I call troll.

My DH was unemployed when we got married (new immigrant!) and worked his way up to 110k. Not bad! As long as he is responsible and wants to work you'll make it.

More important that you are on the same page about money. Is he as worried about the debt as you are? Are you both willing to scrimp and save and pay off his debt in five years? Will you forego a fancy wedding and instead use that money towards a Down payment and/or savings. If you want to stay home full time are you willing to live in an apt instead of a house? You could marry a millionaire but if you or he blow through the money it won't matter. and someone making his salary could do well if you play your cards right. Figure out a financial plan that you would feel secure. If he's too blasé about debt and financial planning then it's a red flag.

New poster here. H was a low earner but he was in IT so there was some potential. When I had a child and left my job, I told him where he could look for a well paid job, he suddenly agreed and became a solid earner. However, he stopped being the same nice and agreeable guy. He now gives me "a budget", asshole.

Anonymous wrote:Maintain separate finances. You won't be any worse off.

She's unemployed so there is probably no money to separate.

Maintain separate finances. You won't be any worse off.

OP, if money is so important to you, how did you end up with this guy? Hve you had relationships with high income men? If you have, how did they turn out?

It's possible that OP's boyfriend just isn't all that concerned about living an "upper middle class" lifestyle. Master's degree in "German" doesn't exactly scream ambitious career-climber.

Anonymous wrote:NP.

Why are the bitter assholes here pretending that it is not OK for people to seek to maximize their wealth in marrying? Marriage is not only a joining of hearts, it is also a merging of finances. What exactly is the point of having a partner if achieving an upper-middle-class lifestyle is entirely on the OP alone?

Then she should have pursued someone that would give her that lifestyle, since she has made it clear she has done nothing to help achieve that lifestyle. I am sure she didn't just learn that he makes 90K and has double that in school debt.

Anonymous wrote:NP.

Why are the bitter assholes here pretending that it is not OK for people to seek to maximize their wealth in marrying? Marriage is not only a joining of hearts, it is also a merging of finances. What exactly is the point of having a partner if achieving an upper-middle-class lifestyle is entirely on the OP alone?

It is not on OP alone. It is on both OP and her boyfriend/husband. OP seems to believe that it is 100% her boyfriend's job to achieve that status - that is the problem many of us have with her comments.

Anonymous wrote:NP.

Why are the bitter assholes here pretending that it is not OK for people to seek to maximize their wealth in marrying? Marriage is not only a joining of hearts, it is also a merging of finances. What exactly is the point of having a partner if achieving an upper-middle-class lifestyle is entirely on the OP alone?

Believe it or now, many people marry because they just find the other person attractive, enjoyable to be around, seem like they would make good parents, and feel an emotional connection. I won't say love, since you probably don't believe in it.

That being said, I don't begrudge OP for being concerned about someone with twice their salary in debt.

If that is your utmost criteria for a husband, please don't marry him. He deserves better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP.

Why are the bitter assholes here pretending that it is not OK for people to seek to maximize their wealth in marrying? Marriage is not only a joining of hearts, it is also a merging of finances. What exactly is the point of having a partner if achieving an upper-middle-class lifestyle is entirely on the OP alone?

+1

But OP is not entirely doing it alone. In this case, OP doesn't even have a job herself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What qualifies as a low-earner, in your opinion?

90k at 29. No family money or financial support from parents. 180K in grad school debt.

Op, your pathetic, I hope your fiancé sees this ad and leaves your ass.

Anonymous wrote:NP.

Why are the bitter assholes here pretending that it is not OK for people to seek to maximize their wealth in marrying? Marriage is not only a joining of hearts, it is also a merging of finances. What exactly is the point of having a partner if achieving an upper-middle-class lifestyle is entirely on the OP alone?

+1