Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't move just yet. You are just emerging on the other side of this experience, the trauma is still fresh. Give yourself a little time to recover and see if you feel better about everything. Maybe plan to spend one more year in the house and sell in Spring 2018 if you still aren't happy? In the upcoming year, your husband can get his health back, you can do some therapy for yourself. (To try to come to grips with/make peace with what you've been through.) You can enjoy extra time with your parents, and do all the tick prevention treatments and see how a summer goes. You may still want to move back, but maybe you'll have a different perspective. As you noted, there are risks and dangers everywhere.

Anonymous wrote:I was going to move to the country (VA countryside) and now after reading this thread I feel like I definitely should not. I'm sorry OP, what a horrible nightmare. And I'm sorry for the compassionless responses you've gotten on here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand your turmoil; I don't think your thought process is immature at all. You've all been traumatized by this and you want the nightmare to end. You don't want to have to worry about it happening again. Yes, you could cross a street and get hit by a bus, but I think it is human nature to try to eliminate "dangers" when we possibly can, especially if there are kids involved.

So my take on this is that your decision to stay or go is part based on fact (look, there are definitely some places where deer ticks are more prevalent. No one can deny that. So if you happen to be in a high incidence area, the question becomes what is every possible thing you can do to minimize the risk, and are you doing it) and part, a larger part, based on emotion. it's almost a form a PTSD. You look out the window, you think Lyme disease. How many times have each of us had something bad happen to us and we say, "never again," even though the chances of it happening again may be much less than we perceive it to be or negotiable?

When it comes down to it, the facts matter less than the feels. I know a friend who was mugged in NY, on the Upper East Side. She couldn't walk down the street in her own neighborhood after that without looking over her shoulder. What are the chances she'd get mugged again, especially considering where in NYC she lives, that she had a doorman building, that she lived on a street where there was plenty of foot traffic, etc.?

She moved b/c she didn't want to live like that. Even seeing a therapist didn't help to mute the fear to the point where she decided to hell with the facts, she wasn't comfortable living in NYC anymore. She moved to a smaller, cute college town and she is as thrilled as can be. Does she miss elements of the city? Absolutely. But she feels her quality of life and peace of mind has dramatically improved. Was it because she secretly didn't like living in the city anymore and used this as an excuse? Nope. I do not believe so.

As far as your situation, no one can give you an accurate statistic as to whether you or your kids will personally get bitten. Or your husband again for that matter.

I think when you mentioned things like "the schools are shaky" that's what is leading some people to interpret that as you just want to go back to the city and are using this as an excuse. I don't get that sense from your email. What I get is, you have had this horrible thing happen, and now you are re-evaluating everything about the move. Things that you accepted before now loom like bigger factors. You are putting together a story, so to speak, about you and your family's life in that area. I think that is totally normal and not impulsive.

Weigh how much you love the neighborhood and living near your parents. Weigh the financial impact. Make sure you talk to every expert about minimizing risks. Then decide as a family if there is just too much bad associated with staying there, and if it will continue to negatively impact your lives in a way that outweighs the positive.

I mean, sheesh... If I lived at the Shining and managed to escape... and after someone new bought the property, had an exorcism there, updated the decor to something more contemporary and had some of the Game of Thrones dragons protecting the place... I'm still not sure I'd want to go stay there for a "vacation" again....

I haven't read all the posts on this thread yet but I LOVE this PP's take. OP's experience is an emotional response, and just because it's emotional doesn't mean it should (or can) be discounted. If all OP thinks of is trauma when looking out the kitchen window, then that says enough for me. I wouldn't waste time trying to convince myself it's "just emotions," or impetuous, or impulsive, or whatever. I'd change whatever needed to be changed to mitigate the trauma. I've had similar experiences myself (ie something really bad happened somewhere, and the only way to really move beyond it is to just not revisit the place where it happened.) As another PP said, you just get one life. Don't waste time on trying to ignore/discount your emotional response.

Yeah, the emotional response is one thing. But she has to realize that bad things can happen anywhere. With this house it was Lyme disease. With the next house it could be crime. With the next house it could be bad schools.

Op needs to figure out if she has an underlying anxiety disorder that needs to be treated or if this particular house/location was simply a very bad fit for their family. If she is feeling isolated and extreme dread about being snowed in again with 3 small kids, I can't say that I blame her. Sometimes the reality doesn't quite live up to the fantasy....

I'm the PP that you quoted. I really don't think the OP has an anxiety disorder that needs to be treated. (or if she does, I clearly have had several untreated anxiety disorders). This trauma (and yes, Lyme disease can be extremely traumatic) happened at her home, where she should feel safe. Being robbed at gunpoint in her house might be a good comparison, but sending her kids to sub-par schools is not at all an apt comparison IMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand your turmoil; I don't think your thought process is immature at all. You've all been traumatized by this and you want the nightmare to end. You don't want to have to worry about it happening again. Yes, you could cross a street and get hit by a bus, but I think it is human nature to try to eliminate "dangers" when we possibly can, especially if there are kids involved.

So my take on this is that your decision to stay or go is part based on fact (look, there are definitely some places where deer ticks are more prevalent. No one can deny that. So if you happen to be in a high incidence area, the question becomes what is every possible thing you can do to minimize the risk, and are you doing it) and part, a larger part, based on emotion. it's almost a form a PTSD. You look out the window, you think Lyme disease. How many times have each of us had something bad happen to us and we say, "never again," even though the chances of it happening again may be much less than we perceive it to be or negotiable?

When it comes down to it, the facts matter less than the feels. I know a friend who was mugged in NY, on the Upper East Side. She couldn't walk down the street in her own neighborhood after that without looking over her shoulder. What are the chances she'd get mugged again, especially considering where in NYC she lives, that she had a doorman building, that she lived on a street where there was plenty of foot traffic, etc.?

She moved b/c she didn't want to live like that. Even seeing a therapist didn't help to mute the fear to the point where she decided to hell with the facts, she wasn't comfortable living in NYC anymore. She moved to a smaller, cute college town and she is as thrilled as can be. Does she miss elements of the city? Absolutely. But she feels her quality of life and peace of mind has dramatically improved. Was it because she secretly didn't like living in the city anymore and used this as an excuse? Nope. I do not believe so.

As far as your situation, no one can give you an accurate statistic as to whether you or your kids will personally get bitten. Or your husband again for that matter.

I think when you mentioned things like "the schools are shaky" that's what is leading some people to interpret that as you just want to go back to the city and are using this as an excuse. I don't get that sense from your email. What I get is, you have had this horrible thing happen, and now you are re-evaluating everything about the move. Things that you accepted before now loom like bigger factors. You are putting together a story, so to speak, about you and your family's life in that area. I think that is totally normal and not impulsive.

Weigh how much you love the neighborhood and living near your parents. Weigh the financial impact. Make sure you talk to every expert about minimizing risks. Then decide as a family if there is just too much bad associated with staying there, and if it will continue to negatively impact your lives in a way that outweighs the positive.

I mean, sheesh... If I lived at the Shining and managed to escape... and after someone new bought the property, had an exorcism there, updated the decor to something more contemporary and had some of the Game of Thrones dragons protecting the place... I'm still not sure I'd want to go stay there for a "vacation" again....

I haven't read all the posts on this thread yet but I LOVE this PP's take. OP's experience is an emotional response, and just because it's emotional doesn't mean it should (or can) be discounted. If all OP thinks of is trauma when looking out the kitchen window, then that says enough for me. I wouldn't waste time trying to convince myself it's "just emotions," or impetuous, or impulsive, or whatever. I'd change whatever needed to be changed to mitigate the trauma. I've had similar experiences myself (ie something really bad happened somewhere, and the only way to really move beyond it is to just not revisit the place where it happened.) As another PP said, you just get one life. Don't waste time on trying to ignore/discount your emotional response.

Yeah, the emotional response is one thing. But she has to realize that bad things can happen anywhere. With this house it was Lyme disease. With the next house it could be crime. With the next house it could be bad schools.

Op needs to figure out if she has an underlying anxiety disorder that needs to be treated or if this particular house/location was simply a very bad fit for their family. If she is feeling isolated and extreme dread about being snowed in again with 3 small kids, I can't say that I blame her. Sometimes the reality doesn't quite live up to the fantasy....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand your turmoil; I don't think your thought process is immature at all. You've all been traumatized by this and you want the nightmare to end. You don't want to have to worry about it happening again. Yes, you could cross a street and get hit by a bus, but I think it is human nature to try to eliminate "dangers" when we possibly can, especially if there are kids involved.

So my take on this is that your decision to stay or go is part based on fact (look, there are definitely some places where deer ticks are more prevalent. No one can deny that. So if you happen to be in a high incidence area, the question becomes what is every possible thing you can do to minimize the risk, and are you doing it) and part, a larger part, based on emotion. it's almost a form a PTSD. You look out the window, you think Lyme disease. How many times have each of us had something bad happen to us and we say, "never again," even though the chances of it happening again may be much less than we perceive it to be or negotiable?

When it comes down to it, the facts matter less than the feels. I know a friend who was mugged in NY, on the Upper East Side. She couldn't walk down the street in her own neighborhood after that without looking over her shoulder. What are the chances she'd get mugged again, especially considering where in NYC she lives, that she had a doorman building, that she lived on a street where there was plenty of foot traffic, etc.?

She moved b/c she didn't want to live like that. Even seeing a therapist didn't help to mute the fear to the point where she decided to hell with the facts, she wasn't comfortable living in NYC anymore. She moved to a smaller, cute college town and she is as thrilled as can be. Does she miss elements of the city? Absolutely. But she feels her quality of life and peace of mind has dramatically improved. Was it because she secretly didn't like living in the city anymore and used this as an excuse? Nope. I do not believe so.

As far as your situation, no one can give you an accurate statistic as to whether you or your kids will personally get bitten. Or your husband again for that matter.

I think when you mentioned things like "the schools are shaky" that's what is leading some people to interpret that as you just want to go back to the city and are using this as an excuse. I don't get that sense from your email. What I get is, you have had this horrible thing happen, and now you are re-evaluating everything about the move. Things that you accepted before now loom like bigger factors. You are putting together a story, so to speak, about you and your family's life in that area. I think that is totally normal and not impulsive.

Weigh how much you love the neighborhood and living near your parents. Weigh the financial impact. Make sure you talk to every expert about minimizing risks. Then decide as a family if there is just too much bad associated with staying there, and if it will continue to negatively impact your lives in a way that outweighs the positive.

I mean, sheesh... If I lived at the Shining and managed to escape... and after someone new bought the property, had an exorcism there, updated the decor to something more contemporary and had some of the Game of Thrones dragons protecting the place... I'm still not sure I'd want to go stay there for a "vacation" again....

I haven't read all the posts on this thread yet but I LOVE this PP's take. OP's experience is an emotional response, and just because it's emotional doesn't mean it should (or can) be discounted. If all OP thinks of is trauma when looking out the kitchen window, then that says enough for me. I wouldn't waste time trying to convince myself it's "just emotions," or impetuous, or impulsive, or whatever. I'd change whatever needed to be changed to mitigate the trauma. I've had similar experiences myself (ie something really bad happened somewhere, and the only way to really move beyond it is to just not revisit the place where it happened.) As another PP said, you just get one life. Don't waste time on trying to ignore/discount your emotional response.

Yeah, the emotional response is one thing. But she has to realize that bad things can happen anywhere. With this house it was Lyme disease. With the next house it could be crime. With the next house it could be bad schools.

Op needs to figure out if she has an underlying anxiety disorder that needs to be treated or if this particular house/location was simply a very bad fit for their family. If she is feeling isolated and extreme dread about being snowed in again with 3 small kids, I can't say that I blame her. Sometimes the reality doesn't quite live up to the fantasy....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand your turmoil; I don't think your thought process is immature at all. You've all been traumatized by this and you want the nightmare to end. You don't want to have to worry about it happening again. Yes, you could cross a street and get hit by a bus, but I think it is human nature to try to eliminate "dangers" when we possibly can, especially if there are kids involved.

So my take on this is that your decision to stay or go is part based on fact (look, there are definitely some places where deer ticks are more prevalent. No one can deny that. So if you happen to be in a high incidence area, the question becomes what is every possible thing you can do to minimize the risk, and are you doing it) and part, a larger part, based on emotion. it's almost a form a PTSD. You look out the window, you think Lyme disease. How many times have each of us had something bad happen to us and we say, "never again," even though the chances of it happening again may be much less than we perceive it to be or negotiable?

When it comes down to it, the facts matter less than the feels. I know a friend who was mugged in NY, on the Upper East Side. She couldn't walk down the street in her own neighborhood after that without looking over her shoulder. What are the chances she'd get mugged again, especially considering where in NYC she lives, that she had a doorman building, that she lived on a street where there was plenty of foot traffic, etc.?

She moved b/c she didn't want to live like that. Even seeing a therapist didn't help to mute the fear to the point where she decided to hell with the facts, she wasn't comfortable living in NYC anymore. She moved to a smaller, cute college town and she is as thrilled as can be. Does she miss elements of the city? Absolutely. But she feels her quality of life and peace of mind has dramatically improved. Was it because she secretly didn't like living in the city anymore and used this as an excuse? Nope. I do not believe so.

As far as your situation, no one can give you an accurate statistic as to whether you or your kids will personally get bitten. Or your husband again for that matter.

I think when you mentioned things like "the schools are shaky" that's what is leading some people to interpret that as you just want to go back to the city and are using this as an excuse. I don't get that sense from your email. What I get is, you have had this horrible thing happen, and now you are re-evaluating everything about the move. Things that you accepted before now loom like bigger factors. You are putting together a story, so to speak, about you and your family's life in that area. I think that is totally normal and not impulsive.

Weigh how much you love the neighborhood and living near your parents. Weigh the financial impact. Make sure you talk to every expert about minimizing risks. Then decide as a family if there is just too much bad associated with staying there, and if it will continue to negatively impact your lives in a way that outweighs the positive.

I mean, sheesh... If I lived at the Shining and managed to escape... and after someone new bought the property, had an exorcism there, updated the decor to something more contemporary and had some of the Game of Thrones dragons protecting the place... I'm still not sure I'd want to go stay there for a "vacation" again....

I haven't read all the posts on this thread yet but I LOVE this PP's take. OP's experience is an emotional response, and just because it's emotional doesn't mean it should (or can) be discounted. If all OP thinks of is trauma when looking out the kitchen window, then that says enough for me. I wouldn't waste time trying to convince myself it's "just emotions," or impetuous, or impulsive, or whatever. I'd change whatever needed to be changed to mitigate the trauma. I've had similar experiences myself (ie something really bad happened somewhere, and the only way to really move beyond it is to just not revisit the place where it happened.) As another PP said, you just get one life. Don't waste time on trying to ignore/discount your emotional response.

Anonymous wrote:I understand your turmoil; I don't think your thought process is immature at all. You've all been traumatized by this and you want the nightmare to end. You don't want to have to worry about it happening again. Yes, you could cross a street and get hit by a bus, but I think it is human nature to try to eliminate "dangers" when we possibly can, especially if there are kids involved.

So my take on this is that your decision to stay or go is part based on fact (look, there are definitely some places where deer ticks are more prevalent. No one can deny that. So if you happen to be in a high incidence area, the question becomes what is every possible thing you can do to minimize the risk, and are you doing it) and part, a larger part, based on emotion. it's almost a form a PTSD. You look out the window, you think Lyme disease. How many times have each of us had something bad happen to us and we say, "never again," even though the chances of it happening again may be much less than we perceive it to be or negotiable?

When it comes down to it, the facts matter less than the feels. I know a friend who was mugged in NY, on the Upper East Side. She couldn't walk down the street in her own neighborhood after that without looking over her shoulder. What are the chances she'd get mugged again, especially considering where in NYC she lives, that she had a doorman building, that she lived on a street where there was plenty of foot traffic, etc.?

She moved b/c she didn't want to live like that. Even seeing a therapist didn't help to mute the fear to the point where she decided to hell with the facts, she wasn't comfortable living in NYC anymore. She moved to a smaller, cute college town and she is as thrilled as can be. Does she miss elements of the city? Absolutely. But she feels her quality of life and peace of mind has dramatically improved. Was it because she secretly didn't like living in the city anymore and used this as an excuse? Nope. I do not believe so.

As far as your situation, no one can give you an accurate statistic as to whether you or your kids will personally get bitten. Or your husband again for that matter.

I think when you mentioned things like "the schools are shaky" that's what is leading some people to interpret that as you just want to go back to the city and are using this as an excuse. I don't get that sense from your email. What I get is, you have had this horrible thing happen, and now you are re-evaluating everything about the move. Things that you accepted before now loom like bigger factors. You are putting together a story, so to speak, about you and your family's life in that area. I think that is totally normal and not impulsive.

Weigh how much you love the neighborhood and living near your parents. Weigh the financial impact. Make sure you talk to every expert about minimizing risks. Then decide as a family if there is just too much bad associated with staying there, and if it will continue to negatively impact your lives in a way that outweighs the positive.

I mean, sheesh... If I lived at the Shining and managed to escape... and after someone new bought the property, had an exorcism there, updated the decor to something more contemporary and had some of the Game of Thrones dragons protecting the place... I'm still not sure I'd want to go stay there for a "vacation" again....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go see someone about your anxiety.

This.

This seems to be the new thing on DCUM. Is everyone else just konked out on Xanax at all times because worrying about getting lyme disease after you husband has suffered a debilitating illness because of it seems, to me, a very legitimate concern

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can put a 6 foot (or even 8 foot) fence around the perimeter of your property to keep the deer out.

A deer can jump a 6 foot fence without even getting a running start. An eight foot fence might discourage them, but not stop them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A) Why would you loose a ton of money on the resale?

B) move back to the city to a GREAT area. I used to live in Columbia Heights. Now I'm in Logan Circle with zero regrets.

C) Amy Tan wrote great articles on this subject https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/wellness/2003/08/05/amy-tan-ticked-off-about-lyme/68458500-c46b-4b5e-a2b0-f375fb7a9b30/?utm_term=.7e06293b8643

Thanks for this. We would lose money because other buyers aren't as starry-eyed as we were: our house was on the market for YEARS before we stupidly bought it, because others were (quite rightly!) scared off by the house's age and condition. We were touched by its classic beauty. The house is objectively lovely and in a great location and we have improved it a LOT. Still, its age, and all of the political uncertainty, will probably make it a hard sell. Unless a couple of other citified fools come wandering this way...!

[b]To those of you who've suggested that I medicate myself: I'm glad that you never experience dilemmas and regrets. Nice work!