Anonymous
01/01/2018 23:21
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Growing up, my grandparents always paid for us to go from east coast to them in LA. I guess I grew up thinking that was normal. Now we live in the west and all ILs and parents live on the east coast. Mostly they come to us or we don't see them bc of the $1500-$2000 price tag of us flying there.
I pitched a fit about this to my DH so now we are making plans to go east for Christmas 2018.
I pitched a fit about this to my DH so now we are making plans to go east for Christmas 2018.
Anonymous
01/01/2018 12:17
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks all for the perspective.
-I don't mind paying, but every year is a lot. Honestly, I would be fine with only going every 3rd year, but they've established an expectation that we come in to celebrate with the whole family.
-We usually celebrate a week or 2 before or after Christmas, so airfare isn't as much as Christmas week. But sometimes, it has cost us $2500.
-We are not at all driving distance.
-We have invited family to come visit us for kid events, usually annually, and most of them decline.
I think we'll try every other year and then offer to host Christmas at our house for everyone (which everyone will decline)
When they eventually do visit, you will complain what ungrateful, rude, lazy, cheap relatives they are.
It is not easy hosting people in your home. Be careful what you wish for.
Anonymous
01/01/2018 12:12
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
So OP's question would be better phrased "how do you handle the holidays when the entire financial burden falls on you, and you just don't have the money?"
My answer for this OP would be "visit less often or at cheaper times. Do Christmas at home. I'm sorry no one in the family is meeting you part way."
The question she asked about who pays brought up a lot of crap from a lot of people. In the end, people should act like adults, accept gifts gracefully, and see their families. People should put visits over principal, especially when the resources of the two parties are so, so different.
That's it.
My answer for this OP would be "visit less often or at cheaper times. Do Christmas at home. I'm sorry no one in the family is meeting you part way."
The question she asked about who pays brought up a lot of crap from a lot of people. In the end, people should act like adults, accept gifts gracefully, and see their families. People should put visits over principal, especially when the resources of the two parties are so, so different.
That's it.
Anonymous
01/01/2018 12:06
Subject: Re:Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
We pay. In fact, my in laws don't ever pay when they visit. Their kids always pay their flights.
Anonymous
01/01/2018 12:03
Subject: Re:Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We are working adults, so we pay.
+1 I simply cannot imagine allowing our parents to pay for our travel. We have way too much pride. If we couldn't afford to travel, we would stay home.
Wow. In my lean years, I had enough self respect to know that my pride wasn't as risk if I accepted a ticket when the purchase made no difference to my dad's financial well-being. . Visiting the people who loved me, and giving them the gift of seeing me was the right choice.
Why didn't they visit me? Because I lived in a place none of us liked very much.
Anonymous
01/01/2018 12:00
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
How far away from them do you live?
Anonymous
01/01/2018 11:58
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I never understand this. Adults pay for their own travel expenses. If you can’t afford it, you don’t go.
+100
Ok, but what if your parents really want to see you, and you have no money? Staying apart makes more sense?
Then they come to you. Seriously, how do you survive
That is just stupid. In the years when I had no money, my dad still liked to see me, and he lived in the more fun place for both of us, had a guest room, and a sufficiently bad back to make flying difficult.
The first principle was "how can we maximize our time together in a fun way?
How did I survive? Easy, and easier because I got to see my dad from time to time. You know nothing.
Anonymous
01/01/2018 11:22
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Anonymous wrote:The cost is on you. Since the rest of your family is within driving distance, it sounds like you moved away. If you really want to have Christmas with your parents every year, then you pay the costs and go.
If I was in your shoes I would go only every other year or maybe once every three years. I think kids should be in their own house/beds on Christmas.
Agree with first paragraph.
Anonymous
12/30/2017 17:27
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I never understand this. Adults pay for their own travel expenses. If you can’t afford it, you don’t go.
+100
Ok, but what if your parents really want to see you, and you have no money? Staying apart makes more sense?
Then they come to you. Seriously, how do you survive
Is it that hard to understand that some parents would rather pay for their adult children and grandchildren to travel to them than to travel to visit their children/grandchildren?
No but that clearly isn’t the case with OP’s parents. So there’s no point in her feeling resentful about them declining to do something they aren’t obligated to do.
Anonymous
12/30/2017 01:09
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks all for the perspective.
-I don't mind paying, but every year is a lot. Honestly, I would be fine with only going every 3rd year, but they've established an expectation that we come in to celebrate with the whole family.
-We usually celebrate a week or 2 before or after Christmas, so airfare isn't as much as Christmas week. But sometimes, it has cost us $2500.
-We are not at all driving distance.
-We have invited family to come visit us for kid events, usually annually, and most of them decline.
I think we'll try every other year and then offer to host Christmas at our house for everyone (which everyone will decline)
I understand your perspective, but the answer is you just don't travel there for Christmas. It sounds like you don't want to. It sounds like you're resentful, (understandably!) When planning for next year, just email your parents and say, we're staying local for Christmas this year! keep it light and matter of fact.
Anonymous
12/29/2017 23:56
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I never understand this. Adults pay for their own travel expenses. If you can’t afford it, you don’t go.
+100
Ok, but what if your parents really want to see you, and you have no money? Staying apart makes more sense?
My husband will probably never see his Dad again. We've visited a few times before kids. We aren't close to him and he only calls a few times a year. He refuses to visit. Not sure why but he has a strange relationship with his girlfriend, whom we've never met. But, it makes no sense to go see him between flights, rental car (he has two cars but would never lend us one) and hotel (he'd never offer to let us stay nor would I). If he wants to meet his grandkids, he can come.
We have paid for my MIL as she couldn't afford it. We've flown out to see her too but ended up moving her here.
Anonymous
12/29/2017 23:48
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I never understand this. Adults pay for their own travel expenses. If you can’t afford it, you don’t go.
+100
Ok, but what if your parents really want to see you, and you have no money? Staying apart makes more sense?
Then they come to you. Seriously, how do you survive
Is it that hard to understand that some parents would rather pay for their adult children and grandchildren to travel to them than to travel to visit their children/grandchildren?
Anonymous
12/29/2017 21:37
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Anonymous wrote:We would pay but usually we buy my MIL a ticket to visit us since it's much cheaper. Plus she's retired so unlimited vacation time. Why not buy two tickets for your parents instead of six tickets for you guys? Cheaper and you can have a nice holiday at home.
Yes! They're tickets together should be $500. Problem solved!
Anonymous
12/29/2017 21:15
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I never understand this. Adults pay for their own travel expenses. If you can’t afford it, you don’t go.
+100
Ok, but what if your parents really want to see you, and you have no money? Staying apart makes more sense?
Then they come to you. Seriously, how do you survive
Anonymous
12/29/2017 21:14
Subject: Who pays airfare for your family to visit your parents for Christmas/holidays?
Why would they pay YOUR travel expenses. You’re grown adults!