Are you guys Dante and Veronica from Clerks?

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the love letter analogy is on point.

That's saying OP is not meeting her husband's sexual needs. Sounds like he was perfectly happy before this.

Like, "oh he writes me poetry and professes his love but I just found out he threatened to kill himself over a former girlfriend so now our healthy relationship pales in comparison to the messed up one he had before."

We don't know what their sex life has been like. We don't know what OP's DH would like to do in bed that he has just never asked for, or that he has asked for and been rejected. OP, has your husband ever asked for freaky stuff and you turned him down? Or do you think if you had offered any of it to him he would have refused it or loved it? So we don't know what degree of satisfaction DH had or might have had with their sex life.

Now he's imagining "all those guys" before that were sexy enough to make you want to do wild stuff. Or that you were so crazy in love with that you wanted to do whatever you could to please them. You did these things with them to make them happy and feel good and to like you. These don't seem to be concerns with respect to DH. You are less motivated to make him happy or feel good or to like you. Yes, you love him and want to be married forever, but that's safe and secure and he just doesn't curl your toes like the others did.

Ladies, If you found out your husband used to send flowers to his prior GFs all the time, or bought her expensive gifts because he was so madly in love with them, but he's only ever done the bare minimum of those things for you. how would that make you feel? It would feel like his other GFs meant more to him than you do.

Now multiply that by about 10, because sexual affection is the most essential element to a marriage for most men. Sex is far more powerful than just flowers or gifts. I think the love letter analogy is right on point, or very much understated.

Your marriage was not and is not a 9.

Now you know.

No kids, no problem. This guy is an asshole.

I don't think the love letter analogy is on point.

That's saying OP is not meeting her husband's sexual needs. Sounds like he was perfectly happy before this.

Like, "oh he writes me poetry and professes his love but I just found out he threatened to kill himself over a former girlfriend so now our healthy relationship pales in comparison to the messed up one he had before."

Anonymous wrote:Hi everybody - I haven't been on the board for a few days because I really have not been in a good place. Things are just so tense at home. I tried to have a conversation with him a bunch of times but it's like he's not able to hear me or something. The gist of it is that he's super pissed that he had to find out the way he did that i have a not so great past. He used another word but I don't want to get into it.

He kept asking for numbers so I didn't give exact numbers but a ball park and he wasn't happy with it. He thinks it's too high and yeah I'm sure the fact that his number is really low doesn't help. I kept telling him how much I love him and that what we have together I've never had before. Sex was basially jusr that for me in the past. With him it's way better because we have the love to go with it. I really mean that. Anyway, he is kind of fixated on what I've done before him and have not gone there with him. And he feels burned because he figures our friends all know and are laughing at him behind his back

Pretty lousy overall. That's it. Don't know what to do to get past all this

Honestly, it's time for some tough love. He's been pouting for several days? Enough. The more you cater to this, the more it will continue. I'd jack him up with this:
"Listen, what happened has happened. Who I slept with before I was with you was and will always be my business. What matters is that today and everyday until I die I am committed to you. The pouting stops now. It's disrespectful to me and to our marriage. If you can't see how much I love and how great this marriage is, then perhaps I've misjudged you. I don't think I have. I'm your wife, I'm married to you and I'm in love with you. If you feel like you're unable to let this go, then pick up the phone and set up an appointment with a marriage counselor. Either way, we're moving forward. Staying stuck in this place is not an option."

Do you have kids? If not don't start. I'm a guy and your husband is an idiot. Normal people don't care about their wife's past. So you enjoyed sex. So what. He either gets over his insecurity or youll move on that's a given outcome.

The guy sounds exhausting.

Hi everybody - I haven't been on the board for a few days because I really have not been in a good place. Things are just so tense at home. I tried to have a conversation with him a bunch of times but it's like he's not able to hear me or something. The gist of it is that he's super pissed that he had to find out the way he did that i have a not so great past. He used another word but I don't want to get into it.

He kept asking for numbers so I didn't give exact numbers but a ball park and he wasn't happy with it. He thinks it's too high and yeah I'm sure the fact that his number is really low doesn't help. I kept telling him how much I love him and that what we have together I've never had before. Sex was basially jusr that for me in the past. With him it's way better because we have the love to go with it. I really mean that. Anyway, he is kind of fixated on what I've done before him and have not gone there with him. And he feels burned because he figures our friends all know and are laughing at him behind his back

Pretty lousy overall. That's it. Don't know what to do to get past all this

What a heartless witch.

Hope she + her broom never come around you again....

Just tell your husband that you were young then and made some questionable choices, but learned & grew from all of that and never want to go back to your former self.

The "YOU" now is a committed and loving wife and if all that bad stuff lead you to him, then that is what really matters.

Then make him promise to please try his best to not think about what your ex-friend told him.

I can tell you that if I was in your husband's shoes it would be a real gut punch that would be hard to get over. Finding out you were less than honest about your past (even if its only a lie of omission) coupled with your unwillingness to share yourself with him the way you did with the previous guys, would be a betrayal and insult rolled into one. Both of the most personal kind. Add to that the fact that he feels like a fool and this is a bad situation.

I think you have to be completely honest with him and answer any questions as forthrightly as possible if you want him to trust you again. If you don't, if you evade or give coy half truths and the whole truth is ever revealed, there really will be no recovery. Ever. And if he thinks you are withholding info, he may bury his feelings and try to get over it, but the fester will still be there, just deeper and the subject will come back again and again.

The example about the prior romantic relationships is an excellent one and most of the women saying its his problem to get over have not addressed that question. If your husband never bought you flowers or wrote you sweet notes and you found out he'd written poems to his former lovers and met their every emotional need, but he doesn't do any of that for you, you wouldn't be so cavalier about bygones being bygones.

There's fun stuff your husband wants to do. You've done it. But you won't do it with him and you won't let him do it with someone else. That seems kind of selfish. And all these throwaway guys got the benefit of your enthusiasm but your husband is the stable, dependable workhorse who is unworthy of these acts. This is what it feels like to him. Damn, I feel bad for your husband.

No, you're just a terribly judgmental sow, the kind of person not so secretly loathed by her neighbors, colleagues, people in her PTA, etc.

Also, psst....someone (you!) needs a serious refresher in what's ironic. And that's actually ironic.