Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do too. I just don't get paid for it as I see no reason to take a job from someone who needs it. My moral responsibility is my family- always first- and then using my time and resources to help others.

NP here. You sound really classist and patronizing. Please stick to your mom gig and keep your 'help' to yourself.

No- it's annoying to hear what you choose to do constantly demeaned on here. Especially from people I don't believe, like the "human rights lawyer" eho found being a SAHM as a vacation. Talk about patronizing.

Eh, I stayed home for a few years with young kids when I was laid-off during the recession and it took a while to find a job that paid enough to justify the expense of childcare, and while it was a little stressful to have only one income and not know when I would find work again, my life was for sure easier when I was at home in comparison with when I was working.

Do you find that patronizing that I shared this experience?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do too. I just don't get paid for it as I see no reason to take a job from someone who needs it. My moral responsibility is my family- always first- and then using my time and resources to help others.

NP here. You sound really classist and patronizing. Please stick to your mom gig and keep your 'help' to yourself.

No- it's annoying to hear what you choose to do constantly demeaned on here. Especially from people I don't believe, like the "human rights lawyer" eho found being a SAHM as a vacation. Talk about patronizing.

Anonymous wrote:OP if you're still reading this post... I wish we could meet up! I'm in the same(ish) boat but with a 6 month old. She's only happy when we are on the move. We walk 5-7 miles a day. I'm really hoping for a mild or at least dry winter. DD is currently napping, once she's up we'll be headed to the Portrait Museum since it's raining.

I get the frustration, everyone says how happy she is. Yes she's happy as long as I don't stop moving!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In fairness, since you've never been home all day with three kids you have no idea what you are talking about.

Actually the two years when DH's job took us overseas (to a not at all glamorous post in the Sahel region in Africa) I was home with our young kids (6 mo, and 3y/o twins) and those were the easiest years of my life. My SAHM friends always talked about how hard it is to be home, but after experiencing it for myself I can say with certitude that taking care of the kids and home stuff on top of a demanding career is harder.

LOL. The only way this is possible is if you had a baby who slept like a champ and two easy 3 year olds -- the kind that will sit and color and do play doh all day. You certainly didn't have kids fighting all day long or climbing the walls while you try desperately to get a light sleeper to take a nap longer than 20 minutes. Also It's interesting that your "demanding career" lets you browse this website all day - if you're sitting at a computer with lots of downtime, that's an easy job.

NP here - I only post when I'm waiting at the doctor's office or in line at the post office or pumping. I bet most other folks are the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In fairness, since you've never been home all day with three kids you have no idea what you are talking about.

Actually the two years when DH's job took us overseas (to a not at all glamorous post in the Sahel region in Africa) I was home with our young kids (6 mo, and 3y/o twins) and those were the easiest years of my life. My SAHM friends always talked about how hard it is to be home, but after experiencing it for myself I can say with certitude that taking care of the kids and home stuff on top of a demanding career is harder.

LOL. The only way this is possible is if you had a baby who slept like a champ and two easy 3 year olds -- the kind that will sit and color and do play doh all day. You certainly didn't have kids fighting all day long or climbing the walls while you try desperately to get a light sleeper to take a nap longer than 20 minutes. Also It's interesting that your "demanding career" lets you browse this website all day - if you're sitting at a computer with lots of downtime, that's an easy job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In fairness, since you've never been home all day with three kids you have no idea what you are talking about.

Actually the two years when DH's job took us overseas (to a not at all glamorous post in the Sahel region in Africa) I was home with our young kids (6 mo, and 3y/o twins) and those were the easiest years of my life. My SAHM friends always talked about how hard it is to be home, but after experiencing it for myself I can say with certitude that taking care of the kids and home stuff on top of a demanding career is harder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

It doesn't make me ballistic but I can't imagine being a SAHM with a cleaning lady if I were middle class as you say. I sure hope you have a private retirement account.

LOL. I do have my own retirement account.
I am very comfortable because we have always lived below our means. When our peers were buying in Bethesda, Arlington, Potomac and Chevy Chase - we chose to live in a cheaper area. I am glad that my DH did not care about where we lived.

I also saved all my earnings and made it grow. I would not buy a designer bag or shoes (strictly Macy's and Kohls shopper), but I will pay for a cleaning lady. I am not middle class. I am DC middle class. Which is a whole different story. People's idea of wealth has changed here because they are so much in debt or have high mortgages or students loans or cost of Private schools, that they do not understand that a HHI of 200 - 300K is a huge amount of money everywhere else in the US.

What does a DC middle class HHI gets you in the suburbs - especially if your mortgage is low, retirement and college is taken care of, no student debt, no childcare cost, no private school cost and no botox ? A very relaxed life with drudge chores outsourced. I pay around 9K a year for my entire house cleaning and entire yard work. That is just 2 designer handbags for some, or a trip or two to the beach. I don't have the handbags and I don't like the beach.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do too. I just don't get paid for it as I see no reason to take a job from someone who needs it. My moral responsibility is my family- always first- and then using my time and resources to help others.

NP here. You sound really classist and patronizing. Please stick to your mom gig and keep your 'help' to yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do too. I just don't get paid for it as I see no reason to take a job from someone who needs it. My moral responsibility is my family- always first- and then using my time and resources to help others.

NP here. You sound really classist and patronizing. Please stick to your mom gig and keep your 'help' to yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In fairness, since you've never been home all day with three kids you have no idea what you are talking about.

Actually the two years when DH's job took us overseas (to a not at all glamorous post in the Sahel region in Africa) I was home with our young kids (6 mo, and 3y/o twins) and those were the easiest years of my life. My SAHM friends always talked about how hard it is to be home, but after experiencing it for myself I can say with certitude that taking care of the kids and home stuff on top of a demanding career is harder.

And he was traveling half the month? You didn't have domestic staff~ in Africa? Huh.

I completely agree with you though that working full time would be harder. I would miss my kids so much. I know that the bulk of the childcare would still fall on me as he travels so much. So, since I have the luxury of financial independence, I do what is easier and better for the entire family. Thats great that being on your own as a SAHM wasn't hard in any way for you, I'm surprised you chose to make such a hard life for yourself by working when you have three children. Maybe you don't have a choice. I'm sorry you find it so challenging.

Yes, my husband traveled extensively and we did not have household help. The logistics of a full time career and raising a family are much harder. Staying at home felt like a two year vacation. However, the difference I am able to make in the lives of so many as a human rights lawyer is incredibly fulfilling and has saved countless lives. I'm glad you feel fulfilled by being a SAHM but my sense of moral responsibility to work for justice do the poor, disenfranchised, persecuted, etc. extends further than that.

Anonymous wrote:I do too. I just don't get paid for it as I see no reason to take a job from someone who needs it. My moral responsibility is my family- always first- and then using my time and resources to help others.