I wouldn't be PA, I would be direct and honest.

"Larla, family time is very important to me on vacation. Our kids can play in the pool together but I will be reading poolside. We are planning on having all our meals just the four of us."

OP, I just had something very similar happen. Going on vacation and someone invited herself along. This is someone I like in small doses and have an important professional relationship with. And now I'll be spending a week with her, which does not sound like my idea of relaxing since she is a bit self-absorbed, talks about herself nonstop and drinks way too much. I was upset for several hours, thinking this would ruin a vacation that I'm spending a lot of money on. And then I just decided I need to change my attitude and embrace it. I bet it'll be more fun than I imagine. And if she's driving me nuts, I'll take my kids and go do stuff offsite on our own.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

I’m really just so annoyed. All I waned was a quiet relaxing vacation away from everyone. I have a stack of books I planned on reading. Ugh.

And yes, this is Speing Break. We can’t change our plans now, we would lose too much money.

And yes, it’s a small resort (maybe 100 suites?) I’m just picturing not being able to even go to the pool without running into them.

I have no idea how to even tell her we won’t be hanging out 24/7 and sharing a table for every meal.

And yes, she told me that it will be great because our kids can play and we can socialize. Ugh! How can I get out of this, DCUM! What can I tactfully say?

Different strategies:
1) California style: "Yes, sure, lunch sounds great", "yes, sure, drinks sounds great", "yes, sure, entertainment X sounds great". It all sounds great, but it's only a sound, no action.
2) I can't think on vacation: You stare and don't respond to anything right away and then respond with a random line like "isn't the ocean beautiful".
3) We are slow on vacation: suggestions for plans are met with "don't wait for us, just go ahead, we can't plan".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

Same here. I’ve always had so much fun when other people are included. I don’t see what the big deal is meeting up once or twice. I can pretty much guarantee your husband and kids will be dying for someone else to be around by day 4.

Do you invite yourself on other people's vacations? How obnoxious.

I know reading is hard but, despite OPs title, the friend did not "invite herself." OP said as much in a follow-up. She's just annoyed she'll have to interact with someone she knows due to her period of isolation.

Oh my God. OP's friend paid to be at the same place, at the same time, with the intention of hanging out with OP. You can quibble technicalities all you want, you're not going to win this one. This is obnoxious as hell at least to a significant portion of the population, and if you don't recognize that, you're rude and tone deaf.

"Larla, what a strange coincidence! We'll have to get together for drinks one night - maybe even dinner. Tuesday afternoon/evening is still open for us. Otherwise we can just catch up when we get back."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

Same here. I’ve always had so much fun when other people are included. I don’t see what the big deal is meeting up once or twice. I can pretty much guarantee your husband and kids will be dying for someone else to be around by day 4.

Do you invite yourself on other people's vacations? How obnoxious.

I know reading is hard but, despite OPs title, the friend did not "invite herself." OP said as much in a follow-up. She's just annoyed she'll have to interact with someone she knows due to her period of isolation.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

I’m really just so annoyed. All I waned was a quiet relaxing vacation away from everyone. I have a stack of books I planned on reading. Ugh.

And yes, this is Speing Break. We can’t change our plans now, we would lose too much money.

And yes, it’s a small resort (maybe 100 suites?) I’m just picturing not being able to even go to the pool without running into them.

I have no idea how to even tell her we won’t be hanging out 24/7 and sharing a table for every meal.

And yes, she told me that it will be great because our kids can play and we can socialize. Ugh! How can I get out of this, DCUM! What can I tactfully say?

I’m with you on this. Where are you going? Is it possible to keep the plane tickets, lose a deposit and book a different resort? Tell us the location and we will help figure this out. I would have to change plans or I’d have anxiety for the next month. It would be the same if a friend, acquaintance, MIL, my mother or my sister did this. We never get time alone and I treasure spring break.

Next time she says she’s excited, tell her you’re also excited and can’t wait to catch up on your reading, get some with your spouse, recharge as a family, etc. Ask if shec ants to swap nights where the kids all eat together with one set of parentsxwhole the other has a date night dinner. Did your friend say she booked it to be with you, or was it more that your trip sounded good to her so she just copied?

How old are your kids? They may love having friends around. You will just need to be pleasantly blunt about wanting alone time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

I’m really just so annoyed. All I waned was a quiet relaxing vacation away from everyone. I have a stack of books I planned on reading. Ugh.

And yes, this is Speing Break. We can’t change our plans now, we would lose too much money.

And yes, it’s a small resort (maybe 100 suites?) I’m just picturing not being able to even go to the pool without running into them.

I have no idea how to even tell her we won’t be hanging out 24/7 and sharing a table for every meal.

And yes, she told me that it will be great because our kids can play and we can socialize. Ugh! How can I get out of this, DCUM! What can I tactfully say?

I don't think you can get out of it. If you can't change dates (kids' break) and can't go someplace else ($$), chances are it's the same case for them too -- I am assuming she has booked it already. Sure you can say upfront -- family time, stack of books to read etc. and maybe she keeps her distance -- BUT at a 100 suite resort, you WILL see them at the pool and restaurant. So even if you don't sit with them/act cold so they don't come join you -- you're awkwardly going to be trying not to look in their direction the whole time. Sorry. Good luck.

I think her best bet is to say, "hey let's do dinner a few nights because other nights I have planned with just hubby and family. I think that's nice but tactfully telling her she wants some family time.

OP rent a car and eat out in town some nights. Go shopping and sight seeing. You don't have to stay at the hotel the entire time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

I’m really just so annoyed. All I waned was a quiet relaxing vacation away from everyone. I have a stack of books I planned on reading. Ugh.

And yes, this is Speing Break. We can’t change our plans now, we would lose too much money.

And yes, it’s a small resort (maybe 100 suites?) I’m just picturing not being able to even go to the pool without running into them.

I have no idea how to even tell her we won’t be hanging out 24/7 and sharing a table for every meal.

And yes, she told me that it will be great because our kids can play and we can socialize. Ugh! How can I get out of this, DCUM! What can I tactfully say?

I don't think you can get out of it. If you can't change dates (kids' break) and can't go someplace else ($$), chances are it's the same case for them too -- I am assuming she has booked it already. Sure you can say upfront -- family time, stack of books to read etc. and maybe she keeps her distance -- BUT at a 100 suite resort, you WILL see them at the pool and restaurant. So even if you don't sit with them/act cold so they don't come join you -- you're awkwardly going to be trying not to look in their direction the whole time. Sorry. Good luck.

I guess my only option is to make “pooltime” the time when we see them each day, and nothing else.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

I’m really just so annoyed. All I waned was a quiet relaxing vacation away from everyone. I have a stack of books I planned on reading. Ugh.

And yes, this is Speing Break. We can’t change our plans now, we would lose too much money.

And yes, it’s a small resort (maybe 100 suites?) I’m just picturing not being able to even go to the pool without running into them.

I have no idea how to even tell her we won’t be hanging out 24/7 and sharing a table for every meal.

And yes, she told me that it will be great because our kids can play and we can socialize. Ugh! How can I get out of this, DCUM! What can I tactfully say?

I don't think you can get out of it. If you can't change dates (kids' break) and can't go someplace else ($$), chances are it's the same case for them too -- I am assuming she has booked it already. Sure you can say upfront -- family time, stack of books to read etc. and maybe she keeps her distance -- BUT at a 100 suite resort, you WILL see them at the pool and restaurant. So even if you don't sit with them/act cold so they don't come join you -- you're awkwardly going to be trying not to look in their direction the whole time. Sorry. Good luck.

OP here again.

I’m really just so annoyed. All I waned was a quiet relaxing vacation away from everyone. I have a stack of books I planned on reading. Ugh.

And yes, this is Speing Break. We can’t change our plans now, we would lose too much money.

And yes, it’s a small resort (maybe 100 suites?) I’m just picturing not being able to even go to the pool without running into them.

I have no idea how to even tell her we won’t be hanging out 24/7 and sharing a table for every meal.

And yes, she told me that it will be great because our kids can play and we can socialize. Ugh! How can I get out of this, DCUM! What can I tactfully say?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

Same here. I’ve always had so much fun when other people are included. I don’t see what the big deal is meeting up once or twice. I can pretty much guarantee your husband and kids will be dying for someone else to be around by day 4.

Do you invite yourself on other people's vacations? How obnoxious.

Yeah yeah we get it. You're an introvert / have no friends / hate your friends / blah blah blah

...ooorr we just expect common sense with regard to social graces - i.e., not inviting yourself on someone's vacation.

Foreign concept? How embarrassing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

Same here. I’ve always had so much fun when other people are included. I don’t see what the big deal is meeting up once or twice. I can pretty much guarantee your husband and kids will be dying for someone else to be around by day 4.

Do you invite yourself on other people's vacations? How obnoxious.

Yeah yeah we get it. You're an introvert / have no friends / hate your friends / blah blah blah