My spouse and I have been each others lives since Junior High. From a distance these parents seemed attentive to all of their children. Two are biological, my spouse is adopted. Getting married gave an opportunity to listened and observed the family dynamitic. When the curtain pulled back comprehensive overview boils down to emotional abuse. The natural children were supported to go to college. Adoptive child was told we aren't wasting our money on you. (grades didn't reflect such statements)

What was said jokingly by parents " we used to tell (#@% that if said child misbehaved we will send you back to the store where we found you. Then they would laugh. It's disgusting and inhumane.

I have many friends who were adopted. Most had loving parents who gave encouragement, direction also with a soft place to feel safe. Some had a mix of natural with adoptive children and the love in their home was for all the children. Not in my spouses case.

So to those who say adoptive children have emotional and attachment issue's which justifies being treated differently. I say this: Any child whether by birth or
adoption doesn't come with guarantees. Birth Certificates do not include crystal balls or road maps. All children deserve love, hugs, time and patience. When parents have reached as deep as possible; most take a cleansing breath, get ourselves together and try again. That's a parents obligation and their joy. There is not a sweeter sound than that of happy children.

Anonymous wrote:I fell the exact same way as most of you... I'm 15 and was adopted at age 3, and I'm always the one blamed for everything. My mom won't even acknowledge my side of the story. She has never hugged me out status I love you. We never have conversations and she tells me I'm the most ungrateful child ever. I really and not, I just want to be loved. She talks about me to ask her friends about how I'm such a bad kid. I just don't get it! I've contemplated suicide! It's good to know I'm not the only one out there...

It gets better, pp. I was adopted and my adoptive family was pretty screwed up too. (Dad was an alcoholic. I was also blamed for everything.) I can honestly say that my life got better every year since I was 18 and moved out of the house. Putting myself through college was rough but worth every taco I had to shill to pay the bills. I'm in my 40's now and have money, my own home, and an amazing husband. Unlike a lot of people, I know how to recover when bad things happen as they sometimes do because that's just life. Don't ever discount how important it is to have that skill. My childhood made me strong and taught me how to persevere through adversity. It sucks, but that's what's happening to you now. Stick it out. It won't last forever. Study as hard as you can and get to a good college. That's your ticket out. From there on you will be able to fill your life with loving, happy people.

I fell the exact same way as most of you... I'm 15 and was adopted at age 3, and I'm always the one blamed for everything. My mom won't even acknowledge my side of the story. She has never hugged me out status I love you. We never have conversations and she tells me I'm the most ungrateful child ever. I really and not, I just want to be loved. She talks about me to ask her friends about how I'm such a bad kid. I just don't get it! I've contemplated suicide! It's good to know I'm not the only one out there...

I'd check out joe solls book adoption healing a path to recovery or the primal wound by nancy verrier they explain alot about what we go through and how are feelings become one big tangled ball of rage that we can't seperate,
If people ask how you feel and you dont know that's an adoptive problem caused by us shutting off our memories to deal with the pain.
I have recently started healing myself at age 52 I wish I had done it sooner.
Good luck


http:adoptees-anonymous.com

Anonymous wrote:The are crappy parents everywhere--both bio and adoptive. I do think that adoptive parents get scrutinized more closely that biological families.

In adoption a child is supposed to get a better home. They are given up so that they life they live will be better than what their looser mother could give them. There really is no greater love.....

So please, do not adopt if you cannot parent. No child asks to be adopted. Adopted kids are planned kids. Nobody becomes an adoptive parent by accident

It takes special parents to adopt but even more special to treat all the children equally. After all an as adopted child does not ask to be treated any different!

Biological children are not treated "equally" either. It isn't just an adoption issue.

Exactly! It takes a very special type of person to be able to love a child unconditionally that they have no prior "connection" to. Even as a step-parent, if you love your partner typically, you love their child(ren), because they are a part of them which establishes some sort of connection. Step-parents are applauded, adoptive parents and their children are still viewed differently. As someone who has experienced this firsthand, I know all to well that society still has a long way to go when it comes to comprehending what its like to be adopted/adopt. as a child, whenever I was sad/angry/whatever, on more than several occasions, people said "Its because she's adopted, that's why she's like that" Nice right? Adoption is a whole different set of circumstances that not everyone is capable of understanding, it's just one of those circumstances that unless you've lived it you will never get it.

Shame on all of you who think an infant child is misbehaving because they are adopted and therefore warrant a different type of parenting. Adopted children sometimes can be treated very different from natural children. It takes special parents to adopt but even more special to treat all the children equally. After all an as adopted child does not ask to be treated any different!

FYI~I didn't mean to rant on, but I felt that I could honestly tell you people from a new perspective, from a personal experience, what you need to hear~Nobody ever told Me to care about Me. Shoot I'm Lucky to Be Alive, had it not been for my adoptive parents, mainly adoptive mother, I would have been a crack smoking, street hustling whore ~ like my mentally disturbed biological my Mother~
All of which is not true

Good to have A Second Class Citizen Allegiance

Sorry Mom

I am forty years old, I was adopted at nine.
I lived like a gypsy with my mom until she abandoned me when I was five, on vacation, in a different state from where the rest of my family was. My adoptive family was of a different nationality than I. My adoptive mother was emotionally abuse. They always reminded me that I was lucky they took me in, and I needed to me thankful that I didn't grow up with my mother who was screwed up in the head. I suffered from all the 'adoptive child syndrome' symptoms there are. I have always felt lost, like a cartoon character out of my element. I have always been a second class citizen. Its easy to criticize when we don't understand where somebody has come from, been, or going.
After reading these posts I have come to the realization that adopted children, many of them at least, are like the toys in the land of lost toys. Its very good to have a forum where people can reach out with one another, share their stories. Maybe even help one another.
To the person asking what they should do, if they should leave or stay~ Get Your Education, but don't just get your education, Strive to be something that will make you good money! Like Be a Doctor, if you can't stand blood be A Lawyer~ Shoot Be The Friggin President!
Take advantage of every opportunity that you get in life! Are they feeding you? Are they making sure you have clothes on your back? Take advantage of the 'free-ride' while you can because when you get older and have to do it for yourself, if all you did was screw around and get in to trouble, you will not success comfortably. I can attest to the fact that I know its hard to be in a situation where you are being emotionally and even physically abused and you feel as though things will never change. I promise it will change and as long as your covering your own butt by taking advantage of every opportunity available to you you will succeed! It will be hard and at times you will feel like its not worth it, but it is worth it. You want to take Good Care of yourself when you are an adult and you cannot do that if you don't start by taking care of yourself as a kid. Everyone of you is important in your own universe, you are the leader, lead your own universe with pride and you will be repaying yourself with nice things. A home, a nice car, cable television and internet, yummy meals, Not Fast Food, vacations, and a good retirement. If you don't take care of yourself Correctly starting Right now in the future you will Struggle,I Promise~ you will find yourself wishing you'd done things differenty(like I do) and you will find yourself fighting yourself every step of the way. Don't let your abusers make you abuse yourself~ That is Silly Business! The priest at the church used to say it to the congregation at the end of the service and it just seems to be a fitting statement even though I am by no means religious, in fact I very opposite ~ Nevertheless
Please People ~ Go In Peace and LOVE and Serve the Lord~ If your on the internet then take advantage of this time a Study Everything~ Start with "Adoptive Child Syndrome" understand yourself~ and work your way out from there!
xox

You cannot compare a step-parent adoption to a full adoption. PP, get some counseling.

Pped me once because after being punched in the face by my brother I yelled at him. There is favoritism and it is because I am half adopted. They both call me a mistake. They call me fat and ugly even though I am outside all day shooting hoops or riding my bike. My siblings are both on the tv or Xbox all day. My dad says he only adopted me so he could marry my mom. I have never fit in. I'm okay with it though. It's made me a better person. My mom married him when I was 5 and I had had a babysitter before that. He taught me to cook so I have been cooking since I was four while my nine year old half bro can't even make a sandwich or cereal. Also if I want something other than my riding lessons I babysit or petsit to earn money for it while the other 2 get it handed to them.my friends and I always joke that when my sibs turn up broke expecting money from me like my parents demand I give them when they ask ill laugh and shut the door in their faces. Yeah there is favoritism and it used to really hurt but I'm used to it. It just ruined my self confidence first

I am half adopted. My mom is my bio mom but I was adopted by the man she chose to marry. I was a mistake. My "mother" and adoptive father both emotionally abuse me, but I put up with it because I have no one else to turn to. They do pay for my riding lessons every week but complain on the cost when they buy my two half siblings whatever they want. I am not as athletic and my sister or brother but I get much better grades. However that just means that my mom changes the standards. My brother can get a fifty and she doesn't care but if I get below a 95 I get grounded. She also sla

biological parents do not get scrutinized at all! I am shocked at the adoption haters. We had a good friend ask us if we were going to have kids. I said we are trying, I am not sure if it is in the cards for us we might look at adoption and she goes off on a tangent that all adopted kids are screwed up and don't know who they are! This is from someone who is a single mom, highly educated, world traveler. We were shocked, to say the least...

The are crappy parents everywhere--both bio and adoptive. I do think that adoptive parents get scrutinized more closely that biological families.