I strongly detest the mam/sir thing. It’s not about respect, it’s about social hierarchy. It also carries an air of lacking sophistication. I insist on my kids saying please and thank you, calling an adult by Mr/Mrs unless told to use the first name and being polite but will not encourage them to use mam/sir.

Anonymous wrote:My husband insists our boys say yes sir no sir and yes ma’am no ma’am to all adults without exception? They are very polite teens. We get so many compliments on their manners.

Good manners and kindness is a state of mind, not represented by robotically being trained to say words like a parrott.

The maam/sir thing is weird and creepy and your inlaws sound like loons. I would shut that down now.

I would love to see an update from the OP on this one, wondering if she ever got up the nerve to tell her mother-in-law that she’s an adult and does not need to have her speech corrected.

I grew up in the south and it’s normal there for people to correct toddlers and make them say ma’am and sir. It’s kind of like how parents will be like “say the magic words” with a kid if the kid forgets to say please.

Let it go. It’s fine.

Anonymous wrote:i agree that chiildren need to respect their elders. I have 4 boys between the ages of 10 and 16. They are required to say yes sir, no sir and yes maam, no maam when answering all adults. It has not hurt them one bit and it cleary shows respect.

You resurrected a thread about toddlers to say this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never said, "yes ma'am" and won't teach my kids to say it. I think saying "yes" and "no" is fine. I only see southerners and black people speaking like that.

I can tell from this last sentence that you're clueless and ignorant.

Not the PP but how do you feel that is inaccurate? I would add people with military connections to that list as well. in 2017 you are not going to hear a WASPy family from Connecticut saying this at all.

+1 I'm WASPy and from CT and I've only ever heard of this happening in the Deep South. These people sound like my friend's parents who beat her with a belt if she forgot to call her dad Sir. Psychotic authoritarians.

MIL sounds like a garbage human who gets to feel superior because of her "manners."

Southern transplant here. I am quite strict about addressing adults properly and using manners, but I don't force "ma'am"/"sir" - I find it old-fashioned. I do insist on "Mr./Ms. Firstname" which is what I grew up calling familiar adults (neighbors, friends' parents, etc.) or "Mr./Ms. Lastname" for teachers, adults you don't know well, etc.

My DH is also from the south and initially thought he wanted to enforce the sir/ma'am with our kids. But then I pointed out how, when we were visiting his family, his sister was constantly correcting her kids on this. And this was in an area where sir/ma'am was pretty common and the teachers apparently reinforced it at school. And they still needed to be reminded constantly for years (I will say now they are teens and it is pretty automatic). I was like, how on earth would I remember to remind our kids all the time, and most of their peers would not be doing this. Turns out he really had no interest in enforcing it either, I think he expected me the northerner to do it (ha!!) so he dropped it. I focus on please/thank yous.

What would I do? These are the times when I appreciate having been raised in an extremely dysfunctional, foul-mouthed Irish-American family. "Sure, Mary, when you stop making racist comments in my home, I will consider your opinions about how my children speak. May I get you a cold glass of gin?"

Just remember that all of that snide comment, raised eyebrow bullsh*t only hurts you if you let it. I always tell myself "better people have done worse things to me and I got through it."

i agree that chiildren need to respect their elders. I have 4 boys between the ages of 10 and 16. They are required to say yes sir, no sir and yes maam, no maam when answering all adults. It has not hurt them one bit and it cleary shows respect.

My husband insists our boys say yes sir no sir and yes ma’am no ma’am to all adults without exception? They are very polite teens. We get so many compliments on their manners.

My husband decided several years ago that we need to strictly enforce yes sir/no sir and yes ma’am/no ma’m with our 3 boys. It was kind of difficult because the boys were already 6, 9, and 12 at that time. There was lots of rebellion at first, but my husband insisted and today it is mostly automatic for our boys to respond to all adults with yes sir and no ma’am. We get so many compliments on their manners. Our oldest is now 15 and he caught some grief from his best friend because his friend’s parents decided they liked Colton’s manners so much they now require their kids to say yes sir/no sir and yes ma’am/no ma’am, too.

Ah those backwards southerners! Why did you marry one of them hicks? Careful, speech delay is contagious and caused entirely by "yes, ma'am" type of nonsense! LOL