Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP,

The ex has served me with a motion to modify visitation. My lawyer is now working on my opposition to his motion and I am asking for attorney fees. It's official now we are going to court. He realized I was not going to bend on giving up my weekends with the kids and he is not going to take me up on my offer for extended time during the week. The only winners are the lawyers.

OP I don't see a way in hell your DH won't get SOME weekend time. If you go to court you're going to end up with 50% weekends and you won't get your fees paid. Can't you mediate?

I thought OP said in her OP that her ex already had every other weekend. As I read it, ex had 50% of weekends but didn't have 50% overall custody because he didn't want to committ to regular weekdays; instead he proposed to get more custody by taking more than 50% of weekend time.

Personally, I doubt a judge will order that.

However, Ex can waste a lot of money trying, and it is unclear if it will be the OP's money he wastes as well since she has asked for costs. IMO, it's worth paying some money to preserve a 50/50 sit on weekend down time, which is so critical to the health of the family.

Anonymous wrote:The question isn't whether a father gets every weekend. The question is whether a court will order a father to be given evey weekend. Many women voluntarily give up weekends for a variety of reasons - to avoid an expensive custody fight, to keep the co-parenting relationship conflict-free, or because they feel that the father given weekday custody does not attend facilitate school/homework and other activities. In the latter, the mother, chooses to be the "taskmaster" ensuring homework gets done rather than be the "fun" parent in order to ensure kids ha e future opportunities and skills.

The question is, in court, when the Dad asks for every weekend and the Mom shows that this is the schedule the Ex asked for, that she has offered him several compromises that have been rejected, will a judge go ahead and order every weekend? IMO, the DH is not going to end up looking like the reasonable party, and judges get irritated if you clog up their court with over-reaching requests. Also, in this day and age, I think there is a higher likelihood that anjudge will recognize the fundamental economic inequity the law would be imposing -- Mom cuts down job travel to care for kids during the week this getting lower pay, while Dad benefits in terms of career/salary from not having to balance kids and work.

Ex's lawyer will also be offering several compromises before you ever see a judge. If ex's lawyer is smart, he'll also ask for a court-appointed attorney for the children.

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP,

The ex has served me with a motion to modify visitation. My lawyer is now working on my opposition to his motion and I am asking for attorney fees. It's official now we are going to court. He realized I was not going to bend on giving up my weekends with the kids and he is not going to take me up on my offer for extended time during the week. The only winners are the lawyers.

I always preferred to give my lawyers money, instead of my ex.

Heck I’m married and I wish someone would take my kids every weekend. To have that downtime away from them would be lovely. Week days are enough hassle even with two parents.

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP,

The ex has served me with a motion to modify visitation. My lawyer is now working on my opposition to his motion and I am asking for attorney fees. It's official now we are going to court. He realized I was not going to bend on giving up my weekends with the kids and he is not going to take me up on my offer for extended time during the week. The only winners are the lawyers.

OP I don't see a way in hell your DH won't get SOME weekend time. If you go to court you're going to end up with 50% weekends and you won't get your fees paid. Can't you mediate?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does he pay child support? What on earth are his arguments for why he should get every weekend and you should get no weekends??

I loved the PPs story about the dad who chose his kids over his job. Sounds like you and your ex both have demanding jobs, and he wants you to make a huge sacrifice because of HIS situation. No way. You sound very reasonable, and I’m pretty sure no judge would give him every weekend.

I can think of at least 3 families I know with this exact arrangement where the dad gets every single weekend and they alternate holidays.

I was just thinking this. I get my kids every weekend, every holiday and for the entire summer. Just let the kids go over there on the weekends. I think if you do it you will come to find that it really is no bid deal.

Add another one for "I know a case where the father gets every weekend and all of summer" Just don't get overconfident that that won't happen.

The question isn't whether a father gets every weekend. The question is whether a court will order a father to be given evey weekend. Many women voluntarily give up weekends for a variety of reasons - to avoid an expensive custody fight, to keep the co-parenting relationship conflict-free, or because they feel that the father given weekday custody does not attend facilitate school/homework and other activities. In the latter, the mother, chooses to be the "taskmaster" ensuring homework gets done rather than be the "fun" parent in order to ensure kids ha e future opportunities and skills.

The question is, in court, when the Dad asks for every weekend and the Mom shows that this is the schedule the Ex asked for, that she has offered him several compromises that have been rejected, will a judge go ahead and order every weekend? IMO, the DH is not going to end up looking like the reasonable party, and judges get irritated if you clog up their court with over-reaching requests. Also, in this day and age, I think there is a higher likelihood that anjudge will recognize the fundamental economic inequity the law would be imposing -- Mom cuts down job travel to care for kids during the week this getting lower pay, while Dad benefits in terms of career/salary from not having to balance kids and work.

Good luck OP. Ignore the couple of posters who are siding with your selfish DH. One parent should not get all weekends unless the other parent wants it that way.

I am the OP,

The ex has served me with a motion to modify visitation. My lawyer is now working on my opposition to his motion and I am asking for attorney fees. It's official now we are going to court. He realized I was not going to bend on giving up my weekends with the kids and he is not going to take me up on my offer for extended time during the week. The only winners are the lawyers.

Anonymous wrote:My dad only had us on the weekends. He was the "fun" parent but I don't consider him a parent in any way. Sounds like your ex wants the easy part (and maybe to pay less CS?)

Weekends aren't easy. Weekdays are easy.

Signed, a working single dad

For Dad to take kids what is involved? Where is the school in terms of distance from his home/work? That could be a huge issue.

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at the number of people that think she should give into his non-family friendly schedule. He can change his job and see his kids. His choice.

Not everyone can simply change jobs. You do realize that right?

I'm shocked at the number of people that think she should give into his non-family friendly schedule. He can change his job and see his kids. His choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think your work schedule is more important than his?

You both sound very selfish which sucks for your kids who have to deal with both of you.

Where is OP saying, explicitly or implicitly, that her work schedule is “more important” than his?

It’s always interesting on DCUM when the posters become team DW or Team ex-DH. My take is whether you are married and definitely if you are divorced, you don’t get to dictate the sacrifices someone else makes for your convenience. It sounds like for the OP, giving up every weekend with her children would be a sacrifice for her. She has offered other alternatives to her ex to give him more time with the kids and all have been rejected. The ball is in her ex’s court to commit to one day during the week, ad-hoc when he isn’t traveling for work, or change his job as OP did.

OP good luck and keep good documentation.

It's interesting that you claim pp is choosing sides or teams. Your entire post is taking sides. Neither OP or her ex get to dictate the other's schedules or sacrifices and the ex doesn't have to accept what OP offers him.

I didn’t claim I wasn’t invested in one side, I only said that it was interesting we were arguing with each other about OP’s situation! Correct though that the 4th/5th options are mediation or court. Isn’t the saying a good negotiation is when both sides feel like they’ve come out ahead? So far the ex hasn’t offered up other options to get more time. He doesn’t have to agree with OP’s offer but if he can’t come up with a counter that works for the OP they will be in mediation where 3rd party will try to help bring out those compromises or they end up in court.

First weekend of the month - all you
Second weekend - split between the two of you - each have a day
Third weekend of the month -split like the second weekend
Fourth weekend of the month - all his

IN between he gets a day or two of weekdays - take the kids for dinner.

It works out to the same amount of weekend time as you have with the kids now but means he gets to see them an extra weekend a month

January he gets every weekend, February he gets every other weekend, March every weekend, April every other weekend etc, etc