 'guarantee' (and I realize there are no complete guarantees) is to get into one of those schools and study something marketable and start making good money young and investing. If you all don't want to push that -- fine -- but I do.

Almost everyone knows money isn't the end-all/be-all. There are plenty of people with money that are unhappy. However, this question is really for those that are successful financially: do you want your kids to be able live at least a similar lifestyle to the one you are raising them in? That's a problem that high-achievers face--it may be a good problem to have and I'm sure everyone is about to break out their "world's tiniest violin" and all but it is something high achievers think about if they actually care about their children--as opposed to the ones that want to show off how much they can spend.

Good schooling is something that leads to a higher chance of success--of course it doesn't guarantee it. Would you rather have your kids be mediocre and go to a school where the chance of financial success is far lower? All of you preachy types that say you want your kids to be happy--are you successfully financially (not that you may care at all). If you aren't then I totally get it. If you are and you don't care about your kids achieving then do you spend at a moderate lifestyle level? Or are you taking international vacations, etc in the name of "life experience" and "life learning" for your kids? Are they going to have the HHI when they grow up to be able to continue that lifestyle they have grown accustomed to? Think about it...

Anonymous wrote:OP, I absolutely understand and empathize.

Why so much hate from people on this board. OP hasn't said anything about the way he raises his kids or that these feelings are the dominant feelings he has about his kids. Any parent who has achieved a lot of academic and career success will, at least at some level, wish their kids to have academic success--among other talents. Doesn't everyone want the best for their kids?

The challenge is really how to sort through these wishes and feelings among a complex set of other feelings & wishes. I'm sure that OP's first and foremost feeling & wish is that the kids are loved, healthy and happy.

That being said--we can all talk about F500 execs or entrepreneurs who were late bloomers or didn't go to top schools, etc. but let's be realistic:

Top school alums make up a high proportion of very highly financially successful people...not a majority but a very high proportion. If you count ivy, stanford, mit, duke, uchicago, northwestern, amherst, williams, swarthmore, ucberkley, ucla, michigan, etc and look at both undergrad and/or grad students it's a very high percentage.

This. This is what matters at the end of the day. As much as everyone says "whatever makes them happy" -- they have been raised in a very cushy life with plenty of things, cars, vacations etc. -- I guarantee you ending up in a 85k job where you maybe get a driving vacation to a local beach every other year will NOT make them happy. So I don't get the hate from the other PPs. Sure there are those exceptions of -- my boss went to blah blah community college and is now a CEO. Great. But the closest thing in life to a 'guarantee' (and I realize there are no complete guarantees) is to get into one of those schools and study something marketable and start making good money young and investing. If you all don't want to push that -- fine -- but I do.

We are putting ridiculous amounts of pressure on very young children in NOVA, and putting them way too early into academic boxes. It's quite sad.

Focus on raising good people who can adapt to change, have good manners, a work ethic, and personal motivation. Set a good example and believe in them always. Let them discover who they are instead of who you want them to be. The success will come. Be patient.

OP, I absolutely understand and empathize.

Why so much hate from people on this board. OP hasn't said anything about the way he raises his kids or that these feelings are the dominant feelings he has about his kids. Any parent who has achieved a lot of academic and career success will, at least at some level, wish their kids to have academic success--among other talents. Doesn't everyone want the best for their kids?

The challenge is really how to sort through these wishes and feelings among a complex set of other feelings & wishes. I'm sure that OP's first and foremost feeling & wish is that the kids are loved, healthy and happy.

That being said--we can all talk about F500 execs or entrepreneurs who were late bloomers or didn't go to top schools, etc. but let's be realistic:

Top school alums make up a high proportion of very highly financially successful people...not a majority but a very high proportion. If you count ivy, stanford, mit, duke, uchicago, northwestern, amherst, williams, swarthmore, ucberkley, ucla, michigan, etc and look at both undergrad and/or grad students it's a very high percentage.