Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my teens. When he left my mom to support him while he traveled for his dreams, left us to deal with her addiction, and then did minor stuff like skipping all my graduations because he was busy networking elsewhere. Wish my mom had left him 30 years ago.

This is my point exactly - to all those people out there staying with spouses for the sake of the kids -

Your kids aren't stupid. They are extremely perceptive. They understand what is going on - no matter how hard you try to pretend that it's okay - it's not.

You are actually doing more harm than good.

For all you women out there - be an example of a strong, independent woman, who doesn't depend on a man - so that your daughters can have the same mindset one day and not be trapped in miserable marriages like you were.

Have the strength and courage to figure out a way to live on your own and leave these bad marriages for the sake of your children - who have to witness the dysfunction and the dead look in mommy's eyes as she eeks out a miserable existence "for the sake of the kids".

Stop telling yourself you are doing something strong for the sake of the kids. You are actually doing something weak for the sake of yourself.

Said the spineless wimp who walked out on his/her marriage because it was easier than staying and trying to work it out. And now feels s/he has to justify her own lack of backbone by tearing into Internet strangers.

Wow, way to show us you're a big girl anonymously!

You, my dear, are a complete f'ing loser.

Actually, never married, no kids. But that was a very nice try.

I work with at risk youth and teenagers with behavioral problems.

I get to fix all the problems people like you create.

But hey, that was a very good attempt.

Ahahaha! So why don't you just admit that you have zero experience in relationships or in parenting?

As a researcher, I have to wonder why the hell you think your limited experience with a limited group of kids, many of whom are struggling with other things like add or drugs a friend introduced them to, is representative of anything like the wider universe of relationships and kids? And why don't you just admit that you only meet the kids who are struggling and never meet the kids who are doing well? Let me help: why don't you take a tour of this forum and check out the threads about couples who tried to make it work and succeeded?

How the hell are you qualified to dispense advice, via bullying no less, on ANYTHING? Don't you deal with bullying in your job? Don't you tell kids it's bad?

I wouldn't trust somebody with your personality with my parrot or dog, let alone my kid.

LOL... aww - I realize I struck a nerve with you... Look, you should probably find a way to deal with your guilt... More plausible though - find a way to deal with your miserable life.

It's a shame that you picked the wrong person to spend your life with. It's a shame that you are too scared to venture out on your own and start a new life, one that has the possibility of happiness.

But, it's inexcusable that you drag your kid down with you.

Troll ploy #322: I struck a nerve! Didn't I! Please validate me as a troll by saying yes, puhleeze?!

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm so much happier without XDH. Life is great now--bought the house, great new job, going to Europe in 2 months, dating a great new guy. As I knew before when I was sticking in the marriage--I'm the pp above who wanted to protect the kids from the mental illness including the breakdown.

But you just keep on being you. It's totally working for you.

Why are you making an argument to stay for the kids, when you left?

Doesn't make much sense - or did I miss something?

Anonymous wrote:I hate to feed the hijacking troll (who I doubt works with troubled teens--being that tone deaf isn't generally a recommendation for therapy work).

But being the child of divorced parents isn't all that great. My kids tell me they hate shuttling back and forth. Assignments are always at the other house. My Ex is bipolar with ADD and they've had to deal with him on their own now, although if they ask I try to help them process without bad-mouthing him. If I had known he was going to have a breakdown in front of DS, and taken away in an ambulance, I would have intervened beforehand. But the kids and I had no idea.

If you had to do it all over again, would you have stayed?

It is a shame that your EX had a breakdown in front of your DS. But, there was no way that you could have known that. More importantly, there is probably very little you could have done to prevent it as well. However, you aren't bad mouthing him, which is great and takes a lot of discipline, I am sure; you are demonstrating to your kids that they don't have to stay in an unhealthy relationship, that you are not responsible for another person's happiness, and that you can make it on your own, and not be dependent on someone else. And they aren't dealing with their father all alone - you are there to help guide them through it - which you can do a much better job of - because you aren't neck deep in it yourself anymore.

Yes, the shuffling around is an inconvenience. It probably really sucks. I would venture to guess though, that the kids won't remember the inconveniences as much as they will remember how much you taught them that they have the right to be happy, to have a healthy relationship, how to be classy in difficult situations, how to have the courage to start over on your own in order to find happiness.

I really wouldn't look at what you did as a failure PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my teens. When he left my mom to support him while he traveled for his dreams, left us to deal with her addiction, and then did minor stuff like skipping all my graduations because he was busy networking elsewhere. Wish my mom had left him 30 years ago.

This is my point exactly - to all those people out there staying with spouses for the sake of the kids -

Your kids aren't stupid. They are extremely perceptive. They understand what is going on - no matter how hard you try to pretend that it's okay - it's not.

You are actually doing more harm than good.

For all you women out there - be an example of a strong, independent woman, who doesn't depend on a man - so that your daughters can have the same mindset one day and not be trapped in miserable marriages like you were.

Have the strength and courage to figure out a way to live on your own and leave these bad marriages for the sake of your children - who have to witness the dysfunction and the dead look in mommy's eyes as she eeks out a miserable existence "for the sake of the kids".

Stop telling yourself you are doing something strong for the sake of the kids. You are actually doing something weak for the sake of yourself.

Said the spineless wimp who walked out on his/her marriage because it was easier than staying and trying to work it out. And now feels s/he has to justify her own lack of backbone by tearing into Internet strangers.

Wow, way to show us you're a big girl anonymously!

You, my dear, are a complete f'ing loser.

Actually, never married, no kids. But that was a very nice try.

I work with at risk youth and teenagers with behavioral problems.

I get to fix all the problems people like you create.

But hey, that was a very good attempt.

Ahahaha! So why don't you just admit that you have zero experience in relationships or in parenting?

As a researcher, I have to wonder why the hell you think your limited experience with a limited group of kids, many of whom are struggling with other things like add or drugs a friend introduced them to, is representative of anything like the wider universe of relationships and kids? And why don't you just admit that you only meet the kids who are struggling and never meet the kids who are doing well? Let me help: why don't you take a tour of this forum and check out the threads about couples who tried to make it work and succeeded?

How the hell are you qualified to dispense advice, via bullying no less, on ANYTHING? Don't you deal with bullying in your job? Don't you tell kids it's bad?

I wouldn't trust somebody with your personality with my parrot or dog, let alone my kid.

LOL... aww - I realize I struck a nerve with you... Look, you should probably find a way to deal with your guilt... More plausible though - find a way to deal with your miserable life.

It's a shame that you picked the wrong person to spend your life with. It's a shame that you are too scared to venture out on your own and start a new life, one that has the possibility of happiness.

But, it's inexcusable that you drag your kid down with you.

Troll ploy #322: I struck a nerve! Didn't I! Please validate me as a troll by saying yes, puhleeze?!

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm so much happier without XDH. Life is great now--bought the house, great new job, going to Europe in 2 months, dating a great new guy. As I knew before when I was sticking in the marriage--I'm the pp above who wanted to protect the kids from the mental illness including the breakdown.

But you just keep on being you. It's totally working for you.

[quote=Anonymous]Reposting for formatting.

[quote=Anonymous]

I guess I am really confused as how you justify your behavior and your life.

You and your DH have a self-admitted dysfunctional marriage, which you also admit creates resentment from your child, but you think you are doing the right thing by staying together... You are doing that for the kid.

Let me repeat that, since you don't seem to be able to read well.

1. My marriage is dysfunctional
2. My children are learning to hate their father and quite possibly me because of the dysfunctional marriage

But, somehow, us staying together, is in the best interest of the kids.

Am I missing something?[/quote]

Yes. You're missing that I'm not OP or the PP in the dysfunctional marriage, although you're responding to me.

Newsflash: there seem to be several of us here who find you ignorant, naive, and appalling.

PS. one more reference to everybody else's "lack of reading comprehension" and you might as well tattoo "I'm a 13-year-old troll" on your forehead.[/quote]

Several... as in 3?

Wow... Thanks to the 3 whole people on DCUM that believe that the best option available, is to demonstrate how an unhealthy relationship works to their children, I think I will completely change my mind.

Damn, wish that happened sooner.

Maybe you should get a tattoo on your forehead - "Weak, Pathetic, Shitty Parent"

I hate to feed the hijacking troll (who I doubt works with troubled teens--being that tone deaf isn't generally a recommendation for therapy work).

But being the child of divorced parents isn't all that great. My kids tell me they hate shuttling back and forth. Assignments are always at the other house. My Ex is bipolar with ADD and they've had to deal with him on their own now, although if they ask I try to help them process without bad-mouthing him. If I had known he was going to have a breakdown in front of DS, and taken away in an ambulance, I would have intervened beforehand. But the kids and I had no idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my teens. When he left my mom to support him while he traveled for his dreams, left us to deal with her addiction, and then did minor stuff like skipping all my graduations because he was busy networking elsewhere. Wish my mom had left him 30 years ago.

This is my point exactly - to all those people out there staying with spouses for the sake of the kids -

Your kids aren't stupid. They are extremely perceptive. They understand what is going on - no matter how hard you try to pretend that it's okay - it's not.

You are actually doing more harm than good.

For all you women out there - be an example of a strong, independent woman, who doesn't depend on a man - so that your daughters can have the same mindset one day and not be trapped in miserable marriages like you were.

Have the strength and courage to figure out a way to live on your own and leave these bad marriages for the sake of your children - who have to witness the dysfunction and the dead look in mommy's eyes as she eeks out a miserable existence "for the sake of the kids".

Stop telling yourself you are doing something strong for the sake of the kids. You are actually doing something weak for the sake of yourself.

Said the spineless wimp who walked out on his/her marriage because it was easier than staying and trying to work it out. And now feels s/he has to justify her own lack of backbone by tearing into Internet strangers.

Wow, way to show us you're a big girl anonymously!

You, my dear, are a complete f'ing loser.

Actually, never married, no kids. But that was a very nice try.

I work with at risk youth and teenagers with behavioral problems.

I get to fix all the problems people like you create.

But hey, that was a very good attempt.

Ahahaha! So why don't you just admit that you have zero experience in relationships or in parenting?

As a researcher, I have to wonder why the hell you think your limited experience with a limited group of kids, many of whom are struggling with other things like add or drugs a friend introduced them to, is representative of anything like the wider universe of relationships and kids? And why don't you just admit that you only meet the kids who are struggling and never meet the kids who are doing well? Let me help: why don't you take a tour of this forum and check out the threads about couples who tried to make it work and succeeded?

How the hell are you qualified to dispense advice, via bullying no less, on ANYTHING? Don't you deal with bullying in your job? Don't you tell kids it's bad?

I wouldn't trust somebody with your personality with my parrot or dog, let alone my kid.

LOL... aww - I realize I struck a nerve with you... Look, you should probably find a way to deal with your guilt... More plausible though - find a way to deal with your miserable life.

It's a shame that you picked the wrong person to spend your life with. It's a shame that you are too scared to venture out on your own and start a new life, one that has the possibility of happiness.

But, it's inexcusable that you drag your kid down with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids have started to realize they hate their father. Not sure how they feel about me. We have a dysfunctional marriage. They are 12 and 15. Wish I could get in their heads. Wonder what they'd say if asked this question.....

You should try to have a less dysfunctional relationship with their father and you should try to mend their relationship - speak positives about him to them and try to get him to find ways to have more positive time with his kids. You're messing up your kids lives lady.

So you are saying the dysfunctional relationship is all my fault? I am holding on for dear life and friends and family tell me everyday how strong I am and that the kids need me. I am not going into the details of the marriage and why I stay versus go - but I was just sharing .....

I can see why you have a dysfunctional relationship. You are hypersensitive and/or have a martyr complex.

The PP did not say ANYTHING about it being your fault. But - since you're the one on here saying that the kids hate their father - the PP was saying that YOU should try to mend the relationship the kids have with their father so that the kids can have a healthy relationship with their father. Also - instead of saying that you stay for the kids - or whatever ridiculous excuse you want to come up with - you should LEAVE.

You have a self-admitted dysfunctional family. What you are doing right now - is modeling to your children - that this is OKAY. That the family dynamic that they see is OKAY - and it is NOT. Your kids deserve to see a healthy relationship. They deserve to see a relationship where two people love each other, know how to communicate, and have a good relationship.

SHAME ON YOU!

Stop, you are shaming this women and you have no idea what you are talking about.

I don't know this woman. But I am taking her words.

She states - we have a dysfunctional family and I am worried that the kids hate their father and possibly me... That is what she said.

Any parent that is worried that their kids hate them both, because of the dysfunction that they bring into their home - are shameful. I don't care what the situation is.

I am so tired of hearing about people talking about how they stay for the kids.

That is a cop out. It's bullshit.

If you truly cared about the kids - you would want to set an example that will allow them to have healthy, happy relationships in their own adult lives.

NP. Agree that you need to stop now. You know zip about this woman and her marriage.

Just because top PP isn't spilling her marital woes to you doesn't mean she isn't making the best calls she can. Like you, I don't know PP's situation, but I can imagine reasons why she stays. I was in a similar situation. I stayed in a bad marriage because I knew the law would give XDH equal custody and I feared that XDH would continue to mentally abuse our son in ways that would have been impossible to document in court to the extent necessary to get full custody. Two years after DH left, I have to practically force (in a friendly, non-judgy way, of course) the kids to spend any time at all with him. But XDH's awful relationship with the kids is not my fault, it's his fault, and I can't "fix" it just by saying "nice things about him." Just like how PP can say good things about her DH but she can't fix her DH's relationship with his kids if he's not changing his own behavior to them.

Your commands and demands on her show both your arrogance and your ignorance about her situation. As an aside, your cursing and overuse of caps, and your obvious hyper-sensitivity to PP's criticism, make you seem just a little unhinged.

Unhinged? God - another DCUM troll - why do you all use the word unhinged? You would think that you could find something original.

As for your post - really? You come off like a person who took this a little personally, because you are trying to justify staying in a bad marriage and rationalized it by saying to yourself that you were doing it for your child.

I feel bad for your kid.

Actually - PP did say that her marriage was dysfunctional - not the father's relationship with the kids - she said that her marriage was dysfunctional, and as a result, her kids might hate their father, and also her.

So, if you could actually understand what you read, instead of falling all over your own guilt, you might ascertain that mommy and daddy fight a lot, and as a result, kids don't like either of them.

So, hey, way to try and justify that nonsense.

I feel so sorry for kids who grow up in dysfunctional homes and they only get to witness the very worst of relationships and they grow up with the idea that relationships are about yelling, and fighting, and hate. It takes so much for these children to overcome what they were raised with and figure out on their own how to have healthy, happy, relationships.

I pity your ex AND your kids. What a self-serving, self-justifying, tone-deaf battle-axe.

Go away.

I guess I am really confused as how you justify your behavior and your life.

You and your DH have a self-admitted dysfunctional marriage, which you also admit creates resentment from your child, but you think you are doing the right thing by staying together... You are doing that for the kid.

Let me repeat that, since you don't seem to be able to read well.

1. My marriage is dysfunctional
2. My children are learning to hate their father and quite possibly me because of the dysfunctional marriage

But, somehow, us staying together, is in the best interest of the kids.

Am I missing something?

Well, my mom revealed that staying together was better for my brother but worse for me and she decided to protect my brother. This choice certainly had repercussions for my relationship with her, but it was one belonging to Solomon.

Oh well.

Reposting for formatting.

[quote=Anonymous]

I guess I am really confused as how you justify your behavior and your life.

You and your DH have a self-admitted dysfunctional marriage, which you also admit creates resentment from your child, but you think you are doing the right thing by staying together... You are doing that for the kid.

Let me repeat that, since you don't seem to be able to read well.

1. My marriage is dysfunctional
2. My children are learning to hate their father and quite possibly me because of the dysfunctional marriage

But, somehow, us staying together, is in the best interest of the kids.

Am I missing something?[/quote]

Yes. You're missing that I'm not OP or the PP in the dysfunctional marriage, although you're responding to me.

Newsflash: there seem to be several of us here who find you ignorant, naive, and appalling.

PS. one more reference to everybody else's "lack of reading comprehension" and you might as well tattoo "I'm a 13-year-old troll" on your forehead.

[quote=Anonymous]

I guess I am really confused as how you justify your behavior and your life.

You and your DH have a self-admitted dysfunctional marriage, which you also admit creates resentment from your child, but you think you are doing the right thing by staying together... You are doing that for the kid.

Let me repeat that, since you don't seem to be able to read well.

1. My marriage is dysfunctional
2. My children are learning to hate their father and quite possibly me because of the dysfunctional marriage

But, somehow, us staying together, is in the best interest of the kids.

Am I missing something?[/quote]

Yes. You're missing that I'm not OP or the PP in the dysfunctional marriage, although you're responding to me.

Newsflash: there seem to be several of us here who find you ignorant, naive, and appalling.

PS. one more reference to everybody else's "lack of reading comprehension" and you might as well tattoo "I'm a 13-year-old troll" on your forehead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my teens. When he left my mom to support him while he traveled for his dreams, left us to deal with her addiction, and then did minor stuff like skipping all my graduations because he was busy networking elsewhere. Wish my mom had left him 30 years ago.

This is my point exactly - to all those people out there staying with spouses for the sake of the kids -

Your kids aren't stupid. They are extremely perceptive. They understand what is going on - no matter how hard you try to pretend that it's okay - it's not.

You are actually doing more harm than good.

For all you women out there - be an example of a strong, independent woman, who doesn't depend on a man - so that your daughters can have the same mindset one day and not be trapped in miserable marriages like you were.

Have the strength and courage to figure out a way to live on your own and leave these bad marriages for the sake of your children - who have to witness the dysfunction and the dead look in mommy's eyes as she eeks out a miserable existence "for the sake of the kids".

Stop telling yourself you are doing something strong for the sake of the kids. You are actually doing something weak for the sake of yourself.

Said the spineless wimp who walked out on his/her marriage because it was easier than staying and trying to work it out. And now feels s/he has to justify her own lack of backbone by tearing into Internet strangers.

Wow, way to show us you're a big girl anonymously!

You, my dear, are a complete f'ing loser.

Actually, never married, no kids. But that was a very nice try.

I work with at risk youth and teenagers with behavioral problems.

I get to fix all the problems people like you create.

But hey, that was a very good attempt.

Ahahaha! So why don't you just admit that you have zero experience in relationships or in parenting?

As a researcher, I have to wonder why the hell you think your limited experience with a limited group of kids, many of whom are struggling with other things like add or drugs a friend introduced them to, is representative of anything like the wider universe of relationships and kids? And why don't you just admit that you only meet the kids who are struggling and never meet the kids who are doing well? Let me help: why don't you take a tour of this forum and check out the threads about couples who tried to make it work and succeeded?

How the hell are you qualified to dispense advice, via bullying no less, on ANYTHING? Don't you deal with bullying in your job? Don't you tell kids it's bad?

I wouldn't trust somebody with your personality with my parrot or dog, let alone my kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids have started to realize they hate their father. Not sure how they feel about me. We have a dysfunctional marriage. They are 12 and 15. Wish I could get in their heads. Wonder what they'd say if asked this question.....

You should try to have a less dysfunctional relationship with their father and you should try to mend their relationship - speak positives about him to them and try to get him to find ways to have more positive time with his kids. You're messing up your kids lives lady.

So you are saying the dysfunctional relationship is all my fault? I am holding on for dear life and friends and family tell me everyday how strong I am and that the kids need me. I am not going into the details of the marriage and why I stay versus go - but I was just sharing .....

I can see why you have a dysfunctional relationship. You are hypersensitive and/or have a martyr complex.

The PP did not say ANYTHING about it being your fault. But - since you're the one on here saying that the kids hate their father - the PP was saying that YOU should try to mend the relationship the kids have with their father so that the kids can have a healthy relationship with their father. Also - instead of saying that you stay for the kids - or whatever ridiculous excuse you want to come up with - you should LEAVE.

You have a self-admitted dysfunctional family. What you are doing right now - is modeling to your children - that this is OKAY. That the family dynamic that they see is OKAY - and it is NOT. Your kids deserve to see a healthy relationship. They deserve to see a relationship where two people love each other, know how to communicate, and have a good relationship.

SHAME ON YOU!

Stop, you are shaming this women and you have no idea what you are talking about.

I don't know this woman. But I am taking her words.

She states - we have a dysfunctional family and I am worried that the kids hate their father and possibly me... That is what she said.

Any parent that is worried that their kids hate them both, because of the dysfunction that they bring into their home - are shameful. I don't care what the situation is.

I am so tired of hearing about people talking about how they stay for the kids.

That is a cop out. It's bullshit.

If you truly cared about the kids - you would want to set an example that will allow them to have healthy, happy relationships in their own adult lives.

NP. Agree that you need to stop now. You know zip about this woman and her marriage.

Just because top PP isn't spilling her marital woes to you doesn't mean she isn't making the best calls she can. Like you, I don't know PP's situation, but I can imagine reasons why she stays. I was in a similar situation. I stayed in a bad marriage because I knew the law would give XDH equal custody and I feared that XDH would continue to mentally abuse our son in ways that would have been impossible to document in court to the extent necessary to get full custody. Two years after DH left, I have to practically force (in a friendly, non-judgy way, of course) the kids to spend any time at all with him. But XDH's awful relationship with the kids is not my fault, it's his fault, and I can't "fix" it just by saying "nice things about him." Just like how PP can say good things about her DH but she can't fix her DH's relationship with his kids if he's not changing his own behavior to them.

Your commands and demands on her show both your arrogance and your ignorance about her situation. As an aside, your cursing and overuse of caps, and your obvious hyper-sensitivity to PP's criticism, make you seem just a little unhinged.

Unhinged? God - another DCUM troll - why do you all use the word unhinged? You would think that you could find something original.

As for your post - really? You come off like a person who took this a little personally, because you are trying to justify staying in a bad marriage and rationalized it by saying to yourself that you were doing it for your child.

I feel bad for your kid.

Actually - PP did say that her marriage was dysfunctional - not the father's relationship with the kids - she said that her marriage was dysfunctional, and as a result, her kids might hate their father, and also her.

So, if you could actually understand what you read, instead of falling all over your own guilt, you might ascertain that mommy and daddy fight a lot, and as a result, kids don't like either of them.

So, hey, way to try and justify that nonsense.

I feel so sorry for kids who grow up in dysfunctional homes and they only get to witness the very worst of relationships and they grow up with the idea that relationships are about yelling, and fighting, and hate. It takes so much for these children to overcome what they were raised with and figure out on their own how to have healthy, happy, relationships.

I pity your ex AND your kids. What a self-serving, self-justifying, tone-deaf battle-axe.

Go away.

I guess I am really confused as how you justify your behavior and your life.

You and your DH have a self-admitted dysfunctional marriage, which you also admit creates resentment from your child, but you think you are doing the right thing by staying together... You are doing that for the kid.

Let me repeat that, since you don't seem to be able to read well.

1. My marriage is dysfunctional
2. My children are learning to hate their father and quite possibly me because of the dysfunctional marriage

But, somehow, us staying together, is in the best interest of the kids.

Am I missing something?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids have started to realize they hate their father. Not sure how they feel about me. We have a dysfunctional marriage. They are 12 and 15. Wish I could get in their heads. Wonder what they'd say if asked this question.....

You should try to have a less dysfunctional relationship with their father and you should try to mend their relationship - speak positives about him to them and try to get him to find ways to have more positive time with his kids. You're messing up your kids lives lady.

So you are saying the dysfunctional relationship is all my fault? I am holding on for dear life and friends and family tell me everyday how strong I am and that the kids need me. I am not going into the details of the marriage and why I stay versus go - but I was just sharing .....

I can see why you have a dysfunctional relationship. You are hypersensitive and/or have a martyr complex.

The PP did not say ANYTHING about it being your fault. But - since you're the one on here saying that the kids hate their father - the PP was saying that YOU should try to mend the relationship the kids have with their father so that the kids can have a healthy relationship with their father. Also - instead of saying that you stay for the kids - or whatever ridiculous excuse you want to come up with - you should LEAVE.

You have a self-admitted dysfunctional family. What you are doing right now - is modeling to your children - that this is OKAY. That the family dynamic that they see is OKAY - and it is NOT. Your kids deserve to see a healthy relationship. They deserve to see a relationship where two people love each other, know how to communicate, and have a good relationship.

SHAME ON YOU!

Stop, you are shaming this women and you have no idea what you are talking about.

I don't know this woman. But I am taking her words.

She states - we have a dysfunctional family and I am worried that the kids hate their father and possibly me... That is what she said.

Any parent that is worried that their kids hate them both, because of the dysfunction that they bring into their home - are shameful. I don't care what the situation is.

I am so tired of hearing about people talking about how they stay for the kids.

That is a cop out. It's bullshit.

If you truly cared about the kids - you would want to set an example that will allow them to have healthy, happy relationships in their own adult lives.

NP. Agree that you need to stop now. You know zip about this woman and her marriage.

Just because top PP isn't spilling her marital woes to you doesn't mean she isn't making the best calls she can. Like you, I don't know PP's situation, but I can imagine reasons why she stays. I was in a similar situation. I stayed in a bad marriage because I knew the law would give XDH equal custody and I feared that XDH would continue to mentally abuse our son in ways that would have been impossible to document in court to the extent necessary to get full custody. Two years after DH left, I have to practically force (in a friendly, non-judgy way, of course) the kids to spend any time at all with him. But XDH's awful relationship with the kids is not my fault, it's his fault, and I can't "fix" it just by saying "nice things about him." Just like how PP can say good things about her DH but she can't fix her DH's relationship with his kids if he's not changing his own behavior to them.

Your commands and demands on her show both your arrogance and your ignorance about her situation. As an aside, your cursing and overuse of caps, and your obvious hyper-sensitivity to PP's criticism, make you seem just a little unhinged.

Unhinged? God - another DCUM troll - why do you all use the word unhinged? You would think that you could find something original.

As for your post - really? You come off like a person who took this a little personally, because you are trying to justify staying in a bad marriage and rationalized it by saying to yourself that you were doing it for your child.

I feel bad for your kid.

Actually - PP did say that her marriage was dysfunctional - not the father's relationship with the kids - she said that her marriage was dysfunctional, and as a result, her kids might hate their father, and also her.

So, if you could actually understand what you read, instead of falling all over your own guilt, you might ascertain that mommy and daddy fight a lot, and as a result, kids don't like either of them.

So, hey, way to try and justify that nonsense.

I feel so sorry for kids who grow up in dysfunctional homes and they only get to witness the very worst of relationships and they grow up with the idea that relationships are about yelling, and fighting, and hate. It takes so much for these children to overcome what they were raised with and figure out on their own how to have healthy, happy, relationships.

I pity your ex AND your kids. What a self-serving, self-justifying, tone-deaf battle-axe.

Go away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my teens. When he left my mom to support him while he traveled for his dreams, left us to deal with her addiction, and then did minor stuff like skipping all my graduations because he was busy networking elsewhere. Wish my mom had left him 30 years ago.

This is my point exactly - to all those people out there staying with spouses for the sake of the kids -

Your kids aren't stupid. They are extremely perceptive. They understand what is going on - no matter how hard you try to pretend that it's okay - it's not.

You are actually doing more harm than good.

For all you women out there - be an example of a strong, independent woman, who doesn't depend on a man - so that your daughters can have the same mindset one day and not be trapped in miserable marriages like you were.

Have the strength and courage to figure out a way to live on your own and leave these bad marriages for the sake of your children - who have to witness the dysfunction and the dead look in mommy's eyes as she eeks out a miserable existence "for the sake of the kids".

Stop telling yourself you are doing something strong for the sake of the kids. You are actually doing something weak for the sake of yourself.

Said the spineless wimp who walked out on his/her marriage because it was easier than staying and trying to work it out. And now feels s/he has to justify her own lack of backbone by tearing into Internet strangers.

Wow, way to show us you're a big girl anonymously!

You, my dear, are a complete f'ing loser.

Actually, never married, no kids. But that was a very nice try.

I work with at risk youth and teenagers with behavioral problems.

I get to fix all the problems people like you create.

But hey, that was a very good attempt.

When my father died of a terminal illness, my mother (who was divorced from him for a few years) basically checked out and completely ignored me and the entire situation. It basically ended our relationship. There's a thread about it.