Anonymous
Post 08/27/2017 14:56     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
I am the unmarried female in a situation like this. I've been friends with a man for 15 years. We went to college together, camping trips, family holiday meals, saw each other regularly each week for several years. We never so much as kissed in all the time. About 5 years ago he started dating a woman who became his wife in March this year. I have been in a relationship as long as they have (within a month). Both of our significant others were initially uncomfortable, but after meeting and interacting, that fear went away.

Big things for us maintaining the friendship:
-If we go out (the 2 of us) and a significant other wanted to join later on, they did. It wasn't awkward when they arrived.
-We both made efforts to interact with and become friends with the other person's significant other. I text my friend's wife when there's something logistical going on. My SO talks to my friend when he needs advice on me, presents, surprises, etc.
-We know when not to contact each other (no super late night texts for example)
-It is 100% fair game that our SO will see or hear about anything we talk about. There is no funny business.
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2017 14:48     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Men aren't "friends" with women.
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2017 11:55     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The friendship, meh. As long as there is parity or some solution both people are really okay with, then I don't see the problem with it. So some couples will be like Mike Pence and other couples are going to be a-ok with it. And that's the thing. I really and honestly don't think those couples are on the road to divorce because she's letting him hang around with hussies, and that he's a cuck because he's letting her close to some BBC.

All these, I think, are within the bounds of normalcy. Again the key is that both partners are equal in their expectations from the other, and that both partners are really and truly okay with the solution that gets hammered out. There's a range of normal expectations couples can have from each other -- problems can come up if both partners are within the bounds of normalcy, but just disagree.

I do have a few female FB friends I'll message from time to time but would not *dream* of meeting face-to-face w/o my wife.

But to me -- the daily texting, the preponderance of textings/messages coming from your DH, and the such -- all that screams that he has some unresolved feelings for her, feelings you don't think are compatible with a marriage. And -- that's ok. It's normal to feel that way. It's within the bounds of normalcy to be bothered by that -- and just because some other wife is all cool with her husband doing something similar doesn't mean YOU have to be cool with it. I don't think you're being a screaming jealous nag by being worried with things as you describe, ESPECIALLY if he is squirrely about this woman, won't let you meet her, etc.


Addressing this presently in my marriage. Husband has a work friend of many years who recently got divorced. Daily texting and recently a lunch date (while I was out of town) he became defensive about when asked. I'd had no idea of this prior. Apparently the friend gives him marriage advice and wants things to work out with us, but the current level of emotional attachment is an issue. I have told him I appreciate he has a friend but that recently lines have been crossed that betray my trust.

He keeps saying "it's just a friend" and he's never cheated, etc., and I had to explain that my level of discomfort makes this an issue. He's socially awkward and not attuned to the unwritten rules of male-female relationships when there is at least one marriage involved. I told him he has to tell her he has crossed a line and that he needs to limit contact in order to work on things at home. I can't believe how awful this feels.


I assume you lack confidence in the state of your marriage otherwise this would not be a big issue. I would tell them that since she is recently divorced she may have interest in being more than just a friend and that he needs to think about that.
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2017 11:42     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Anonymous wrote:The friendship, meh. As long as there is parity or some solution both people are really okay with, then I don't see the problem with it. So some couples will be like Mike Pence and other couples are going to be a-ok with it. And that's the thing. I really and honestly don't think those couples are on the road to divorce because she's letting him hang around with hussies, and that he's a cuck because he's letting her close to some BBC.

All these, I think, are within the bounds of normalcy. Again the key is that both partners are equal in their expectations from the other, and that both partners are really and truly okay with the solution that gets hammered out. There's a range of normal expectations couples can have from each other -- problems can come up if both partners are within the bounds of normalcy, but just disagree.

I do have a few female FB friends I'll message from time to time but would not *dream* of meeting face-to-face w/o my wife.

But to me -- the daily texting, the preponderance of textings/messages coming from your DH, and the such -- all that screams that he has some unresolved feelings for her, feelings you don't think are compatible with a marriage. And -- that's ok. It's normal to feel that way. It's within the bounds of normalcy to be bothered by that -- and just because some other wife is all cool with her husband doing something similar doesn't mean YOU have to be cool with it. I don't think you're being a screaming jealous nag by being worried with things as you describe, ESPECIALLY if he is squirrely about this woman, won't let you meet her, etc.


Addressing this presently in my marriage. Husband has a work friend of many years who recently got divorced. Daily texting and recently a lunch date (while I was out of town) he became defensive about when asked. I'd had no idea of this prior. Apparently the friend gives him marriage advice and wants things to work out with us, but the current level of emotional attachment is an issue. I have told him I appreciate he has a friend but that recently lines have been crossed that betray my trust.

He keeps saying "it's just a friend" and he's never cheated, etc., and I had to explain that my level of discomfort makes this an issue. He's socially awkward and not attuned to the unwritten rules of male-female relationships when there is at least one marriage involved. I told him he has to tell her he has crossed a line and that he needs to limit contact in order to work on things at home. I can't believe how awful this feels.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2017 17:18     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
The friendship, meh. As long as there is parity or some solution both people are really okay with, then I don't see the problem with it. So some couples will be like Mike Pence and other couples are going to be a-ok with it. And that's the thing. I really and honestly don't think those couples are on the road to divorce because she's letting him hang around with hussies, and that he's a cuck because he's letting her close to some BBC.

All these, I think, are within the bounds of normalcy. Again the key is that both partners are equal in their expectations from the other, and that both partners are really and truly okay with the solution that gets hammered out. There's a range of normal expectations couples can have from each other -- problems can come up if both partners are within the bounds of normalcy, but just disagree.

I do have a few female FB friends I'll message from time to time but would not *dream* of meeting face-to-face w/o my wife.

But to me -- the daily texting, the preponderance of textings/messages coming from your DH, and the such -- all that screams that he has some unresolved feelings for her, feelings you don't think are compatible with a marriage. And -- that's ok. It's normal to feel that way. It's within the bounds of normalcy to be bothered by that -- and just because some other wife is all cool with her husband doing something similar doesn't mean YOU have to be cool with it. I don't think you're being a screaming jealous nag by being worried with things as you describe, ESPECIALLY if he is squirrely about this woman, won't let you meet her, etc.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2017 18:58     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Anonymous wrote:I just recently got married, <30 days. My husband had/has a single female friend that he is in a fair amount of contact with prior to our marriage. I mean like daily, talks on phone on way to work(long commute), texting in evening and occasional email. Nothing going on just talking about weather, work things, work gossip, tv shows. She is very accomplished and he ask her questions concerning a lot of different things, medical, finances recommendation on things to buy or not buy. I am paying bills now and I see that most of contact is initiated by him. Am I wrong to think that this would have slowed down a bit once we were married? I was never concerned about her before we married, I am just wondering why the level of contact hasn't changed at all. For others who might ask, yes she is attractive and has a relationship with a man that has been going on for sometime but probably won't turn into marriage cause she doesn't want to marry. Am I just being paranoid? Should I think of her as the big sister he never had?


Nope. I'm fairly certain he wants to do her. I, as a woman, find that I want to do every man I become friends with. Almost all of them anyway. Not usually the work dudes. But male friends certainly make it into my fantasies.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2017 18:15     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Anonymous wrote:OP, this has an easy fix. Go get yourself a super HOT single man bestie. Become his BFF, chat with him ALL day and night. If your husband has the nerve to say something about it, ask him what's the problem. Then tell him you'll give up your hot bestie when he gives up his!


Yeah, not the same. This friendship existed prior to any relationship b/t DW and her new H. It's not the norm but some guys have women as their best friends. Would she think differently if he had the same relationship with a man?
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2017 14:57     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Why did you marry him if it bothered you? Or why didn't you at least talk to him about it before the wedding?
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2017 08:15     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it make sense that if the husband wanted this other woman so badly, he would have already been with her and not the OP?


Not if she is someone he knows he can never have. I don't know the circumstances but maybe she is wildly successful and older, or may be she is in his chain of command at work or maybe she is in a social status that he can't swim in. Not all guys are super confident, some guys look at the girls they think they can get and work that group. Not many men are confident enough to really approach a woman way out of their league either socially or financially. Who knows, she may have been up for it but if he lacked to confidence and played it safe with OP then that is on him and he will just have to spend the rest of his marriage thinking about this woman. Not really a good baseline for a new marriage but maybe he will get over it in time.
Anonymous
Post 06/23/2017 11:33     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
OP, this has an easy fix. Go get yourself a super HOT single man bestie. Become his BFF, chat with him ALL day and night. If your husband has the nerve to say something about it, ask him what's the problem. Then tell him you'll give up your hot bestie when he gives up his!
Anonymous
Post 06/22/2017 22:20     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Anonymous wrote:I enjoy how on DCUM women will carry on about how unfair it is that their husbands object to them maintaining friendships with old boyfriends (poor guys, so jealous and insecure with their masculinity that they cannot accept a progressed relationship). But let a man be friendly with a woman and oh boy, it is only because he wants to sleep with her. What a double standard.


I don't know if it is a double standard but I think the married woman often has more to lose if the husband finds out. I can see the husband wanting a divorce or having a revenge affair quicker than a woman would if the situation was reversed. I also think the odds of the married guy ending up with the AP long term and marrying her are higher than the woman marrying her AP and it lasting long term. Never say never, but odds are not in the favor for a woman that cheats and gets caught.

That said, I WOULD still question if one of my married female friends with kids was always texting and talking to a single hot attractive guy. I would caution them to be careful and not blow up their marriage. It's putting yourself in a situation you don't need to be in. While I think forbidding a grown adult is not a path you want to take, if my friend's husband thought her guy friend was trying to get with her and this wasn't a situation where they said this about every guy OR she was neglecting her relationship with her husband spending lots of free time with the single friend and her husband mentioned feeling like they weren't spending enough time together ...I think it's important to not ignore it. Not necessarily drop your friend, but have a level of awareness about the interactions.

Anonymous
Post 06/22/2017 21:21     Subject: Re:Can married men have single female friends
I believe that they can be friends, However I suggest maybe a conversation with your husband about how you have been feeling. It might help you feel a little better about their relatinship. Good luck!!
Anonymous
Post 06/22/2017 11:19     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:^^^ yep! So many paranoid, controlling, and crazy women here. Do any of you really think that nagging, controlling, being needy, and giving ultimatums is good for your marriage? Come on people. --a woman

Blah blah blah. The "cool wife" Nothing but a defense mechanism. If I act like it's not a big deal it isn't and I'm so understanding it will never happen to me.
You think you've got it under control, by being so open an understanding. You'll be twice as hurt when your husband cheats on you because you'll never see it coming.


Spoken like a true bitter psycho! Lol
Anonymous
Post 06/22/2017 11:02     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Perfectly normal. You will actually benefit more from this friendship down the road than he will. Think about it, when you have an issue with him and need to seek advice outside your marriage, you will seek a one of your good friends. When he does this, he will get a female perspective rather than the male caveman perspective.

It's fine. Don't sweat it. The more you sweat it, the bigger the issue will become in your relationship.


No, its not perfectly normal. A married man shouldn't communicating with another woman (besides his wife) multiple times a day and texting at night. He's talking with her daily on his way to work? WTF. He is having an emotional affair. Frankly you should have addressed this while you were still dating.

Assuming it would suddenly stop once you got married was a foolish thought. He is putting time and energy into this woman, and not you, his wife. And just wait - once you DH start having issues...who do you think he'll run to for comfort and consoling?....Talk to him about it now. He may gaslight you and say you are paranoid. He may ask why you didn't bring it up while you were still dating....nevertheless, it needs to be addressed and he needs to scale it way back out of respect for you. What he is doing is disrespectful to you and your marriage.


No wonder you drove your husband away. Sorry things didn't work out but now you know why.


I can't believe some of you think OP's husband's behavior is "normal". It is not. This is not the "normal" behavior of a platonic male/female friendship. This is much more. And by the way, I'm happily married. My husband doesn't have any female friends. If he did, I'd be fine with it - assuming it was a 'normal" friendship. Not the relationship OP describes. If my husband was on a daily basis texting and calling and spending that much time with another woman, our marriage would have never happened in the first place. I dated a guy like this..was talking to her daily, going on "dates" with her to lunch and dinner.....told me nothing was going on.....guess what? There was. He hooked up with her several times, and finally admitted it to me.
If your gut says something is off - it is. .....Those of you who think this is normal are completely naive. Ask a couples therapist about the amount of communication your husband is having with this woman - I"m 100% certain they will tell you it is excessive, not normal, and destructive to your marriage.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2017 21:04     Subject: Can married men have single female friends
Doesn't it make sense that if the husband wanted this other woman so badly, he would have already been with her and not the OP?