Anonymous
05/28/2017 02:11
Subject: Did you marry someone you did not love?
Anonymous wrote:My childhood next-door neighbor did. She was my mom's age, but after college she moved to NYC on her own and lived as a single lady having her career. Then 15 years later she woke up one day and said "I want a family!" so she picked out a boring man who was her religion, had a steady job and is an okay person and married him, and cranked out two children with him.
She had the kind of husband who thought of himself as "helping" with the kids when he drove them somewhere and "babysitting" when he was in charge of them.
My mom said Neighbor kept her eye on her goal, and is happy. Maybe not deleriously in love, but happy enough to have gotten what her goal was.
So, your childhood neighbor has her boring husband, kids, and loveless marriage, and you have your...
...cats.
How many do you have?
Anonymous
05/28/2017 01:04
Subject: Did you marry someone you did not love?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:there is a epidemic off gold digging whores in the west.
Don't worry. I think most of them are only interested in men who know how to use capital letters.
And correct apostrophes. Hint- it's not for plurals. [Re: your earlier posts.]
Omg who cares? Get a life.
I care. I'm digging more for education than gold.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 23:18
Subject: Did you marry someone you did not love?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My DH is from a culture where most marriages are arranged. I'm sure no one enters them with a burning passion for their partner. The families choose someone compatible, and young people enter the marriage with a sense of duty to do what needs to be done and be kind to their partner. Some years later, love comes. Fifty years in, you won't be able to tell the difference between them, and a couple that married in a love union.
My dh is from a similar culture and I think you're romanizing this. They stay together even if they're miserable because divorce is so taboo.
No they don't, divorce rates in his country are similar to the US. Plus tons of couples stay together miserably in this country as well.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 22:13
Subject: Re:Did you marry someone you did not love?
Loved him when we married. Don't love him now, 22 years later.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 21:50
Subject: Did you marry someone you did not love?
Anonymous wrote:My DH is from a culture where most marriages are arranged. I'm sure no one enters them with a burning passion for their partner. The families choose someone compatible, and young people enter the marriage with a sense of duty to do what needs to be done and be kind to their partner. Some years later, love comes. Fifty years in, you won't be able to tell the difference between them, and a couple that married in a love union.
My dh is from a similar culture and I think you're romanizing this. They stay together even if they're miserable because divorce is so taboo.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 21:03
Subject: Did you marry someone you did not love?
My DH is from a culture where most marriages are arranged. I'm sure no one enters them with a burning passion for their partner. The families choose someone compatible, and young people enter the marriage with a sense of duty to do what needs to be done and be kind to their partner. Some years later, love comes. Fifty years in, you won't be able to tell the difference between them, and a couple that married in a love union.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 19:13
Subject: Re:Did you marry someone you did not love?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mother did. Father looked great on paper so they were so incompatible. Sometimes just overt dislike/crazy fights.
Mom confessed once that she really loved another but he wasn't as great a catch in her eyes when they were young. So they didn't see each other for awhile (he left town) and in the meantime, my mother married my dad. The other guy returned to town just to see my mom again and to see if he could convince her to marry him. They bumped into each other in a stairwell and my mom was about 8 months pregnant with her first. He was devastated as he didn't even know she got married and they never met again. Fast forward 20 years: my mom told me she still thinks about him and when my dad passes, she wants to go find him again.
So sad.
This is an interesting story. Does she have any idea what ever happened to him? He could be married to someone else.
I'm sure there would be no convincing her of this, but I'm quite confident that most of her idea of him is built up in her head. Guessing if they actually got together and we're going through the ins and outs of daily life, she'd be sorely disappointed
Anonymous
05/27/2017 19:08
Subject: Re:Did you marry someone you did not love?
Anonymous wrote:My mother did. Father looked great on paper so they were so incompatible. Sometimes just overt dislike/crazy fights.
Mom confessed once that she really loved another but he wasn't as great a catch in her eyes when they were young. So they didn't see each other for awhile (he left town) and in the meantime, my mother married my dad. The other guy returned to town just to see my mom again and to see if he could convince her to marry him. They bumped into each other in a stairwell and my mom was about 8 months pregnant with her first. He was devastated as he didn't even know she got married and they never met again. Fast forward 20 years: my mom told me she still thinks about him and when my dad passes, she wants to go find him again.
So sad.
This is an interesting story. Does she have any idea what ever happened to him? He could be married to someone else.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 18:24
Subject: Re:Did you marry someone you did not love?
When I got married it felt right but I wasn't passionately in love. She was absolutely perfect for me but there wasn't that magic that I somehow expected. I can't explain it. But after many years I'm truly in love with her and in fact I absolutely adore her. While lightening didn't strike me 30 years ago the flame is burning bright.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 16:43
Subject: Re:Did you marry someone you did not love?
I was young and dumb and married for money. I really liked him but it was the life ahead that I was looking forward to. The marriage lasted two years until he started seriously talking about having children. I was honest with him and we split. While there was no prenup I left with just my own possessions as it was my fault. Eventually I found real love and I've been happy for a long time. And, my ex remarried and seems to be happy as well. I really regret the mistake I made but I'm glad I owned up and moved on.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 15:23
Subject: Did you marry someone you did not love?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think my DW did. She put on a good show while we were dating; interest in sex, oral sex, easygoing personality. All that changed when we got married. I should have gotten the marriage annulled them, but she was pregnant with our first son so I stuck with it for the kids. Now trapped in a loveless sexless marriage.
You can get out of the marriage at any time. You're choosing not to.
I stay married to a person who doesn't love me for the kids. My DW is collage educated but she can't support herself and she knows that. Divorce would subject her and our children to a life of poverty. Dependency does not equal love.
LOL. If you died or disappeared she would figure it out just fine. You simply lack courage.
You guys need to stop wallowing and create some fun in your lives together. Consider it like being trapped in an elevator with no electronics - learn to get along and make some fun because you're going to be here together for a while. Better to make the best of it.
Again, I stay to gather for the kids. I don't want them to grow up into poverty. They are the beneficiaries of $2m in life insurance should I die. We don't hate each other it's just that I love and care for her and she "needs" me. When the kids are out of college I will probably dump her.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 10:35
Subject: Did you marry someone you did not love?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:there is a epidemic off gold digging whores in the west.
Don't worry. I think most of them are only interested in men who know how to use capital letters.
And correct apostrophes. Hint- it's not for plurals. [Re: your earlier posts.]
Omg who cares? Get a life.
If you're not the ignorant, uneducated guy who's been posting on this thread, you seem like a great match for him.
Why are you attacking his grammar - I don't get it.
Because he has taken the time to write this whole manifesto on DCUM but all I can think is "Why are there no capital letters? Is he too angry to shift? Did the love of his life leave him and take his shift key? Did he break it from playing too many video games?" It's really distracting. Maybe I should hate women more but how can I when I can't even concentrate on the reasons he is presenting?
Anonymous
05/27/2017 09:44
Subject: Did you marry someone you did not love?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think my DW did. She put on a good show while we were dating; interest in sex, oral sex, easygoing personality. All that changed when we got married. I should have gotten the marriage annulled them, but she was pregnant with our first son so I stuck with it for the kids. Now trapped in a loveless sexless marriage.
You can get out of the marriage at any time. You're choosing not to.
I stay married to a person who doesn't love me for the kids. My DW is collage educated but she can't support herself and she knows that. Divorce would subject her and our children to a life of poverty. Dependency does not equal love.
LOL. If you died or disappeared she would figure it out just fine. You simply lack courage.
You guys need to stop wallowing and create some fun in your lives together. Consider it like being trapped in an elevator with no electronics - learn to get along and make some fun because you're going to be here together for a while. Better to make the best of it.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 09:31
Subject: Did you marry someone you did not love?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think my DW did. She put on a good show while we were dating; interest in sex, oral sex, easygoing personality. All that changed when we got married. I should have gotten the marriage annulled them, but she was pregnant with our first son so I stuck with it for the kids. Now trapped in a loveless sexless marriage.
You can get out of the marriage at any time. You're choosing not to.
I stay married to a person who doesn't love me for the kids. My DW is collage educated but she can't support herself and she knows that. Divorce would subject her and our children to a life of poverty. Dependency does not equal love.
LOL. If you died or disappeared she would figure it out just fine. You simply lack courage.
Anonymous
05/27/2017 09:18
Subject: Re:Did you marry someone you did not love?
My mother did. Father looked great on paper so they were so incompatible. Sometimes just overt dislike/crazy fights.
Mom confessed once that she really loved another but he wasn't as great a catch in her eyes when they were young. So they didn't see each other for awhile (he left town) and in the meantime, my mother married my dad. The other guy returned to town just to see my mom again and to see if he could convince her to marry him. They bumped into each other in a stairwell and my mom was about 8 months pregnant with her first. He was devastated as he didn't even know she got married and they never met again. Fast forward 20 years: my mom told me she still thinks about him and when my dad passes, she wants to go find him again.
So sad.
Mom confessed once that she really loved another but he wasn't as great a catch in her eyes when they were young. So they didn't see each other for awhile (he left town) and in the meantime, my mother married my dad. The other guy returned to town just to see my mom again and to see if he could convince her to marry him. They bumped into each other in a stairwell and my mom was about 8 months pregnant with her first. He was devastated as he didn't even know she got married and they never met again. Fast forward 20 years: my mom told me she still thinks about him and when my dad passes, she wants to go find him again.
So sad.