Anonymous wrote:That's why people comparing 6 figure inheritances are not comparing apples to apples when talking about a large (8 digit millions) trust.

They are very different things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There doesn't need to be a defense for keeping a trust separated. The law is very clear. Any spouse not willing to sign a pre nup regarding pre marital assets that they have no claim to would not be someone I would marry.

So if your wife wouldn't sign a pre nup as it relates to your non existent trust I guess the trust issues would be on her side.

Once again, not everyone places money above marriage the way you do.

By arguing that your spouse has no right to things you brought into the marriage, you've already made it clear that your priority is protecting your financial well-being above all.

You underscore that by stating you wouldn't marry anyone who didn't agree to be subservient to your bachelor(ette) bank account.

I wouldn't marry anyone who asked for any kind of prenup, never mind one involving "marital assets that they have no claim to."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different perspective here: my DH comes from a wealthy family, had significant personal assets from his own earnings, knew I had no assets and student loan debt, and did not ask me for a prenup. His parents have given him over $400K during our marriage for various significant expenses (down payment, new cars), and we have no prenup. I also got a reasonably valuable engagement family engagement ring and some other family jewelry (his family).

Not expecting to get divorced (although only married 3 yrs, together 8), but if we did divorce, I would not try to claim any of the assets DH brought into the marriage or gifts from his parents given to us during the marriage or the jewelry, because it would not be ethically right to claim them. We have children, but I make a good income (although much less than my DH), I didn't marry him for his money, and I can support myself and our kids. Granted, I couldn't afford to have us live like we do now, but we would be fine.

I don't understand people trying to get money that isn't meant for them when they get divorced.

Well, these situations can get complicated. Suppose the wife didn't work or didn't save to her 401k because she trusted that she would stay married and have access to those assets, and also to take care of the kids. Then her DH leaves her and the children in a scurrilous way. In that situation, getting some of the DH's pre-marriage assets would not be unethical. Another scenario could be in a divorce where he has claim to half of YOUR meager assets (like your retirement savings, which are marital assets if you saved during marriage). So he takes you to the cleaners, and meanwhile he's living high on the hog off of his prenup assets. As you can see, these scenarios is why prenups generally hurt women, rather than help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different perspective here: my DH comes from a wealthy family, had significant personal assets from his own earnings, knew I had no assets and student loan debt, and did not ask me for a prenup. His parents have given him over $400K during our marriage for various significant expenses (down payment, new cars), and we have no prenup. I also got a reasonably valuable engagement family engagement ring and some other family jewelry (his family).

Not expecting to get divorced (although only married 3 yrs, together 8), but if we did divorce, I would not try to claim any of the assets DH brought into the marriage or gifts from his parents given to us during the marriage or the jewelry, because it would not be ethically right to claim them. We have children, but I make a good income (although much less than my DH), I didn't marry him for his money, and I can support myself and our kids. Granted, I couldn't afford to have us live like we do now, but we would be fine.

I don't understand people trying to get money that isn't meant for them when they get divorced.

I'd love to see how you'd react if your husband suddenly started spending all of his disposable income on another woman (and family!) while married to you, especially if he turned around and told you "I don't understand why you're upset I'm spending money that isn't meant for you."

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different perspective here: my DH comes from a wealthy family, had significant personal assets from his own earnings, knew I had no assets and student loan debt, and did not ask me for a prenup. His parents have given him over $400K during our marriage for various significant expenses (down payment, new cars), and we have no prenup. I also got a reasonably valuable engagement family engagement ring and some other family jewelry (his family).

Not expecting to get divorced (although only married 3 yrs, together 8), but if we did divorce, I would not try to claim any of the assets DH brought into the marriage or gifts from his parents given to us during the marriage or the jewelry, because it would not be ethically right to claim them. We have children, but I make a good income (although much less than my DH), I didn't marry him for his money, and I can support myself and our kids. Granted, I couldn't afford to have us live like we do now, but we would be fine.

I don't understand people trying to get money that isn't meant for them when they get divorced.

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different perspective here: my DH comes from a wealthy family, had significant personal assets from his own earnings, knew I had no assets and student loan debt, and did not ask me for a prenup. His parents have given him over $400K during our marriage for various significant expenses (down payment, new cars), and we have no prenup. I also got a reasonably valuable engagement family engagement ring and some other family jewelry (his family).

Not expecting to get divorced (although only married 3 yrs, together 8), but if we did divorce, I would not try to claim any of the assets DH brought into the marriage or gifts from his parents given to us during the marriage or the jewelry, because it would not be ethically right to claim them. We have children, but I make a good income (although much less than my DH), I didn't marry him for his money, and I can support myself and our kids. Granted, I couldn't afford to have us live like we do now, but we would be fine.

I don't understand people trying to get money that isn't meant for them when they get divorced.

Anonymous wrote:We gifted our daughter $50,000 towards a house with the understanding that this amount would be deducted before her inheritance from our estate was calculated. This was put in writing and I'm sure could be used in any divorce proceeding as a way to increase her equity in the house.

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different perspective here: my DH comes from a wealthy family, had significant personal assets from his own earnings, knew I had no assets and student loan debt, and did not ask me for a prenup. His parents have given him over $400K during our marriage for various significant expenses (down payment, new cars), and we have no prenup. I also got a reasonably valuable engagement family engagement ring and some other family jewelry (his family).

Not expecting to get divorced (although only married 3 yrs, together 8), but if we did divorce, I would not try to claim any of the assets DH brought into the marriage or gifts from his parents given to us during the marriage or the jewelry, because it would not be ethically right to claim them. We have children, but I make a good income (although much less than my DH), I didn't marry him for his money, and I can support myself and our kids. Granted, I couldn't afford to have us live like we do now, but we would be fine.

I don't understand people trying to get money that isn't meant for them when they get divorced.

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is unusually controlling and sadly this example probably means she's that way for many other aspects of her life. Poor kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce occurs ~50% - You all have life insurance right? I'm sure your death rate is not 50%, so why buy it? You're mixing emotion with reality. if you don't have a prenup you deserve to lose it.

to OP - if you're this worried about a divorce, I would give an amount you are comfortable "losing" for deposit, and gift money towards the children's college fund/private school education or to your DC directly after they are married.

Death rate is 100%.

Not good with numbers, are you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had friends over this weekend. We were discussing how expensive housing was becoming in our city. Friend's husband said he can't imagine how our teen kids would be able to buy a home without parental help.
My friend said she is willing to help their kid with a down payment if the hypothetical future spouse signs a prenup or the house is in the parent's name or if the grooms family gifts them the same amount. I thought this was a horrible idea. She was worried money would be lost if they divorce. Seems tit for tat. As if she can demand money from his parents to equalize it.

I think when you give money like that, there is a risk. I would only gift what I am okay with losing if they divorce. When I gift it, it's not mine anymore anyway.

DH and I share everything, including inheritances. They do separate finances.

Not interested in discussing the legal aspects.

Dumb move bro.

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