Anonymous
03/03/2017 17:16
Subject: Re:What do people fight about?
Anonymous wrote:Wonder what your spouse is hiding.
I know what he's hiding. And I don't like it. Hence, the fight whenever I bring it up.
Anonymous
03/03/2017 15:55
Subject: Re:What do people fight about?
Wonder what your spouse is hiding.
Anonymous
03/02/2017 17:28
Subject: What do people fight about?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My ex and I fight about two things. One is politics, so now I just try like hell never to bring up anything related. (I voted for Hillary, he voted for Trump but I think he regrets it a little.)
The other is little things about how we raise our daughter. He has a tendency to be a hypocrite about stuff. Like he'll get on my case because I gave her cheerios for breakfast (instead of something with more protein.) But he'll send her to school with an Arby's roast beef sandwich in her lunch box, and then there was the time when McDonald's started their all day breakfast and they literally went to McDonald's for egg mcmuffins 3 times a week for 3 weeks.
So yeah. Hypocrite.
You don't fight about sex, money, how clean/messy the house is, who does what chores? Wow.
Me neither. Sex, we have enough, money, I don't bring up, the house is mostly clean, if I want a chore done, I do it.
So you avoid discussing money, therefore you don't fight about it. And I guess you and spouse have the same sensitivity to chores being done/not done. Interesting.
Yeah...how do you never talk about money? Do you know anything about your family finances?
Barely. Whenever I bring it up we have a fight.
Anonymous
03/02/2017 16:38
Subject: Re:What do people fight about?
Sex. We are mismatched in drive and she has no interest in meeting my needs. I do try to speak her love language and meet her needs, but her lack of interest and desire is really breeding resentnent
Anonymous
03/02/2017 11:11
Subject: What do people fight about?
We would fight about everything except for how to raise our child. Divorcing now and finally get along. Or at least I can end the conversation if the fight begins to brew.
Anonymous
03/02/2017 11:09
Subject: What do people fight about?
PP -- oh yeah, CLEANING. That's a big one.
Anonymous
03/02/2017 11:08
Subject: What do people fight about?
Occasionally about parenting differences, mostly about me not pulling my weight around the house -- not planning meals/cooking enough, not taking care of household things, leaving too much to him, etc. It doesn't help that his mom lives with us and relies on him heavily (don't know how that woman ever made it in the world on her own).
Anonymous
03/02/2017 11:05
Subject: What do people fight about?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My ex and I fight about two things. One is politics, so now I just try like hell never to bring up anything related. (I voted for Hillary, he voted for Trump but I think he regrets it a little.)
The other is little things about how we raise our daughter. He has a tendency to be a hypocrite about stuff. Like he'll get on my case because I gave her cheerios for breakfast (instead of something with more protein.) But he'll send her to school with an Arby's roast beef sandwich in her lunch box, and then there was the time when McDonald's started their all day breakfast and they literally went to McDonald's for egg mcmuffins 3 times a week for 3 weeks.
So yeah. Hypocrite.
You don't fight about sex, money, how clean/messy the house is, who does what chores? Wow.
Me neither. Sex, we have enough, money, I don't bring up, the house is mostly clean, if I want a chore done, I do it.
So you avoid discussing money, therefore you don't fight about it. And I guess you and spouse have the same sensitivity to chores being done/not done. Interesting.
Yeah...how do you never talk about money? Do you know anything about your family finances?
Anonymous
03/02/2017 11:04
Subject: What do people fight about?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My ex and I fight about two things. One is politics, so now I just try like hell never to bring up anything related. (I voted for Hillary, he voted for Trump but I think he regrets it a little.)
The other is little things about how we raise our daughter. He has a tendency to be a hypocrite about stuff. Like he'll get on my case because I gave her cheerios for breakfast (instead of something with more protein.) But he'll send her to school with an Arby's roast beef sandwich in her lunch box, and then there was the time when McDonald's started their all day breakfast and they literally went to McDonald's for egg mcmuffins 3 times a week for 3 weeks.
So yeah. Hypocrite.
You don't fight about sex, money, how clean/messy the house is, who does what chores? Wow.
Me neither. Sex, we have enough, money, I don't bring up, the house is mostly clean, if I want a chore done, I do it.
See, I'm not willing to do all the chores. I'm not just going to suck it up and be a martyr filled with resentment just to avoid confrontation. I'm not going to do every single doctor's appointment, camp schedule, vacation plan, all the dishes, the laundry, birthday parties, the yard work etc etc etc, which is what would happen if I did what you did.
But that isn't how it work, actually. I don't do all the chores. I totally am a non-confronter, but DH does his share of the chores. And if he wants them done his way, he does them. I think this works because we both do a lot, as opposed to both of us shirking.
so this is irrelevant to marriages where one spouse is a shirker.
Anonymous
03/02/2017 11:03
Subject: What do people fight about?
Anonymous wrote:^^ Really people? You never have disagreements where one party digs in, or is being unreasonable?
I just am not able to sit and stew on bad feelings or if I think I'm being mistreated. I don't scream and rage about it, but I will say what I really think. My DH has a strong personality and he will sometimes flat out disagree with me and an "argument" almost like a debate starts.
It sounds like the non-fighters just back down. You don't want sex? OK, Good night. Simmer with resentment. But if there is a pattern, we point it out to each other. I guess we have had god results (14 years) of altering our behavior and becoming more sensitive to the other's needs.
I have told my DH for over 20 years that he's too much of a slob. Altering his behavior? never in a million years.
Anonymous
03/02/2017 11:01
Subject: What do people fight about?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My ex and I fight about two things. One is politics, so now I just try like hell never to bring up anything related. (I voted for Hillary, he voted for Trump but I think he regrets it a little.)
The other is little things about how we raise our daughter. He has a tendency to be a hypocrite about stuff. Like he'll get on my case because I gave her cheerios for breakfast (instead of something with more protein.) But he'll send her to school with an Arby's roast beef sandwich in her lunch box, and then there was the time when McDonald's started their all day breakfast and they literally went to McDonald's for egg mcmuffins 3 times a week for 3 weeks.
So yeah. Hypocrite.
You don't fight about sex, money, how clean/messy the house is, who does what chores? Wow.
Me neither. Sex, we have enough, money, I don't bring up, the house is mostly clean, if I want a chore done, I do it.
So you avoid discussing money, therefore you don't fight about it. And I guess you and spouse have the same sensitivity to chores being done/not done. Interesting.
Anonymous
03/02/2017 10:41
Subject: What do people fight about?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My ex and I fight about two things. One is politics, so now I just try like hell never to bring up anything related. (I voted for Hillary, he voted for Trump but I think he regrets it a little.)
The other is little things about how we raise our daughter. He has a tendency to be a hypocrite about stuff. Like he'll get on my case because I gave her cheerios for breakfast (instead of something with more protein.) But he'll send her to school with an Arby's roast beef sandwich in her lunch box, and then there was the time when McDonald's started their all day breakfast and they literally went to McDonald's for egg mcmuffins 3 times a week for 3 weeks.
So yeah. Hypocrite.
You don't fight about sex, money, how clean/messy the house is, who does what chores? Wow.
Me neither. Sex, we have enough, money, I don't bring up, the house is mostly clean, if I want a chore done, I do it.
See, I'm not willing to do all the chores. I'm not just going to suck it up and be a martyr filled with resentment just to avoid confrontation. I'm not going to do every single doctor's appointment, camp schedule, vacation plan, all the dishes, the laundry, birthday parties, the yard work etc etc etc, which is what would happen if I did what you did.
But that isn't how it work, actually. I don't do all the chores. I totally am a non-confronter, but DH does his share of the chores. And if he wants them done his way, he does them. I think this works because we both do a lot, as opposed to both of us shirking.
Anonymous
03/02/2017 10:30
Subject: What do people fight about?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how you don't fight. I mean, not huge yelling matches, but normal fighting.
Do you see every single thing in your life the exact same way? Or do you just back down whenever there is conflict b/c you hate conflict?
We disagree. But we don't fight. I do back down when there is conflict. He does, too, sometimes. It definitely makes me uncomfortable.
How do I make sure my children know how to respectfully fight when we don't model it?
What is 'normal fighting?' That is exactly why I'm asking, because I don't think we do that any longer.
I agree that conflict resolution is an important skill to learn, especially to model for your children. Don't use an angry voice, or accusatory language, but simply state how you feel, like "When you work late every night and then want to go out with your buddies on the weekend, it makes me feel . . . " And it always helps to have a concrete thing that you would like. So when he says, "What do you want from me?" or something, you can say, "I would love to have family dinners twice a week, and one night a weekend that was just for us."
Something like that, so you have an actual goal you are working towards and are not just venting and saying mean things.