Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your Dad is few hours away, correct? So you are not in fact providing full time hospice care for him? Or is he living with you? I thought you said he is few hours away?

Op doesn't say that she is providing hands on hospice care. She is saying that she and her sister are doing their best to help their dad long distance and Op has stated that she had to take time off to go to him for a few days, her husband wound up having to travel for work and only her in-laws were willing to come to help out with the kids while Op was out of town taking care of her dad. Op's mom is off having a good time and won't even acknowledge that her daughters are having a difficult and stressful time of it.

That just confirms it that OP inherited her attitude from her mom. She had to go see her Dad and excepted her mom to drop everything and come help. I accept that OP is stressed out and having a hard time, but I just can't get over that original post. It really sounds, like mother, like daughter scenario. I think if mom was still married to OP's dad OP would not lift a finger to help out, seeing how put off she is with going to visit her terminally ill father.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Jesus. First, obviously, my comment about my mother "finishing the gig" was not meant to be literal. It's a frustration venting comment that is nonsensical. As I said, I am good with their divorce. I don't have an issue with her moving on with her life. And I absolutely do not think it's necessary for my mother to take care of my father.

What I am struggling with is the reality of losing my father to a horrific terminal illness, the demands of his care, the demands of my kids and marriage, and my career while getting complaints from my mother that we had to cancel apple picking with her because my father's health went sideways and he ended up in the ICU. I am struggling with the emotional loss and the fact that when I do bring up how hard it's been, my mother's response is less kind than my neighbor. I am struggling with the fact that despite my open invitation to come and visit with the kids, she won't do it unless I'm here, we've planned something fun because "grandmas don't babysit - they visit." Literally words, people. I am struggling because my mother is pretending that this isn't happening and expects me to live in the same strange non-reality, reality.

I had a long conversation with my sister last night. She got it even worse in terms of the guilting about not getting equal amounts of attention. We both are sort of agape at the whole thing because my father has months -- most likely -- to live. And I don't think either of us really want much to do with our mother right now because she's just being so difficult.

Anonymous wrote:Their marriage ended. Your mother is no longer responsible for your father and she doesn't owe it to you to take him on. Do what you can for your father to the extent you can, as his child. It's as if he was a widower. This doesn't have anything to do with you mother anymore.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Jesus. First, obviously, my comment about my mother "finishing the gig" was not meant to be literal. It's a frustration venting comment that is nonsensical. As I said, I am good with their divorce. I don't have an issue with her moving on with her life. And I absolutely do not think it's necessary for my mother to take care of my father.

What I am struggling with is the reality of losing my father to a horrific terminal illness, the demands of his care, the demands of my kids and marriage, and my career while getting complaints from my mother that we had to cancel apple picking with her because my father's health went sideways and he ended up in the ICU. I am struggling with the emotional loss and the fact that when I do bring up how hard it's been, my mother's response is less kind than my neighbor. I am struggling with the fact that despite my open invitation to come and visit with the kids, she won't do it unless I'm here, we've planned something fun because "grandmas don't babysit - they visit." Literally words, people. I am struggling because my mother is pretending that this isn't happening and expects me to live in the same strange non-reality, reality.

I had a long conversation with my sister last night. She got it even worse in terms of the guilting about not getting equal amounts of attention. We both are sort of agape at the whole thing because my father has months -- most likely -- to live. And I don't think either of us really want much to do with our mother right now because she's just being so difficult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your Dad is few hours away, correct? So you are not in fact providing full time hospice care for him? Or is he living with you? I thought you said he is few hours away?

Op doesn't say that she is providing hands on hospice care. She is saying that she and her sister are doing their best to help their dad long distance and Op has stated that she had to take time off to go to him for a few days, her husband wound up having to travel for work and only her in-laws were willing to come to help out with the kids while Op was out of town taking care of her dad. Op's mom is off having a good time and won't even acknowledge that her daughters are having a difficult and stressful time of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is going to reap what she sows. She won't get the relationship with your, your sister, or her grandchildren, because you are all too effing busy taking care of your father. To Pp's who don't seem to get it--sure, mom has no obligation to her ex husband. She still has obligations to her children, FFS. Or not, but then don't complain when no one visits her when she's old and boyfriend has bailed.

Oh please. They are divorced for a reason.

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is going to reap what she sows. She won't get the relationship with your, your sister, or her grandchildren, because you are all too effing busy taking care of your father. To Pp's who don't seem to get it--sure, mom has no obligation to her ex husband. She still has obligations to her children, FFS. Or not, but then don't complain when no one visits her when she's old and boyfriend has bailed.

Anonymous wrote:Your Dad is few hours away, correct? So you are not in fact providing full time hospice care for him? Or is he living with you? I thought you said he is few hours away?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Jesus. First, obviously, my comment about my mother "finishing the gig" was not meant to be literal. It's a frustration venting comment that is nonsensical. As I said, I am good with their divorce. I don't have an issue with her moving on with her life. And I absolutely do not think it's necessary for my mother to take care of my father.

What I am struggling with is the reality of losing my father to a horrific terminal illness, the demands of his care, the demands of my kids and marriage, and my career while getting complaints from my mother that we had to cancel apple picking with her because my father's health went sideways and he ended up in the ICU. I am struggling with the emotional loss and the fact that when I do bring up how hard it's been, my mother's response is less kind than my neighbor. I am struggling with the fact that despite my open invitation to come and visit with the kids, she won't do it unless I'm here, we've planned something fun because "grandmas don't babysit - they visit." Literally words, people. I am struggling because my mother is pretending that this isn't happening and expects me to live in the same strange non-reality, reality.

I had a long conversation with my sister last night. She got it even worse in terms of the guilting about not getting equal amounts of attention. We both are sort of agape at the whole thing because my father has months -- most likely -- to live. And I don't think either of us really want much to do with our mother right now because she's just being so difficult.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Jesus. First, obviously, my comment about my mother "finishing the gig" was not meant to be literal. It's a frustration venting comment that is nonsensical. As I said, I am good with their divorce. I don't have an issue with her moving on with her life. And I absolutely do not think it's necessary for my mother to take care of my father.

What I am struggling with is the reality of losing my father to a horrific terminal illness, the demands of his care, the demands of my kids and marriage, and my career while getting complaints from my mother that we had to cancel apple picking with her because my father's health went sideways and he ended up in the ICU. I am struggling with the emotional loss and the fact that when I do bring up how hard it's been, my mother's response is less kind than my neighbor. I am struggling with the fact that despite my open invitation to come and visit with the kids, she won't do it unless I'm here, we've planned something fun because "grandmas don't babysit - they visit." Literally words, people. I am struggling because my mother is pretending that this isn't happening and expects me to live in the same strange non-reality, reality.

I had a long conversation with my sister last night. She got it even worse in terms of the guilting about not getting equal amounts of attention. We both are sort of agape at the whole thing because my father has months -- most likely -- to live. And I don't think either of us really want much to do with our mother right now because she's just being so difficult.