Anonymous wrote:On behalf of all Jews I would like to express my embarrassment and apologies about the t-shirt thing. It really is a crass and thoughtless way to commemorate what should be a joyous but tasteful occasion.

Please don’t apologize on behalf of your entire religion. It’s really condescending and arrogant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a t-shirt or a sweatshirt. You people are insane. And we wonder why kids today have so much anxiety....

You are being a very literal thinker. Do you understand how paramount exclusion and inclusion are in middle school? Do you understand that there is no need to give out t-shirts which point out who was included? Sure kids already hear talk about it, but now you have a visual reminder. This is not about protecting special snowflakes. it is about basic human decency. You may not get it until one day you have your own life lesson with your own kid and suddenly it dawns on you that you were ignorant.

I'm a different poster, and someone who grew up in NY where bar/bat mitzvah t-shirts were very common. Kids wore them to school a couple of times, then made them their gym t-shirt or something. Some kids had a dozen, some kids had one or two. It was no big deal. Sometimes kids had a t-shirt from a kid's bar mitzvah and nobody liked that kid anyway. This is really not a big deal. Parents need to teach their kids not to see everything as a personal slight. Everyone can't be invited to everything.

A crazy thought - how about bar/bat mitzvah monogrammed underclothes? That way the names and dates are hidden away and the kids are still wearing it? Or even monogrammed socks?

Anonymous wrote:as the parent of a shy girl who has more outgoing friends, it was very hard for her when her outgoing friends all dressed in the same t-shirt on Monday. She not understand why she was not invited, in her own shy way she thought she was a better friend to some girls that did not invite her. It left her wondering why.

All I have to say is I am so glad she a year past that age.

Is she developmentally delayed? Why would she not be capable of understanding that she is not as close with someone as other people are? By 12 or 13, a person should really be able to see that clearly.

Anonymous wrote:It's a t-shirt or a sweatshirt. You people are insane. And we wonder why kids today have so much anxiety....

You are being a very literal thinker. Do you understand how paramount exclusion and inclusion are in middle school? Do you understand that there is no need to give out t-shirts which point out who was included? Sure kids already hear talk about it, but now you have a visual reminder. This is not about protecting special snowflakes. it is about basic human decency. You may not get it until one day you have your own life lesson with your own kid and suddenly it dawns on you that you were ignorant.

Anonymous wrote:On behalf of all Jews I would like to express my embarrassment and apologies about the t-shirt thing. It really is a crass and thoughtless way to commemorate what should be a joyous but tasteful occasion.

+1,000,000
Another Jew here who would also like to apologize for the lack of empathy, tone deafness and complete obnoxiousness of those few thoughtless fellow Jews who think this is anywhere near appropriate. Jewish people are about inclusion and fighting for the underdog, not making vulnerable teenagers feel excluded. If they chose to do an over the top party then go for it, but no need to rub it in the faces of those you excluded. Nobodies ancestors escaped the Holocaust thinking "I hope my great grandaughter/son will be able to have a Bat Mitzvah that costs as much as a wedding where they can give out over the top gifts meant to be brought to school and displayed for all those excluded to see." If you don't get that it is rude then I just hope that one day you will be blessed with empathy.

Seventh grade is already a rough year. The exclusion represented by the clothing makes it so much worse.

as the parent of a shy girl who has more outgoing friends, it was very hard for her when her outgoing friends all dressed in the same t-shirt on Monday. She not understand why she was not invited, in her own shy way she thought she was a better friend to some girls that did not invite her. It left her wondering why.

All I have to say is I am so glad she a year past that age.

Anonymous wrote:OP. I'm sorry your son doesn't have as many friends as you would like him to have. That is your issue here, and not the t-shirts. Not every kid is in the in-crowd, and that is ok.

Thirteen is just too old to ask kids to do what you are asking.

I don't think they should stop giving the out, but I don't think they should be allowed at school. When everyone shows up on Monday wearing the same shirt it really does make the ones that were not invited feel doubly bad.

It's a t-shirt or a sweatshirt. You people are insane. And we wonder why kids today have so much anxiety....

The point of the t-shirt IS the exclusion.

This is not a feature. It's a bug.

Think of all the things a family could give out that would be meaningful to 13 year-olds. Only a handful of those things allow their guests to signal their "in" status and that's the thing being chosen here.

We can't pretend it isn't intentional.

I just had a dilemma of whether to donate Twin Boy Bnai Mitzvah ski cap or just toss. It was never worn..

On behalf of all Jews I would like to express my embarrassment and apologies about the t-shirt thing. It really is a crass and thoughtless way to commemorate what should be a joyous but tasteful occasion.

My child is Jewish and had a Bar Mitzvah this year (gave out metal solo-type cups) and went to 10 Bar Mitzvahs and would not be caught dead in those T-shirts. They seem like such a waste of money.

Anonymous wrote:We are in the process of buying sweatshirts for my daughter’s bat mitzvah party. They are $16.75 a piece.

Who cares. Are you excluding people and showing off in their faces is more the theme than the discount pricing.