Anonymous wrote:Hi op. I saw numerous therapists as a teen (trying to find one that clicked) for anxiety, body image issues, and eventually bulimia. Unless your teen is willing and ready to deal with their issues, therapy won't work.

NP here. What you are really saying is, "Therapy only works when the patient feels connected enough with the therapist to let their guard down and talk." Being connected with another human who understands you is the best therapy anyone can have -- therefore, your child needs a good friend, family member, possibly even a therapist, but really the most important thing is connection. That's it really.

You can't dispute the fact that there can be a genetic predisposition to mental health conditions just as for physical health conditions. In one daughter's case she unfortunately inherited the mental health predisposition from one side and the cancer from the other. It was very, very hard to hear a young adult who had already struggled so much to get a balance in her life back, to ask why her again with a stage three cancer?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Waste of time and money, nothing but bitch session, often focusing on blaming parents for everything, well, in our case that sums it up. Ended up with kid who denied any responsibility for anything and blamed everybody else for everything.

You sound like my parents. They wanted therapy to explain to me what was wrong with me and how to fix it. They were the root cause of what was wrong, but no way no how were they ever going to hear that from anyone. The adults have to change first. That's what it means to be a parent.

On the plus side, I am hyper-aware of what not to do with my own kids, starting with blaming them for bad family dynamics.

+1.

OP, of course parents are a huge part of the overall picture of any child! They are the strongest influence in their lives. I'm not saying a child doesn't have to work on their behavior- of course they do- but problems for teens don't arise from a vacuum.

So you are saying a child with severe social anxiety from birth is the fault of parents? Or ADHD kids are created by parents? Parents hold a lot of influence, no doubt, but unless parents are truly insane, which some are, you are saying parents are whole to blame for their kid's actions? Teens are blameless? Right?

You cannot always blame the parents. I have two children close in age who are completely different. One is a happy-go-lucky model child while the other is negative and difficult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:an engaged grandparent, aunt, uncle or other family friend is better than any therapist for a teen. at least that's my opinion

I agree!! My mother has been a GOD SEND for my boys! She really is a safe place for them. She listens, does not judge and gives out so much unconditional love. I'm so glad to still have my amazing mom in my kids lives. I don't consider myself a bad parent, but nothing beats a loving grandmother.

This. Therapy will fill up the emptiness that some parents created in heir child's life, but it will not solve the problem in a long run. It is much easier for a parent to accept some mental health diagnosis, spend tons of time and money rather than admit that they failed as a parent and start working on their relations with child.

What about children who have healthy fulfilling relationships with their parents, but still suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or other mental health issues?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:an engaged grandparent, aunt, uncle or other family friend is better than any therapist for a teen. at least that's my opinion

I agree!! My mother has been a GOD SEND for my boys! She really is a safe place for them. She listens, does not judge and gives out so much unconditional love. I'm so glad to still have my amazing mom in my kids lives. I don't consider myself a bad parent, but nothing beats a loving grandmother.

This. Therapy will fill up the emptiness that some parents created in heir child's life, but it will not solve the problem in a long run. It is much easier for a parent to accept some mental health diagnosis, spend tons of time and money rather than admit that they failed as a parent and start working on their relations with child.

Anonymous wrote:an engaged grandparent, aunt, uncle or other family friend is better than any therapist for a teen. at least that's my opinion

I agree!! My mother has been a GOD SEND for my boys! She really is a safe place for them. She listens, does not judge and gives out so much unconditional love. I'm so glad to still have my amazing mom in my kids lives. I don't consider myself a bad parent, but nothing beats a loving grandmother.

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Anonymous wrote:From my experience with a lot of therapists -- both for myself and for my kids -- here is what I have observed:

They are all VERY different.

90% was a waste of time and money.

Talk therapy was a waste of time. I would leave the session feeling worse.

I agree with the poster who said a lot of therapists said they do cognitive-behavioral, but few really do. Most really do talk therapy or what they like to call "eclectic"

Because there is no oversight, they basically do what they want and call it therapy.

The therapists that are good are very rare.

The profession needs a major overhaul. Too many quacks out there give it a bad name.

"Eclectic?" Did you mean "Dialectical"? If not, what would be eclectic therapy?

PP means eclectic, or basically useless. Then there is DBT as well. I think both can be considered worthless.

Anonymous wrote:So do all these PPs not believe that mental illness is real? Tenn problems are either the logical result of shitty parenting or something they can resolve by just talking to an aunt? How is this any better than the people who think you can just pray the sins away?

I do hope none of YOUR children end up with a real mental health condition, because they will probably be adults who have gone through many difficult years before they get help.

Did you forget to take your Prozac today? Nobody here has argued that mental illness is not real, just that therapy most often is useless and doesn't help. Occasionally it helps and a lot, as many PPs have posted. Read the whole thread.

Anonymous wrote:From my experience with a lot of therapists -- both for myself and for my kids -- here is what I have observed:

They are all VERY different.

90% was a waste of time and money.

Talk therapy was a waste of time. I would leave the session feeling worse.

I agree with the poster who said a lot of therapists said they do cognitive-behavioral, but few really do. Most really do talk therapy or what they like to call "eclectic"

Because there is no oversight, they basically do what they want and call it therapy.

The therapists that are good are very rare.

The profession needs a major overhaul. Too many quacks out there give it a bad name.

"Eclectic?" Did you mean "Dialectical"? If not, what would be eclectic therapy?

So do all these PPs not believe that mental illness is real? Tenn problems are either the logical result of shitty parenting or something they can resolve by just talking to an aunt? How is this any better than the people who think you can just pray the sins away?

I do hope none of YOUR children end up with a real mental health condition, because they will probably be adults who have gone through many difficult years before they get help.

OP - I understand that you can be really, really tired and discouraged in dealing with your DC's issues and trying to find appropriate services. I do think coming to an anonymous board is probably not the most positive outlet for you since equally stressed out folks will take it upon themselves to vent in various ways. However, perhaps finding a parent group which meets face to face for a specific numbers of weeks or at standing times might be a more productive outlet to share your frustrations and what has or has not worked.

When our oldest daughter was first diagnosed in college as having extreme anxiety it began almost a decade process of her trying to find a balance that would work for her. This involved therapist at the college where she went as well as in out community when she pulled out of college two times. The first time in first semester of sophomore year, she was home for nine months. At that time we connected her with a psychiatrist and a psychologist who while not in the same practice worked as a team. Medication is often necessary to stabilize a person mentally, but also to deal with the chemical imbalance in one's body which can be setting things off. She was an adult when this surfaced so it was easier to say to her that there were two aspects (1) Yes you have a health condition which is difficult to diagnose and we will be willing to work with you even with the ups and downs. (2) How you choose to handle your mental health condition is something else, and we will have limits on how you act out. Therapists worked well with her, but medication took time as some did well for a couple of years, but then a change would be needed.

There were also certain trigger points in looking back such as the first transition to college, then senior year with the college routine and life she knew there ending, then graduate school after three years coming to a close and the unknown. So in essence, I would just say it is not so simple to say therapists are all a crock or medications never really work. It is a very individualized path for each person. Maturity and getting to know oneself certainly helped her. She also recognized that when she wanted to start a family that her then psychiatrist was a little too loose on the medication and she actively interviewed psychiatrists with a focus on women and possible post-partum related issues. I will tell you she found a wonderful doctor and went on to have two healthy twins. She continues to have a team of a medical doctor and a psychologist, but times with both are very spaced out. However, it is key that for her they will always be a necessary component to living a full and usually balanced life an individual, a wife, a mom, a worker and a community member. We wish that she did not have to have traveled this road, and there were times which were incredibly frustrating and discouraging for us as her parents and there definitely was a lasting impact on the family. However, to see her focus on herself, her family, her job and involved in life in her community makes it all worthwhile.

NP here. I go back to my childhood. As a child, I did not want to be in therapy. I had problems. Mostly, relating to adjusting to 6 moves in three years...

I would sit in the the office quiet with 10-20 minute silences.

My DD is now in therapy. There, they are teaching her how to get out of the downward spirals and coping skills for anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:an engaged grandparent, aunt, uncle or other family friend is better than any therapist for a teen. at least that's my opinion

I think it depends. It's just as often that the person needs an unconnected third party, preferably trained, to help them through emotional issues.

All the therapy you will ever need: stop it bob newhart

+2

Run from anyone who says they do "eclectic" therapy. Just means talk therapy even if they list CBT on their resume.