Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is OP. I don't wear any jewelry so I always knew my engagement ring had to be special because I would wear it forever. I emphasized it to him during the 4 years that we dated. How I actually cared about my engagement ring, not because I am materialistic ( I do not own any other jewelry) but because of sentimental value. I went with him to multiple jewelry stores and specified what kind of halo I wanted. We took pictures.

He still gave me the one I specified I did NOT like the look of.

Unfortunately there are other aspects of my relationship that I am also disappointed in. Not sure if I have crazy high expectations or they are legitimate grievances.

OK OP, you need to share what other aspects of your relationship you are disappointed in. Then DCUM will tell you if you are out of line or legitimately upset.

PS you don't have to like a lot of jewelry to be materialistic.
PPS I agree you should be happy with your ring. I loved my ring, but it took a long time to get a wedding band that I liked equally as well. You need something you'll be happy with. Ring and man.

If this is actually true (the extensive shopping, he was told which one NOT to buy and bought it), then you do have a problem. However, I really don't understand why, if the two of you were shopping for rings together, you didn't just buy the ring together. Then you would have gotten exactly what you wanted. It's not exactly a surprise traditional romantic proposal if you've already done a lot of shopping for the ring anyway.

Hi OP - what are the other parts of your relationship that bother you? Are they normal other people are annoying-type stuff - he farts too much, or doesn't like to go out on Fri nights when you really want to go dancing? Or are they more salient things like you don't want kids and your fiance is desperate for six of them, or you are worried that he is going to steal all your money and blow it at the casino?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is OP. I don't wear any jewelry so I always knew my engagement ring had to be special because I would wear it forever. I emphasized it to him during the 4 years that we dated. How I actually cared about my engagement ring, not because I am materialistic ( I do not own any other jewelry) but because of sentimental value. I went with him to multiple jewelry stores and specified what kind of halo I wanted. We took pictures.

He still gave me the one I specified I did NOT like the look of.

Unfortunately there are other aspects of my relationship that I am also disappointed in. Not sure if I have crazy high expectations or they are legitimate grievances.

OK OP, you need to share what other aspects of your relationship you are disappointed in. Then DCUM will tell you if you are out of line or legitimately upset.

PS you don't have to like a lot of jewelry to be materialistic.
PPS I agree you should be happy with your ring. I loved my ring, but it took a long time to get a wedding band that I liked equally as well. You need something you'll be happy with. Ring and man.

If this is actually true (the extensive shopping, he was told which one NOT to buy and bought it), then you do have a problem. However, I really don't understand why, if the two of you were shopping for rings together, you didn't just buy the ring together. Then you would have gotten exactly what you wanted. It's not exactly a surprise traditional romantic proposal if you've already done a lot of shopping for the ring anyway.

He wanted to be the one to design it on his own after we went to different jewelers looking at different rings to see which I liked and which I didn't. He wanted to leave some element of surprise for me such as the final ring and the proposal itself.

I know he deeply cares for me and loves me. It's just that I sometimes feel that he doesn't go out of his way to do some things exactly as I want the, in an effort to show me he cares? If I was buying an engagement ring for someone, for example, I'd go out of my way to ensure I knew as much about what someone wanted before making the purchase. I'd want to meet their expectations. I sometimes feel like he doesn't care to. Now it's quite possible that my expectations are crazy and unrealistic.

I remember when we first started going out he was going to Paris for a work trip. He told me he would bring me chocolates. I was so excited. I've never been to Paris and never had chocolates from Paris. Although I did not expect him to, I was touched he was gonna bring me something small from Paris.

He of course, forgot to buy me the chocolates. I felt let down and as if he didn't care to meet my expectation.I wanted him to do something to impress me. He didn't even try.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is OP. I don't wear any jewelry so I always knew my engagement ring had to be special because I would wear it forever. I emphasized it to him during the 4 years that we dated. How I actually cared about my engagement ring, not because I am materialistic ( I do not own any other jewelry) but because of sentimental value. I went with him to multiple jewelry stores and specified what kind of halo I wanted. We took pictures.

He still gave me the one I specified I did NOT like the look of.

Unfortunately there are other aspects of my relationship that I am also disappointed in. Not sure if I have crazy high expectations or they are legitimate grievances.

OK OP, you need to share what other aspects of your relationship you are disappointed in. Then DCUM will tell you if you are out of line or legitimately upset.

PS you don't have to like a lot of jewelry to be materialistic.
PPS I agree you should be happy with your ring. I loved my ring, but it took a long time to get a wedding band that I liked equally as well. You need something you'll be happy with. Ring and man.

If this is actually true (the extensive shopping, he was told which one NOT to buy and bought it), then you do have a problem. However, I really don't understand why, if the two of you were shopping for rings together, you didn't just buy the ring together. Then you would have gotten exactly what you wanted. It's not exactly a surprise traditional romantic proposal if you've already done a lot of shopping for the ring anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sitting here without my engagement or wedding ring on because I don't wear them every day.

Keep the wedding band on all the time, cheater.

Oh yes, because a metal band is what keeps people faithful

You never know if you could get hit on in public, and most people look for a ring before approaching someone for a potential relationship.

And of course you would be obligated to start an affair with this stranger since s/he hit on you. It's the law.

Anonymous wrote:

This is OP. I don't wear any jewelry so I always knew my engagement ring had to be special because I would wear it forever. I emphasized it to him during the 4 years that we dated. How I actually cared about my engagement ring, not because I am materialistic ( I do not own any other jewelry) but because of sentimental value. I went with him to multiple jewelry stores and specified what kind of halo I wanted. We took pictures.

He still gave me the one I specified I did NOT like the look of.

Unfortunately there are other aspects of my relationship that I am also disappointed in. Not sure if I have crazy high expectations or they are legitimate grievances.

OK OP, you need to share what other aspects of your relationship you are disappointed in. Then DCUM will tell you if you are out of line or legitimately upset.

PS you don't have to like a lot of jewelry to be materialistic.
PPS I agree you should be happy with your ring. I loved my ring, but it took a long time to get a wedding band that I liked equally as well. You need something you'll be happy with. Ring and man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you let him pick the ring??? What did you think would happen?

We went to look at rings together. I told him I wanted a delicate halo like this below:




But he got me something like this:



The halo has a gap around the diamond. It's a beautiful stone and I love it but I dislike the setting. I'm irked because I specificslly showed him the kind of halo I wanted.

Um, I can see why he thought he was getting you what you wanted.

I honestly can't tell the difference.

Married lady here for 10 years, I have never ever heard of a HALO in rings. Wow.

Ha! I have one (I guess), and I had no idea that's what it's called until just now. I usually call it "the circle of little diamonds around the big one." (And fwiw, my "big one" is just under a carat and I adore it.)

I agree with other posters that maybe you should just wear your wedding ring. Possibly talk with your DH about a new ring to symbolize your relationship--don't call it an upgrade!--for a big anniversary like your tenth.

I honestly don't think the rings look that different. But maybe you are fixated on it because, as you said, you have other issues in your relationship. Sometimes when a relationship is not going well, we focus on seemingly dumb things. We don't know what your other issues are in the relationship, but I do think being so upset about the ring seems strange. It's not like he went out and bought you some outlandish ring - it's very similar to what you wanted and he might just not get it. Also, you don't have to wear it for the rest of your life. I found that my engagement ring got in the way (snagged on things, etc.), so I stopped wearing it within a year of marriage and just wore the wedding band. This does not have to be a huge deal.

Anonymous wrote:Troll score: D+

Agree

Here's the real issue:

Unfortunately there are other aspects of my relationship that I am also disappointed in.

Why does that ring look like something my kid gets out of the gumball machine for a quarter?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea what the difference is between those two halo rings. Can you explain?

Re: op - the unsympathetic perspective here is obvious.

The more sympathetic perspective is that this ring is probably a good metaphor for life together, as is your response here. How do you react when your partner's good faith, great faith, effort leaves you feeling disappointed?

If you can figure out how to manage your own disappointment, and your communication, in ways that don't blow the whole thing up - well, that's promising.

+1 this.

Your fiance did the best he could, you clearly have very specific tastes he didn't see. As a DW, I can see what you are saying when you point it out, but I would have made the same mistake. And I have a custom made ring I picked out, so I do care.

You need to either a) accept that he did the best he could and came from the right place and move on or b) have it reset quietly to look like what you want or c) decide you don't want a lifetime of disappointment and move on. Only you know which one is the right thing to do for you.

This is OP. I don't wear any jewelry so I always knew my engagement ring had to be special because I would wear it forever. I emphasized it to him during the 4 years that we dated. How I actually cared about my engagement ring, not because I am materialistic ( I do not own any other jewelry) but because of sentimental value. I went with him to multiple jewelry stores and specified what kind of halo I wanted. We took pictures.

He still gave me the one I specified I did NOT like the look of.

Unfortunately there are other aspects of my relationship that I am also disappointed in. Not sure if I have crazy high expectations or they are legitimate grievances.

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea what the difference is between those two halo rings. Can you explain?

Re: op - the unsympathetic perspective here is obvious.

The more sympathetic perspective is that this ring is probably a good metaphor for life together, as is your response here. How do you react when your partner's good faith, great faith, effort leaves you feeling disappointed?

If you can figure out how to manage your own disappointment, and your communication, in ways that don't blow the whole thing up - well, that's promising.

+1 this.

Your fiance did the best he could, you clearly have very specific tastes he didn't see. As a DW, I can see what you are saying when you point it out, but I would have made the same mistake. And I have a custom made ring I picked out, so I do care.

You need to either a) accept that he did the best he could and came from the right place and move on or b) have it reset quietly to look like what you want or c) decide you don't want a lifetime of disappointment and move on. Only you know which one is the right thing to do for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sitting here without my engagement or wedding ring on because I don't wear them every day.

Keep the wedding band on all the time, cheater.

Oh yes, because a metal band is what keeps people faithful

You never know if you could get hit on in public, and most people look for a ring before approaching someone for a potential relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sitting here without my engagement or wedding ring on because I don't wear them every day.

Keep the wedding band on all the time, cheater.

Oh yes, because a metal band is what keeps people faithful

I disagree with these posters. 10 years into my marriage and I hate my ring. I never wear it. It does matter and not because you are a gold digger. It's something you have to wear forever and it's ok to be honest about it. Again, doesn't make u a gold digger. My Ring is just not my style. It's small but it's about the cut and setting. My DH knows - I plan to upgrade when we both have saved enough.