Anonymous
12/20/2017 07:45
Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?
+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.
She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?
Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?
Funny how all the sympathy went away since I stated he earned 2m. So he can be an arrogant intolerable ass if he earned 200k but now I need Prozac bc he earns 2m. Guess I can’t be in a bad marriage if the guy earns a lot.
Yes, because you do not have your hands tied, you actually have resources to make yourself happy, instead you are here bitching.
Who cares if the reason your husband wants you to hire help is so that he is not bothered helping you. You choose to focus on that, you are full of resentment. Hire the help, make yourself happy, you have the means to be. Quit bitching.
Anonymous
12/20/2017 07:40
Subject: Re:I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband earns little over hundred thousand. I am SAHM. Every day I greet him with a smile, take his jacket off, put his shoes away, and prepare a dinner. I am grateful to have a good man that loves me and provides for me.
Mail order?
Nope. I have 2 masters and have had a good career. I chose to put my family first for a few years. He loves me, is loyal to me, and provides for us. I want to respect and honor him. He would do the same for me.
Two masters degrees? But no PhD? Did you pay for those??
Anonymous
12/20/2017 07:39
Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?
+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.
She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?
Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?
Funny how all the sympathy went away since I stated he earned 2m. So he can be an arrogant intolerable ass if he earned 200k but now I need Prozac bc he earns 2m. Guess I can’t be in a bad marriage if the guy earns a lot.
+1 I noticed that too, OP. I still empathize with you, if that helps. But I agree that the first step here is for you to re-engage with yourself in the outside world in some way. It will be enormously boosting for you to get feedback from other adults that you are a worthwhile person. Once you have that going for you, you can tackle your marriage from a place of confidence.
Anonymous
12/20/2017 07:39
Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?
+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.
She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?
Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?
Funny how all the sympathy went away since I stated he earned 2m. So he can be an arrogant intolerable ass if he earned 200k but now I need Prozac bc he earns 2m. Guess I can’t be in a bad marriage if the guy earns a lot.
Who cares what he earns. Quit bitching and get a job or divorce him and have fun living in a townhouse. Those are your choices. You act like you are the only person on earth dealing with the monotony of raising kids and living with the same person for years. Figure out what will make you happy and do it instead of complaining about your husband whose job is NOT to satisfy 100% of your needs.
Anonymous
12/20/2017 07:37
Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?
+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.
She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?
Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?
Funny how all the sympathy went away since I stated he earned 2m. So he can be an arrogant intolerable ass if he earned 200k but now I need Prozac bc he earns 2m. Guess I can’t be in a bad marriage if the guy earns a lot.
Bingo, you're an idiot that doesn't deserve him. He's wrong, he is better than you can do
Anonymous
12/20/2017 07:33
Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?
+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.
She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?
Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?
Funny how all the sympathy went away since I stated he earned 2m. So he can be an arrogant intolerable ass if he earned 200k but now I need Prozac bc he earns 2m. Guess I can’t be in a bad marriage if the guy earns a lot.
Anonymous
12/20/2017 07:20
Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Feminism is even more degrading, don't believe the liberal culture
Anonymous
12/20/2017 07:17
Subject: Re:I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet
This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.
He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.
OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.
I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?
The fact that he shot it down means he cares about you.
Now that DC is one and he’s your last (right?) first work on finding a full time sitter and getting her up to speed and then make your move towards working.
Finding a job will be a full time job in the meantime believe me.
I have part time help. DH told me to hire full time help so he isn’t burdened with helping.
I have mentioned going back to work and he has previously shot it down saying I won’t make enough to make it worth our while. I don’t care how much I earn. I am going to work part time at least.
He has been nice to me today. He can sense when I’m super pissed vs normal mad.
The fact that he shot it down means he cares about you.
Now that DC is one and he’s your last (right?) first work on finding a full time sitter and getting her up to speed and then make your move towards working.
Finding a job will be a full time job in the meantime believe me.
Anonymous
12/20/2017 07:16
Subject: Re:I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet
This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.
He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.
OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.
I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?
The fact that he shot it down means he cares about you.
Now that DC is one and he’s your last (right?) first work on finding a full time sitter and getting her up to speed and then make your move towards working.
Finding a job will be a full time job in the meantime believe me.
I have part time help. DH told me to hire full time help so he isn’t burdened with helping.
I have mentioned going back to work and he has previously shot it down saying I won’t make enough to make it worth our while. I don’t care how much I earn. I am going to work part time at least.
He has been nice to me today. He can sense when I’m super pissed vs normal mad.
Anonymous
12/20/2017 05:40
Subject: Re:I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:My husband earns little over hundred thousand. I am SAHM. Every day I greet him with a smile, take his jacket off, put his shoes away, and prepare a dinner. I am grateful to have a good man that loves me and provides for me.
LOL!!! Girlfriend, $100k in this area is NOT worth sending yourself back to the 50s.
Anonymous
12/20/2017 05:29
Subject: Re:I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet
This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.
He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.
OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.
I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?
I have part time help. DH told me to hire full time help so he isn’t burdened with helping.
I have mentioned going back to work and he has previously shot it down saying I won’t make enough to make it worth our while. I don’t care how much I earn. I am going to work part time at least.
He has been nice to me today. He can sense when I’m super pissed vs normal mad.
It sounds like your husband made a reasonable suggestion here and you shot it down. If you're making $2 million, this should be a no-brainer given that you clearly resent being a SAHM. I get the feeling that much of your anger is about you being upset that your husband continued having a lucrative career and you didn't.
Get full-time help and get back into the workforce, and try to recognize that your situation is better than the overwhelming majority of humanity.
Not OP but getting the full-time help so he doesn’t have to help out sounded a wee bit jerkish to me. Sure he shouldn’t be expected to wash dishes or come home and clean but I read it as him not wanting to be bothered with the kids. He seems to look down on her a bit for not having an identity outside of being a SAHM. It’s almost as if she’s just the nanny while he lives the life of a busy, single guy who can throw himself into work because he has no family to be concerned about. Then the ‘you can’t do better’ comment is just UGH!
Maybe, though some SAHM's view their husbands as the "relief shift" who take over primary parenting duties as soon as they get home.
It still sounds like hiring help would be valuable here. At least OP would be less stressed out and be more able to appreciate her situation if she has more free time.
This is my SIL for sure. She is a SAHM, no college education. She has one child. Her DH, my brother, leaves for work between 5:30 - 6:30 AM every day for the commute into DC, then works 12 hours and then does the slog back home to Manassas when the work day is over. Their DC is in third grade. So, if my memory serves me right, he is out of the house from 8: 00 am - 3:00 pm every day. They have a cleaning lady and lawn service. Yet, somehow, when the weekend comes it is "me time" for her. I'm sorry, but what the hell are you doing during that seven hours without the kid? You don't have a job, you're not trying to get an education, what possible "me time" do you need. I have no respect for a woman like this. Every single person, regardless of gender, should be able to stand on their own two feet. As the saying goes, "Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out."
Anonymous
12/20/2017 00:58
Subject: Re:I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband earns little over hundred thousand. I am SAHM. Every day I greet him with a smile, take his jacket off, put his shoes away, and prepare a dinner. I am grateful to have a good man that loves me and provides for me.
Mail order?
Nope. I have 2 masters and have had a good career. I chose to put my family first for a few years. He loves me, is loyal to me, and provides for us. I want to respect and honor him. He would do the same for me.
Anonymous
12/20/2017 00:46
Subject: Re:I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband earns little over hundred thousand. I am SAHM. Every day I greet him with a smile, take his jacket off, put his shoes away, and prepare a dinner. I am grateful to have a good man that loves me and provides for me.
OK, Mrs. Cleaver. Do you make him a martini and fetch his slippers, too?[/quote
Yes...
I also suck his dick and give him a messag with a happy ending for two hours.what about you???
Anonymous
12/19/2017 23:28
Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
If there were a contest for "most awful person on DCUM" then OP would be a strong contender.
Anonymous
12/19/2017 22:45
Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DH won me over with effort. Now married for 10 years with 3 kids. Don’t think I can be in this loveless passionless dead marriage any longer. I am childcare. We talk about child logistics and that’s it. I’m so resentful. I gave up my lucrative career to stay home. DH takes me for granted. I seriously cannot stand my husband and feel totally stuck. Yesterday I told him I want out and he just brushed me off and said he was the best I could do.
I want to run away and restart. Then I look at my children’s sweet faces and can’t leave.
He actually said that he was the best you could do? Wow. I'd see that as a challenge.
Work on yourself, OP. Shape up. Plan your exit. Get some childcare for the kids and either go back to your career (full time or part time) or start a business or side job. Get yourself in control of your finances. Look after yourself. Get your power back.
+1. Many men don't respect their wives once they become SAHMs and stop putting in effort because SAHMs often ARE stuck. My own marriage improved once I got back in shape, got a job, and became a self-supporting adult because DH knew I had options and other men were taking an interest in me.
I like how you slipped the "I got fat" in there like it's a trivial detail.
Though I do agree with the general sentiment that a spouse (male or female) will have more respect for you if they know that you have options.