OP, was this an arranged marriage? Did you and your husband date? Did you do anything physical before marriage (kissing, touching above or below clothing)?

OIp, do you desire him? When you guys make out, etc, do you get turned on? What's bothering me is not just your expectations or the fighting but also that St this point you should want him, badly. If you are not physically turned on and desirous of him, best to annul the marriage, return the gifts and move on....

A lot of us have forgotten how intimidating sex can be to a virgin. Mostly, because we lost our virginity when we were in hs or college.

So maybe OP should go back to the basics and do what teenagers do. Learn sex in stages. That might help her to demystify sex. Make it less scary.

Start off making out/petting for a couple days. Then oral sex for a couple days. Have a couple days where OP and her dh can just explore each other's bodies without pressure for more. Work her way up to penetration.

The process might take longer than her dh wants but he knew that he was marrying a virgin. That's going to come with its own set of issues when it comes to sex. If he's also a virgin, this might be helpful to him too. At the end of day, losing your virginity is a much more difficult (read: potentially painful) for a woman than it is for a man. If he wants her to enjoy sex, he needs to make it enjoyable for her.

Knew a couple that was abstinent until after they got married. They were both late 30's. I attended their destination wedding. They tried on wedding night but she was scared. The next day he was visibly upset and everyone could tell. Her sisters pulled her aside and told her she needed to get it done even if she was scared. They did and they have been married 8 years now with two kids and happy by all accounts.

Also agree with the other poster that said its hard to turn off the hang-ups in certain communities.

Knew a couple that was abstinent until after they got married. They were both late 30's. I attended their destination wedding. They tried on wedding night but she was scared. The next day he was visibly upset and everyone could tell. Her sisters pulled her aside and told her she needed to get it done even if she was scared. They did and they have been married 8 years now with two kids and happy by all accounts.

Also agree with the other poster that said its hard to turn off the hang-ups in certain communities.

I don’t think the not having sex yet is the main issue here.

There seems to be a lot of discord in your marriage which does not bode well for either of you since you two are supposed to be in your Honeymoon phase.

OP, what sexual things have you done with your DH?

Made out? Heavy petting? Third base?

I agree with the poster who said not to have a romantic evening then sex. Personally I prefer morning or day time sex. You should pencil it in for Sat morning.

First, why are you fighting so much? You’ve only been married a month. I would really re-evaluate if you should stay married if you are fighting so much so soon into marriage. Good friend fought a lot with her new DH. Well 10 years later, they still fight a ton. But lives are too entwined to divorce. They are both miserable.

But if you do decide to stay married and have sex. Don’t think of it as “now we do sex”. Be sexual and playful all day (like Saturday), until you can’t stand it and rip each other’s clothes off. So make out a little throughout the day. For your first time, you want to be so wet and so aroused. So tell DH, you want to do foreplay throughout the day, but won’t have sex until later. But have sex before you go to dinner. Sex on a full stomach sucks.

Anonymous wrote:How come you keep waiting for weekends to have sex? People have sex during the week, you know.

Read the thread. OP has an excuse for everything.

Op read these

https://apracticalwedding.com/first-time-sex-marriage-wedding-night/

https://apracticalwedding.com/marriage-and-orgasms/

How come you keep waiting for weekends to have sex? People have sex during the week, you know.

Any chance he's gay? Is he a virgin? Do you like him?

If you're still fighting and making excuses for two more weeks you NEED to get therapy (couples AND individual) or your marriage is likely over.

Really, you should just make therapy appointments now because they often are booked weeks out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your husband and explain you'd like your first time to be special.

Clear your schedule for Saturday. Make reservations at a nice place for dinner. Don't fight all day Friday or Saturday (even if you feel justified). Dress up and don't eat/drink too much (otherwise you'll complain you're drunk or bloated). Have a nice romantic dinner and try to remember why you married the guy in the first place (hopefully out of love?).

Come home, get it on. If you don't enjoy it, don't tell him immediately (good way to guarantee it doesn't happen again soon). If you do like it, woohoo! Problem solved.

I want to enjoy it and have fun! We’ve waited so long! Yes I’m scared but that’s not what’s holding me back.

We never got a honeymoon. I just want to go away somewhere or have a day where we can relax just be together and warm up to it.

With full time work, commutes,stress etc, it’s hard for me mentally to want to get it on at 10 pm on a Wednesday for the first time.
M

Why can't you enjoy it and have fun in your own home on Friday night or on the weekend when there's no place to be? Why not lay around in bed all day Sat and just let it happen that way? Personally I wouldn't be going 2 hrs away to stay in a hotel to have sex in order for it to be special -- if anything I feel like you'd get stressed by the packing and the traffic and use that as a reason to cop out. Have you all even been naked together? Touched each other -- have you grabbed his dick, as he touched your breasts? If you really want it, get naked together and biology and feelings will take over -- it's not like you'll just put your jeans back on to take the trash out.