Anonymous wrote:I'm a WOHM and I think some of the things written here are hurtful to SAHMs. I'm appreciative of your stories here, and what you do, SAHMs. Ignore the mean.

Truth

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 graduate degrees, education & biology.. Worked 15 years, stayed home with my kids for the past 12 years. I love being SAHM and I am definitely not bored. My husband (and children) appreciate my efforts. I am very creative and love to cook, and do many things DH doesn't particularly like to do, like plan vacations. I spend my time raising (and enjoying) my children and buidling a strong relationship with DH. The only thing I don't like is some of the working moms., particularly those that have asked me to pick-up their kids and then insinuate that I am lazy or stupid for being a SAHM.

Yep, only SAHMs posted for first 4 response, and then this dig on working moms. Classy.

If you'd read it closely then surely you'd understand she wasn't digging on working moms. She specifically mentioned working moms that tried to take advantage of her flexibility as a SAHM to pick up their children, and then also insinuated that she was lazy or stupid for being a SAHM. I can understand where she is coming from. The vast majority of women have never treated me any differently for being a SAHM but every now and then I do come across someone who thinks less of me and my intelligence and capabilities because I'm not "working" outside the house. That I'm either a dumb blonde, a trophy wife, or lazy, or all of the above.

Anonymous wrote:2 graduate degrees, education & biology.. Worked 15 years, stayed home with my kids for the past 12 years. I love being SAHM and I am definitely not bored. My husband (and children) appreciate my efforts. I am very creative and love to cook, and do many things DH doesn't particularly like to do, like plan vacations. I spend my time raising (and enjoying) my children and buidling a strong relationship with DH. The only thing I don't like is some of the working moms., particularly those that have asked me to pick-up their kids and then insinuate that I am lazy or stupid for being a SAHM.

Yep, only SAHMs posted for first 4 response, and then this dig on working moms. Classy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the thread was a question directed to SAHMs. And we ended up with a bunch of angry, bitter WOHMs hurling insults. I have many, many, many happy SAHM and WOHM friends. None of them hurl insults like I see here. As I said earlier, happy people just don't do that.

This is so true. This thread was such a breath of fresh air, until the predictable, bitter harpies showed up to show their disdain. I've always been so happy at home. Not only happy, but grateful - incredibly grateful for our good fortune. We're living the life we had hoped to live when we got married. A SAHP was always part of our plan, and I'm the lucky one who got to fill that role. I've been home for about 11 years and contemplating a return to work in the next year or so. But regardless of what I choose to do, I know I'll never find a role as fulfilling as being a SAHM.

Your gratitude has certainly paved a path for good fortune

Is this sarcasm? B/c someone who calls someone 'bitter harpies' doesn't feel like it fits with someone who is gracious?

Was there a part in the thread where someone called SAHM a name?

I'm a WOHM and I think some of the things written here are hurtful to SAHMs. I'm appreciative of your stories here, and what you do, SAHMs. Ignore the mean.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the thread was a question directed to SAHMs. And we ended up with a bunch of angry, bitter WOHMs hurling insults. I have many, many, many happy SAHM and WOHM friends. None of them hurl insults like I see here. As I said earlier, happy people just don't do that.

This is so true. This thread was such a breath of fresh air, until the predictable, bitter harpies showed up to show their disdain. I've always been so happy at home. Not only happy, but grateful - incredibly grateful for our good fortune. We're living the life we had hoped to live when we got married. A SAHP was always part of our plan, and I'm the lucky one who got to fill that role. I've been home for about 11 years and contemplating a return to work in the next year or so. But regardless of what I choose to do, I know I'll never find a role as fulfilling as being a SAHM.

Your gratitude has certainly paved a path for good fortune

Is this sarcasm? B/c someone who calls someone 'bitter harpies' doesn't feel like it fits with someone who is gracious?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every once in a while, I read threads like this and I feel like taking my husband up on his offer for me to stay home.

And then I think of all the former stay-at-home moms I know who got divorced, often not due to their own choice, and are now in very tough positions. I also think of those I know who are still married and miserable and trapped. I also know a couple whose husbands lost their jobs and who are now in very bad economic situations. In case it is not obvious, I am from an area with very privileged stay-at-home moms. Seeing what happens to the majority keeps me working.

And you're on this thread about SAHMs, why?? Very telling. Should the rest of us go into detail about all the WOHMs we know who are also "in very tough positions" but who are "miserable and trapped" because they're stuck in their dead-end jobs and never see their children?

No, because we realize that our anecdotes are only small samplings of the entire population, and that generalizing about a group of people who make choices we wouldn't isn't very productive. And just makes one look insecure. Right?

Yikes, you are defensive as hell.

Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the thread was a question directed to SAHMs. And we ended up with a bunch of angry, bitter WOHMs hurling insults. I have many, many, many happy SAHM and WOHM friends. None of them hurl insults like I see here. As I said earlier, happy people just don't do that.

This is so true. This thread was such a breath of fresh air, until the predictable, bitter harpies showed up to show their disdain. I've always been so happy at home. Not only happy, but grateful - incredibly grateful for our good fortune. We're living the life we had hoped to live when we got married. A SAHP was always part of our plan, and I'm the lucky one who got to fill that role. I've been home for about 11 years and contemplating a return to work in the next year or so. But regardless of what I choose to do, I know I'll never find a role as fulfilling as being a SAHM.

Your gratitude has certainly paved a path for good fortune

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

PP married at 20? Did you go to college?

I did. My DH and I started dating at 16. We got married the summer before our senior years of college. I got my Masters a couple of years later after my DH finished his. We had nothing back then, but I remember it being such a fun time in our lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 graduate degrees, education & biology.. Worked 15 years, stayed home with my kids for the past 12 years. I love being SAHM and I am definitely not bored. My husband (and children) appreciate my efforts. I am very creative and love to cook, and do many things DH doesn't particularly like to do, like plan vacations. I spend my time raising (and enjoying) my children and buidling a strong relationship with DH. The only thing I don't like is some of the working moms., particularly those that have asked me to pick-up their kids and then insinuate that I am lazy or stupid for being a SAHM.

Where do you live that the working moms don't have childcare already lined up and judge you like that? Not our experience at all in Arlington.

I mean, it's all over this website.

You are not helping you case for intellectual prowess by offering 'I heard it on DCUM so it must be true' as your defense BTW.

DP. You sound extremely defensive. Why is that?

And btw, I don't think PP is the same as the top PP. At any rate, who are you to doubt the top PP's experience? And "as for all over this website," that comment is true. All one has to do is read some of the repulsive posts criticizing SAHMs and calling them any number of names. So, please. Don't pretend that isn't true.

I have never experienced judgment in real life. But the trope about WOHM asking for rides from SAHM PP is making up, bc where would their kids even be in the same place to BE picked up?? WOHM needs a ride everyday, going to go round robin thru her neighborhood SAHM?? That doesn’t happen. Totally made up.

Ok, exactly who's the one making things up?? Nowhere did PP say there are WOHMs going "round robin through her neighborhood SAHMs," looking for rides every day. You just completely fabricated that, and for what - effect? She stated there are "some working moms" who have asked PP to pick up their kids. Which is absolutely believable - I've encountered this too. And while I don't mind giving the occasional ride to anyone who needs it, there are indeed some WOHMs who assume that their kid is going to be brought home every.single.time. from whatever event - sports, dance, scouts, etc. There are two moms I can think of right off the bat who never, ever participate in carpool to OR from our kids' practices. While it's understandable that they aren't able to take the kids there, they can certainly bring them home on a regular basis, just like all the other parents do.

So hop off your silly soapbox and realize that your experience is not at all the same as everyone else's and PP makes a very valid point.

They are just lazy moms then, and being working moms have nothing to do with it. Thank you for proving my point. There are lazy SAHMs and WOHMs, so don't paint such a broad brush just from a few examples. Just like I don't say that most SAHMs seem kind of dim because I've met some that really seem out of it.

Likewise. Simply being a WOHM doesn't mean one is more intelligent than a someone who chooses to SAH, not by a long shot. In fact, many SAHMs are more highly educated than WOHMs - the DC area is just one example where that is often the case.

At any rate, why are you on this thread to begin with? The OP was asking SAHMs to relate their experiences. Doesn't seem like you have anything to add to that conversation.

That's what I was saying? Why are you repeating back what I said?

I was on this thread b/c my DH is campaigning for me to stay home, and when I did it during maternity leave I *did* find it boring, so curious if it get better like wine (or maybe with MORE wine?).

The PP who basically portrayed WOHM as leeches was the first volley in the mommy wars in this thread, BTW.

Let's all repeat Amy Poehler's motto:

"Good for her! Not for me."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 graduate degrees, education & biology.. Worked 15 years, stayed home with my kids for the past 12 years. I love being SAHM and I am definitely not bored. My husband (and children) appreciate my efforts. I am very creative and love to cook, and do many things DH doesn't particularly like to do, like plan vacations. I spend my time raising (and enjoying) my children and buidling a strong relationship with DH. The only thing I don't like is some of the working moms., particularly those that have asked me to pick-up their kids and then insinuate that I am lazy or stupid for being a SAHM.

Where do you live that the working moms don't have childcare already lined up and judge you like that? Not our experience at all in Arlington.

I mean, it's all over this website.

You are not helping you case for intellectual prowess by offering 'I heard it on DCUM so it must be true' as your defense BTW.

DP. You sound extremely defensive. Why is that?

And btw, I don't think PP is the same as the top PP. At any rate, who are you to doubt the top PP's experience? And "as for all over this website," that comment is true. All one has to do is read some of the repulsive posts criticizing SAHMs and calling them any number of names. So, please. Don't pretend that isn't true.

I have never experienced judgment in real life. But the trope about WOHM asking for rides from SAHM PP is making up, bc where would their kids even be in the same place to BE picked up?? WOHM needs a ride everyday, going to go round robin thru her neighborhood SAHM?? That doesn’t happen. Totally made up.

Ok, exactly who's the one making things up?? Nowhere did PP say there are WOHMs going "round robin through her neighborhood SAHMs," looking for rides every day. You just completely fabricated that, and for what - effect? She stated there are "some working moms" who have asked PP to pick up their kids. Which is absolutely believable - I've encountered this too. And while I don't mind giving the occasional ride to anyone who needs it, there are indeed some WOHMs who assume that their kid is going to be brought home every.single.time. from whatever event - sports, dance, scouts, etc. There are two moms I can think of right off the bat who never, ever participate in carpool to OR from our kids' practices. While it's understandable that they aren't able to take the kids there, they can certainly bring them home on a regular basis, just like all the other parents do.

So hop off your silly soapbox and realize that your experience is not at all the same as everyone else's and PP makes a very valid point.

They are just lazy moms then, and being working moms have nothing to do with it. Thank you for proving my point. There are lazy SAHMs and WOHMs, so don't paint such a broad brush just from a few examples. Just like I don't say that most SAHMs seem kind of dim because I've met some that really seem out of it.

Likewise. Simply being a WOHM doesn't mean one is more intelligent than a someone who chooses to SAH, not by a long shot. In fact, many SAHMs are more highly educated than WOHMs - the DC area is just one example where that is often the case.

At any rate, why are you on this thread to begin with? The OP was asking SAHMs to relate their experiences. Doesn't seem like you have anything to add to that conversation.

Anonymous wrote:So the thread was a question directed to SAHMs. And we ended up with a bunch of angry, bitter WOHMs hurling insults. I have many, many, many happy SAHM and WOHM friends. None of them hurl insults like I see here. As I said earlier, happy people just don't do that.

This is so true. This thread was such a breath of fresh air, until the predictable, bitter harpies showed up to show their disdain. I've always been so happy at home. Not only happy, but grateful - incredibly grateful for our good fortune. We're living the life we had hoped to live when we got married. A SAHP was always part of our plan, and I'm the lucky one who got to fill that role. I've been home for about 11 years and contemplating a return to work in the next year or so. But regardless of what I choose to do, I know I'll never find a role as fulfilling as being a SAHM.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 graduate degrees, education & biology.. Worked 15 years, stayed home with my kids for the past 12 years. I love being SAHM and I am definitely not bored. My husband (and children) appreciate my efforts. I am very creative and love to cook, and do many things DH doesn't particularly like to do, like plan vacations. I spend my time raising (and enjoying) my children and buidling a strong relationship with DH. The only thing I don't like is some of the working moms., particularly those that have asked me to pick-up their kids and then insinuate that I am lazy or stupid for being a SAHM.

Where do you live that the working moms don't have childcare already lined up and judge you like that? Not our experience at all in Arlington.

I mean, it's all over this website.

You are not helping you case for intellectual prowess by offering 'I heard it on DCUM so it must be true' as your defense BTW.

DP. You sound extremely defensive. Why is that?

And btw, I don't think PP is the same as the top PP. At any rate, who are you to doubt the top PP's experience? And "as for all over this website," that comment is true. All one has to do is read some of the repulsive posts criticizing SAHMs and calling them any number of names. So, please. Don't pretend that isn't true.

I have never experienced judgment in real life. But the trope about WOHM asking for rides from SAHM PP is making up, bc where would their kids even be in the same place to BE picked up?? WOHM needs a ride everyday, going to go round robin thru her neighborhood SAHM?? That doesn’t happen. Totally made up.

Ok, exactly who's the one making things up?? Nowhere did PP say there are WOHMs going "round robin through her neighborhood SAHMs," looking for rides every day. You just completely fabricated that, and for what - effect? She stated there are "some working moms" who have asked PP to pick up their kids. Which is absolutely believable - I've encountered this too. And while I don't mind giving the occasional ride to anyone who needs it, there are indeed some WOHMs who assume that their kid is going to be brought home every.single.time. from whatever event - sports, dance, scouts, etc. There are two moms I can think of right off the bat who never, ever participate in carpool to OR from our kids' practices. While it's understandable that they aren't able to take the kids there, they can certainly bring them home on a regular basis, just like all the other parents do.

So hop off your silly soapbox and realize that your experience is not at all the same as everyone else's and PP makes a very valid point.

They are just lazy moms then, and being working moms have nothing to do with it. Thank you for proving my point. There are lazy SAHMs and WOHMs, so don't paint such a broad brush just from a few examples. Just like I don't say that most SAHMs seem kind of dim because I've met some that really seem out of it.