Anonymous
Post 07/15/2017 14:42     Subject: Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
My son is 8 and is very close with his grandparents (my parents) but it would be tough for them to be responsible for him all day long every day for a week. He has fun with them and loves them, but he also needs interaction with other kids. They tend not to want to let him have other kids over (understandably, since it can be a lot for them) so I wouldn't agree to have him with them for more than a day or two at a time at home.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2017 14:34     Subject: Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
Anonymous wrote:Considerations when making all decisions related to the kids:

1. Safety
2. What parents think is best for the kids
3. What parents think is best for the parents/family
4. What the kids want
...
5+. What grandparents want


+1000
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2017 16:40     Subject: Re:Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think this is all a hoot. Our kids literally stampede to get ready when we announce that Grandma and Grandpa want them for an outing/overnight/lunch or dinner out/trip to the summer house/go to a movie/you name it. Our five kids range from 5 to 19. I frequently offer to drive a second car "to make it easier" just so I can go along. Different strokes for different folks.


Same here but mine are 1 and 4. I can't think of a single activity they'd prefer to time with any of their grandparents.


Neither did mine at that age. Now in late elementary and middle school, its a whole different ball of wax


I'm the first poster. You're right that the relationship can change.

We're finding that the older kids have less go-somewhere activities than home-based, unless it is out to dinner/lunch/breakfast, which they love. The boys will spontaneously text a picture of them playing basketball using the hoop at the house and Grandpa drives over to watch and heckle sitting on a porch chair next to my husband's dad who lives with us and they are all having the times of their lives. One girl calls up Grandma and then scoots over to bake cupcakes. Grandma picks another girl up from school a lot and then they have special activities that they do together before Grandma brings them home. I'm not saying that they are scheduling everything with their Grandparents but that they are active with them and enjoy it.

I'm glad because growing up we didn't have a chance with our grandparents (on my husband's side they all died quite young and on my side we moved a lot) so it is nice to see our kids getting these special relationships with their grandparents. And, boy, howdee, these grandparents aren't pushovers and they have their little quirks, which makes it all even more amazing. But we've taught the kids to just go along to get along with their elders, they do it, and it works.

Anyway, my folks and my husband's Dad are at just about every game or concert or whatever and they seem to enjoy the kids more now than before because the relationship is more reciprocal. Add in that the kids are having loads of fun knowing their grandparents and interacting with them and you can see why we're happy that it all works.
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2017 16:14     Subject: Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
Anonymous wrote:I think you see grandparents plenty. Do what makes you comfortable.


+1

The WWII generation was so much easier to deal with. Most of them never even met their grandparents. They were all either on the other side of the world or long dead.

The babyboomers... forget it. They're going to want pyramids built in their honor.




Anonymous
Post 07/12/2017 14:51     Subject: Re:Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think this is all a hoot. Our kids literally stampede to get ready when we announce that Grandma and Grandpa want them for an outing/overnight/lunch or dinner out/trip to the summer house/go to a movie/you name it. Our five kids range from 5 to 19. I frequently offer to drive a second car "to make it easier" just so I can go along. Different strokes for different folks.


Same here but mine are 1 and 4. I can't think of a single activity they'd prefer to time with any of their grandparents.


Neither did mine at that age. Now in late elementary and middle school, its a whole different ball of wax
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2017 11:32     Subject: Re:Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
Anonymous wrote:If Camp Grandma was so important to her, she shouldn't have waited till almost mid July to complain. She should know plans for camp are made well in advance. I wouldn't change the summer plans due to Grandma's complaints. That is a precedent I don't want to set.

+1,000

If she wanted to run Camp Grandma, she should have said so. I wouldn't flush $500 because grandma got pissy with me, either. It would never occur to me to expect the grandparents to take our kids for extended periods of time. (In our case, they are in their 70s and all have health issues. They are not up for keeping up with our children all day.) If they got huffy because we didn't consider them as an option before hitting up camp, I'd have a hard time not laughing at them. They are not equipped to handle two kids for 9 hours a day.

I used to spend a week or two with my grandparents every summer, but my aunt was also around to help and I was an easy going kid who was happy to read a book while my grandmother took her afternoon nap. They tried it with one of my cousins once and didn't last the week because she needed constant entertainment and wore them out. I lost both grandparents in my early teens, and the time that I spent with them are among my happiest memories of childhood. I do not think that my kids spending a week with either of their grandparents would result in the same.
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2017 10:42     Subject: Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
I think you see grandparents plenty. Do what makes you comfortable.
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2017 00:18     Subject: Re:Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
OP, how old are your children?

If Camp Grandma was so important to her, she shouldn't have waited till almost mid July to complain. She should know plans for camp are made well in advance. I wouldn't change the summer plans due to Grandma's complaints. That is a precedent I don't want to set.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2017 22:27     Subject: Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do your kids even want to spend that much time at Grandma's?

Op: No, I don't think they be happy to miss camp, and I know they wouldn't want to miss their extracurricular activities. Play dates trump everything always lol. This is why we plan weekends and dinners. The kids like going to see their grandparents, but they never specifically request it.


Well, then that is your answer. Your kid's have outgrown grandma's idea of a perfect day. Your kid's belong in camp, and grandma can schedule around it. You actually seem to go pretty far to make sure grandma gets her due.

You probably need a talk with grandma that the kids are growing up, and that at least for your kids, scheduled days make them happy. I'd also remind her that even though you might like more flexibility, you can only pick from the camps that are available and they run a week at a time and get scheduled early. I recommend offering "camp grandma" for a week next year.

good luck.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2017 22:20     Subject: Re:Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think this is all a hoot. Our kids literally stampede to get ready when we announce that Grandma and Grandpa want them for an outing/overnight/lunch or dinner out/trip to the summer house/go to a movie/you name it. Our five kids range from 5 to 19. I frequently offer to drive a second car "to make it easier" just so I can go along. Different strokes for different folks.


Same here but mine are 1 and 4. I can't think of a single activity they'd prefer to time with any of their grandparents.


It is really great that you two have such wonderful and fun moms and dads.

My kid felt that way about his grandma until about ten, since she started to slow down. He still loves her to bits,but wouldn't miss camp for her. She puts her needs (fun and hugs) before his needs (some health stuff without the maturity he needed to manage it) which did result in restricted opportunities for her, though. My dad is just a bummer of a grandparent. You get what you get.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2017 22:01     Subject: Re:Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
Anonymous wrote:I think this is all a hoot. Our kids literally stampede to get ready when we announce that Grandma and Grandpa want them for an outing/overnight/lunch or dinner out/trip to the summer house/go to a movie/you name it. Our five kids range from 5 to 19. I frequently offer to drive a second car "to make it easier" just so I can go along. Different strokes for different folks.


Same here but mine are 1 and 4. I can't think of a single activity they'd prefer to time with any of their grandparents.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2017 19:22     Subject: Re:Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
My parents live nearby and my kids (4 and almost 2) adore them. At least once a week my Dad and my 4YO DS head out to play somewhere. Today he took him swimming and to lunch and they were gone about three hours. When they got back they were both ready for a nap they had had such a good time. My little one was napping most of the time so it gave me a nice break. Kids schedules can get crazy so its important to build in down time when they can fend for themselves or be spoiled by GP's! My kids love visiting them because they have big boxes full of toys.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2017 18:46     Subject: Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
Anonymous wrote:I agree that time with grandparents is actually a good thing. Building relationships with those form other generations can be excellent learning experiences and very bonding. My relationship with my grandmother is one of my strongest attachments and I am so glad I was able to spend time with her growing up.

Kids need time alone with grandparents to build these relationships too. Family dinners aren't the same.

And kids whose lives are structured 10 hours a day 365 days of year - of course at first they will be bored - they have never ever had to figure out how to fill their own time, how to be on their own, how to just enjoy being around people, how to manage boredom, how to entertain themselves.

At first it is hard but those are actually great skills to learn and to learn them..you have to be bored and have downtime.

Kids don't want to go to grandmas if you have made it out to them to be this really boring thing compared to having fun at camp with your friends.

Anyways, I feel for your kids. I think kids need time to just play and to entertain themselves, to be creative and to learn that its okay to not be on the go, doing structured activities all day every day. I grew up where we spent weeks just playing outside in the summer, finding our own things to do and making up our own games etc.

I also really value extended family relationships a lot more than you do so hence I think time with grandparents (when you have them and they are good people) is a real asset and unfortunate to not use it. There are many families out there who would love to be able to send their kids to grandmas and grandpas but they can't.

I have a feeling this is the same PP over and over again...
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2017 18:41     Subject: Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
I agree that time with grandparents is actually a good thing. Building relationships with those form other generations can be excellent learning experiences and very bonding. My relationship with my grandmother is one of my strongest attachments and I am so glad I was able to spend time with her growing up.

Kids need time alone with grandparents to build these relationships too. Family dinners aren't the same.

And kids whose lives are structured 10 hours a day 365 days of year - of course at first they will be bored - they have never ever had to figure out how to fill their own time, how to be on their own, how to just enjoy being around people, how to manage boredom, how to entertain themselves.

At first it is hard but those are actually great skills to learn and to learn them..you have to be bored and have downtime.

Kids don't want to go to grandmas if you have made it out to them to be this really boring thing compared to having fun at camp with your friends.

Anyways, I feel for your kids. I think kids need time to just play and to entertain themselves, to be creative and to learn that its okay to not be on the go, doing structured activities all day every day. I grew up where we spent weeks just playing outside in the summer, finding our own things to do and making up our own games etc.

I also really value extended family relationships a lot more than you do so hence I think time with grandparents (when you have them and they are good people) is a real asset and unfortunate to not use it. There are many families out there who would love to be able to send their kids to grandmas and grandpas but they can't.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2017 18:25     Subject: Grandma unhappy with kids summer schedule
Considerations when making all decisions related to the kids:

1. Safety
2. What parents think is best for the kids
3. What parents think is best for the parents/family
4. What the kids want
...
5+. What grandparents want