Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 13:23     Subject: Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
Serious question here -- he works in your building. What do you know about him? How do you know you want him to like you? He could be a horrible person. I suppose in this circumstance I would be very guarded with personal information until I figured out his story...
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 13:15     Subject: Re:Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
Then they suck. You don't want them. And you don't want to waste even 15 minutes on them, or lure them, or con them into thinking they want you for even 1 or 2 or 3 dates. They are flawed and disgusting and horrid human beings who should not be around your beautiful child. How do you not see this?


I'm not trying to con anyone, I just want to be giving a fair chance. Shit, I wish I weren't divorced so I wouldn't have to deal with this crap, but life didn't work out that way.


I don't understand what fairness has to do with it. It is just a question of whether a relationship will be possible going forward. If he doesn't want to date someone with a kid, it's not unfair, it just isn't a match. Personally, I am divorced with one elementary aged child. If I don't know someone, I wouldn't mention it in advance of the first date (unless we met online, which I don't do much anymore). But I'd mention it on the first date, yes.
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 12:58     Subject: Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
Anonymous wrote:When I was single, I made it a point to never go out with anyone who was divorced with children(ren). I am a woman snd I did not want the baggage of an ex-wife and kids. He should have known prior to first date.


+1 I was pissed when I went on a date with a man who did not tell me in advance that he had a child. Plus, angry at my "friend" who did not tell me that the man had a child. Don't waste anyone's time.
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 12:53     Subject: Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"Admit"???? As in, confess to a crime?

I would absolutely tell him the first time I meet him. We come as a package deal, and I'm proud of my kids.


Oh dear, rereading that, it sounds horrible! I love my child more than anything, I just want this guy to get to know me for me first. Does that make sense?


I don't really get it - if you having a kid would be a deal-breaker, why is it better for him to find out later rather than sooner?

I agree with whoever said drop it in to conversation but don't make a big deal out of it.

Me, I can't imagine being in the dating world and not talking about my kids. And I would take it as a red flag if I ever met a guy who had kids and didn't mention it quickly, at least by 2nd date (although I'd probably ask on 1st date, because it's very relevant to the bigger picture).
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 12:33     Subject: Re:Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
You say you work in the same building - how many conversations have you had prior to scheduling the date and what were they about (in general)? Could you have mentioned your child during those conversations and purposely did not (i.e., do you know each other well enough that he will think you were withholding info)? Did he try to make the date for last Friday and you couldn't go bc you had your child but you came up with a different excuse? I totally get that you want to date but the right man will want both of you (when the time is right for him to meet your child). It sounds like you know him well enough that you should have mentioned it to this guy already so just let him know in advance. If he bails, he was never the right guy in the first place. Let us know what happens.
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 12:08     Subject: Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm going on a date on Friday, but I he doesn't know that I have a child. Should I make that known on the first date or wait to see how things go first?


He should have known before the 1st date.


Again, it's only because I want him to give me a chance.

I tell them as soon as they ask for a date. What is there to gain if he gets to know you but on principle doesn t daye women with kids? Is it worth ot at that point? Keep in mind he doesn't have to meet the child but should know about him/her.
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 12:06     Subject: Re:Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
Anonymous wrote:Can everyone just calm down? She barely knows the guy. She completely has an opportunity to tell him on the first date. They don't know much about each other and who knows maybe he has a kid, maybe he lives far away, maybe he's a mama's boy. Who knows.


NP, but everyone is irritated that OP has basically come out and said she's purposely evading about providing the information so he has to get to know HER first. She's more worried about not getting the date than actually meeting someone who is interested in the complete package that she and her daughter represent. This is disingenous at best
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 11:51     Subject: Re:Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
Can everyone just calm down? She barely knows the guy. She completely has an opportunity to tell him on the first date. They don't know much about each other and who knows maybe he has a kid, maybe he lives far away, maybe he's a mama's boy. Who knows.
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 11:47     Subject: Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
When I was single, I made it a point to never go out with anyone who was divorced with children(ren). I am a woman snd I did not want the baggage of an ex-wife and kids. He should have known prior to first date.
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 11:41     Subject: Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
Anonymous wrote:"Admit"???? As in, confess to a crime?

I would absolutely tell him the first time I meet him. We come as a package deal, and I'm proud of my kids.


Agree
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 11:37     Subject: Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
Anonymous wrote:I disagree with a lot of these comments. Here is the scenario:

- I meet a woman who works in the same building
- we talk a couple of times on line for a coffee, casually talk
- ask her for lunch or dinner, first date, she says sure

I do not expect her to divulge her life status (single, divorced, have a child) at that stage. When we are on the date and learning about each other, that is a different story.


Yes.

OP, it will come up naturally on the first date as you are getting to know each other. No need to make a big declaration before the date.
ddintysons
Post 07/04/2017 11:25     Subject: Re:Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
OP, you asked a thoughtful question and deserve a thoughtful reply. All the trolls up post who are trying to make you feel bad can go screw themselves.

Let your date develop at a natural pace. If he asks a question about your life that involves your child, answer it (e.g., Q: What do you do most weekends? A: Take my kid to swim practice, save the world, etc.)

Don't focus what you might or might not discuss. Focus on learning more about him. If he is worth it, he will also be focused on learning more about you.

Remember, it is just a date and you never know what you might hear when you ask him questions about his life (e.g., OP: So, what do you do most weekends? A: I polish my 12 life-size Stormtrooper action figures. It takes about a day. Do you want to see them later?)
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 11:22     Subject: Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
It's as if people think that others don't have the right to want a childless partner, or it is thought that someone who wants a childless partner should be cajoled to change his/her mind.

Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 11:10     Subject: Re:Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
First. World. Problems.
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2017 11:05     Subject: Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:MY generl view is that you should tell them by the second date. I don't always tell them on the first date because I use the first date to vet a person. I don't tell everybody, everything.

You can save your bad mom comments and your kid should be a priority !!! I know what I m as a mother and my relationship with my child so you judgemental betties can fall back.

OP, I recommend you ignore them too, there is good advice to be hand here from time to time, but many posters take joy in picking apart the slightest details, and twist phrases so they can feel superior.


Other than that, keep your chin up, there is someone out there for you. I know how hard it can be getting back into dating, it's easy to believe the lie that you aren't good enough.
'You are good enough, and any guy worth having will see that.

[b]



Ummmm if you use the first date to vet people why don't YOU give them the same chance to vet you?? Kids are a deal breaker to some people.