Anonymous
Post 10/25/2017 14:59     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP I left my adulterous husband the third time I caught him cheating. I didn't want my kids growing up thinking our marriage was normal.

That said, absent abuse or adultery, I would rather have stayed married. I think you are doing the right thing.

I'd plan to leave after the youngest goes to college. And take up some fun hobbies in the mean time.


I have heard a lot about how it isn't much easier on young adults when the parents split after they have gone to college. Anyone with any experience like that?


Well, they are old enough to realize that their parents marriage was a sham. They too realize that they stayed together for them
What a great way to impart a guilt trip on the kids. This happened with my uncle. The kids knew about the cheating and they saw the lack of passion.
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2017 14:51     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
Anonymous wrote:OP I left my adulterous husband the third time I caught him cheating. I didn't want my kids growing up thinking our marriage was normal.

That said, absent abuse or adultery, I would rather have stayed married. I think you are doing the right thing.

I'd plan to leave after the youngest goes to college. And take up some fun hobbies in the mean time.


I have heard a lot about how it isn't much easier on young adults when the parents split after they have gone to college. Anyone with any experience like that?
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2017 13:52     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
OP I left my adulterous husband the third time I caught him cheating. I didn't want my kids growing up thinking our marriage was normal.

That said, absent abuse or adultery, I would rather have stayed married. I think you are doing the right thing.

I'd plan to leave after the youngest goes to college. And take up some fun hobbies in the mean time.
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2017 13:45     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:sounds like a typical midlife crisis to me. not sure what's so unique about op's situation


I don’t get it either.. it’s like every other marriage. We love each other but we don’t have sex. Ok...


To read DCUM, everyone stops having sex and then starts having affairs.


Or they live these sad, bitter, angry marriages.

Gross or sad.

Anonymous
Post 10/24/2017 15:31     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of us children of divorce who experienced mom and dad married, went through a divorce, and came out of it realizing we are okay and it was for the best.

It doesn’t mean we sat around thinking about their sex lives or whether they were experiencing true love.

It means, with the he benefit of hindsight, we are able to see that everyone was happier and healthier after this breakup.

Kids aren’t as dumb as you all think. They are selfish, yes, but that doesn’t mean you give them whatever they want.

I don’t have an issue with people working through marital issues, but if you’ve given up, I don’t see how that fake marriage benefits your kids in the long run.

True marriage doesn't mean what you think it does. There is this stupid notion that came up fifty years ago that undying romantic love is a prerequisite to marriage, and it just isn't so.

Kids also don't give a damn how much romantic love you have for each other.


Kids want to feel loved and supported. They want a home where they feel safe. And in the vast majority of cases, especially with kids 10-and-under, they want their parents together. Family is the thing they most identify with. If parents who have lost the zeal and passion for each other can provide all of the above for their kids, in my opinion that should take priority over your own selfish needs to go find a new shiny plaything.


Divorce is imminent for us. Neither of us has a shiny new thing in mind. Neither of us is anywhere near ready to date anyone else. We're just... done... with each other. Sad, but it is what it is.


Hmm.... I wonder if this is actually true... DH might have a shiny new thing already parked around the corner
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2017 14:43     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of us children of divorce who experienced mom and dad married, went through a divorce, and came out of it realizing we are okay and it was for the best.

It doesn’t mean we sat around thinking about their sex lives or whether they were experiencing true love.

It means, with the he benefit of hindsight, we are able to see that everyone was happier and healthier after this breakup.

Kids aren’t as dumb as you all think. They are selfish, yes, but that doesn’t mean you give them whatever they want.

I don’t have an issue with people working through marital issues, but if you’ve given up, I don’t see how that fake marriage benefits your kids in the long run.

True marriage doesn't mean what you think it does. There is this stupid notion that came up fifty years ago that undying romantic love is a prerequisite to marriage, and it just isn't so.

Kids also don't give a damn how much romantic love you have for each other.


Kids want to feel loved and supported. They want a home where they feel safe. And in the vast majority of cases, especially with kids 10-and-under, they want their parents together. Family is the thing they most identify with. If parents who have lost the zeal and passion for each other can provide all of the above for their kids, in my opinion that should take priority over your own selfish needs to go find a new shiny plaything.


Divorce is imminent for us. Neither of us has a shiny new thing in mind. Neither of us is anywhere near ready to date anyone else. We're just... done... with each other. Sad, but it is what it is.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2017 12:48     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
Anonymous wrote:You are my mom.

She is now 70 and my dad has dementia and she is "staying because he sick" always some excuse why she won't leave him.

You are a martyr OP. Should have left years ago. The kids know.

We think you are pathetic.


If your mom leaves are YOU willing to take care of your dad? Don't be a jerk.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2017 11:24     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
This is what happens to many marriages. It is not frivolous to want to love, desire, and have passion for your husband. It's just that many get sold on the dream and a false set of realities.

As a single person who is looking for love and commitment, I am very careful not to seek too much advice from married folks who do not represent the same set of dynamics.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2017 11:12     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
OP you are doing the right thing. As long as you and your husband are kind, respectful and a united front thats what benefits your kids. Kids have NO idea what does on behind their parents closed bedroom door. Divorcing now is not good for your kids. Honestly, your marriage is normal. Where people got this notion that they would have passion and fireworks for their entire marriage is silly and childish. Based on DCUM, your DH and marriage sounds better than most marriages. Its possible the spark may come back as the kids leave the house.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2017 11:00     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of us children of divorce who experienced mom and dad married, went through a divorce, and came out of it realizing we are okay and it was for the best.

It doesn’t mean we sat around thinking about their sex lives or whether they were experiencing true love.

It means, with the he benefit of hindsight, we are able to see that everyone was happier and healthier after this breakup.

Kids aren’t as dumb as you all think. They are selfish, yes, but that doesn’t mean you give them whatever they want.

I don’t have an issue with people working through marital issues, but if you’ve given up, I don’t see how that fake marriage benefits your kids in the long run.

True marriage doesn't mean what you think it does. There is this stupid notion that came up fifty years ago that undying romantic love is a prerequisite to marriage, and it just isn't so.

Kids also don't give a damn how much romantic love you have for each other.


Kids want to feel loved and supported. They want a home where they feel safe. And in the vast majority of cases, especially with kids 10-and-under, they want their parents together. Family is the thing they most identify with. If parents who have lost the zeal and passion for each other can provide all of the above for their kids, in my opinion that should take priority over your own selfish needs to go find a new shiny plaything.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2017 10:28     Subject: I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of us children of divorce who experienced mom and dad married, went through a divorce, and came out of it realizing we are okay and it was for the best.

It doesn’t mean we sat around thinking about their sex lives or whether they were experiencing true love.

It means, with the he benefit of hindsight, we are able to see that everyone was happier and healthier after this breakup.

Kids aren’t as dumb as you all think. They are selfish, yes, but that doesn’t mean you give them whatever they want.

I don’t have an issue with people working through marital issues, but if you’ve given up, I don’t see how that fake marriage benefits your kids in the long run.

True marriage doesn't mean what you think it does. There is this stupid notion that came up fifty years ago that undying romantic love is a prerequisite to marriage, and it just isn't so.

Kids also don't give a damn how much romantic love you have for each other.