Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We can't afford college for him if he doesn't get merit aid

This is a parenting fail
Knowing how he can finance his own education (even if it's with loans he owes) without assuming merit aid, should have been your job #1

Oh for crying out loud, no it isn't.

Depends on when she told him. If he's known throughout HS that his college options are limited and that they'll involve debt and/or merit aid, then not a fail. If he's been encouraged for years to find his dream school, only to be told the reality of his situation in the fall of his Senior year, then yeah it's a major fail and would account for some of the behavior being described.

He is sabotaging the process out of fear, most likely. Having gone through college app with my DC last year, I don't blame him. There is so much unnecessary pressure, the whole game is very convoluted, too many hoops to jump through...

Let this latest episode slide. It will all work out, you will see

Anonymous wrote:

We can't afford college for him if he doesn't get merit aid

This is a parenting fail
Knowing how he can finance his own education (even if it's with loans he owes) without assuming merit aid, should have been your job #1

Oh for crying out loud, no it isn't.

OP again. DS blew off a visit to his high school from one of the colleges he's applying to!! I had to leave the house when I heard this one! I felt like yelling at him, but instead I told him I had errands to run. I'm really incredulous he would take such a casual attitude toward this process! He's a good student and normally a responsible kid. He told me he "forgot" about the visit even though DH reminded him of it (at my urging). I don't know what to think....

OP checking in... I've turned it over DH which has eased DS's anxiety, I think. I told DH what to do, and he just does it and doesn't take any crap from DS. Last night DH came home from work and immdiately ordered DS to sit down and work on his applications. He made DS email him every essay he wrote, so DS couldn't pretend he was working on his applications while he was doing something else on his computer. I kept out of it all, which was very hard for me!

Tomorrow, I was supposed to take DS to an interview, but I told DH to cancel it. It kills me to do this because DS could get more merit money if he showed up for an interview. I feel so conflicted about this decision. On the one hand, an interview could help DS, but on the other hand, it takes a lot of time out of my day, and the last time I took DS for an interview, he acted uninterested and indifferent!

With 10 days to go, we'll see if this works. It's hard for DH who is going through a lot of work stress. But it would be worse for all of us if DS didn't get enough money to go to college.

When I went to college, I applied to three schools, wrote three essays, got three acceptances. Done. DS is applying to 10 colleges, with extra essays and questions for several of them, and separate applications for some scholarships. It IS a lot of work. Sigh. Breathe....breathe....breathe....

When did you explain very clearly to him that you can't afford college w/o merit aid? And are there schools he was interested in that aren't on his list because of finances?

^this. . And it is too gd expensive to go if you are not committed. You dont have a buy in yet, OP, so this is a mistake and he is clearly telling you that.

I should say that the tech. drawing degree was a vocational or community college "degree".

Anonymous wrote:Step out of the picture and let him fail up. Next year's apps will be great and you won't have to lift a finger! No big fight, just 'Honey I'm done".

+1

A lot of kids just don't see the point of college and they think it would be great to start earning money right away.... until they see all their friends leaving for college and they are staying in the same place. When they see other kids passing them by, then they will see the point and do a great job.

I have a friend who got a tech. drawing degree. Worked, had a jeep and a girlfriend and spending money. That was all fine until he saw that the guys who went to college were getting the promotions and he wasn't. Went back to school at 25 yrs old and got his mech. eng. degree and had a very successful career. If he had gone to college right away, he would have failed out. But, once it was HIS decision based on HIS goals (i.e. not being skipped over for promotions), then it all fell into place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 boys who have successfully attended college and graduated in 4 years ( without going to summer school) and my DH and I helped with applications. The kids wrote the essays and we navigated every school's website and nuances (sending SAT score etc). My kids went to selective schools so there were very few common app only schools. Do any of you realize some schools can have 7-8 additional essays in addition to the common app? The application process is nuts and very time consuming. Many of you will balk a this, but my kids each applied to 12 schools. When you are looking for merit and selective schools, it is imperative that you cast a wide net. This board is very quick to shout Community College and gap year. Disregard and help him. Good luck.

If you're looking for merit money, the schools aren't even selective and it's pretty straight forward where you're going to get the most money. Sounds like you're just a bored SAHM who was living through your kids during the admissions process. No need for a dozen apps - especially if the kids didn't have the time to process them themselves.

Now we've got the bitter working parent chiming in to throw an insult about SAHMs. PP please ignore that. Posts from those that have been through this are helpful.

Step out of the picture and let him fail up. Next year's apps will be great and you won't have to lift a finger! No big fight, just 'Honey I'm done".

Stop nagging and dragging. Smile at him and tell him you love him and you know he can handle this decision about where to apply. Tell him that want to support him in the best way for you both so you will wait for him to let you know if he needs a hand. And then say the following, "I think we all need to remember not to get too wrapped up in the process. If going off to college next year is the right thing for you, I know you will make it happen. If it isn't, we will get you set up for a year or two at NOVA and you can get a job someplace and work while you work toward the goals you set for yourself."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 boys who have successfully attended college and graduated in 4 years ( without going to summer school) and my DH and I helped with applications. The kids wrote the essays and we navigated every school's website and nuances (sending SAT score etc). My kids went to selective schools so there were very few common app only schools. Do any of you realize some schools can have 7-8 additional essays in addition to the common app? The application process is nuts and very time consuming. Many of you will balk a this, but my kids each applied to 12 schools. When you are looking for merit and selective schools, it is imperative that you cast a wide net. This board is very quick to shout Community College and gap year. Disregard and help him. Good luck.

If you're looking for merit money, the schools aren't even selective and it's pretty straight forward where you're going to get the most money. Sounds like you're just a bored SAHM who was living through your kids during the admissions process. No need for a dozen apps - especially if the kids didn't have the time to process them themselves.

This poster has no idea what he/she is talking about. Many schools that offer merit money are indeed selective, as is the competition for merit scholarships. There are many essays to write, interviews to shine at, and other hurdles to overcome. Ignore that comment and gently help your son along right now so that he at least has options come spring. This is such a tough, stressful time for all seniors, and the schools do very little to help them. It is certainly within your parental role to assist if needed.

I think most of the posters have not had students applying to college recently. It is a daunting prospect. OP do what is best for your family and realize that each applicant is slightly different in what he needs to focus on. Good luck and let us know later how it all went.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for saying this! This is exactly how I feel. Only I'm carrying a cursing, snarling, nasty SOB over the finish line who is fighting me every step of the way!! And he's heavy!! I have the wounds (psychic ones) to prove it! I got DH to sit down with him last night and go over his applications. I cancelled an interview I was going to take him to -- I'm not subjecting myself to more abuse from him on the drive, and have him act indifferent when we get there! The colleges do say interviews are important, but why bother if he's not going to show his best face (and he has one, but he doesn't show it to me).

Okay, that just doesn't sound like the usual teenage moodiness or anxiety that many show.

Community college. End of story . Save some money, let him decide if college is his thing. He sounds like he could take it or leave it.