Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I'm being real when I say this: you need to ask her why she was let go or fired and tell her you're not mad about that and can help her find a new job. She did not quit. Women with kids are not impetuous like that. They would not pull something that would so significantly affect their kids' well being for their own benefit. I'm saying this as a mom who knows tons of moms: there's a calculus we all run when it comes to making a decision. It nearly always means asking ourselves "how can I do this thing with minimal pain and discomfort or irritation to my kids and husband while bearing the maximum amount of inconvenience myself."

Big to small, we do this. It's why we run errands while the baby is napping or go out for girls night when the kids are in bed, or cancel a girls night without complaint when husband's work event comes up. It's just how moms are wired/ we do stuff for ourselves but we figure out a way first to minimize the negative impact for everyone else in the family.

She was fired and embarrassed to tell you but I really don't think she just quit knowing her job provides insurance and a much needed salary and is now unwilling to even discuss. Probe further.

Wow. You are damn naive. So you don't know that some mothers are selfish? Or abuse their children?

Obviously I do. We are talking about op's family situation though which is an intact nuclear family with parents who clearly care enough to do things like buy a walkable home in a good school district. THOSE moms don't do this stuff. Obviously if abuse were an issue he would have raised it from the jump.

I was harassed and bullied severely at work for years and should have done what your wife is doing. My husband offered, several times, but I felt too guilty and stayed. The result was a long struggle with severe depression and recovery. It wasn't worth staying. It almost killed me.

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps she's been complaining about the job problem for ages and OP just wasn't listening or kept insisting she stay for the health coverage. Finally she's just had enough and quit. It happens. Another job will come along. She may need a break though. Not the end of the world.

+1 I had as similar experience with my husband a couple of years ago. I wanted to switch jobs and every time I discussed it with him he would tell me he wasn't comfortable with my making a change at that time, wanted me to push back the timeline. This went on for months and months all the while my company was not doing well (small tech start up). Working at a company that is about to go belly up is extremely stressful - everyone behaves awfully in circumstances like that. Anyway, finally one day after a particularly bad experience with my boss I just quit. My husband was LIVID and probably would have had a perspective and attitude initially to OP if he was talking to someone else about the situation. My mistake was waiting for his "permission" to switch jobs in the first place. I should have just started looking when my gut told me that was the right thing to do. Anyway, fast forward a couple of years and I've actually started my own consulting business which is doing well. DH couldn't be happier.

So, tell the truth OP - did you ignore your wife's ongoing frustration with her job situation for your peace of mind and convenience until she couldn't take it anymore? If so you really might want to look at that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

I am sorry your wife is so selfish and doesn't think such major decisions should be made together. This sounds like the result of too many Oprah Winfrey shows where "I" come first and "I" have to do what makes me happy. Quite frankly I think the problem is that so many people lack gratitude for what they have and what is good in their lives and just want more of something, in your wife's case, more of me, me, me and the hell with the rest. Well, she is going to find out that the world just isn't sunshine and flowers no matter in which job or situation she ends.

Good grief, your soapbox is just annoying. I was harassed for over a year at a job. I quit with my husband's permission, but I could not have held out any longer. Sometimes work places become unbearably toxic.

+1. Sometimes things go south in a work place and it is time to go. I quit a job after 11 years late last year. I was going to get wrongly forced out if I stayed. Leadership was changing; it was time to go. It got so bad it was affecting my marriage and kids. Husband said it was fine to quit. Will work again. Some time off is not going to hurt us financially.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

I am sorry your wife is so selfish and doesn't think such major decisions should be made together. This sounds like the result of too many Oprah Winfrey shows where "I" come first and "I" have to do what makes me happy. Quite frankly I think the problem is that so many people lack gratitude for what they have and what is good in their lives and just want more of something, in your wife's case, more of me, me, me and the hell with the rest. Well, she is going to find out that the world just isn't sunshine and flowers no matter in which job or situation she ends.

Good grief, your soapbox is just annoying. I was harassed for over a year at a job. I quit with my husband's permission, but I could not have held out any longer. Sometimes work places become unbearably toxic.

If you were harassed for over a year, you would think that at some point during that time you would have mentioned to your husband that you were being harassed and the two of you could have discussed exit strategeies, like what are we going to do about health insurance if you quit your job? Should you be looking for a new job first? Can we handle the loss of income? How long?

If you hid your work problems from your husband, didn't discuss with him at any point over that year that you were considering bailing on your job, and discussing what the family would do in the event that you did bail, then the problem is that you don't communicate well. This is what OP's wife seemed to do since it broadsided him completely. In your case, you left with your husband's permission and it sounds like he understood that your work conditions were bad and that you and he had at least an understanding of how the family's income, insurance and stability would be affected by you quitting your job. None of which is true with OP.

My DH did this. I told him he had a week to find something comparable, or he was responsible for pulling our kids out of daycare and being a SAHD while also working weekend shifts somewhere, anywhere, to help make up the financial shortfall.

He got himself squared away within that week and the kids didn't have to make any big changes, and our finances were ok. It was just incredibly stressful while it was happening. A couple months after, we had a conversation about why it had happened and why it absolutely can't happen ever again.

SHE IS GOING TO FIND ANOTHER JOB ! EVEN BETTER JUST CALM DOWN .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

I am sorry your wife is so selfish and doesn't think such major decisions should be made together. This sounds like the result of too many Oprah Winfrey shows where "I" come first and "I" have to do what makes me happy. Quite frankly I think the problem is that so many people lack gratitude for what they have and what is good in their lives and just want more of something, in your wife's case, more of me, me, me and the hell with the rest. Well, she is going to find out that the world just isn't sunshine and flowers no matter in which job or situation she ends.

Good grief, your soapbox is just annoying. I was harassed for over a year at a job. I quit with my husband's permission, but I could not have held out any longer. Sometimes work places become unbearably toxic.

Your story is irrelevant unless you are op's DW. Are you?

Do you read? No.

My husband did this 10 years ago, he was miserable and walked away from a job without telling me. Soon after he had to be hospitalized for serious depression. Now he still has bad periods but has learned how to manage it, he also recognizes how hard it was on me to have to suddenly scrape by with a sudden loss of half our income. I recognize how stressful this must be for both of you, but it is manageable once you figure out what exactly is going on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. She may need a break though. Not the end of the world.

Actually for a lot of people it could be. Not everyone is as lucky as you.

OP and his wife could be ruined financially, if (god forbid) something happened to them and there was a lapse in health insurance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

I am sorry your wife is so selfish and doesn't think such major decisions should be made together. This sounds like the result of too many Oprah Winfrey shows where "I" come first and "I" have to do what makes me happy. Quite frankly I think the problem is that so many people lack gratitude for what they have and what is good in their lives and just want more of something, in your wife's case, more of me, me, me and the hell with the rest. Well, she is going to find out that the world just isn't sunshine and flowers no matter in which job or situation she ends.

Good grief, your soapbox is just annoying. I was harassed for over a year at a job. I quit with my husband's permission, but I could not have held out any longer. Sometimes work places become unbearably toxic.

I don't understand your post at all. First of all, wife doesn't need husband's permission to quit or do anything, but certainly both spouses should talk about life changing and significant decisions. Most likely this OP would have supported his wife's decision if she talked to him about it. You sound like an insecure and weak person, first you were harassed and then you quit with your husband's permission? Really? What country/century are you from?

NP here. You seem to be jumping to conclusions that have no basis from what the PP posted. Maybe you haven't experienced it, but some work situations can get brutally harsh. Not all bosses or co-workers are nice, caring and honest people. Some are selfish, cold, calculating and cruel bullies. It can get to a point where they can threaten one's professional reputation. OP's wife may have felt backed into a corner and wanted to minimize the impact to her reputation, and her ability to get another job. We don't know the details in this situation yet.

Anonymous wrote:OP: you should quit your job too.

hahaha

Anonymous wrote:Op I'm being real when I say this: you need to ask her why she was let go or fired and tell her you're not mad about that and can help her find a new job. She did not quit. Women with kids are not impetuous like that. They would not pull something that would so significantly affect their kids' well being for their own benefit. I'm saying this as a mom who knows tons of moms: there's a calculus we all run when it comes to making a decision. It nearly always means asking ourselves "how can I do this thing with minimal pain and discomfort or irritation to my kids and husband while bearing the maximum amount of inconvenience myself."

Big to small, we do this. It's why we run errands while the baby is napping or go out for girls night when the kids are in bed, or cancel a girls night without complaint when husband's work event comes up. It's just how moms are wired/ we do stuff for ourselves but we figure out a way first to minimize the negative impact for everyone else in the family.

She was fired and embarrassed to tell you but I really don't think she just quit knowing her job provides insurance and a much needed salary and is now unwilling to even discuss. Probe further.

Wow. You are damn naive. So you don't know that some mothers are selfish? Or abuse their children?

Anonymous wrote:. She may need a break though. Not the end of the world.

Actually for a lot of people it could be. Not everyone is as lucky as you.

Perhaps she's been complaining about the job problem for ages and OP just wasn't listening or kept insisting she stay for the health coverage. Finally she's just had enough and quit. It happens. Another job will come along. She may need a break though. Not the end of the world.