Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Note to Angry Bad Lay Dude:

Yes, you should be able to feel how your partner's body is responding to you and proceed accordingly. That's what every good lover does. Communication is fine. It's great. However, if you're good in bed she doesn't t need to be talking you through what she wants. I couldn't relax and enjoy sex if I had to talk the guy through it. Fortunately I don't have to.

Similarly, I've gotten high marks from guys I've been with (including my husband of 10 years) because I pay close attention and do what I can tell feels the best.

That's how it works. Sorry that makes you angry.

+1

+ 2
This sums it up quite nicely

Anonymous wrote:Note to Angry Bad Lay Dude:

Yes, you should be able to feel how your partner's body is responding to you and proceed accordingly. That's what every good lover does. Communication is fine. It's great. However, if you're good in bed she doesn't t need to be talking you through what she wants. I couldn't relax and enjoy sex if I had to talk the guy through it. Fortunately I don't have to.

Similarly, I've gotten high marks from guys I've been with (including my husband of 10 years) because I pay close attention and do what I can tell feels the best.

That's how it works. Sorry that makes you angry.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ I never come with oral. I've never liked it, even with guys who are such good lovers I know they are probably great at it (and do it enthusiastically).

Not everything works for everyone.

A good lover listens to the partner's body and goes with what's working.

There are few things worse than a man who thinks what he's doing is the gold standard and pretty much expects you to dig it.

Listens to her body? Like, her vagina is going to tell me "yeah that's good keep doing that"?

It is better for all concerned if she is clear and explicit about what she wants. Yeah yeah, I know, that's not how women, the supposed experts at communication, like to "communicate".

Sorry that you are bad in bed and this thread has hit a nerve


Sorry dudes- we are sick and tired and we aren't going to take it (specifically, lie back and take it) anymore!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here....I'm not really talking about communication or lack thereof. I have no problem expressing what I want. My problem is DH just flat out says "that's not what I want to do". Other than this, he isn't selfish in any way at all.

I don't think he has bad intentions. I think it's a combination of lack of knowledge how women work, embarrassment that he can't get it right, and he has this idea that women think it's sexy to be bossed around in bed (which may be true, but not in the way he does it).

If that's not what he wants to do, then you have every right not to do what he wants to do either. He wants PIV? Tough. He wants a BJ? You don't want to do that. Until he can learn to reciprocate, then don't participate. You cannot allow someone to be so selfish in bed and continue to have sex with you. It's not good for you- you are not a real doll!

I just want to better understand your perspective. For a man who willingly performs but whose wife never does, I assume you agree it's ok for him to cut her off as well, right? I agree with that sentiment by the way. But usually women think men *have* to perform since that's the main way many women climax.

Huh? anyone has the right to say no to sex. Period. And it's even more justified when someone is never getting off. If a man is having sex with a woman and never getting off then yes, of course he has every right to stop sex. And that goes doubly for women

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here, stop complaining and tell us exactly what you want to get the Big O! No hinting!

If you genuinely don't know what it takes but are willing to follow instructions, this post is not about you. This post is about men who don't care what it takes. Or they say they care, in theory, but don't really want to do any work to get there. I also need to tell you that when a man who doesn't naturally like giving oral is told to give oral, it never feels good.

DH here and in a million years I won't understand how any man doesn't like giving oral to his woman. One of the most intense, intimate, erotic things there is, and in my experience women never, ever come better than with oral

My husband won't do it. He's a repressed Catholic and has never had a woman teach him. He's tried a few times but it's just awkward. There's no point because he won't relax and then I can't enjoy it.

Am I married to your husband? Oh, wait, I'm not -- yours actually tried it.

Note to Angry Bad Lay Dude:

Yes, you should be able to feel how your partner's body is responding to you and proceed accordingly. That's what every good lover does. Communication is fine. It's great. However, if you're good in bed she doesn't t need to be talking you through what she wants. I couldn't relax and enjoy sex if I had to talk the guy through it. Fortunately I don't have to.

Similarly, I've gotten high marks from guys I've been with (including my husband of 10 years) because I pay close attention and do what I can tell feels the best.

That's how it works. Sorry that makes you angry.

Oops hit send too soon. Sorry PP but if you are a giving partner you can learn to read their signals and body language that things feel good.

You seem angry and you are blaming your partners for bad sex. But it takes two to tango.

You are an adult correct? If so, find a cougar to show you the works. Young women are more uptight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ I never come with oral. I've never liked it, even with guys who are such good lovers I know they are probably great at it (and do it enthusiastically).

Not everything works for everyone.

A good lover listens to the partner's body and goes with what's working.

There are few things worse than a man who thinks what he's doing is the gold standard and pretty much expects you to dig it.

Listens to her body? Like, her vagina is going to tell me "yeah that's good keep doing that"?

It is better for all concerned if she is clear and explicit about what she wants. Yeah yeah, I know, that's not how women, the supposed experts at communication, like to "communicate".

My DH can take me right to the edge then stop. He can tell by my reaction that I'm about to come. I guess I hold my breath and I get a certain tension. He likes to tease me sometimes then when I finally do have an orgasm it's even more intense.

Anonymous wrote:^^ I never come with oral. I've never liked it, even with guys who are such good lovers I know they are probably great at it (and do it enthusiastically).

Not everything works for everyone.

A good lover listens to the partner's body and goes with what's working.

There are few things worse than a man who thinks what he's doing is the gold standard and pretty much expects you to dig it.

Listens to her body? Like, her vagina is going to tell me "yeah that's good keep doing that"?

It is better for all concerned if she is clear and explicit about what she wants. Yeah yeah, I know, that's not how women, the supposed experts at communication, like to "communicate".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ I never come with oral. I've never liked it, even with guys who are such good lovers I know they are probably great at it (and do it enthusiastically).

Not everything works for everyone.

A good lover listens to the partner's body and goes with what's working.

There are few things worse than a man who thinks what he's doing is the gold standard and pretty much expects you to dig it.

Yeah, well it's no picnic for the guy who's giving it his best effort based on what he has found precious partners to like and getting the starfish response, either.

I'm sorry you are apparently an unskilled lover. Posting all over this thread isn't going to help you though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here....I'm not really talking about communication or lack thereof. I have no problem expressing what I want. My problem is DH just flat out says "that's not what I want to do". Other than this, he isn't selfish in any way at all.

I don't think he has bad intentions. I think it's a combination of lack of knowledge how women work, embarrassment that he can't get it right, and he has this idea that women think it's sexy to be bossed around in bed (which may be true, but not in the way he does it).

If that's not what he wants to do, then you have every right not to do what he wants to do either. He wants PIV? Tough. He wants a BJ? You don't want to do that. Until he can learn to reciprocate, then don't participate. You cannot allow someone to be so selfish in bed and continue to have sex with you. It's not good for you- you are not a real doll!

+1000. How can you possibly know who is winning if you don't keep score?

Anonymous wrote:^^ I never come with oral. I've never liked it, even with guys who are such good lovers I know they are probably great at it (and do it enthusiastically).

Not everything works for everyone.

A good lover listens to the partner's body and goes with what's working.

There are few things worse than a man who thinks what he's doing is the gold standard and pretty much expects you to dig it.

Yeah, well it's no picnic for the guy who's giving it his best effort based on what he has found precious partners to like and getting the starfish response, either.

OP, I suggest you read a book called Passionate Marriage. It is about how to improve your married sex life. And it deals with what to do about guys who flat out just refuse to do things their wives want.

I mean, you guys need to talk. If what you want to do is normal and not some fetishistic thing, why doesn't he want to do it? Fear of failure? Just not to his taste? What? Does he consider how you feel if you make a reasonable request and he flat out refuses you? Have you told him that this *hurts* you? You guys have to talk. If he refuses to talk to you, tell him that this is not good enough.

My DH refused to talk about sex and I let it go far too long. In the end I had to have a frank conversation with him that our sex life was deeply unsatisfying to me and there was no way I was going to continue the way we had because it was unfair to me and I'd rather not have any sexual contact at all than have something that was not truly mutual. He took it badly, moped for awhile, etc. But eventually, ahem, rose to the occasion. Our sex life improved dramatically. But I had to change myself, too. I had to insist on things. And I had to face up to my own discomforts and hang-ups in the sexual part of our relationship. It's easy to blame someone else; harder to look at yourself. Easy to blame someone for rejecting you; harder to look at yourself and ask yourself, why do you accept that answer. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here....I'm not really talking about communication or lack thereof. I have no problem expressing what I want. My problem is DH just flat out says "that's not what I want to do". Other than this, he isn't selfish in any way at all.

I don't think he has bad intentions. I think it's a combination of lack of knowledge how women work, embarrassment that he can't get it right, and he has this idea that women think it's sexy to be bossed around in bed (which may be true, but not in the way he does it).

If that's not what he wants to do, then you have every right not to do what he wants to do either. He wants PIV? Tough. He wants a BJ? You don't want to do that. Until he can learn to reciprocate, then don't participate. You cannot allow someone to be so selfish in bed and continue to have sex with you. It's not good for you- you are not a real doll!

I just want to better understand your perspective. For a man who willingly performs but whose wife never does, I assume you agree it's ok for him to cut her off as well, right? I agree with that sentiment by the way. But usually women think men *have* to perform since that's the main way many women climax.

Anonymous wrote:OP here....I'm not really talking about communication or lack thereof. I have no problem expressing what I want. My problem is DH just flat out says "that's not what I want to do". Other than this, he isn't selfish in any way at all.

I don't think he has bad intentions. I think it's a combination of lack of knowledge how women work, embarrassment that he can't get it right, and he has this idea that women think it's sexy to be bossed around in bed (which may be true, but not in the way he does it).

If that's not what he wants to do, then you have every right not to do what he wants to do either. He wants PIV? Tough. He wants a BJ? You don't want to do that. Until he can learn to reciprocate, then don't participate. You cannot allow someone to be so selfish in bed and continue to have sex with you. It's not good for you- you are not a real doll!