Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sooooo ... what do you actually want out of a partner? And I'm not talking demographics.

This. I've scrolled through this thread. I'm 35, AA, married to a white guy, with an MA.

Dating as an educated black woman is hard! To me, it felt like the more educated I got, the less likely I was to associate with black men. Thew few I worked with were much older or not particularly educated and it felt like we never clicked. I agree with the people that mention looking at alumni meet ups, or interest groups. Don't be afraid to date outside of your race. If you do want a black man though, the competition is fierce for the well educated ones - you might need to meet a guy who works in trades, they are just as nice.

I used dating websites as a means of introduction - I stopped chatting with men on there and went straight to "want to meet up?" (always somewhere safe, public, and letting my friends know where I was). I did meet some interesting people I didn't mesh well with, but I learned a lot about myself and found DH.

Good luck to you!

DAAP. ITA!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yellow bone or red bone?

Oh, shut up. This is why we can't tell y'all anything.

As my main man Ice Cube the Don Dadda once said...

"I'm just looking for a big yellow, in six inch stilettos"

I'm much more of a Tupac fan.

"They say the blacker the berry, sweeter the juice. I say the darker the skin then, the deeper the roots"

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the don't say up front (maybe not on date 1) that you are interested in something that could become serious and lead to marriage. The men who feel pressure from that will fall away -- good riddance. I mean at 28 and older they should be looking to settle down and marry and make kids, too, so why would this be some big scary revelation?

Also, ask your MALE friends for feedback. When I was dating the advice I got from my women friends was vastly different from that I got from my men friends. More often than not, the advice from the latter was more helpful to me.

Most black men in this age group who are "catches" (educated, attractive, no kids, etc.) are NOT looking to settle down. Just being real. And the problem is particularly strong in big cities, like DC.

I'm an AA PP in my 30s. I'm married but my husband is almost 6 years older, so when we met I was late 20s, and he was more ready to settle down. I also have two brothers and close male friends, who have schooled me on how men in this demographic think. The "catches" have their pick of dating women of all races and are usually still having fun at that age. Not all, but enough that it makes it a tough dating environment if OP strongly prefers a black man her age.

Anonymous wrote:Sooooo ... what do you actually want out of a partner? And I'm not talking demographics.

This. I've scrolled through this thread. I'm 35, AA, married to a white guy, with an MA.

Dating as an educated black woman is hard! To me, it felt like the more educated I got, the less likely I was to associate with black men. Thew few I worked with were much older or not particularly educated and it felt like we never clicked. I agree with the people that mention looking at alumni meet ups, or interest groups. Don't be afraid to date outside of your race. If you do want a black man though, the competition is fierce for the well educated ones - you might need to meet a guy who works in trades, they are just as nice.

I used dating websites as a means of introduction - I stopped chatting with men on there and went straight to "want to meet up?" (always somewhere safe, public, and letting my friends know where I was). I did meet some interesting people I didn't mesh well with, but I learned a lot about myself and found DH.

Good luck to you!

I disagree with the don't say up front (maybe not on date 1) that you are interested in something that could become serious and lead to marriage. The men who feel pressure from that will fall away -- good riddance. I mean at 28 and older they should be looking to settle down and marry and make kids, too, so why would this be some big scary revelation?

Also, ask your MALE friends for feedback. When I was dating the advice I got from my women friends was vastly different from that I got from my men friends. More often than not, the advice from the latter was more helpful to me.

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Yes I am introverted but have been trying to be more social and engaging. Been to 2 new type this past wknd.

What I'm looking for.....God fearing, attractive, ambitious man who I can complement.

Attractive and ambitious? Wow, so you want pretty much the same thing as every other woman in the world?

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Yes I am introverted but have been trying to be more social and engaging. Been to 2 new type this past wknd.

What I'm looking for.....God fearing, attractive, ambitious man who I can complement.

Those aren't personality attributes really. What are you really looking for? Beneath the surface level?

Op here

Yes I am introverted but have been trying to be more social and engaging. Been to 2 new type this past wknd.

What I'm looking for.....God fearing, attractive, ambitious man who I can complement.

Sooooo ... what do you actually want out of a partner? And I'm not talking demographics.

Where are your girlfriends in all this? Do their boyfriends have friends? You need a wing woman.

Dating is like sales, it's a numbers game. Just meet lots of people and something will click. Are you an introvert? I am, and I was so sick of dating. But you have to get the energy for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't express wanting to settle down early.

I have heard this....why is this a kiss of death?

NP personally i think this is b.s.. it doesn't need to be the main topic of conversation on the first date but being up front about what you're looking for will weed out a bunch of commitment phobes

There are ways you talk about long term goals that are important to you without giving the impression that you're so desperate for a baby you'll marry anyone.

I always hated those stupid games.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yellow bone or red bone?

Oh, shut up. This is why we can't tell y'all anything.

As my main man Ice Cube the Don Dadda once said...

"I'm just looking for a big yellow, in six inch stilettos"

Can't believe folks are still colorstruck in 2017.

On paper you look fine and i'm surprised someone hasn't snatched you up already. Generally we are not our own best critics. My questions are what have your past relationships been like?

I don't think you can relegate yourself to a set of attributes. There's more to a relationship than just your characteristics and interests. Once you find someone with the right chemistry and if you love eachother, the rest should fall into place.

Good luck op.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yellow bone or red bone?

Oh, shut up. This is why we can't tell y'all anything.

As my main man Ice Cube the Don Dadda once said...

"I'm just looking for a big yellow, in six inch stilettos"

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with asking someone out?
As a woman, if I really like someone and want to spend more time with him, there's no way I would wait for him to ask. Life is too short.

Because the chances of a guy NOT asking you out if he's interested are basically null. You have to give him signals that you're interested but he has been practicing his whole life to ask a woman out, so let him! And if he's not asking you out after you've dropped obvious hints, you have your answer-no need to ask.