Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 40YO SAHM of 3. I will be 57 when youngest leaves for college.

When I mention going back to work, DH tells me that I should consider myself retired. I left my finance career and will not be returning.

DH is my retirement package. He earns a seven figure income and we have the funds retire now.

We have a few neighbors who are young and retired. They have young children like us. Maybe they are the pp. they are rich, live in a mansion, have a jet, etc. they say they are retired and they are. The dad doesn’t say he is a stay at home dad. I know a dad who is 45ish and doesn’t work. He also says he is retired.

I never considered being a SAHM a job. Seems strange to say you retired from being a SAHM. I would never say that. I also don’t say that I am retired to other people.

Being a sahm is absolutely a job. What is wrong with you? Mothers will young children cannot walk away from the children. They have to take care of them and that's WORK.

Pp here. I have 3 young children. Of course I know it is tiring and a ton of work. We can agree to disagree. Sorry, I don’t think being a SAHM is an occupation. I will not be retiring from being a SAHM one day. I will always be a mom.

My mom did this. She hit a pretty high point in her career by her mid-30s, and then she had three kids in her late 30s/early 40s. This was also in the 80s, when there were fewer flexible options. You were either a 1980s career woman or you stayed home 100 percent in her field. She didn't have the option of leaning out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may not be to you but it is to her.


You can deride women for limiting their choices then also criticize them when they recognize the fallout from those choices and make appropriate decisions. If you don’t need money you aren’t picking up menial work you don’t enjoy in your 50’s. If you have the option to not work and choose to work in any way you choose, good for you.

NP. But I think this is the whole point the other person is attempting to make. Portraying it as some wide-open decision point whether to work or not is not acknowledging the reality that that decision point is pretty much long gone.

And I suppose you all are hung up on what defines work. 3 hours at Williams Sonoma a week is probably not work to most people.

I know several people who stayed at home with multiple kids through high school. MS and GS are when they need you most, infancy and toddlerhood are when they need physical care most, but not necessarily you. MS and HS are when kids get into drugs, drinking, smoking, sex, skipping school, etc. If you’re around to see, you have a better chance of catching it and getting them the appropriate help. Yes, it’s a lot of errands, schlepping kids and teaching them to drive themselves, etc. Easier in some ways than wohm, but by no means worth less.

By the way, the people I know who became empty nesters had plans. One has a 7 year gap between her age and her husband’s, so it was only one year without much to do before he retired and they started traveling. Another started driving for Uber three years ago, and her youngest graduates this year; she is going to drive the hours that pay more starting next year. A third started a business doing something she loves.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time mom at 43 (!) with one and only DD. I'll be 62 by the time she goes to college. I've had a 20-year career, and am most recently C-level at a large company. I feel like I've achieved the highest point of my career, and I could be doing the same thing for 20 years before retiring. Or start my own company, which would have its own trajectory. Obviously I've wanted DD for a long time, and love spending time with her. When she gets older, I could go back to work PT, or freelance, or volunteer. Has anyone go from SAHM to retirement and any tips?

I am there. Youngest is in college now and DH only has 2-4 years left in this area. It doesn't seem like enough time to try to relaunch. I volunteered a lot in the past almost 20 years and am a little burned out. So, I am concentrating on me for now. Going from SAHM to retirement isn't difficult as you are already home and acquainted with the cadence of being at home. The step from WOH to SAH was the much bigger adjustment for me. I was a much more natural woh parent and a very reluctant sah parent, but you deal with what you have.

My advice is to keep some sort of gig alive during the SAH years that you can ramp up as much as you want when the empty nest arrives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 40YO SAHM of 3. I will be 57 when youngest leaves for college.

When I mention going back to work, DH tells me that I should consider myself retired. I left my finance career and will not be returning.

DH is my retirement package. He earns a seven figure income and we have the funds retire now.

We have a few neighbors who are young and retired. They have young children like us. Maybe they are the pp. they are rich, live in a mansion, have a jet, etc. they say they are retired and they are. The dad doesn’t say he is a stay at home dad. I know a dad who is 45ish and doesn’t work. He also says he is retired.

I never considered being a SAHM a job. Seems strange to say you retired from being a SAHM. I would never say that. I also don’t say that I am retired to other people.

Being a sahm is absolutely a job. What is wrong with you? Mothers will young children cannot walk away from the children. They have to take care of them and that's WORK.

NP. I guess it’s personal perspective. I have NEVER considered being a SAHM a “job” or “work”. Certainly I don’t list it as my occupation.

I think you are one of the few who feels that way.

Maybe because I think of parenting as a personal responsibility. My “job” has always been associated with my professional career. I would never put “sahm” on my resume. Or any form really.

I also don’t consider my DH watching the kids “babysitting”.

And I don’t consider that working parents (my DH included) have a “part-time job” of parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 40YO SAHM of 3. I will be 57 when youngest leaves for college.

When I mention going back to work, DH tells me that I should consider myself retired. I left my finance career and will not be returning.

DH is my retirement package. He earns a seven figure income and we have the funds retire now.

We have a few neighbors who are young and retired. They have young children like us. Maybe they are the pp. they are rich, live in a mansion, have a jet, etc. they say they are retired and they are. The dad doesn’t say he is a stay at home dad. I know a dad who is 45ish and doesn’t work. He also says he is retired.

I never considered being a SAHM a job. Seems strange to say you retired from being a SAHM. I would never say that. I also don’t say that I am retired to other people.

Being a sahm is absolutely a job. What is wrong with you? Mothers will young children cannot walk away from the children. They have to take care of them and that's WORK.

NP. I guess it’s personal perspective. I have NEVER considered being a SAHM a “job” or “work”. Certainly I don’t list it as my occupation.

I think you are one of the few who feels that way.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 40YO SAHM of 3. I will be 57 when youngest leaves for college.

When I mention going back to work, DH tells me that I should consider myself retired. I left my finance career and will not be returning.

DH is my retirement package. He earns a seven figure income and we have the funds retire now.

We have a few neighbors who are young and retired. They have young children like us. Maybe they are the pp. they are rich, live in a mansion, have a jet, etc. they say they are retired and they are. The dad doesn’t say he is a stay at home dad. I know a dad who is 45ish and doesn’t work. He also says he is retired.

I never considered being a SAHM a job. Seems strange to say you retired from being a SAHM. I would never say that. I also don’t say that I am retired to other people.

Being a sahm is absolutely a job. What is wrong with you? Mothers will young children cannot walk away from the children. They have to take care of them and that's WORK.

NP. I guess it’s personal perspective. I have NEVER considered being a SAHM a “job” or “work”. Certainly I don’t list it as my occupation.

I think you are one of the few who feels that way.

I think kids need you more when they are older. I think it was easier when they were young, it is easier to find quality care then. It is harder to find someone who is willing to listen and give emotional support to teenagers and tweens.

There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM now and then retiring when your child is grown, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 40YO SAHM of 3. I will be 57 when youngest leaves for college.

When I mention going back to work, DH tells me that I should consider myself retired. I left my finance career and will not be returning.

DH is my retirement package. He earns a seven figure income and we have the funds retire now.

We have a few neighbors who are young and retired. They have young children like us. Maybe they are the pp. they are rich, live in a mansion, have a jet, etc. they say they are retired and they are. The dad doesn’t say he is a stay at home dad. I know a dad who is 45ish and doesn’t work. He also says he is retired.

I never considered being a SAHM a job. Seems strange to say you retired from being a SAHM. I would never say that. I also don’t say that I am retired to other people.

Being a sahm is absolutely a job. What is wrong with you? Mothers will young children cannot walk away from the children. They have to take care of them and that's WORK.

NP. I guess it’s personal perspective. I have NEVER considered being a SAHM a “job” or “work”. Certainly I don’t list it as my occupation.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 40YO SAHM of 3. I will be 57 when youngest leaves for college.

When I mention going back to work, DH tells me that I should consider myself retired. I left my finance career and will not be returning.

DH is my retirement package. He earns a seven figure income and we have the funds retire now.

We have a few neighbors who are young and retired. They have young children like us. Maybe they are the pp. they are rich, live in a mansion, have a jet, etc. they say they are retired and they are. The dad doesn’t say he is a stay at home dad. I know a dad who is 45ish and doesn’t work. He also says he is retired.

I never considered being a SAHM a job. Seems strange to say you retired from being a SAHM. I would never say that. I also don’t say that I am retired to other people.

Being a sahm is absolutely a job. What is wrong with you? Mothers will young children cannot walk away from the children. They have to take care of them and that's WORK.

I’m a 40YO SAHM of 3. I will be 57 when youngest leaves for college.

When I mention going back to work, DH tells me that I should consider myself retired. I left my finance career and will not be returning.

DH is my retirement package. He earns a seven figure income and we have the funds retire now.

We have a few neighbors who are young and retired. They have young children like us. Maybe they are the pp. they are rich, live in a mansion, have a jet, etc. they say they are retired and they are. The dad doesn’t say he is a stay at home dad. I know a dad who is 45ish and doesn’t work. He also says he is retired.

I never considered being a SAHM a job. Seems strange to say you retired from being a SAHM. I would never say that. I also don’t say that I am retired to other people.

If working as a greeter at Walmart or a barista at Starbucks or the check-in person at the gym or if she’s really lucky and gets a job answering phones somewhere - if that’s fun and success, then be open-minded and debate away. For people who actually have these jobs, I don’t think anyone is calling it “fun”.

It doesn’t have anything to do with income or investing in your family (but nice try). It’s the cluelessness and privilege to think anyone just hops back into the job market after 20 years and funds something “fun”.

This is silly and totally beside the point of the original question.

I don't think OP is going back to the C-level or expects to, but if you keep up some sort of network and your skills, you can go back to meaningful work.

I am not SAHM - I work full-time and will be doing so for the next 15 years until my youngest should be finishing college. I don't intend to retire-retire. I plan to leave govt service when I'm eligible, then go private sector and still make $$. Eventually my dream job looks like the toner delivery lady in my building. She walks around and installs toner all day - you get to talk to people, get exercise, and it doesn't require a lot of deep thought. Sounds like a perfect job in my '60's.

Just go back to work once kid is in high school. Honestly, you'll probably be bored out of your mind if you don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time mom at 43 (!) with one and only DD. I'll be 62 by the time she goes to college. I've had a 20-year career, and am most recently C-level at a large company. I feel like I've achieved the highest point of my career, and I could be doing the same thing for 20 years before retiring. Or start my own company, which would have its own trajectory. Obviously I've wanted DD for a long time, and love spending time with her. When she gets older, I could go back to work PT, or freelance, or volunteer. Has anyone go from SAHM to retirement and any tips?

Haven’t read any other replies. But, are you me?? Except I did it! Couldn’t be happier.

I am the same age with kids under 8. We tried hard to have these children and my journey has be difficult.. that is another thread. I would quit in a heartbeat if my husband was supportive. My drive to move up the ladder is not there anymore. I am constantly stress from juggling the demand of my family and job. I regret not being able to attend school events like all these other PTA moms. My oldest told her friends that mommy works all the time and that is why she is never at school events. I am constantly plagued with regret and resentment. I worked 20 years and have contibuted financially to the family and we are at the point we could consider early retirement if we maintain our current lifestyle. Personally if you have a supportive spouse, don't need the money then quit. You can get a job again even if it's at a lower pay but you won't get the time back you missed from your child being young. I

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time mom at 43 (!) with one and only DD. I'll be 62 by the time she goes to college. I've had a 20-year career, and am most recently C-level at a large company. I feel like I've achieved the highest point of my career, and I could be doing the same thing for 20 years before retiring. Or start my own company, which would have its own trajectory. Obviously I've wanted DD for a long time, and love spending time with her. When she gets older, I could go back to work PT, or freelance, or volunteer. Has anyone go from SAHM to retirement and any tips?

Haven’t read any other replies. But, are you me?? Except I did it! Couldn’t be happier.