Anonymous wrote:Maybe the OP can provide an update? Her third might be in kindergarten with my son next year.

Yes, update us OP

Maybe the OP can provide an update? Her third might be in kindergarten with my son next year.

I had my third when my kids were 5 and 7. I actually love the gap because the older two pretty self sufficient in a lot of ways, so it hasn’t been as hard as having 2 in 2 years. The youngest brings so much joy to our family. I have loved seeing my middle kid grow into the role of big brother. And there’s just something about third babies that makes them more adaptable, or maybe we’re just more laid back this time. Our toddler naps on the go really well and seems to follow the lead of her older siblings, so she’s actually a decent little traveler, good in restaurants, etc. Maybe we lucked out with a go with the flow third kid, but I’ve heard a lot of similar experiences from other 3+ kid families. DH and I still talk to this day about how we can’t believe we were ever on the fence about having another.

The parents with this gap just seem miserable. Sure there’s joy and purpose, but do you really want to struggle through the most meaningful years of your life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the friend of several families with three children, I'd say don't do it. It will be an 8-9 year gap between the oldest & youngest making it virtually impossible to find activities that work well for everyone. For example, (kids are 12, 10, 5) can't even all go to the same movie. They generally spend the weekends split up, one parent with older kids, one with the younger.

That's a pretty limiting view of family life. My two kids are 6 years apart. Are there challenges for us as parents? Yes, but probably no more than if they were 2 years apart (which always struck me as very difficult, at least early on). Will it matter when they're adults? No! My siblings are 3, 7, and 10 years older than I am. As adults, I'm closest to the 2 oldest ones. As children, we had many all-family experiences and many split-into-2-groups experiences. I also loved when my older siblings babysat for us. Think outside the 2-kids-2-years-apart box and do what sounds best for your family, OP.

I think there are a lot of DCUM parents of 1 or 2 who subconsciously envy families with 3 children. Whenever someone posts about wanting a third, there are a bunch of naysayers who don’t themselves have 3.

Huh? Disconnect there. So -- parents of 1 or 2 "envy" those with 3, yet come along to "naysay" the idea of a third when someone asks about it? That's what you're saying. Do you think that the supposedly envious parents of 1-2 are both wishing they had a third, and at the same time thinking they should dissuade others from having a third, because...What? They don't want anyone to have a third if they don't themselves?

I guarantee, no one is giving the question THAT much thought. And no one with 1-2 is that envious of your having three kids.

More likely those of us with 1 or 2 see how frazzled many (not all, but many) parents with 3 or more are--unless, of course, they are like the PP earlier who has private schools, a "nanny/house cleaner" and super flexible, high-paying jobs. No frazzling there, naturally!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the friend of several families with three children, I'd say don't do it. It will be an 8-9 year gap between the oldest & youngest making it virtually impossible to find activities that work well for everyone. For example, (kids are 12, 10, 5) can't even all go to the same movie. They generally spend the weekends split up, one parent with older kids, one with the younger.

That's a pretty limiting view of family life. My two kids are 6 years apart. Are there challenges for us as parents? Yes, but probably no more than if they were 2 years apart (which always struck me as very difficult, at least early on). Will it matter when they're adults? No! My siblings are 3, 7, and 10 years older than I am. As adults, I'm closest to the 2 oldest ones. As children, we had many all-family experiences and many split-into-2-groups experiences. I also loved when my older siblings babysat for us. Think outside the 2-kids-2-years-apart box and do what sounds best for your family, OP.

I think there are a lot of DCUM parents of 1 or 2 who subconsciously envy families with 3 children. Whenever someone posts about wanting a third, there are a bunch of naysayers who don’t themselves have 3.

Yes. +100

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am 34, husband is 33.

And I know we can travel with a baby. Its more that it would be a totally different kind of vacation and I'm not sure I WANT to do that

Op I was in a similar situation and we went for it. And boy….it was so worth it. We had a 6 and 8 year age gap and the sense of purpose and tenderness, passion and responsibility it has given my older kids is not something you can facilitate as a parent it just happens and it is incredible. Sure, things change and the kids can’t “see the same movie” and may be on a different schedule but we’ve experienced a new level if closeness and love our little trio of kids. Plus, they are young for such a short amount of time. It goes fast. As an only childwith only 3 true cousins I’m am looking forward to bigger family gatherings and cousins going forward. If you are in the fence I say you should go for it. The extra work is worth the joy it brings your family.

Hell to the no. We have two kids and our lives revolve around them, believe me - they do. However, I am done with the baby stage and both of my children (6 and 8), but nearing 7 and 9 are involved in a very expensive and very time consuming sport that we could not possibly bring a baby into.

Anonymous wrote:The cost in terms of what you can do individually with each kid and how much time you have to enjoy / do something with your kids versus meet their needs is real. I wouldn't necessarily say I regret having 3 bc all options come with good and bad, but it really did cost me a lot of the part of parenting I enjoy in ways I didn't expect

It’s all relative… I can’t believe I see these comments over and over again! Money and time is not the same for everyone!!!! The wealthy stay at home mom with 2 nanny and a cleaning lady has more time to dedicate to her 4 kids and all their interests and activities than the single mom of one kid and 2 jobs.

Why is this so hard to understand? We are UMC with very flexible jobs, 3 kids in private school and a nanny/house cleaner. DH or I take the kids to all of their activities, revise their homework, spend time alone with each one, host sleepovers and play dates, etc.

Our lives revolve around our kids. We have limited time (and interest) for our own hobbies (though we both do one sport) and don’t see friends too often (but we do). This is the life WE want.
We have friends with 1 kid who do not want to make their lives about their children. They often drop their kids off at our house and almost never host/reciprocate sleepovers/play dates. They have the money, but have hobbies/work/friends and have less time for their only children.

So please…. You can’t generalize

Anonymous wrote:So we have two boys who are 5 and 7. My husband and I have a great marriage. We are financially stable. Part of me is so glad to be out of the baby/toddler stage but the other part of me can't shake he feeling that we need one more.

I was looking forward to making some bigger trips in the next couple years as a family (maybe Europe) but obviously we couldn't do that type of stuff with a baby.

This feeling just won't go away and I feel like if we don't have one we are going to regret it.

For the record, my husband wants another one even more than me I think.

I just really don't know if I can do the baby stage again. My children were terrible sleepers and didn't sleep through the night until around two years old.

Thoughts? Is it too large of an age gap?

No age gap isn’t too large. My kids are old—17, 21 & 25. Go for it!

I would do it.

You “need” one more?

It’s not really a need.

Yes, it's obvious you both want another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the friend of several families with three children, I'd say don't do it. It will be an 8-9 year gap between the oldest & youngest making it virtually impossible to find activities that work well for everyone. For example, (kids are 12, 10, 5) can't even all go to the same movie. They generally spend the weekends split up, one parent with older kids, one with the younger.

That's a pretty limiting view of family life. My two kids are 6 years apart. Are there challenges for us as parents? Yes, but probably no more than if they were 2 years apart (which always struck me as very difficult, at least early on). Will it matter when they're adults? No! My siblings are 3, 7, and 10 years older than I am. As adults, I'm closest to the 2 oldest ones. As children, we had many all-family experiences and many split-into-2-groups experiences. I also loved when my older siblings babysat for us. Think outside the 2-kids-2-years-apart box and do what sounds best for your family, OP.

I think there are a lot of DCUM parents of 1 or 2 who subconsciously envy families with 3 children. Whenever someone posts about wanting a third, there are a bunch of naysayers who don’t themselves have 3.

My H is two years younger than his older brother. And 11 years older than his younger brother. Same parents...so you could go that route. FWIW he's very close to both brothers.