Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't your SON discuss it with you?

+1 And, your 'lifelong friends' are not her friends. It sounds like your DS and DIL want to start their own tradition. Don't know why you're blaming it on your DIL.

Actually I am with OP and my kids are still in elementary so this is not an issue I have any experience with right now. I think with such a tradition rich holiday as Thanksgiving when OP has hosted for many years it was insensitive at best but quite manipulative of the DIL to take over as she did without even mentioning her desire to start hosting. Nothing wrong with DIL wanting to start her own traditions but she did not show any care or respect to others. Her lack of consideration and communication is not what Thanksgiving is about nor how one should treat family.

OP has said in previous posts that her lifelong friends have been a part of Thanksgiving much longer than DIL has been around. That implies a certain lack of respect for the place the DIL has in the family.

In addition to being hurt that DIL didn't ask for permission to host Thanksgiving, she's also hurt that DIL doesn't want to use MIL's china at her house. Oy. OP sounds super controlling and inflexible. I can understand why her son decided to be passive aggressive and not give her a heads up. Note that I say SON not DIL. When there are sensitive situations like this, it's the responsibility of the son to talk to his mom - not to make his wife do it for him. If anyone dropped the ball on giving OP advance notice, it was her son - not his wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get past the evite. Who uses evite to invite their parents and siblings to Thanksgiving dinner?

And I am on no one's team here, just think that part is so odd.

I just used evite for 10 people for my daughter's second birthday "party." Work is crazy and it's easier than keeping straight in my head who all I need to make sure to have enough pizza and cupcakes for. And for who got invited to begin with, i.e. I didn't forget anyone accidentally.

That is a completely normal and appropriate use of Evite. Using Evite to inform your IL's that you're not coming to their Thanksgiving as you have in years past, and are freezing out their family friends who typically attended their Thanksgiving as well, is neither normal nor appropriate.

Okay, but shouldn't it be her son's responsibility to talk to his mom about the change of plans. I fail to see how this is the DIL's fault just because she created the evite account with her email address.

Also, the MIL is hurt that the DIL does not want to use MIL's china. Offering to bring china to someone else's house is beyond controlling and could offer a glimpse as to why her son did not want to talk to her about this ahead of time.

I think it's clear that OP is simplifying this situation to garner sympathy. Fess up, OP. Your China comment shows there's clearly some issues, and that your not an innocent victim in this relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get past the evite. Who uses evite to invite their parents and siblings to Thanksgiving dinner?

And I am on no one's team here, just think that part is so odd.

I just used evite for 10 people for my daughter's second birthday "party." Work is crazy and it's easier than keeping straight in my head who all I need to make sure to have enough pizza and cupcakes for. And for who got invited to begin with, i.e. I didn't forget anyone accidentally.

That is a completely normal and appropriate use of Evite. Using Evite to inform your IL's that you're not coming to their Thanksgiving as you have in years past, and are freezing out their family friends who typically attended their Thanksgiving as well, is neither normal nor appropriate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't your SON discuss it with you?

+1 And, your 'lifelong friends' are not her friends. It sounds like your DS and DIL want to start their own tradition. Don't know why you're blaming it on your DIL.

Actually I am with OP and my kids are still in elementary so this is not an issue I have any experience with right now. I think with such a tradition rich holiday as Thanksgiving when OP has hosted for many years it was insensitive at best but quite manipulative of the DIL to take over as she did without even mentioning her desire to start hosting. Nothing wrong with DIL wanting to start her own traditions but she did not show any care or respect to others. Her lack of consideration and communication is not what Thanksgiving is about nor how one should treat family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get past the evite. Who uses evite to invite their parents and siblings to Thanksgiving dinner?

And I am on no one's team here, just think that part is so odd.

I just used evite for 10 people for my daughter's second birthday "party." Work is crazy and it's easier than keeping straight in my head who all I need to make sure to have enough pizza and cupcakes for. And for who got invited to begin with, i.e. I didn't forget anyone accidentally.

There is nothing wrong with an Evite in general. Your daugther's bday is presumably not a major holiday where people are expected to have their own ideas and hopes, so no pre-evite discussion is warranted.

An Evite is pretty inappropriate for close family about Thanksgiving before any discussion. But maybe this MIL earned herself that curt treatment by being the type of crazy to suggest her own dishes be used at her DIL's house.

Anonymous wrote:I can't get past the evite. Who uses evite to invite their parents and siblings to Thanksgiving dinner?

And I am on no one's team here, just think that part is so odd.

I just used evite for 10 people for my daughter's second birthday "party." Work is crazy and it's easier than keeping straight in my head who all I need to make sure to have enough pizza and cupcakes for. And for who got invited to begin with, i.e. I didn't forget anyone accidentally.

Anonymous wrote:I can't get past the evite. Who uses evite to invite their parents and siblings to Thanksgiving dinner?

And I am on no one's team here, just think that part is so odd.

It leads me to believe this has been discussed in the past ...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The evite was passive-aggressive but at this point, what's done is done. You can either decline or accept. If you accept, why not do another Thanksgiving dinner (different date) with your friends as well? Btw, even if your DIL sent the evite, your contact person should be your son.

Because then they wouldn't be with us on Thanksgiving. It would just be an everyday dinner party.

OP, I can see why your son avoided talking to you ahead of time - you seem very inflexible and set in your ways. Still, if you're this upset, he's the person you need to talk to. So, I'll ask again:

Why haven't you called your son?

Yeah, you're just looking to wallow in your anger and spitefulness.

I'm a DIL and would never do this to my MIL and FIL, who host a very different kind of Thanksgiving than what I prefer. I think it's shockingly rude of your son and DIL to invite the family to a Thanksgiving dinner at their house when you traditionally host... without even giving you a heads-up.

Not only that, but it puts the other guests in a really awkward position.

My MIL and FIL are like you and have a lot of extended family and some friends who come, each and every year.

Your son should have discussed it with you first, period. This is on him. For all you know, your DIL assumed he had.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The evite was passive-aggressive but at this point, what's done is done. You can either decline or accept. If you accept, why not do another Thanksgiving dinner (different date) with your friends as well? Btw, even if your DIL sent the evite, your contact person should be your son.

Because then they wouldn't be with us on Thanksgiving. It would just be an everyday dinner party.

OP, I can see why your son avoided talking to you ahead of time - you seem very inflexible and set in your ways. Still, if you're this upset, he's the person you need to talk to. So, I'll ask again:

Why haven't you called your son?

My money is on the following: OPs son and DIL decided they wanted to host Thanksgiving this year to start establishing their own traditions; OPs son knew she would react this way and refused to talk to his mom about it because he didn't want to hear it; DIL went ahead with sending out the invite because she also didn't want to have to deal with OPs reaction (and why should she if OPs son wouldn't do it himself?); OP reacted exactly as expected, blamed DIL (DIL likely was expecting this, thus the no-conversation-before-evite), and OP is going to huff and puff and throw a fit ruining her own Thanksgiving while the kids enjoy their new tradition of Thanksgiving at their home.

+1 THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to call your son.

Right now you're just hiding behind the excuse that the evite was from the DIL's email address, so it's just from her. This seems like a defense mechanism to let your son completely off the hook and place all your hurt feelings solely on your DIL.

Call your son.

If anyone needed to talk to you about this ahead of time, it was him. This was not your DIL's responsibility. He knows your traditions/expectations and he wanted to start a new tradition with his nuclear family, so it was his responsibility to call you and talk about it. Since he didn't do that, and your feelings are hurt, it's now on you to call him. Do not put your DIL in the middle of this.

+1

Why haven't you called your son?

Because she wants to be offended and upset with her DIL.

Winner winner chicken dinner.

Anonymous wrote:I can't get past the evite. Who uses evite to invite their parents and siblings to Thanksgiving dinner?

And I am on no one's team here, just think that part is so odd.

Everyone uses evite these days, it is just easier and the thing to do. I don't get any invites, family or not, wedding, bar mitzvahs, birthdays, that are not on evite. Update that spam filter because the times they are a changing!

Anonymous wrote:I can't get past the evite. Who uses evite to invite their parents and siblings to Thanksgiving dinner?

And I am on no one's team here, just think that part is so odd.

Apparently a family where it's totally cool to offer to bring china to somebody else's home. They all sounds like peas in a pod.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The evite was passive-aggressive but at this point, what's done is done. You can either decline or accept. If you accept, why not do another Thanksgiving dinner (different date) with your friends as well? Btw, even if your DIL sent the evite, your contact person should be your son.

Because then they wouldn't be with us on Thanksgiving. It would just be an everyday dinner party.

OP, I can see why your son avoided talking to you ahead of time - you seem very inflexible and set in your ways. Still, if you're this upset, he's the person you need to talk to. So, I'll ask again:

Why haven't you called your son?

My money is on the following: OPs son and DIL decided they wanted to host Thanksgiving this year to start establishing their own traditions; OPs son knew she would react this way and refused to talk to his mom about it because he didn't want to hear it; DIL went ahead with sending out the invite because she also didn't want to have to deal with OPs reaction (and why should she if OPs son wouldn't do it himself?); OP reacted exactly as expected, blamed DIL (DIL likely was expecting this, thus the no-conversation-before-evite), and OP is going to huff and puff and throw a fit ruining her own Thanksgiving while the kids enjoy their new tradition of Thanksgiving at their home.