A friend of mine is having number 5 at the age of 42. Not planned and she's crying every night.

My sister did this and it’s working okay for me. She lives in a small town where everyone knows everyone, has a very supportive husband, and works someolace very close to her home. I’m 48 and I have three and am glad I didn’t have 4. A few things I would not have thought of, 7 years ago:
1) the late 40s are really hard. I feel exhausted all the time.
2) older kids are much harder than younger kids in a lot of ways. Younger kids have fairly predictable needs and wants and there are fairly clear solutions for most issues. It’s not hard to find good care for them because they are cute. Older kids have a wider range of problems and wants; no one can agree on best practices; and no babysitter reall wants to watch them because tweens and teens are frankly a PITA. Plus they have activities and want you to drive them everywhere. My three kids are not particularly athletic and we still have sports practices basically every night plus several games per weekend in fall and spring. So if you are thinking your older kids will be easy and you can add on a baby, think again.
3) Many SN do not manifest until K-6. Lots of parents discover in those years that their child has dyslexia, adhd, anxiety, depression....so even kids that seem to be easy as little ones, may turn out to have significant challenges that are not yet apparent.

Anonymous wrote:No - too risky regarding your health, and the possibility of Down Syndrome or other issues.

On the other hand, there is NIPT, CVS, amnio and Roe vs. Wade.

The age doesn't bother me (41). But four kids? That's a lot! LOL

You need to make sure your guardians if anything happens to you or your husband are willing to take on 4 kids. Keep in mind they may say "yes" but if that child is born with autism (like one of mine) that goes out the window. You cannot screen for autism and your advanced age and your husband's makes it more likely. in our case we were not older.

A lot of the risks mentioned for women over 35/40 have to do with chromosomal abnormalities. OP, if you are pro-choice and could not handle a special needs baby, you could get the test at 10 weeks. I did CVS around 11 weeks with all my pregnancies because I am a planner and hate surprises, so I need to get all the information.

Anonymous wrote:I chose not to - mostly because I saw both my sisters struggle after having “one last kid” (one had twins, the other a child with devastating special needs). I think I’ll always feel some regret, but it was the right decision for us.

This
Do not have a 4th child at age 41. Too much can go wrong. And it gets very hard to still be parenting young kids in your mid-late 40s
Don’t let your emotions overrule logic.
-mom of 4