Anonymous
11/13/2017 21:40
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:This is a tough one. I am in the MYOB camp - especially since OP and the woman are not close.
I think that a lot of people on DCUM think that these situations are like Lifetime movies. They tell the wife, she kicks the husband out, they look like heroes and everyone lives happily ever after. I have posted about this before, but I personally know of a situation where the "informer" was physically assaulted by the cheater who showed up at her house with a gun.
If OP tells, the cheater is going to know it was her who told (or he will make an educated guess). Come on! He sees OP in the cafe and his wife finds out soon after that he was out with another woman. You do not need CSI to crack that one. His wife has a right to know - but OP has the right to keep herself and her family safe. This man lives in close proximity to OP and has access to her and her family. I would stay out of it. He knows that you know and that may enough motivation for him to tone it down.
That sounds more like a Lifetime movie than anything. And no, I don't think it's going to end like a movie. But I think she has a right to know. Back in college, I found out a friend's BF was cheating on her. I told. He denied, she chose to believe him and they wound up getting married and moved to Hawaii and I was excised from her life. But I did the right thing, and I'd do it again. The truth is never the wrong choice. You didn't try to find out this information, but he put it out there. Give the wife the chance to make an informed choice. Even if the choice is that she stays and you become the bad guy in her mind. If they stay married, there's a good chance they'll move away, so she feels less humiliated (because deep down she'll know you're telling the truth).
Anonymous
11/13/2017 21:33
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:I was kind of dumb when I was cheating. Really, it's more of thinking you just doubt anyone not your wife cares. I am sure someone saw me out. No one told my wife, that was years ago and thank goodness it was just a horny dumb phase.
Pig. I hope she finds out.
Anonymous
11/13/2017 19:02
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
I was kind of dumb when I was cheating. Really, it's more of thinking you just doubt anyone not your wife cares. I am sure someone saw me out. No one told my wife, that was years ago and thank goodness it was just a horny dumb phase.
Anonymous
11/13/2017 13:00
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
MYOB. The only time I'd make an exception is if safety, especially children's safety, is involved. If you saw him out with his kids and beating them, I'd report that for sure.
Anonymous
11/13/2017 12:51
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
MYOB.
You don't even have any proof--she might just blow you off and then start telling everyone in your neighborhood that you tried to start a bunch of gossip. You said yourself that her relationships are surrounded by drama. Sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. I think you'd be stupid to tell her.
You don't even have any proof--she might just blow you off and then start telling everyone in your neighborhood that you tried to start a bunch of gossip. You said yourself that her relationships are surrounded by drama. Sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. I think you'd be stupid to tell her.
Anonymous
11/13/2017 12:40
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
This is a tough one. I am in the MYOB camp - especially since OP and the woman are not close.
I think that a lot of people on DCUM think that these situations are like Lifetime movies. They tell the wife, she kicks the husband out, they look like heroes and everyone lives happily ever after. I have posted about this before, but I personally know of a situation where the "informer" was physically assaulted by the cheater who showed up at her house with a gun.
If OP tells, the cheater is going to know it was her who told (or he will make an educated guess). Come on! He sees OP in the cafe and his wife finds out soon after that he was out with another woman. You do not need CSI to crack that one. His wife has a right to know - but OP has the right to keep herself and her family safe. This man lives in close proximity to OP and has access to her and her family. I would stay out of it. He knows that you know and that may enough motivation for him to tone it down.
I think that a lot of people on DCUM think that these situations are like Lifetime movies. They tell the wife, she kicks the husband out, they look like heroes and everyone lives happily ever after. I have posted about this before, but I personally know of a situation where the "informer" was physically assaulted by the cheater who showed up at her house with a gun.
If OP tells, the cheater is going to know it was her who told (or he will make an educated guess). Come on! He sees OP in the cafe and his wife finds out soon after that he was out with another woman. You do not need CSI to crack that one. His wife has a right to know - but OP has the right to keep herself and her family safe. This man lives in close proximity to OP and has access to her and her family. I would stay out of it. He knows that you know and that may enough motivation for him to tone it down.
Anonymous
11/13/2017 10:33
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Next time you are talking to her I would casually mention that you saw him out at a restaurant. Then just honestly answer any question she asks.
This is the approach I would take too.
"Jenny, there is no good way to ask this, but I was surprised to see Bill on a romantic date at The Bistro the other night around 7pm. Are you guys splitting up?"
Even if I’d never done more than occasionally wave to you, I’d want you to tell me.
OP, tell her.
OP here. When they first moved in, I was friends with the wife. Then as I got to know her better I found out that she is surrounded by drama in all of her relationships and so I started pulling back. She always seems on the verge of some sort of explosion. She seems to have some mental and physical health issues. I'm not excusing his behavior at all but I think he's been fed up with her for a while from what my husband tells me. I feel like if I told her what I saw then she would do something drastic and I don't want to be responsible for that. There are also kids involved, so I really have to be careful. I'm annoyed at her husband for putting his business out there like that but now it's too late. I just want to avoid both of them for a while but the holiday season is coming up and I know they'll be at a lot of the same events as we will.
But then I start feeling guilty because if the shoe was on the other foot I'd want someone to tell me so I could start looking into what was going on.
So.....you'll continue to send your child over to play with their child knowing full well that the powder keg could blow at any second? If this guy is openly dating his AP w/PDA it is just a matter of time before his wife catches wind of it.
It's a difficult situation I know. You are close to the situation so listen to your gut. I think I would lean towards mentioning something to the wife. But that's me.
Anonymous
11/13/2017 10:19
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
I don't agree that you should always MYOB. It's one of those things that you might feel the need to bring up if it is likely to embarrass her. I had a similar one several years ago. A dad of my DD's classmate was sitting in the window of a restaurant kissing another woman. DD and I were outside waiting for some friends. I hadn't noticed but DD asked my why XX's dad was kissing a lady who wasn't XX's mom. We were in our immediate neighborhood. I had hardly spoken a handful of words to the mom before but she was a friend of a friend. On my friend's advice I mentioned it to the mom. They were in a bad place and he had cheated off and on for years. She wasn't angry at me but was concerned that her own kids might find out through the husband's carelessness.
Anonymous
11/13/2017 10:12
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Next time you are talking to her I would casually mention that you saw him out at a restaurant. Then just honestly answer any question she asks.
This is the approach I would take too.
"Jenny, there is no good way to ask this, but I was surprised to see Bill on a romantic date at The Bistro the other night around 7pm. Are you guys splitting up?"
Even if I’d never done more than occasionally wave to you, I’d want you to tell me.
OP, tell her.
OP here. When they first moved in, I was friends with the wife. Then as I got to know her better I found out that she is surrounded by drama in all of her relationships and so I started pulling back. She always seems on the verge of some sort of explosion. She seems to have some mental and physical health issues. I'm not excusing his behavior at all but I think he's been fed up with her for a while from what my husband tells me. I feel like if I told her what I saw then she would do something drastic and I don't want to be responsible for that. There are also kids involved, so I really have to be careful. I'm annoyed at her husband for putting his business out there like that but now it's too late. I just want to avoid both of them for a while but the holiday season is coming up and I know they'll be at a lot of the same events as we will.
But then I start feeling guilty because if the shoe was on the other foot I'd want someone to tell me so I could start looking into what was going on.
Look, I don't know this lady at all. But I'm going to venture a guess that her husband is a POS, who probably cheated or came close to cheating in the past and/or has treated her poorly throughout their relationship, but doesn't want the expense or mess of a divorce. She may not understand the extent of his betrayal and distance, but I'm sure she feels it. That'll make most sane women a bit nutty, especially if she kind of knows, but doesn't really know. Even if she is horrible, he's in the wrong. He should just end it already. He's only making things, including her mental health, worse with his lying and cheating.
And what do you mean by doing something drastic? Divorce? Because if it's divorce, it's her right to make that choice. It's not your right to decide what is better for her or her family or her children. But she can't make that choice if her shit**g husband is gaslighting her and you're aiding him.
Anonymous
11/13/2017 00:38
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I cannot stand it when neighbors get into other neighbor’s business.
They feel it is their right since they live so close by, but honestly it isn’t.
Trust me, do not touch this w/a ten foot pole.
Stay as uninvolved as humanly possible and everyone should be okay.
I don't think this is the case with this situation. It's not like OP was seeking out information about this couple. The guy made a really dumb choice by going to a restaurant so close to his house with his AP. He must be really brazen or just doesn't give a crap anymore.
I don’t know. The radius of how far you can get driving 15 minutes away from home in any direction seems pretty wide to me. I have never once run into any of my neighbors while eating at a restaurant 15 minutes from home, or even 5 minutes away, for that matter. The odds seem pretty large against it.
In the wife’s position, I wouldn’t want a neighbor to say anything. Their situation may be if not an open marriage then “don’t ask don’t tell.” They may be staying together just for the kids. You don’t know what the effect of telling would be on the kids, who should be the first consideration. The wife may suspect and not care that her husband is involved with someone, but if it becomes public she may be forced to act (divorce) through some social pressure.
I wouldn’t blow up the kids’ home right before the holidays unless I knew that their situation would improve if I shared the information. Do whatever is best for the kids.
Anonymous
11/12/2017 22:12
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:I cannot stand it when neighbors get into other neighbor’s business.
They feel it is their right since they live so close by, but honestly it isn’t.
Trust me, do not touch this w/a ten foot pole.
Stay as uninvolved as humanly possible and everyone should be okay.
I don't think this is the case with this situation. It's not like OP was seeking out information about this couple. The guy made a really dumb choice by going to a restaurant so close to his house with his AP. He must be really brazen or just doesn't give a crap anymore.
Anonymous
11/12/2017 21:57
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
I cannot stand it when neighbors get into other neighbor’s business.
They feel it is their right since they live so close by, but honestly it isn’t.
Trust me, do not touch this w/a ten foot pole.
Stay as uninvolved as humanly possible and everyone should be okay.
They feel it is their right since they live so close by, but honestly it isn’t.
Trust me, do not touch this w/a ten foot pole.
Stay as uninvolved as humanly possible and everyone should be okay.
Anonymous
11/12/2017 21:54
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Next time you are talking to her I would casually mention that you saw him out at a restaurant. Then just honestly answer any question she asks.
This is the approach I would take too.
"Jenny, there is no good way to ask this, but I was surprised to see Bill on a romantic date at The Bistro the other night around 7pm. Are you guys splitting up?"
Even if I’d never done more than occasionally wave to you, I’d want you to tell me.
OP, tell her.
OP here. When they first moved in, I was friends with the wife. Then as I got to know her better I found out that she is surrounded by drama in all of her relationships and so I started pulling back. She always seems on the verge of some sort of explosion. She seems to have some mental and physical health issues. I'm not excusing his behavior at all but I think he's been fed up with her for a while from what my husband tells me. I feel like if I told her what I saw then she would do something drastic and I don't want to be responsible for that. There are also kids involved, so I really have to be careful. I'm annoyed at her husband for putting his business out there like that but now it's too late. I just want to avoid both of them for a while but the holiday season is coming up and I know they'll be at a lot of the same events as we will.
But then I start feeling guilty because if the shoe was on the other foot I'd want someone to tell me so I could start looking into what was going on.
You truly have no idea what's going on in their marriage. If these were good friends of yours, it would be different. But you barely know them. This couldn't be less your business. Stop worrying about it, stop thinking about it, focus on your own life. Don't let their toxicity seep into your life.
Anonymous
11/12/2017 21:20
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Next time you are talking to her I would casually mention that you saw him out at a restaurant. Then just honestly answer any question she asks.
This is the approach I would take too.
"Jenny, there is no good way to ask this, but I was surprised to see Bill on a romantic date at The Bistro the other night around 7pm. Are you guys splitting up?"
Even if I’d never done more than occasionally wave to you, I’d want you to tell me.
OP, tell her.
OP here. When they first moved in, I was friends with the wife. Then as I got to know her better I found out that she is surrounded by drama in all of her relationships and so I started pulling back. She always seems on the verge of some sort of explosion. She seems to have some mental and physical health issues. I'm not excusing his behavior at all but I think he's been fed up with her for a while from what my husband tells me. I feel like if I told her what I saw then she would do something drastic and I don't want to be responsible for that. There are also kids involved, so I really have to be careful. I'm annoyed at her husband for putting his business out there like that but now it's too late. I just want to avoid both of them for a while but the holiday season is coming up and I know they'll be at a lot of the same events as we will.
But then I start feeling guilty because if the shoe was on the other foot I'd want someone to tell me so I could start looking into what was going on.
Anonymous
11/12/2017 20:33
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Next time you are talking to her I would casually mention that you saw him out at a restaurant. Then just honestly answer any question she asks.
This is the approach I would take too.
"Jenny, there is no good way to ask this, but I was surprised to see Bill on a romantic date at The Bistro the other night around 7pm. Are you guys splitting up?"
Even if I’d never done more than occasionally wave to you, I’d want you to tell me.
OP, tell her.