Good for you OP. Keep it up! You can do this and get through this.

Excuse my honesty... I'm making a bet $1000 says OP will end up marrying this guy. Any takers? She has ignored red flags for YEARS and AGREED to be his fiancé, she is okay with it. She is not going to change until she gets to the point were she is miserable and she is not there yet.

Anonymous wrote:Oh god, OP here. I just found out he has a joint checking bank account with his Mom. He's 32! Ugh. Just another reason.

We still aren't talking.

Weird that you were engaged so long and didn't really know much about him. Perhaps you can learn from your mistakes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for having joint accounts-my parents were in my accounts and I was on a few of theirs in case something happened to them or me and we needed to access the account. However, they never used my accounts and I never used theirs.

Op here.

His mom wrote checks from his bank account. Recently. He paid $696 for their electricity bill. It's too weird for me.

Eek!

I have a friend similar to your fiance whose ex-fiance dumped him, in particular because he was paying for many family members' expenses. My friend is a Russian Jew, and I guess that is somewhat cultural for them. He just recently got engaged to a new woman, another Russian Jew, and they are much happier than he was with his ex-fiance because they apparently are on the same page around this kind of thing.

Personally I cannot imagine, gahhh. Sometimes my DH and I will pay for some things for his mom, but we always discuss it first and it is never a given. Anyway, I agree with everyone else, get out now. You will both find someone else more appropriate for you. Good luck!!

OP, my DW is your fiance's equivalent. Get out now. For me it has gotten worse over the years as she has turned more into them.

I am in 100% agreement that you should not be getting married at this point.

If you follow through, it will surely end ugly.

I strongly suggest you + your fiancé get some premarital counseling & make sure this is the main issue discussed.
Do not sweep this issue under the rug.

Someone made a comment mentioning the word "incest,"
Could this be even a remote possibility OP?

Kind of like Cathy + Christopher in "Flowers in the Attic."

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned he has an ex. Why did he divorce his 1st wife? Curious if you could contact her and get her side of the story

Ex girlfriend, not ex wife. Similar problems, she felt ignored and cheated on him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for having joint accounts-my parents were in my accounts and I was on a few of theirs in case something happened to them or me and we needed to access the account. However, they never used my accounts and I never used theirs.

Op here.

His mom wrote checks from his bank account. Recently. He paid $696 for their electricity bill. It's too weird for me.

Yeah, they're too enmeshed.

You mentioned he has an ex. Why did he divorce his 1st wife? Curious if you could contact her and get her side of the story

Anonymous wrote:As for having joint accounts-my parents were in my accounts and I was on a few of theirs in case something happened to them or me and we needed to access the account. However, they never used my accounts and I never used theirs.

Op here.

His mom wrote checks from his bank account. Recently. He paid $696 for their electricity bill. It's too weird for me.

As for having joint accounts-my parents were in my accounts and I was on a few of theirs in case something happened to them or me and we needed to access the account. However, they never used my accounts and I never used theirs.

Time to start getting the word out that the wedding is being postponed. Start contacting vendors and see if they will hold your deposit that you can use if you reschedule in the future.

Op here. He is sleeping downstairs. It feels real and shitty. I'm not sure how it can be worked out. He's not willing to change and I'm not willing to settle for constantly coming in second:

Anonymous wrote:YOU DID IT! Congratulations!!!

Bet my first born that she still goes through with it

Anonymous wrote:Oh god, OP here. I just found out he has a joint checking bank account with his Mom. He's 32! Ugh. Just another reason.

We still aren't talking.

Stay strong and find your way out, OP. It's tough now, but you're dodging a bullet. There would have been a lot more ugly surprises down the road.