I already posted, but I'll add one more thing. It's really tough to find reliable after-school care for middle schoolers. Most people want morning hours, or full-time. Also, most caregivers have a strong preference for cute little babies and toddlers, not tweens/teens that have their own opinions on what they should be doing. We've found somebody, but I think it was like lightning striking, after two people that were awful and unreliable.

Obviously you can also do either after school clubs or latchkey, but I think that only works if you have a short commute or a kid that doesn't do sports or other activities like that. Most of the after-school activities (practices, religious ed classes, etc.) start between 4 and 6, so you really need someone to drive them, unless you can be home reliably by 5 or 5:30. That's the primary reason we still have a nanny. I know some people also use uber or lyft for this, but that seems to me less than ideal as a regular practice.

This is something that totally did not occur to me when I had little ones, and naively thought that I'd only be paying for a nanny until they went off to school.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I could try to go part time, but am wondering if I'll end up even more tired. I'll end up taking on all the load with the kids, and it would still be go-go-go, if I work 9-3, say.

My oldest, who will be starting middle school next year, has ADHD and anxiety, and 6th grade is already rough (they move through 3 teachers, in prep for middle school).

I'm seeing this as a way to help him practice executive functioning skills without rushing, seeing a coach and tutors that are less expensive (i.e., not after 6pm), and being there in the mornings for my younger one,too. Benefit of creating a less hectic home life, generally, as well.

I could do part time taking a day off, but that doesn't actually help with being there for older kid as I'm trying to.

Lots to think about.

You have to do what is right for your family. It sounds like you have very valid reasons for wanting to try it. I agree that working 9-3 and then taking on the majority of responsibility for all after school responsibilities - driving, homework, dinner prep, cleaning, cooking... can feel like more than what you were doing when you worked "full time" and had some help with some of that (whether it be babysitter, daycare or that DH did more). I know many single parents do all this and more, working full time and I commend them.

However, it sounds to me like you are feeling like you are not able to do all you would like to for/with your kids with working full time, so if you have the opportunity to make a change for a few years, go for it! If you find you are bored, you can always accelerate your timeline and return to the workforce sooner. I think middle school is a great time to reconnect with your kids and establish a relationship that can carry you through the teen years.

Best of luck, OP!

I am finding that, as challenging as it was to be a WOHM when the kids were little, it's even harder now that they are older elementary and middle school.
The nanny can't really supervise their homework adequately. Honestly, some of this stuff is so complicated, I have trouble figuring it out (and I have 20 years of education). Plus both my kids have ADHD and anxiety and need weekly therapy. I usually take off to take them to that, as the therapists always want to check in with me. And then there's the school meetings for the 504 plans, the additional school meetings with teachers, the psychiatrist appointments for medication, the regular doctor appointments, the dental appointments, the orthodontics appointments, the things that they need parent chaperones or volunteers for (which my kids want me to do at least one or two a year...there are usually about a half dozen or more per kid per year). I am CONSTANTLY taking time off work.

I recently saw a former colleague who did quit when her kids were this age, and I told her "Now I get it." She said "Don't do it! You'll never get back in!" I think her kids are in college now, so now she's at loose ends.

As usual with parenting, there's no easy decisions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a new middle schooler. I already work part time so it works out ok, but my child gets home at about 3:20. There are not that many clubs offered, and even those that are offered don't always meet every week. There is no aftercare anymore. So just be aware that if you work a regular D.C. 9-6 job, your child is likely going to be home alone for 3 hours every day.

And more than likely, they would be on an electronic device the entire time. I can't turn off the wifi in case 12yr ds has to do HW, which is actually hardly ever, but once in a great while, he does need it. Right now, his computer is in a common area that I am normally in, and I can see what he is doing.

You don’t have to be home to see what your kid is doing on a computer.

Yes, I do. He's not always on the internet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a new middle schooler. I already work part time so it works out ok, but my child gets home at about 3:20. There are not that many clubs offered, and even those that are offered don't always meet every week. There is no aftercare anymore. So just be aware that if you work a regular D.C. 9-6 job, your child is likely going to be home alone for 3 hours every day.

And more than likely, they would be on an electronic device the entire time. I can't turn off the wifi in case 12yr ds has to do HW, which is actually hardly ever, but once in a great while, he does need it. Right now, his computer is in a common area that I am normally in, and I can see what he is doing.

You don’t have to be home to see what your kid is doing on a computer.

Anonymous wrote:I have a new middle schooler. I already work part time so it works out ok, but my child gets home at about 3:20. There are not that many clubs offered, and even those that are offered don't always meet every week. There is no aftercare anymore. So just be aware that if you work a regular D.C. 9-6 job, your child is likely going to be home alone for 3 hours every day.

And more than likely, they would be on an electronic device the entire time. I can't turn off the wifi in case 12yr ds has to do HW, which is actually hardly ever, but once in a great while, he does need it. Right now, his computer is in a common area that I am normally in, and I can see what he is doing.

No, there are tons of clubs and other things to get involved in. When she takes the late bus she gets home about 15 minutes before I do.

I stayed home for eight years when my kids were younger, returned when youngest entered preschool. I was able to find a job quickly but it was about a 20 percent pay cut.

I have one in middle and one in late elementary. They definitely needed me morein the baby preschool years. Between school and sports, they are home about an hour a day without me, some days less.

As someone who has stayed home, I always think it is for the mom, not the kids. So, for example, if you can afford to stay at home for a few years, and it will make your life less hectic or otherwise more enjoyable, go for it. But kids can do fine at any age with a working mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think it depends what time school ends. Middle school doesn't start until 9 am so my DD doesn't get off the bus until 4:45. She unwinds for 45 minutes and then I'm home.

I think elementary was harder to manage working and being there for my child. There are a million volunteer activities, homework help, and early sports practices during elementary years.

Yea. It definitely would be a waste of a 6 figure income for me to SAH at this point in time. My middle schooler gets off the bus at 345pm and my 9th grader is a walker and walks through the door at 415. Most days I'm home by 430/445 and since DH is in sales he works from home and rarely schedules a meeting past 3pm. I definitely am not stressed over logistics and both of my kids play travel sports m, plus my HS son plays 2 HS sports. My boys have managed straight As ever dince 7th grade without me hovering over their homework and both take all honors. I actually think NOT hovering over them has done them well. If i feel the need to extend my reach with school, its as easy as checking google classroom and parent vue where grades are updated real time.

Your situation is not every parent of a middle schooler's situation, but thanks for playing.

Everyone's situation is unique. That why broad based generalizations are stupid in all cases.

My DD #1 was 8 and 10 years old when I had my second and third babies. With the last one, I left my job because it was crazy finding affordable care for the last two. So, I became a SAHP when my DD started 5th grade middle school. While not intentional, I am gad I am home so I have more time to be on her toes all the times regarding homework, studying, etc while taking care of the other two kids. But I am not sure I would do the same if it was just DD at home...I can imagine a PT job being doable if you want to have more time with your middle schooler.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think it depends what time school ends. Middle school doesn't start until 9 am so my DD doesn't get off the bus until 4:45. She unwinds for 45 minutes and then I'm home.

I think elementary was harder to manage working and being there for my child. There are a million volunteer activities, homework help, and early sports practices during elementary years.

Yea. It definitely would be a waste of a 6 figure income for me to SAH at this point in time. My middle schooler gets off the bus at 345pm and my 9th grader is a walker and walks through the door at 415. Most days I'm home by 430/445 and since DH is in sales he works from home and rarely schedules a meeting past 3pm. I definitely am not stressed over logistics and both of my kids play travel sports m, plus my HS son plays 2 HS sports. My boys have managed straight As ever dince 7th grade without me hovering over their homework and both take all honors. I actually think NOT hovering over them has done them well. If i feel the need to extend my reach with school, its as easy as checking google classroom and parent vue where grades are updated real time.

Your situation is not every parent of a middle schooler's situation, but thanks for playing.