Anonymous wrote:I guess I may be off base but it's how I feel. Like I said - holidays and birthdays are important to me. Will my daughter remember - no and am I planning to remind her about her grandparents not coming, no. But we will not have another time together (both families) again. It's sad they made that choice.

Birthdays and holidays are important. TO YOU. You're not just wrong on this, you're being an asshole. Guess what? I am not sure if I even HAD a first birthday party. And the one picture I have of me at my second birthday party is on a swingset swing, by myself. I have no idea if any of my grandparents were there, and now they're all DEAD so I can't ask them. But I don't give a crap. I have years and years of great memories of spending time with them. I remember how I gave my grandma a horse sticker and she put it on her purse and kept it there for weeks. I remember holding my grandpa's hand when we crossed the street. I remember drying dishes in my other grandma's kitchen while she told me stories about when she was young. I remember my other grandpa telling dirty jokes in front of me. I don't feel any feelings about them coming or not coming to birthday parties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relax people! I'm upset. Yes. Do I plan on dwelling on this forever, no. Is it about wanting to be at the center of the universe??! Are you f-zing crazy?

My family is important. If anyone in my family had a party planned and I was moving (again not a sudden thing). I would absolutely go. That's how I work. And I posed this question because I wasn't sure if I was an outlier in that thinking. I obviously am.

I make an effort, not everyone does. It's okay. I'm okay. Relax.

nvm. I see OP remains clueless.

Clueless and doesn't get that everyone doesn't think or feel [b]exactly the same way as she does.

OP - did your ILs apologize to your DH for not coming? Did they say anything about not planning wisely? I'd be ticked too that they couldn't plan ahead and knew about this awhile ago. But, you can't say anything to them. This is between DH and his parents. If he feels hurt then he could say something to them but I doubt it would do any good.

I haven't been on DCUM for several days, and this happened to be the very first thread I read today. Ahh, welcome back

Yes OP, you are completely off base

Anonymous wrote:Is it just me or is 3 hours WAY too long for a one year old's birthday party? These poor inlaws came up with moving as an excuse to get out of it and it still wasn't good enough.

It's not just you. Bonus points if the party occurred during naptime and the OP decided that her 1-year-old could handle it "because it's a special occasion."

Is it just me or is 3 hours WAY too long for a one year old's birthday party? These poor inlaws came up with moving as an excuse to get out of it and it still wasn't good enough.

Anonymous wrote:OP, out of curiosity, how did your wedding planning go? Are you still friends with your bridesmaids?

LMAO! I was just wondering the exact same thing!

Dear OP,

You asked in the original post if you are "completely off base", and the unanimous opinion of DCUM is that you are wrong.

Signed,

Collective opinion of DCUM

Anonymous wrote:My daughter will have many birthdays God willing and will we celebrate each one? Probably not. Will we celebrate the first? Absolutely! Why? Because she will have many other birthdays that she will forget and that others will forget. But it was important for me (yes ME)i is to have our all of our family together for at least one. And for us that was her birthday. It was the only time aside from our wedding that both of our families have all been together.

Sure they visit her once a month and that's really nice but like I said, it is important to me to have our family together for gatherings and since we don't do it often, this one was important. There is no need for personal attacks.

No need for personal attacks... except your own, on your in laws, of course. Plus the hand-wringing about how your husband's parents didn't bend to your specific wishes about your 1-year-old's birthday party. It's the only time THUS FAR that both your families have been together. If it's important to you to have family gatherings, host more family gatherings. If it's a priority to your family, they will show up. That your in laws called your husband to tell him they wouldn't be making it to the party tells us that a) they are communicating in a way that most of us would appreciate (I say this as the person who is the default communicator with DH's divorced parents, and it's a lot of work and quite annoying, even for someone who prioritizes family) and b) they knew that you would react in exactly the way you're reacting.

You have a baby. It's a rough ride, but you know what? It isn't going to get less rough with this kind of attitude. If your husband's parents make an effort to be involved in your daughter's life regularly (even monthly is regular to a lot of us - I see my parents once a year if that), that means more than whether they show up to a party that your child won't remember. Do not alienate them over this. You will regret it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot read through this but have to know: did anyone agree with OP??

There was one pp who said maybe grandparents could have made the effort, but not a big deal, but I suspect that was OP herself. This might be the second time we all agree on an issue, first being evil stepmom who wanted to ruin her SD's Halloween.

Yea, you know an OP is out of touch when all of DCUM agrees they are being ridiculous in an OP vs. in-laws post.

Who's keeping score? So far it's about 500 to 1. But OP's keeping up the fight. So tiresome.

Anonymous wrote:Birthday parties are not a big deal to me, I don't celebrate my own birthday ever. They were moving, she spoke to your DH,why does she have to talk to you? When ILS talk to their SILs there is all kind of outrage here as to why don't they just talk to their own son, but always demand stuff and blame DIL, now they spoke to him and it is still wrong. She is one year old. As they sound like good grandparents they will most likely show up with a present at another time, rather than taking time off during a move. The sense of entitlement here just reeks.

This. OP, you are being unreasonable. Why not focus on the wonderful party you had and the guests that could be there.

Are you always so easily offended?

Anonymous wrote:My daughter will have many birthdays God willing and will we celebrate each one? Probably not. Will we celebrate the first? Absolutely! Why? Because she will have many other birthdays that she will forget and that others will forget. But it was important for me (yes ME)i is to have our all of our family together for at least one. And for us that was her birthday. It was the only time aside from our wedding that both of our families have all been together.

Sure they visit her once a month and that's really nice but like I said, it is important to me to have our family together for gatherings and since we don't do it often, this one was important. There is no need for personal attacks.

SO WHAT? It was important to you and it didn't happen. Ok. You are disappointed. Ok. But it's done and there is nothing you can do to change that. So move on. It seems like what you want instead is to drag your ILs over the coals for not living up to your expectations or for not having the exact same planning style and values as you. Bad idea. Let it go!

My daughter will have many birthdays God willing and will we celebrate each one? Probably not. Will we celebrate the first? Absolutely! Why? Because she will have many other birthdays that she will forget and that others will forget. But it was important for me (yes ME)i is to have our all of our family together for at least one. And for us that was her birthday. It was the only time aside from our wedding that both of our families have all been together.

Sure they visit her once a month and that's really nice but like I said, it is important to me to have our family together for gatherings and since we don't do it often, this one was important. There is no need for personal attacks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a first birthday party. It seems that no one gives a F because no one gives a F. Certainly the birthday girl doesn't.

This x 1,000,000

They have very important and stressful things to do than attend a party hat the guest of honor won't remember and will have no idea why all these people are here. I never understood the point of first birthday parties because they're obviously only for the parents. Therefore I don't understand why someone would be mad that others don't attend.

I've never been to a first birthday party where the guest of honor was even awake for the whole thing!

Anonymous wrote:It's a first birthday party. It seems that no one gives a F because no one gives a F. Certainly the birthday girl doesn't.

This x 1,000,000

They have very important and stressful things to do than attend a party hat the guest of honor won't remember and will have no idea why all these people are here. I never understood the point of first birthday parties because they're obviously only for the parents. Therefore I don't understand why someone would be mad that others don't attend.