Anonymous wrote:Just know how completely bizarre this conversation is in the history of life on earth. All living beings procreate. That's how life continues. It is fundamental and basic to all life on earth. Only in the last 40 or 50 years has it become something people choose to do or not to do. It would sound as strange to someone in another time and culture as "why do you choose to eat?" or "why do you choose to sleep?" Having children does not need to be defended when it's the default condition of all life forms.

Speaking evolutionarily, your life technically is wasted if you don't pass along your genes. No need to get all maudlin and talk about Mother Theresa and all the other childless people out there who do good. Yes of course they improve the world while they are alive. But technically the point of life is to pass along your genes, in the long-term genetic competition within the species.

Anonymous wrote:Just know how completely bizarre this conversation is in the history of life on earth. All living beings procreate. That's how life continues. It is fundamental and basic to all life on earth. Only in the last 40 or 50 years has it become something people choose to do or not to do. It would sound as strange to someone in another time and culture as "why do you choose to eat?" or "why do you choose to sleep?" Having children does not need to be defended when it's the default condition of all life forms.

Speaking evolutionarily, your life technically is wasted if you don't pass along your genes. No need to get all maudlin and talk about Mother Theresa and all the other childless people out there who do good. Yes of course they improve the world while they are alive. But technically the point of life is to pass along your genes, in the long-term genetic competition within the species.

Anonymous wrote:Life would be so meaningless without children.

Anonymous wrote:I guess what it boils down to is a combination of biology (probably hormonally driven) and curiosity. I wanted to know what it's like to be pregnant, give birth, and raise a child. Imo it's a huge part of the human experience. I know that I would have wondered on what I was missing out on had we not gotten pregnant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My now-ex pressured me with the threat of divorce if I didn't relent and have our first child. We'd planned on having kids eventually but I was not yet ready. I gave in and he promptly made me the default parent and forced me to tank my career so he had free rein to pursue his.

I was the more talented and successful one but he used my pregnancy and breast feeding to paint me into the default parent corner. I eventually left.

After all he did, he actually ended up sucking at his job (big law) and being laid off in the big law purge a few years back.

Now i have 70/30 custody and do 100% of the doctors and dentist visits, organizing activities, and emotional support for our child. We have a great relationship and I'll never tell her that her origin story is so bleak. As she grows up she complains more and more about how her dad s always trying to make her do what he wants and "fox" what he sees as her flaws and misguided priorities. I tell her as calmly as I can that I understand and that sometimes it is hard for him to see other people's perspectives but she shouldn't take it personally.

I'm going to do my best to raise her to know she's in charge of her life.

I have always been a good parent but should not have had it forced on me. My life never recovered from having a child with a major asshole.

Own your choices, dear. No one "forced" you to get pregnant and have a child. Certainly not with a "major asshole." Maybe if you start accepting responsibility for your own choices you'll stop resenting your child so much.

Anonymous wrote:My now-ex pressured me with the threat of divorce if I didn't relent and have our first child. We'd planned on having kids eventually but I was not yet ready. I gave in and he promptly made me the default parent and forced me to tank my career so he had free rein to pursue his.

I was the more talented and successful one but he used my pregnancy and breast feeding to paint me into the default parent corner. I eventually left.

After all he did, he actually ended up sucking at his job (big law) and being laid off in the big law purge a few years back.

Now i have 70/30 custody and do 100% of the doctors and dentist visits, organizing activities, and emotional support for our child. We have a great relationship and I'll never tell her that her origin story is so bleak. As she grows up she complains more and more about how her dad s always trying to make her do what he wants and "fox" what he sees as her flaws and misguided priorities. I tell her as calmly as I can that I understand and that sometimes it is hard for him to see other people's perspectives but she shouldn't take it personally.

I'm going to do my best to raise her to know she's in charge of her life.

I have always been a good parent but should not have had it forced on me. My life never recovered from having a child with a major asshole.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. However, wanting kids is the strongest instinct I have ever had. I absolutely love being their mother. and I am sad that I may not be able to afford having a third.

Anonymous wrote:We wanted children ever since our 3rd date