Our child was very ill, and he unilaterally quit his job to care for this child without discussing it - leaving me working two jobs to support us and with responsibility to care for two older children. There were no winners here. no good choices. Our child passed. We never got over it.

Anonymous wrote:Left me at Walmart when I was 8 months pregnant. I didn't even have any shoes. I guess he was afraid of becoming a dad.

There's got to be more to the story. What happened to your shoes?

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Anonymous wrote:My STBX went home after the birth of our son - home was fifteen minutes away - to pick up some things, including food. He ended up falling asleep and came back five hours later.

And you hold this against him??? Good grief.

+1

If this is the most selfish thing he has ever done, he's fine.

Um okay. I'm in a foreign hospital alone with a newborn and dad goes and takes a multi-hour nap? Yes, that's selfish.

I stand by my statement - if this is the MOST SELFISH thing he has ever done, you should be ok. You were in a hospital being cared for by nurses and doctors and he went home and took a nap. Not what you wanted, right? Not what you dreamed about during pregnancy? I get it, I really do. But...if this is truly the best thing you can come up with...read some of this other stuff.

I didn't have my babies in hospitals but didn't you read her post? She was exhausted from labor, in pain, and what I have heard from friends is that post partum is like some kind of survival of the fittest hospital jungle. HE WAS UNBELIEVABLY SELFISH.

Yes. But not as selfish as the husband that had a love child. No?

Well, yeah. The love child is worse on the Sliding Scale of Assholes, but this dude is not winning any Dh of the Year Awards.

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Anonymous wrote:My STBX went home after the birth of our son - home was fifteen minutes away - to pick up some things, including food. He ended up falling asleep and came back five hours later.

And you hold this against him??? Good grief.

+1

If this is the most selfish thing he has ever done, he's fine.

Um okay. I'm in a foreign hospital alone with a newborn and dad goes and takes a multi-hour nap? Yes, that's selfish.

I stand by my statement - if this is the MOST SELFISH thing he has ever done, you should be ok. You were in a hospital being cared for by nurses and doctors and he went home and took a nap. Not what you wanted, right? Not what you dreamed about during pregnancy? I get it, I really do. But...if this is truly the best thing you can come up with...read some of this other stuff.

A lot of women have been raised to believe that the man's role is to cater to the mother / wife's needs / wants and to not have any needs or wants of their own. It led to the whole - treat her like a Princess / Queen mentality or the Happy Wife Happy Life slogan / syndrome. I think it was feminist backlash to the men have power so it was switched around to women are royalty and men are their wives servants attitude. So for people with that mindset - a man sleeping when exhausted rather than being in 'yes, dear, whatever you want dear' mode is the ultimate betrayal because that isn't how you as a lowly employee would ever treat royalty. It is a power imbalance dynamic issue that leads to hurt and anger when the man doesn't below his 'role'.

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Anonymous wrote:My STBX went home after the birth of our son - home was fifteen minutes away - to pick up some things, including food. He ended up falling asleep and came back five hours later.

And you hold this against him??? Good grief.

+1

If this is the most selfish thing he has ever done, he's fine.

Um okay. I'm in a foreign hospital alone with a newborn and dad goes and takes a multi-hour nap? Yes, that's selfish.

I stand by my statement - if this is the MOST SELFISH thing he has ever done, you should be ok. You were in a hospital being cared for by nurses and doctors and he went home and took a nap. Not what you wanted, right? Not what you dreamed about during pregnancy? I get it, I really do. But...if this is truly the best thing you can come up with...read some of this other stuff.

I didn't have my babies in hospitals but didn't you read her post? She was exhausted from labor, in pain, and what I have heard from friends is that post partum is like some kind of survival of the fittest hospital jungle. HE WAS UNBELIEVABLY SELFISH.

Yes. But not as selfish as the husband that had a love child. No?

Husband F'd up, but what he did isn't really all that bad. You can get past it. One time mistake compared to the love child.

Left me at Walmart when I was 8 months pregnant. I didn't even have any shoes. I guess he was afraid of becoming a dad.

While we were dating, he told me he didn't have enough money to buy me a present - I was understanding. We both had low paying jobs and were trying to save money. After we were married, I was cleaning out a drawer and found several porn videos (this was pre-internet) and a receipt dated the day before my birthday. I was pissed and laid into him - you didn't have enough money to do something for my birthday but you had enough money for your porn habit!?

That was just the tip of the iceberg on his porn habit, depression and ADHD. I got nothing against porn but, like anything, if you can't do without it, you've got a problem. Thankfully, he's not my problem any more.

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Anonymous wrote:My STBX went home after the birth of our son - home was fifteen minutes away - to pick up some things, including food. He ended up falling asleep and came back five hours later.

And you hold this against him??? Good grief.

+1

If this is the most selfish thing he has ever done, he's fine.

Um okay. I'm in a foreign hospital alone with a newborn and dad goes and takes a multi-hour nap? Yes, that's selfish.

I stand by my statement - if this is the MOST SELFISH thing he has ever done, you should be ok. You were in a hospital being cared for by nurses and doctors and he went home and took a nap. Not what you wanted, right? Not what you dreamed about during pregnancy? I get it, I really do. But...if this is truly the best thing you can come up with...read some of this other stuff.

I didn't have my babies in hospitals but didn't you read her post? She was exhausted from labor, in pain, and what I have heard from friends is that post partum is like some kind of survival of the fittest hospital jungle. HE WAS UNBELIEVABLY SELFISH.

Yes. But not as selfish as the husband that had a love child. No?

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Anonymous wrote:To be honest, most of these examples don't seem that bad.

This.

I like how everyone shares incidents that have caused them either pain or anger, and is then negated— no biggie! Gotta love DCUM!

It's a public forum. And some of these examples are pretty lame.

He ate all the ice cream that I bought and I didn’t have ANY of it.

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Anonymous wrote:Suggested I abort our child because he wasn't ready to be a dad.

Other than that he's not selfish at all.

Unless you two decided to get pregnant together and then he told you, I don't think there's anything wrong with this. If anything, it's selfish of you to have a child when you know its father doesn't want it.

Wanting to have your baby isn't being selfish. Wanting to kill an inconvenient baby is being selfish.

Haven’t you heard? It’s not a baby, it’s just a group of cells.

Hardly the universal opinion among parents.

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Anonymous wrote:He got upset when I told him I'd need him to stay with me overnight in the hospital after I gave birth to our daughter. He'd been hoping to sleep at home then come back in the mornings and was very upset he had to sleep on the uncomfortable recliner in my recovery room. It wasn't our finest moment but honestly, we were both so exhausted after a multi-day induction that neither of us were thinking clearly. It was a single moment of dumb@ssness from an otherwise wonderful man.

Is it really so bad? I wouldn't want to sleep on that stupid recliner either and if he's just going home to sleep and coming right back in the morning... why is that a big deal?

Because I hadn't slept for 48 hours. Because we were in a "baby friendly" hospital that provided absolutely no help with the baby besides coming in and yelling at me for doing apparently every single thing wrong, they literally wouldn't even hand me the baby if they were already in the room. Because the call button in our room didn't work so if there had been an issue, I couldn't have alerted the nurses (I tried shouting and they didn't hear me). Because my epidural didn't wear off for hours so I couldn't stand up to get the baby on my own. Because, even after the epidural finally wore off, I had a 3rd degree tear and needed help getting out of bed each and every time and needed help getting onto and off of the toilet.

Because I needed him there.

You sound really needy.

NP here, and I guess I'm needy too. I did send my husband home to sleep though and totally regret it. I needed sleep too! Instead I had to care for a screaming newborn (they're not all "sleepy", you know) after having been awake for days and having had surgery.

Approaching this from a purely logical standpoint (which I realize our human emotions are not always logical, and this is not necessarily a justification for your DH staying or going home), but assuming you were breastfeeding/attempting to breastfeed... what would DH have been able to do? If your baby was screaming, you both would be awake... so you wouldn't be getting any sleep anyway. And he would be unable to feed the baby, so pretty much practically useless (although he could have provided emotional support.) I'd hedge a bet that by him getting some decent rest, he was able to be more alert and therefore helpful/supportive the next day.

To be clear, I'm not addressing the above poster who says she couldn't get the baby out of the bassinet on her own, etc (although wtf kind of hospital were you in where nurses were not available to help you use the bathroom, get out of bed, didn't have call buttons, etc.?)

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Anonymous wrote:My STBX went home after the birth of our son - home was fifteen minutes away - to pick up some things, including food. He ended up falling asleep and came back five hours later.

And you hold this against him??? Good grief.

+1

If this is the most selfish thing he has ever done, he's fine.

Um okay. I'm in a foreign hospital alone with a newborn and dad goes and takes a multi-hour nap? Yes, that's selfish.

I stand by my statement - if this is the MOST SELFISH thing he has ever done, you should be ok. You were in a hospital being cared for by nurses and doctors and he went home and took a nap. Not what you wanted, right? Not what you dreamed about during pregnancy? I get it, I really do. But...if this is truly the best thing you can come up with...read some of this other stuff.

I didn't have my babies in hospitals but didn't you read her post? She was exhausted from labor, in pain, and what I have heard from friends is that post partum is like some kind of survival of the fittest hospital jungle. HE WAS UNBELIEVABLY SELFISH.

Anonymous wrote:Continuously threatening suicide, even in front of the kids, to guilt me into staying with her.

We should get your DW together with my DH. They sound made for each other.

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Anonymous wrote:To be honest, most of these examples don't seem that bad.

This.

I like how everyone shares incidents that have caused them either pain or anger, and is then negated— no biggie! Gotta love DCUM!