Anonymous
11/20/2016 16:02
Subject: Re:Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
If there isn't enough space, there isn't enough space. How does being cramped and uncomfortable create family closeness?
Anonymous
11/20/2016 15:52
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
typical of you
Anonymous
11/20/2016 15:52
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
"typical or you" can mean a lot of things. She's saying there is a pattern of something ... (dcum would not know what this is) OR SIL is taking the liberty of teasing you, poking fun about something which means she thinks there is an easier give and take to this relationship than you do
Regardless. It does not matter. You are entitled to a preference. However it is not smart of you to make this a point of discussion, to make it a big deal. And you already have by making a big deal that you thought it needed posting about here - -
Regardless. It does not matter. You are entitled to a preference. However it is not smart of you to make this a point of discussion, to make it a big deal. And you already have by making a big deal that you thought it needed posting about here - -
Anonymous
11/20/2016 15:19
Subject: Re:Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
PP here. And if SIL is responding in this way, you can be pretty sure she doesn't like you and is merely putting up with this whole Thanksgiving ritual for her husband and kids, and now she may feel like her kids have been let down because the visit isn't what it had been planned for. SIL may be thinking, well, crap, I just do this so my kids have time with cousins, and now that will be minimized, so why am I doing all the cleaning and cooking for my inlaws again? At least you guys can now just acknowledge that you don't like each other, and you can establish wholly new traditions.
Anonymous
11/20/2016 15:15
Subject: Re:Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
The real issue is timing. If the tradition is that you all stay at the host's home, it is reasonable of rate host to have expected that unless you let her know in a timely manner. Did you just tell her in the past few days? If so, that's just rude. Also, your sister and you staying at the same hate seems to be moving the party elsewhere, or may feel that way if the first time the hostess hears about the visit not being truly at her house was via a relatively late announcement. The OP hasn't said anything to make us think that the SIL forces, or even pressures anyone to stay at there place. It's not as though a passive aggressive, and late, revolt was required.
Anonymous
11/20/2016 15:15
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
Even air mattresses in the play room require the host to organize the playroom, probably move toy boxes, furniture, toys around to accommodate the air mattresses. You still have the logistics of buying food/making meals to feed to overnight guests. Cleaning the guest bathroom, making sure that there are toiletries, toilet paper, tissue, etc on hand.
Now, if SIL is really and truly going through NO trouble for her guests - sending them to the store for their own food and telling them to haul the air mattresses out of the garage to blow up....see if you can clear a place over by the toy chest....
That's a different story of course.
Now, if SIL is really and truly going through NO trouble for her guests - sending them to the store for their own food and telling them to haul the air mattresses out of the garage to blow up....see if you can clear a place over by the toy chest....
That's a different story of course.
doodlebug
11/20/2016 15:06
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
This is a different scenario than the one OP described...didn't she say something about air mattresses in a play room? (I'm too lazy and caffeine deprived to go back and look....going to find some coffee.)Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Well, if I had spent time preparing guest rooms - making sure the beds had fresh linens, any storage items were removed from the room and put away somewhere, clearing out dressers drawers, making room in the closets, dusting, vacuuming, making sure the guest shower had soap/shampoo, Kleenex, toilet paper, etc....
And then the guests called to say..."Eh, I think I'll just stay in a hotel this time around." I would be aggravated.
This.
Anonymous
11/20/2016 14:30
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
Anonymous wrote:Well, if I had spent time preparing guest rooms - making sure the beds had fresh linens, any storage items were removed from the room and put away somewhere, clearing out dressers drawers, making room in the closets, dusting, vacuuming, making sure the guest shower had soap/shampoo, Kleenex, toilet paper, etc....
And then the guests called to say..."Eh, I think I'll just stay in a hotel this time around." I would be aggravated.
This.
Anonymous
11/20/2016 14:24
Subject: Re:Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
There has to be more to the story - I would never be upset or offended if an out of town family member chose to stay in a hotel, and I say this as someone from a family that bunks together. Your SIL is worked up about a nonissue.
Anonymous
11/20/2016 14:18
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
Op????? Fill us in with history please.
Anonymous
11/20/2016 14:17
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
Anonymous wrote:I enver understand people who invite family or friends to stay in their home and then poing them to an air mattress.
Give up your own freaking bed if it means that much to you to have them under the same roof.
This makes me so mad! My parents complained and complained that we never visit them. When we finally drove 10 hours to their 5,000 sqft house in the middle of nowhere, I found out that they hadn't bothered to set up a guest room! There were 2 twin beds for myself, my 6 foot tall husband and my daughter. I had to share a twin bed with my daughter - it was horrible! They got mad when we booked a hotel the second night. After driving that long, we needed a good nights sleep before we could tackle that drive again. Never again!
Anonymous
11/20/2016 14:12
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Well, if I had spent time preparing guest rooms - making sure the beds had fresh linens, any storage items were removed from the room and put away somewhere, clearing out dressers drawers, making room in the closets, dusting, vacuuming, making sure the guest shower had soap/shampoo, Kleenex, toilet paper, etc....
And then the guests called to say..."Eh, I think I'll just stay in a hotel this time around." I would be aggravated.
Were these fresh linens or just washed and put back on the last time you did the sheets. Like really really fresh? Not dusty?
Fresh. As in freshly washed.
Also, the host may have bought food in preparation for her house guests. Maybe she made some special meals in advance and popped them into the freezer to enjoy during their visit.
It's hard to meal plan if you don't know when they'll be there or if they've eaten beforehand at the hotel, etc. Don't get me wrong, I think that there is nothing wrong with staying in a hotel. But tell the host well in advance so that she doesn't waste her time preparing her house for you.
Anonymous
11/20/2016 14:07
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
Anonymous wrote:Well, if I had spent time preparing guest rooms - making sure the beds had fresh linens, any storage items were removed from the room and put away somewhere, clearing out dressers drawers, making room in the closets, dusting, vacuuming, making sure the guest shower had soap/shampoo, Kleenex, toilet paper, etc....
And then the guests called to say..."Eh, I think I'll just stay in a hotel this time around." I would be aggravated.
Were these fresh linens or just washed and put back on the last time you did the sheets. Like really really fresh? Not dusty?
Anonymous
11/20/2016 14:05
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
Well, if I had spent time preparing guest rooms - making sure the beds had fresh linens, any storage items were removed from the room and put away somewhere, clearing out dressers drawers, making room in the closets, dusting, vacuuming, making sure the guest shower had soap/shampoo, Kleenex, toilet paper, etc....
And then the guests called to say..."Eh, I think I'll just stay in a hotel this time around." I would be aggravated.
And then the guests called to say..."Eh, I think I'll just stay in a hotel this time around." I would be aggravated.
Anonymous
11/20/2016 14:04
Subject: Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Fine for you to stay in a hotel. What's the backstory here? I'm guessing there's a history which contributed to why she's upset?
Maybe she had happy images of you all in the kitchen together or special moments shared late in the evening over drinks? Your staying at a hotel may signify to her a withdrawal from the event. She's angry and sad that her thoughts about you guys playing with her kids, a house full of laughter and family have been taken away from her.
Money is never money. Time is never time. This hotel is not just a hotel. It means something else.
Bring an activity you can do with the kids, and a bottle of something you guys can share after they're in bed. It'll announce that you're only going to the hotel for sleep. You'll be there for morning coffee. You'll be part of the team, part of the family.
She's probably so stressed out trying to bring this beautiful vision into being that your email hit her hard. Be kind, if you can.
This may be true, but the email she sent OP was completely inappropriate and out of line.
And, you've NEVER said something in the heat of the moment that you've come to regret? Never felt abandoned and lashed out? Congrats on living a charmed life.
Did I miss where the sil reached out to express regret for her heat of the moment email?