Anonymous
06/18/2016 15:50
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
OP, what do you want from us? We have given you our schedules and our suggestions. You just seem bitter that your life isn't different. You need to either accept your life the way it is, or change it. New job for starters.
I spend 3 hours/day with my child. Do I wish it was more? Of course. But I work full time. I have to. I used to spend less time with him but changed my work schedule. Now I work 8-4 and pick up my kid by 430. He goes to bed at 745. Yes, I work through lunch. Yes it's ok with my employer.
I spend 3 hours/day with my child. Do I wish it was more? Of course. But I work full time. I have to. I used to spend less time with him but changed my work schedule. Now I work 8-4 and pick up my kid by 430. He goes to bed at 745. Yes, I work through lunch. Yes it's ok with my employer.
Anonymous
06/18/2016 15:19
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
Anonymous wrote:Dual WOH parents, kids 8 and 5.
7:30 We all get up, except 8yo who we let sleep until a few minutes before 8
8:20 or so--we all leave the house. 8yo prefers school breakfast so doesn't eat at home. School is 2 blocks away. DH usually does drop off, but sometimes me.
9:00 or so--arrive at work
We take turns doing pick up. When it is me, I leave work at 5:10 or 5:15 to make it to aftercare by 6:00. When it isn't me, I leave work at 5:45 to 6:15 and make it home by 6:30 to 7:00.
Most nights, DH makes simple dinner for the kids who eat at about 7:30--chicken tacos, scrambled eggs, quesadillas, pasta, something like that with a microwaved frozen vegetable side. We do family dinner on Sunday and maybe one week night. I regret that we don't do family dinner more often, but I don't regret it enough to limit my dinners to what the kids will eat/ what we can prepare in 15 minutes.
Bath, toothbrush, stories after dinner for my five year old, whose bedtime is about 8:30, though he is up for up to an hour after that playing quietly in his room and occasionally cheerfully popping downstairs.
The 8 year old then has a bath, reads, hangs out, has a 9:30 bedtime.
Grown ups have dinner late at 9:30 or even 10, but worth the wait as my DH is an awesome cook (and is in charge of all food prep).
Then I clean up after dinner, and we read or play online or watch a tv show together (which I often fall asleep during) and go to bed at midnight or 12:30.
We have a messy house and weekends do have a lot of things like grocery shopping and laundry and picking up. We have cleaners every two weeks and so I don't really do cleaning like vacuuming and bathroom scrubbing, as every two weeks keeps it up to my low standards.
I don't find this schedule to be that punishing. There are weeks when I have to get back online in the evening to work and that makes it rough, but if that is not happening, I find this to be a good rhythm.
So your employees are okay with you putting in less than 8 hrs a day (8.5 including lunch is minimum at most places)? If getting in 'around 9' and leaving. 5:15 woupd not fly at our office. I know you probably work thru lunch, but our employer says that doesn't count!
Glad you like the rhythm and it's nice oh and DH get some time together for fun. Average nights sleep is 7 hrs? I should try that, maybe caffeine before bed would help!
Anonymous
06/18/2016 14:20
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
We do have family and help but the biggest difference for us and what makes it work is very short commutes. DH is 30 min one way and he leaves the house before 7 and comes home at 4. Mine is about 5 min so I leave later but I also come home at 4:30 tops.
I make simple dinners so it's on the table in 30 min or less. On weekends always grill extra whatever to last a couple days. Cook some for the week on Sunday. Also have things in the oven during dinner for tomorrow's dinner. It's isually a protein and a salad and a cooked vegetable. Nothing complicated. When it's leftovers I can make a salad in 5 min and reheat at the same time and dinner is served.
I order everything online including my clothes so errands are limited to Home Depot and Costco which are not every weekend. I grocery shop during the week since it's super close and I'm in and out in 20 min, or DH does TJ after work one day every two weeks.
Lots and lots of lists and joint grocery lists and chore lists. I've become super fast at doing things and trying to mminize stuff and clutter, less to clean and more time to spend with family. And some stuff I just let fall by the wayside. I have two hampers of my clean laundry that I just never have time to put away completely. Don't care. Rather play with my kid.
I make simple dinners so it's on the table in 30 min or less. On weekends always grill extra whatever to last a couple days. Cook some for the week on Sunday. Also have things in the oven during dinner for tomorrow's dinner. It's isually a protein and a salad and a cooked vegetable. Nothing complicated. When it's leftovers I can make a salad in 5 min and reheat at the same time and dinner is served.
I order everything online including my clothes so errands are limited to Home Depot and Costco which are not every weekend. I grocery shop during the week since it's super close and I'm in and out in 20 min, or DH does TJ after work one day every two weeks.
Lots and lots of lists and joint grocery lists and chore lists. I've become super fast at doing things and trying to mminize stuff and clutter, less to clean and more time to spend with family. And some stuff I just let fall by the wayside. I have two hampers of my clean laundry that I just never have time to put away completely. Don't care. Rather play with my kid.
Anonymous
06/18/2016 14:03
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
I need more sleep than many of you! We are both working, one kid, pregnant with number two. No help in the area. The biweekly housekeeper is a must for my sanity, we also out source lawn care. When my kid starts kindergarten in the fall I'm looking into an au pair, nanny or someone to pick her up sometimes. We already have signed up for aftercare.
Our income is high so we can afford more help, honestly it would stress me to no end if we were tight every month in addition to dealing with working, etc.
Our income is high so we can afford more help, honestly it would stress me to no end if we were tight every month in addition to dealing with working, etc.
Anonymous
06/18/2016 12:05
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
Oh and I am immediate pp and my DH runs some days at gym in his building before he gets home. I run for maybe half an hour 3 times a week at 7 or 7:30 or 8.
Anonymous
06/18/2016 12:03
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
Dual WOH parents, kids 8 and 5.
7:30 We all get up, except 8yo who we let sleep until a few minutes before 8
8:20 or so--we all leave the house. 8yo prefers school breakfast so doesn't eat at home. School is 2 blocks away. DH usually does drop off, but sometimes me.
9:00 or so--arrive at work
We take turns doing pick up. When it is me, I leave work at 5:10 or 5:15 to make it to aftercare by 6:00. When it isn't me, I leave work at 5:45 to 6:15 and make it home by 6:30 to 7:00.
Most nights, DH makes simple dinner for the kids who eat at about 7:30--chicken tacos, scrambled eggs, quesadillas, pasta, something like that with a microwaved frozen vegetable side. We do family dinner on Sunday and maybe one week night. I regret that we don't do family dinner more often, but I don't regret it enough to limit my dinners to what the kids will eat/ what we can prepare in 15 minutes.
Bath, toothbrush, stories after dinner for my five year old, whose bedtime is about 8:30, though he is up for up to an hour after that playing quietly in his room and occasionally cheerfully popping downstairs.
The 8 year old then has a bath, reads, hangs out, has a 9:30 bedtime.
Grown ups have dinner late at 9:30 or even 10, but worth the wait as my DH is an awesome cook (and is in charge of all food prep).
Then I clean up after dinner, and we read or play online or watch a tv show together (which I often fall asleep during) and go to bed at midnight or 12:30.
We have a messy house and weekends do have a lot of things like grocery shopping and laundry and picking up. We have cleaners every two weeks and so I don't really do cleaning like vacuuming and bathroom scrubbing, as every two weeks keeps it up to my low standards.
I don't find this schedule to be that punishing. There are weeks when I have to get back online in the evening to work and that makes it rough, but if that is not happening, I find this to be a good rhythm.
7:30 We all get up, except 8yo who we let sleep until a few minutes before 8
8:20 or so--we all leave the house. 8yo prefers school breakfast so doesn't eat at home. School is 2 blocks away. DH usually does drop off, but sometimes me.
9:00 or so--arrive at work
We take turns doing pick up. When it is me, I leave work at 5:10 or 5:15 to make it to aftercare by 6:00. When it isn't me, I leave work at 5:45 to 6:15 and make it home by 6:30 to 7:00.
Most nights, DH makes simple dinner for the kids who eat at about 7:30--chicken tacos, scrambled eggs, quesadillas, pasta, something like that with a microwaved frozen vegetable side. We do family dinner on Sunday and maybe one week night. I regret that we don't do family dinner more often, but I don't regret it enough to limit my dinners to what the kids will eat/ what we can prepare in 15 minutes.
Bath, toothbrush, stories after dinner for my five year old, whose bedtime is about 8:30, though he is up for up to an hour after that playing quietly in his room and occasionally cheerfully popping downstairs.
The 8 year old then has a bath, reads, hangs out, has a 9:30 bedtime.
Grown ups have dinner late at 9:30 or even 10, but worth the wait as my DH is an awesome cook (and is in charge of all food prep).
Then I clean up after dinner, and we read or play online or watch a tv show together (which I often fall asleep during) and go to bed at midnight or 12:30.
We have a messy house and weekends do have a lot of things like grocery shopping and laundry and picking up. We have cleaners every two weeks and so I don't really do cleaning like vacuuming and bathroom scrubbing, as every two weeks keeps it up to my low standards.
I don't find this schedule to be that punishing. There are weeks when I have to get back online in the evening to work and that makes it rough, but if that is not happening, I find this to be a good rhythm.
Anonymous
06/18/2016 11:35
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
Anonymous wrote:OP here. So here is a typical work day. This assumes no work overruns, no traffic, no lunch forgotten. Dinner is as simple as can be, but fresh veggies and meat.
We barely see kids, and really no hefty chores or cleaning or errand time
Time Spouse 1 Spouse 2
6:00 Wake, shower dress
6:30 Commute
7:00 Start work Wake, prep kids
7:30 Work Breakfast
8:00 Work Drop Off Kids
8:30 Work Commute
9:00 Work Start Work
3:30 End Work/Conmute Work
4:00 Pickup Kids Work
4:30 Outdoor/Activity Work
5:30 End activity End Work/Commute
6:00 Arrive Home/Bath Arrive Home/Start Dinner
6:30 Homework Pack Lunches
7:00 Dinner Dinner
8:00 Brush Teetth, read stories Dishes
8:30 Kids to Sleep Help with kids to sleep
9:00 Bills, work emails, calendar Unload kids gear and prep for next day
10:00 Sleep (maybe gym) Sleep (maybe work)
Any dual WOH parents can post similar schedules, see any glaring inefficiencies? Do you spent weekends errand and chores
Clearly one answer is to sleep less
Anonymous
06/16/2016 19:50
Subject: Re:Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
Me. Three kids and no help. I keep my house clean using zones so I do a little each day. I clean 15 min in the morning and 45 in the evening. I work 6:30 to 3 with a 45 minute commute. I have a late meeting twice a month and get home around 6:30 pm. DH can do the night shift so he gets off in the early am right before I leave and he does the drop off and I do pick up. We spend 5 hours together before he goes to work. I take off at least a half day a month so we can have a date day while the kids are in school. If we couldn't do the different shifts we would have to get a nanny.
Anonymous
06/16/2016 19:43
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
We rely on the crock pot, weekend cooking, and trading child care with other families. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at reaching out and making new friends. But I wish we (OP and all the other posters) could have a support group!
Anonymous
06/16/2016 19:34
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. So here is a typical work day. This assumes no work overruns, no traffic, no lunch forgotten. Dinner is as simple as can be, but fresh veggies and meat.
We barely see kids, and really no hefty chores or cleaning or errand time
Time Spouse 1 Spouse 2
6:00 Wake, shower dress
6:30 Commute
7:00 Start work Wake, prep kids
7:30 Work Breakfast
8:00 Work Drop Off Kids
8:30 Work Commute
9:00 Work Start Work
3:30 End Work/Conmute Work
4:00 Pickup Kids Work
4:30 Outdoor/Activity Work
5:30 End activity End Work/Commute
6:00 Arrive Home/Bath Arrive Home/Start Dinner
6:30 Homework Pack Lunches
7:00 Dinner Dinner
8:00 Brush Teetth, read stories Dishes
8:30 Kids to Sleep Help with kids to sleep
9:00 Bills, work emails, calendar Unload kids gear and prep for next day
10:00 Sleep (maybe gym) Sleep (maybe work)
How is this barely seeing your kids? Spouse 1 is with them from 4pm-bedtime. Spouse 2 is with them in the a.m. and again for a couple hrs in the evening. How much time to do you expect to see them?
Compared to the SAHM or PT mom who spends every afternoon AND evening with their kids? Think about summer!
Anonymous
06/16/2016 19:32
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How high of a mortgage are you talking? One option is to downsize--lots of options open up when you don't have a huge mortgage. One person can stay home, work PT etc. It makes a huge difference in quality of life.
But we are not asking for examples of how people SAH or go PT: we wanted to know what people who are doing our same plan (two FT WOH jobs, no family/nanny) are swinging it? Are we outliers or all everyone feels in this mad shuffle like us? ANd if not: tipsSuggestions to move and go SAH/PT are not really the direction we are leaning unless really have to.
Also, I think you're glamorizing telework. I telework 3 times a week and it is still a mad dash, I don't get time to clean the house or run errands during the day, nor does it help with dinner. I am actively working until I clock out at 6pm and only then can start dinner. My life is actually better on the days at I dont telework because DH cooks on those days. I use to have a commute way worse than your commute and the only thing that works is organization and a schedule. And not comparing your life to other people's lives wouldn't hurt either (I don't mean that in a mean way)
Telework 3x week
Save 60 minutes commute, plus maybe do some chore or dinner prep during lunch. 1.5. X3, 4.5 hrs extra every week! Plus putting dinner in as you end the day and ready when kids walk in. Maybe a crock pot can do it but not well.
Anonymous
06/16/2016 19:29
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. So here is a typical work day. This assumes no work overruns, no traffic, no lunch forgotten. Dinner is as simple as can be, but fresh veggies and meat.
We barely see kids, and really no hefty chores or cleaning or errand time
Time Spouse 1 Spouse 2
6:00 Wake, shower dress
6:30 Commute
7:00 Start work Wake, prep kids
7:30 Work Breakfast
8:00 Work Drop Off Kids
8:30 Work Commute
9:00 Work Start Work
3:30 End Work/Conmute Work
4:00 Pickup Kids Work
4:30 Outdoor/Activity Work
5:30 End activity End Work/Commute
6:00 Arrive Home/Bath Arrive Home/Start Dinner
6:30 Homework Pack Lunches
7:00 Dinner Dinner
8:00 Brush Teetth, read stories Dishes
8:30 Kids to Sleep Help with kids to sleep
9:00 Bills, work emails, calendar Unload kids gear and prep for next day
10:00 Sleep (maybe gym) Sleep (maybe work)
How is this barely seeing your kids? Spouse 1 is with them from 4pm-bedtime. Spouse 2 is with them in the a.m. and again for a couple hrs in the evening. How much time to do you expect to see them?
Yes, but then our weekends are squandered on deferred chores, errands. It's two hours of quality time during day, rest is maintenance. Would be great to make dinner before picking up kids, and just glide home as a family which most SAH can manage.
Anonymous
06/16/2016 19:20
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
Anonymous wrote:OP here. So here is a typical work day. This assumes no work overruns, no traffic, no lunch forgotten. Dinner is as simple as can be, but fresh veggies and meat.
We barely see kids, and really no hefty chores or cleaning or errand time
Time Spouse 1 Spouse 2
6:00 Wake, shower dress
6:30 Commute
7:00 Start work Wake, prep kids
7:30 Work Breakfast
8:00 Work Drop Off Kids
8:30 Work Commute
9:00 Work Start Work
3:30 End Work/Conmute Work
4:00 Pickup Kids Work
4:30 Outdoor/Activity Work
5:30 End activity End Work/Commute
6:00 Arrive Home/Bath Arrive Home/Start Dinner
6:30 Homework Pack Lunches
7:00 Dinner Dinner
8:00 Brush Teetth, read stories Dishes
8:30 Kids to Sleep Help with kids to sleep
9:00 Bills, work emails, calendar Unload kids gear and prep for next day
10:00 Sleep (maybe gym) Sleep (maybe work)
How is this barely seeing your kids? Spouse 1 is with them from 4pm-bedtime. Spouse 2 is with them in the a.m. and again for a couple hrs in the evening. How much time to do you expect to see them?
Anonymous
06/16/2016 19:13
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op, what is your HHI? I work a very low paid part time job so I can be home in the afternoon for the kids. It hurts my ego to have such a low paying job after all the education I worked hard for, and we don't take fancy vacations or have the kids in as many activities as they want, but it has been worth it for us. The balance would be too hard otherwise.
$200k, we know it's not bad, but have a VERY expensive mortgage to keep commutes under an hour. All my co-workers live out in Howard county etc and commute 1 hr+. Most of them have parents living with/near them to help with kids.
Pretty sure can't swing house manager with current budget, and cutting salary 20% will mean moving and the non-telework spouse commute time will escalate -- not sure if that will help?
Oh, and salaries are 50/50 HHI -- so no obvious choice on which job to cut back on (other than for all other families it was the mom who did it)
you might want to go on task rabbit or something to get someone who comes in for an hour daily to tidy up after you guys leave in the morning? I had the same issue but tweaked my schedule so that one of us left after the other and cleaned up so it wasn't a disaster when we got home. we also prep our veggies & stuff on the weekend. Its hard, good luck.
Anonymous
06/16/2016 19:05
Subject: Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
OP here. So here is a typical work day. This assumes no work overruns, no traffic, no lunch forgotten. Dinner is as simple as can be, but fresh veggies and meat.
We barely see kids, and really no hefty chores or cleaning or errand time
Time Spouse 1 Spouse 2
6:00 Wake, shower dress
6:30 Commute
7:00 Start work Wake, prep kids
7:30 Work Breakfast
8:00 Work Drop Off Kids
8:30 Work Commute
9:00 Work Start Work
3:30 End Work/Conmute Work
4:00 Pickup Kids Work
4:30 Outdoor/Activity Work
5:30 End activity End Work/Commute
6:00 Arrive Home/Bath Arrive Home/Start Dinner
6:30 Homework Pack Lunches
7:00 Dinner Dinner
8:00 Brush Teetth, read stories Dishes
8:30 Kids to Sleep Help with kids to sleep
9:00 Bills, work emails, calendar Unload kids gear and prep for next day
10:00 Sleep (maybe gym) Sleep (maybe work)
We barely see kids, and really no hefty chores or cleaning or errand time
Time Spouse 1 Spouse 2
6:00 Wake, shower dress
6:30 Commute
7:00 Start work Wake, prep kids
7:30 Work Breakfast
8:00 Work Drop Off Kids
8:30 Work Commute
9:00 Work Start Work
3:30 End Work/Conmute Work
4:00 Pickup Kids Work
4:30 Outdoor/Activity Work
5:30 End activity End Work/Commute
6:00 Arrive Home/Bath Arrive Home/Start Dinner
6:30 Homework Pack Lunches
7:00 Dinner Dinner
8:00 Brush Teetth, read stories Dishes
8:30 Kids to Sleep Help with kids to sleep
9:00 Bills, work emails, calendar Unload kids gear and prep for next day
10:00 Sleep (maybe gym) Sleep (maybe work)