Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 15:03     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:It's obviously a personal decision for each person. I think a lot of the decision is based upon the overall dynamics. For instance my situation.

Laugh if you must, but this is my story.

She has bullied me to sit on the toilet to urinate. Has restricted me to sex 3-4x a year for 25+ years. No bjs during marriage.
NO sex during pregnancy. Generally, she is extremely sexually selfish.

F_ _ _ NO I'm not getting a V. I retain my right to produce sperm. It's the only damn manly thing about me she can't take away.


Dude, you have a crappy marriage. Just get divorced and live life on your own terms. You'll both be happier!
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 15:01     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.


For what?


Gosh you people are dense - for the new young wife when you either die in a horrible accident or stop having sex with him.
The new young wife will want kids you see.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 15:01     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Guys who don't agree to this are either (i) planning a divorce, remarrying, and having more kids with someone else or (ii) insecure idiots.

Ya know what's worse than a vasectomy? Spending another 18 years raising a 'surprise' kid you never budgeted for and working until you're 70 to pay for them.

Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 15:00     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.


Exactly - see? Men want to keep their options open.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 14:58     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.


For what?
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 14:56     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Another person who would consider divorce.

If my husband watched me go through what I've been through with pregnancy and didn't volunteer for this when we decided we were done having children I don't even know what I would do. It would be so grossly inconsiderate and unfair.

You seem pretty a-ok with it, more mildly annoyed than viscerally angry OP. Its your life but I'd value myself more than you seem to. This is like...a character flaw which means he values his own body SIGNIFICANTLY more than yours (because the risks in this case are so lopsided). This would be a marriage risking fight for me.


His body, his choice, amirite?


Yes of course, and there are consequences and contexts to choices. I'm not saying he should be legally compelled to get his tubes tied. I believe there are also pretty severe consequences when a woman unilaterally chooses to get an abortion while in a relationship with a man without discussing it with him and taking his feelings into account.

The thing with this is that his choices and my choices have collectively led to my body taking on a significant strain in both the having and preventing of having children (via pregnancy, birth, birth control pills etc). He will have enjoyed the consequences of my body bearing those burdens for many many years. I believe it would be grossly unfair to refuse to take on a minor 48 hour burden to help me, his partner in life, not have to take further strain on my own body, which will have done more than its share in our family planning efforts to that point.


If this is OP, well said. Lay it out for your husband like this. If he still cannot see how selfish he is being, I would seriously consider divorce. Because this is a big deal. This is your health and if he doesn't care about that, then he doesn't really seem to care about you all that much.


Not OP, the direct PP. OP seems not upset ENOUGH by this IMO.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 14:56     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 14:39     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Another person who would consider divorce.

If my husband watched me go through what I've been through with pregnancy and didn't volunteer for this when we decided we were done having children I don't even know what I would do. It would be so grossly inconsiderate and unfair.

You seem pretty a-ok with it, more mildly annoyed than viscerally angry OP. Its your life but I'd value myself more than you seem to. This is like...a character flaw which means he values his own body SIGNIFICANTLY more than yours (because the risks in this case are so lopsided). This would be a marriage risking fight for me.


His body, his choice, amirite?


Yes of course, and there are consequences and contexts to choices. I'm not saying he should be legally compelled to get his tubes tied. I believe there are also pretty severe consequences when a woman unilaterally chooses to get an abortion while in a relationship with a man without discussing it with him and taking his feelings into account.

The thing with this is that his choices and my choices have collectively led to my body taking on a significant strain in both the having and preventing of having children (via pregnancy, birth, birth control pills etc). He will have enjoyed the consequences of my body bearing those burdens for many many years. I believe it would be grossly unfair to refuse to take on a minor 48 hour burden to help me, his partner in life, not have to take further strain on my own body, which will have done more than its share in our family planning efforts to that point.


If this is OP, well said. Lay it out for your husband like this. If he still cannot see how selfish he is being, I would seriously consider divorce. Because this is a big deal. This is your health and if he doesn't care about that, then he doesn't really seem to care about you all that much.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 14:24     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Another person who would consider divorce.

If my husband watched me go through what I've been through with pregnancy and didn't volunteer for this when we decided we were done having children I don't even know what I would do. It would be so grossly inconsiderate and unfair.

You seem pretty a-ok with it, more mildly annoyed than viscerally angry OP. Its your life but I'd value myself more than you seem to. This is like...a character flaw which means he values his own body SIGNIFICANTLY more than yours (because the risks in this case are so lopsided). This would be a marriage risking fight for me.


His body, his choice, amirite?


Yes of course, and there are consequences and contexts to choices. I'm not saying he should be legally compelled to get his tubes tied. I believe there are also pretty severe consequences when a woman unilaterally chooses to get an abortion while in a relationship with a man without discussing it with him and taking his feelings into account.

The thing with this is that his choices and my choices have collectively led to my body taking on a significant strain in both the having and preventing of having children (via pregnancy, birth, birth control pills etc). He will have enjoyed the consequences of my body bearing those burdens for many many years. I believe it would be grossly unfair to refuse to take on a minor 48 hour burden to help me, his partner in life, not have to take further strain on my own body, which will have done more than its share in our family planning efforts to that point.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 14:09     Subject: Re:Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would divorce over this. I'm not kidding.


Well, and he would go off and get married and have new kids with his new young wife - which is the real reason men don't do this. They don't want to give up their fertility which can last into their 70's and maybe beyond.


Maybe they just don't want to have surgery - and indeed, would rather divorce you than have surgery that could kill him.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-513726/How-vasectomy-operation-killed-husband.html

Yeah it's low risk, but the risk is ZERO if you don't have the surgery.


OP's DH is telling *her* to have surgery.

If the issue is risks from surgery, he can use condoms for the rest of his life.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 14:06     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:It's obviously a personal decision for each person. I think a lot of the decision is based upon the overall dynamics. For instance my situation.

Laugh if you must, but this is my story.

She has bullied me to sit on the toilet to urinate. Has restricted me to sex 3-4x a year for 25+ years. No bjs during marriage.
NO sex during pregnancy. Generally, she is extremely sexually selfish.

F_ _ _ NO I'm not getting a V. I retain my right to produce sperm. It's the only damn manly thing about me she can't take away.


And you think this will increase the sex? I mean, it's your body, so do what you want, but don't expect it to improve the situation!

Another woman here whose DH will be getting snipped now that my childbearing is done. Childbearing that, while not potentially life-threatening like OP's, involved significant medications to stay pregnant, some of which could have long-term effects for me. So it was no walk in the park.

I made it clear to DH before we got married that I would never use hormonal birth control due to medical conditions in my family, and I tried the Paragard (non-hormonal IUD) and hated it. We relied on condoms before having kids. Now that we just had our second, it's back to condoms or DH gets the snip. His choice. I am ok either way. He opted for the snip. Should he ultimately choose not to go through with it, we'll be using condoms for a damn long time, but that's his call.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 13:43     Subject: Re:Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
His body, his choice, amirite?


HER body has taken all the responsibility for THEIR sex life and THEIR children thus far.


Marriage is a team. She played for the team and now he is playing only for himself.

Deal with it, guys.

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/11/03/500549503/male-birth-control-study-killed-after-men-complain-about-side-effects



Was she open to a surrogate? Adoption? Because she had other options than carrying a child, just to hold it against him.


I was open to adoption, but DH was opposed. There was no indication that my health issues would be this bad during my third and final pregnancy. I'm not holding anything against him, but I do think it his turn.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 13:41     Subject: Re:Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
His body, his choice, amirite?


HER body has taken all the responsibility for THEIR sex life and THEIR children thus far.


Marriage is a team. She played for the team and now he is playing only for himself.

Deal with it, guys.

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/11/03/500549503/male-birth-control-study-killed-after-men-complain-about-side-effects



Was she open to a surrogate? Adoption? Because she had other options than carrying a child, just to hold it against him.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 13:36     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
It's obviously a personal decision for each person. I think a lot of the decision is based upon the overall dynamics. For instance my situation.

Laugh if you must, but this is my story.

She has bullied me to sit on the toilet to urinate. Has restricted me to sex 3-4x a year for 25+ years. No bjs during marriage.
NO sex during pregnancy. Generally, she is extremely sexually selfish.

F_ _ _ NO I'm not getting a V. I retain my right to produce sperm. It's the only damn manly thing about me she can't take away.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 13:20     Subject: Re:Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
His body, his choice, amirite?


HER body has taken all the responsibility for THEIR sex life and THEIR children thus far.


Marriage is a team. She played for the team and now he is playing only for himself.

Deal with it, guys.

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/11/03/500549503/male-birth-control-study-killed-after-men-complain-about-side-effects