Anonymous
Post 09/11/2017 07:34     Subject: Men Would You Date Her?
Guy here. Men are really quite simple. What we look for in a partner is someone we want to be around.

For some people the criteria is only based on looks. Others might rank personality first, or anything else.

For me personally, if I were on the market (married, not on the market):

I would be looking for someone smart and funny first. Attractive is good too. But, my definition of attractive might be different from yours. Oh, and I want her to have a passion about something. I do not really care what it is, but living without any passion -- be it knitting, baseball, work, whatever, gets old.

At my age, I would not care about fertility issues; I have my kids, and she is a teen now. If you want more kids, it probably will not be a match.

My point is everyone is different.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2017 04:37     Subject: Men Would You Date Her?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think these posts are the worst. If you want me to answer the question, post a picture and then I can answer.

The fertility thing shouldn't come up until the dating gets very serious, so there is no way that would be a factor. If she put it in her dating profile, I skip her -- not b/c of the barren issue but b/c anyone posting that in a dating profile is crazy.


So you want to fall in love, then break up due to infertility.

Men are so backasswards.


If I fell in love, I fell in love with the person and I'd deal with the issue. I would assume, as things became serious, the issue would come up. Raising it in a dating profile is like titling your profile "In search of a husband, those not ready for marriage immediately need not apply". It scares men away. You don't have to like it but it is true. Those that ignore it are picking from a much smaller pool.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2017 22:20     Subject: Men Would You Date Her?
Okay. Best of luck in getting what you need.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2017 22:11     Subject: Men Would You Date Her?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
It's the insecurity and the apparently compulsive need to start threads about it.


Exactly but insecurity stems from shame of age, salary, kids, school, etc etc..... and all of us humans are insecure about 1 of those in one way or another


Yeah, absolutely. And to the extent that we can balance shame and insecurity with moving forward and exercising competence at being a good partner, it is not going to pull apart the relationship.

But if it is an obsessive focus for someone, well, then that is what they will bring into any relationship, and that *will* pull apart a relationship.

Whether or not anonymous men on an anonymous forum would be willing to date this woman (depending on the year and the thread, it's 28, or 29, and maybe 30 (can't tell because it looks like at least one thread has been deleted) with her nanny background, and her expected salary, and all the rest that always comes out -- that doesn't matter. Spoiler alert: some will say "yes" and some will say "no," and that would not correspond 1:1 with what would happen if she met them in person.

And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

One thread asking the question is no big deal, even two of them. But when it's an obsession, then people who do say "yes" will not continue to say yes to maintaining a relationship anyway. not if they are healthy.

And this sounds like a careful, conscientious, bright young woman in the prime of her life who deserves to seek what she wants and needs without the obsessive questioning on an anonymous forum. When she gets there, it will be fine. Really, it will.



Op here. I didn't write any of those other threads. That woman was a pharmacist or something and a nanny. Neither my friend or I have ever been a pharmacist or a nanny. My friend doesn't ever post on here. I would prefer to focus on the question I asked regarding a man who will date a woman knowing she is unlikely to have children.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2017 19:41     Subject: Men Would You Date Her?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
It's the insecurity and the apparently compulsive need to start threads about it.


Exactly but insecurity stems from shame of age, salary, kids, school, etc etc..... and all of us humans are insecure about 1 of those in one way or another


Yeah, absolutely. And to the extent that we can balance shame and insecurity with moving forward and exercising competence at being a good partner, it is not going to pull apart the relationship.

But if it is an obsessive focus for someone, well, then that is what they will bring into any relationship, and that *will* pull apart a relationship.

Whether or not anonymous men on an anonymous forum would be willing to date this woman (depending on the year and the thread, it's 28, or 29, and maybe 30 (can't tell because it looks like at least one thread has been deleted) with her nanny background, and her expected salary, and all the rest that always comes out -- that doesn't matter. Spoiler alert: some will say "yes" and some will say "no," and that would not correspond 1:1 with what would happen if she met them in person.

And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

One thread asking the question is no big deal, even two of them. But when it's an obsession, then people who do say "yes" will not continue to say yes to maintaining a relationship anyway. not if they are healthy.

And this sounds like a careful, conscientious, bright young woman in the prime of her life who deserves to seek what she wants and needs without the obsessive questioning on an anonymous forum. When she gets there, it will be fine. Really, it will.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2017 19:26     Subject: Men Would You Date Her?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She is a doctor. Bonus.


Very unlikely. When people hedge with "medical field," it's almost never an actual medical degree.

I'm guessing ... nursing anesthesia.




Op here. You guessed she is a nurse anesthetist (we both are), not a doctor.


Yes, I did. I'm also pretty sure a nurse anesthetist involved in this question -- one way or another -- is the central subject of several other threads about the same basic topic -- "would you guys date me?"

I don't think there is any answer big enough to fill that hole of insecurity. I think the insecurity is what poses the biggest impediment to romantic happiness, not

1. age
2. current salary
3. future salary
4. reproductive options
5. amount of time she will spend studying
6. how long it takes her to file her nails
7. or literally any other quality that is going to show up in the next three threads about her

It's the insecurity and the apparently compulsive need to start threads about it.


Exactly but insecurity stems from shame of age, salary, kids, school, etc etc..... and all of us humans are insecure about 1 of those in one way or another
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2017 19:23     Subject: Re:Men Would You Date Her?
Anonymous wrote:Is she hot? Does she enjoy sex? Is she fun to hang out with? Does she make him feel loved and respected? That's what really matters to most to men. People will deny it, but it's just the way men are wired. I have brothers. I worked in a mostly male dominated field for most of my life. The majority of my closet friends are male. And I've been married 28 years. I listen to men talk. We really haven't come nearly as far as we would like to believe. Being able to make money, being able to have kids, etc is just icing. Good, but not required.



+1000000

I have brothers too and your post about men makes the most sense on this dumb thread