Anonymous wrote:

+1. You are not "placating" patrons of a restaurant. You are acting like a decent civilized adult. You don't get to say f-it I don't feel like dealing with my inlaws, so I am going to make up my own rules about what is ok and to hell with how it impacts anyone else. The level of entitlement is insane.

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Anonymous wrote:The sanctimonious chicks in this thread make me want my kid to run around just to make their angry heads explode. Maybe I'll bring my dog. He is wild.

You think people are not entitled to a meal in a nice atmosphere in a restaurant?

...entitled?

No, people are not entitled to a meal in a nice atmosphere in a restaurant. People who can afford it may well expect it, though. If the restaurant doesn't meet their expectations, they can talk to the manager, or look for a different restaurant next time.

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Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Actually people do care what PP thinks - it's just that the previous PP won't admit that there are other options. I am the poster with a similarly difficult child and I asked if she takes her child outside. I responded that there are other options, but then she got mad that I was trying to lecture her.

The desire to "pile on" comes from people who refuse to admit they are doing anything wrong, and continue to make excuses for their childs poor behavior, and dare I say, their poor parenting choices. I don't care how difficult your kid is (bet mine is worse), or how demanding your in-laws are, or how overwhelming it is for you to deal with your kid every day. We all need to deal with this shit. Kids shouldn't be running around in restaurants. Period.

Oh, get over yourself. DP here, but reading through this, my thought was that if I had a SN kid and had to deal with the running around and insistent in-laws - I'd rather placate my in-laws and avoid a huge family rift than placate a bunch of random strangers at a restaurant. Sorry, but if it were me, I'd not cause internal familial havoc just to please a few restaurant patrons for a couple hours. You just have to deal with it.

No, why don't you and your husband take turns staying home with the SN child and let your in laws and the other restaurant patrons dine in peace?

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Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Actually people do care what PP thinks - it's just that the previous PP won't admit that there are other options. I am the poster with a similarly difficult child and I asked if she takes her child outside. I responded that there are other options, but then she got mad that I was trying to lecture her.

The desire to "pile on" comes from people who refuse to admit they are doing anything wrong, and continue to make excuses for their childs poor behavior, and dare I say, their poor parenting choices. I don't care how difficult your kid is (bet mine is worse), or how demanding your in-laws are, or how overwhelming it is for you to deal with your kid every day. We all need to deal with this shit. Kids shouldn't be running around in restaurants. Period.

Oh, get over yourself. DP here, but reading through this, my thought was that if I had a SN kid and had to deal with the running around and insistent in-laws - I'd rather placate my in-laws and avoid a huge family rift than placate a bunch of random strangers at a restaurant. Sorry, but if it were me, I'd not cause internal familial havoc just to please a few restaurant patrons for a couple hours. You just have to deal with it.

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who lets her kid belt out show tunes in restaurants, stores, etc. I mean full on stand up and sing, throwing his arms in sky etc. She thinks it's great and everyone else loves the free show. Kid is 8.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:The sanctimonious chicks in this thread make me want my kid to run around just to make their angry heads explode. Maybe I'll bring my dog. He is wild.

You think people are not entitled to a meal in a nice atmosphere in a restaurant?

...entitled?

No, people are not entitled to a meal in a nice atmosphere in a restaurant. People who can afford it may well expect it, though. If the restaurant doesn't meet their expectations, they can talk to the manager, or look for a different restaurant next time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sanctimonious chicks in this thread make me want my kid to run around just to make their angry heads explode. Maybe I'll bring my dog. He is wild.

You think people are not entitled to a meal in a nice atmosphere in a restaurant?

...entitled?

No, people are not entitled to a meal in a nice atmosphere in a restaurant. People who can afford it may well expect it, though. If the restaurant doesn't meet their expectations, they can talk to the manager, or look for a different restaurant next time.

Anonymous wrote:PP is right. See the thread from the mom worried to ask her little boy to stop playing with his asshole if you need proof. People constantly comment on how well behaved my kids are. I usually just say thank you, but if they can't drop it or make a bunch of comments about how lucky I am, I usually get annoyed and say something like "they are expected to behave." Most people apparently expect their kids to act like chimpanzees at all times. I can't even imagine living in a house like that.

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Anonymous wrote:My brother lets his 2 year old do this because my brother thinks *everyone* thinks that kid is the cutest kid in the world. So surely all restaurant goers should be a witness to his adorable glory.

Your brother's two-year-old probably is adorable. Most two-year-olds are. My personal to-do list is too long to have room for complaining about people who let their two-year-olds run around at restaurants (though not, evidently, too long to post on threads where other people complain).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sanctimonious chicks in this thread make me want my kid to run around just to make their angry heads explode. Maybe I'll bring my dog. He is wild.

I didn't realize it was sanctimonious to expect kids to behave in a restaurant. Live and learn.

Anonymous wrote:I get a kick out of parents who say "my kid can't sit still." Actually, your kid won't sit still because you refuse to teach him or her how to. Sitting still is a learned behavior that millions of children have and still continue to learn. It can be done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sanctimonious chicks in this thread make me want my kid to run around just to make their angry heads explode. Maybe I'll bring my dog. He is wild.

You think people are not entitled to a meal in a nice atmosphere in a restaurant?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sanctimonious chicks in this thread make me want my kid to run around just to make their angry heads explode. Maybe I'll bring my dog. He is wild.

I didn't realize it was sanctimonious to expect kids to behave in a restaurant. Live and learn.